Ever since Lovefraud launched in 2005, my goal has been to educate people about the dangers of sociopaths—preferably before their lives are shredded. One effort in that direction is the Lovefraud high school education program—I’ll be doing my first three classes next month.
Another effort is my next book—tentatively called Red Flags of Love Fraud—Signs that you’re dating a sociopath. It will identify behavior that may indicate a prospective romantic partner is not all that he or she claims to be, and explain how what seems to be expressions of love may, in fact, be strategies of manipulation and control.
We’ve discussed our experiences here on Lovefraud, and through the telling, identified many behaviors that all seem to “come from the same playbook.” However, I’d like to collect that information in a more structured way so that I can use it in the book. Therefore, I invite you to participate in the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey.
Most of the questions are multiple choice, but there are a few places where you can write out your observations. It would probably be best to do the survey when you have about 20 minutes of free time.
Thank you for your contributions. To start the survey, click the following link:
well yes – some born again virgins – but this partay is for old farts and fartress’s – byob…
Eva,
I have a very lovely and SIGHTLY STD……….yes, just what EVERY new “lover” would want to see. NOT!!!!
I AM a born again virgin. I’m going to have to have “surgery” (yes put out) to try to rid myself of my std. FUN!! WOOT!!
Hens, maybe you could bring some of those condoms you make balloons out of while i recover from my “std surgery”! Wouldn’t THAT be fucking ironic? WOOT!!!
Oh and don’t forget to bring the wieners. That’s very symbolic ya know!
Gonna go have myself a damned good cry right now!
AMEN AND AMEN!
Okay guys, TMI, WAAAAY TMI!!!
Eva,
You’ve got it a little wrong. They are NOT shallow and complicated. They are shallow and Convoluted. If you apply the standard of spath behavior, they are predictable every time. TRUTH always stands up to scrutiny. It’s only when their victims don’t want to face the TRUTH that it appears complicated. Sadly TRUTH about spaths is not complicated. That’s the Simple TRUTHHHHHhhhsspphh!. So there.
Just finished the survey-
Donna, that was good. What a dumbass I was in 2009. I sure have learned a lot since then. WOW.
Hens-I’m a born-again virgin too. That whole bonding thing with the sex is serious business and I’m not goin to give it away to anyone who is not going to make me a life partner.
Anyone here who prays to GOD, please please send some prayers up for me. The issues that I was having at work were going OK for a couple weeks until I accidentally inserted my foot in my mouth the other day and now I am in BIG BIG TROUBLE. After the initial allegations were set aside, the bosses acted like they were doing me a huge favor by setting aside the investigation because it was hearsay. I was thankful for that. They were very adamant that the issue was to be a DEAD issue and never to be discussed again and I agreed to that. I was just tired of the character assassination. They did tell me that they wouldn’t take it personally if I felt the need to go work at another hospital. I took that to mean-watch your ass because we will be looking for a reason to get rid of you, so don’t screw up. Everything was OK until Thursday.
Oxy will probably be the only one who will relate to this, since she’s an RN too. A new RN was put on my team. She is new to our hospital but has a lot of experience. There was an issue with a patient regarding propofol and another allegation was made against me that was retaliatory in nature. This nurse and I did a right heart cath together in the morning. She was crying after the case. I was trying to supportive and we were talking when we were going to get another patient. She was upset because she had a confrontation with another gal in the unit and it got ugly and the other gal was gossiping about her to everyone else. I had an issue a long time ago with the same girl and it resolved and now we get along well. This lady recently lost her son in Iraq and is very fragile and she said, “all I want here is to be liked and respected”. I was trying to nicely tell her to not have too many expectations in that regard because she was going to set herself up for a lot more crying. I made the mistake of saying that “two weeks ago, something was done to me in here that was wrong and it was swept under the rug”. Boy, I could have shot myself for saying that. I sure wished I hadn’t have said that. I knew it was gonna come back and bite me later.
Later one, I was doing another case with the same lady. We picked up an ICU patient to do an IVC filter and he was on a ventilator and propofol and fentanyl drips. The doc was upset when we put the pt on the table cuz he wasn’t adquately sedated and started acting up. The problem was that his systolic bp was only about 100, so I couldn’t get crazy with sedation. This lady and I were in the room with the pt and I was about to grab a tiny syringe and I was going to pull 1 ml of propofol out the top of the tubing and push it back in further down and give 50 mcgs of fentanyl and check the bp. The other lady immediately started shouting,”you can’t do that, it’s against the nurse practice act, it’s illegal, you’ll be pushing propofol IVP and you can’t do that. You need to bolus her on the pump. I didn’t want to do that. I have seen a nurses put a pump on 999, get distracted, run a whole bottle in and then we’re doing CPR, propofol can be dangerous-ask Michael Jackson. Anyhow, I listened to her. I adjusted the pump and ran in 3ml at 999 rate and immediately switched the pump back to the prior rate. We did the case without incident and everything was fine. I went home that night and read the nurse practice act and saw that pushing anesthetic agents by an RN could get an $1000 fine and up to 6 months in jail. WOW. Boy am I glad I didn’t do that.
The next day the charge nurse tells me that he and I have to go to the VPs office but he doesn’t know why. We go there and I am informed by her yelling at me that I am to clock out immediately and go home because I am under investigation because this nurse that I was with the day before told her that I pushed propofol IV into that patient and they would not let me explain.
Hi Katy,
you said – It’s only when their victims don’t want to face the TRUTH that it appears complicated.
does it mean that we fail to accept them as liars and cheaters as they are and keep on our magical thinking that they will change, and hence with time it gets complicated for us as their character flaws are so entrenched that they will never change.
petite
Petite,
Truth is simple. It is a lie to call it a character flaw. Truth is it’s a personality disorder. It’s not magical thinking, it’s avoidance of facing truth.
Eva, LMAO at your comments about the STD’s etc. ha ha Your English is very good, better than a lot of native English speaking people. You must have learned it from a young age.
Regarding the friends with benefits, I have a woman friend in her 40’s who has about 6 lovers right now. She is not committed to any of them and will not commit until she finds one that wants to commit to her. It’s really eye opening how rampant this is. She definitely has some colorful stories to tell and is writing a book (in Spanish) about love and break-ups. Maybe that will be the first Spanish book I read. She is a very happy person and is happy with her life. She even dated a sociopath once (from how she described him). But there is something in her constitution that allows her to do this and maintain boundaries. She was affected by the ex-spath but not devastated.
I am exactly the opposite. Not only can I NOT do FWB, but I really don’t want it. It started out that way with the guy in Costa Rica, and it was fine for about two nights. Then I put my expectation out there right away – that for the duration of time we spend together, we are either in an exclusive relationship, or we are just friends – no benefits. He chose the first option, and it was the greatest 2 weeks of my life. Sex is very meaningful for me when it is with another person. I cannot and do not wish to use people’s bodies for my pleasure without the emotional connection. I don’t see the point of that.
I actually thought I got an STD while in Costa Rica, even though we practiced safe sex 99.9% of the time. I didn’t find out till about a week after I returned that what I had was a retained tampon. It had been there for 3 weeks. I am such a goober! I’m lucky I didn’t get toxic shock! Since we’re all TMI and all……figured I’d share my personal failure in the sex department.
Oh and I did sleep with the sexy neighbor boy 3 times over a 6 month period (last time was in November). Technically he was the last guy I was with, and I DID get that bonding feeling. It sucks. I know I just need to stop doing it. I don’t regret the affair in Costa Rica, but I do regret it with the neighbor, especially since it wasn’t that good. Live and learn.