Ever since Lovefraud launched in 2005, my goal has been to educate people about the dangers of sociopaths—preferably before their lives are shredded. One effort in that direction is the Lovefraud high school education program—I’ll be doing my first three classes next month.
Another effort is my next book—tentatively called Red Flags of Love Fraud—Signs that you’re dating a sociopath. It will identify behavior that may indicate a prospective romantic partner is not all that he or she claims to be, and explain how what seems to be expressions of love may, in fact, be strategies of manipulation and control.
We’ve discussed our experiences here on Lovefraud, and through the telling, identified many behaviors that all seem to “come from the same playbook.” However, I’d like to collect that information in a more structured way so that I can use it in the book. Therefore, I invite you to participate in the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey.
Most of the questions are multiple choice, but there are a few places where you can write out your observations. It would probably be best to do the survey when you have about 20 minutes of free time.
Thank you for your contributions. To start the survey, click the following link:
I don’t know if I told you guys the story of the sexy rock star neighbor. I have known him for 7 years, and we have been casual friends/neighbors. He is 44 (I am 50), and has the long hair and is very good looking. He has given me guitar lessons and we’ve been to each other’s condos – always just friendly. I just figured we were too different to ever date (should have listened to that intuition!)
Then one day I saw him at the pool last summer. He was flirting with me for the first time ever. He told me to call him and that his number was on his website. Well….I don’t call men. I guess he’s used to women throwing themselves at him, being a rock star and everything. I just blew it off.
Then one day I had nothing to do so I looked on his website. I saw that he had a college degree and was a very interesting person, aside from his musical status as a well-known guitar teacher and award winning guitarist. But I still didn’t call him. I don’t generally call guys.
Then one day I ran into him and we visited for a while. We ended up going out to dinner that evening. I couldn’t tell if it was a date or not! He paid and opened doors and everything, but at the end of the night, he gave me a lukewarm hug. So I figured he didn’t like me. (He is really hard to read!)
To be continued……
Well, this guy is older than me!
I am attracted to men about 10 years younger than I am,
so far, nothing’s happened with that either!
I’m not sending out sexy signals…
I feel shell shocked actually… how we have discussed
here that we don’t feel like the same person.
My brain feels empty, I used to be a brilliant conversationalist (hahahaha)
One;
It was shared for educational purposes only.
🙂
Yes…..I knew it shouldn’t hurt so bad, but the issue was always……don’t upset the apple cart…..I had no idea why it was so painful, figured it was from having so much sex the night/day before…..
By the time we married, I had 10 years of training to just shut up. (OH yes, I had ALL the red flags!!!!)
This is why i’m holding out for a relationship…..I want to make certain I don’t follow all my old training patterns of endurance, silencing and all.
I’m waiting for the BEST SEX OF MY LIFE!!!!!!
Nolarn2bcop
I think you’ve gotten caught up in someone’s turf war. But that doesn’t mean they are spaths. Merely means they are manipulative jerks which makes them just as damaging for you. Getting transferred would be a great solution but you do need to at least consult an attorney b/c these people KNOW the routine, the timelines, and the requirements. You seem to think it’s about right/wrong. Time to be nolongernaive!
Hi Katy,
“my dream” with someone who is available to share it with me.
I understand. I was responsible enough thanks to LF to protect myself from myself and my wishful thinking of the fantasy.
Steve Becker also told me along these lines – he said this guy is not capable to bring to the table what you are looking for in a long term partner ie. integrity, emotional depth and moral values, the core values which are of paramount importance to to you.
I agree with both Steve and you and I keep reminding myself of the above and try to heal my wounds.
what do you think, is my thinking correct.
petite
EB!!!
At least YOU understand most intimately why I NEVER thought camping on the beach was romantic…!!!
okey dokey. 🙂
I went and sat in the fast running MERCED river…..against the current.
🙂
XXOO
Continued….So. I decided I really liked this guy. He is a lot of fun and very friendly. But I can’t figure him out. So I ask a few friends, including one who makes a living as a psychic. My friends say that musicians are really weird. They are very introverted and will NOT make the first move.
So….I invite him over the next weekend to get a free massage (I had just learned some techniques and needed the practice). We talked the whole time, and I drooled over his gorgeous body. Then he sits on my couch to “hang out”. He starts playing my guitar. We were drinking wine. I KNEW this guy liked me. But he WOULDN’T make a move!!! It was so strange.
So I made the move. I lean over to kiss him. He gives me a very lukewarm kiss. At this point, I’m starting to think he’s gay! So I ask him if he would put his arm around me. I can’t believe I have to ask a guy for this, but I figured as long as I’m making the moves, I may as well go for it. He then says it would be better if we could lie down in the bedroom. Surprise surprise! I’m thinking that’s fine because this guy doesn’t seem to like me anyway. Well, as soon as we get in the bedroom, he literally rips off his clothes and starts ripping mine off and groping me!!!!!!!
So I had to think fast. Do I want to sleep with this guy or not? I decided to just do it his way. After that he got a little cuddlier so it was a fair trade. Then he starts talking about all the fun things he wants us to do together, like play scrabble, go on a bike ride, etc. So I pointed to my phone and said, “See this? It’s a telephone. You have one too. Use it” LOL
Do you think he ever called me? NO! So…..being the moron that I am, I engineered another visit from him a week or two later. The same thing happened.
And I never heard from him again. I ran into him a few times at the pool. One time he flirted with me and we were supposed to go hiking (his idea). He never called. But I saw him out on his patio that day, and he acted like he had no idea we were supposed to get together! He’s a pothead, so I think that explains it.
So I just stopped talking to him. I didn’t hear from him all summer. I did send him an email asking him what was going on. He said he wanted to take me to dinner. Then he never called.
Then a few months later I went to Costa Rica and forgot about him.
To be continued….