Ever since Lovefraud launched in 2005, my goal has been to educate people about the dangers of sociopaths—preferably before their lives are shredded. One effort in that direction is the Lovefraud high school education program—I’ll be doing my first three classes next month.
Another effort is my next book—tentatively called Red Flags of Love Fraud—Signs that you’re dating a sociopath. It will identify behavior that may indicate a prospective romantic partner is not all that he or she claims to be, and explain how what seems to be expressions of love may, in fact, be strategies of manipulation and control.
We’ve discussed our experiences here on Lovefraud, and through the telling, identified many behaviors that all seem to “come from the same playbook.” However, I’d like to collect that information in a more structured way so that I can use it in the book. Therefore, I invite you to participate in the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey.
Most of the questions are multiple choice, but there are a few places where you can write out your observations. It would probably be best to do the survey when you have about 20 minutes of free time.
Thank you for your contributions. To start the survey, click the following link:
Ox,
I get that. I just sat with him. He sleeps with me or one of the kids every night. I’ve been a bit selfish in wanting him to sleep with me now.. 🙂
Hens, he is only six now. My daughter’s ex bf was sucking up to her and paid seven hundred for his stupid ass LOL!!!
We weren’t suppose to have pets where we lived either. She brought him in and BEGGED me to keep him. Well, I was pissed, to say the least……but two days after we got him, he got sick…….and guess who he ran to to take care of him? Yea, Grandma. damned dog. I was forever sucked in.
I’ve paid every single vet bill and cared for him when he was paralyzed and on crate rest for eight weeks…………but he’s more than just a bill………..would I put my kids down if they were sick? The answer was simple for me……I did everything I could to keep him alive. To try whatever alternative…..and I still do now…….he holds my heart. If you love your animals, this doesn’t sound so stupid……
I can’t imagine life without him. The vet told us that we could just basically keep him comfortable until the end comes. What a GREAT vet I got and thank God!!!
He carries all the hurts I’ve had. He was there when I cried. He was there like a teddy bear when I hurt so bad I wanted to die. He was there during the winters when it was cold and I couldn’t get warm enough (little heaters, you know hens), when I was upset, he INSTINCTLY knew something was wrong and would want “up” to be held and it comforted me….
ExPOS use to do things that would make me want to come unglued. One of the MAJOR thing he did was to attempt to kick my dog. I was more than coming unglued. I went to beat the shit out of him. What I didn’t realize is that he loved this reaction…….
I”m so angry about that too.
Damn him.
I love my dog SO MUCH! I spend every second I can with him. While I’m on the puter, he lays right next to me.
Ox, I don’t agree with you about grieving before the person/animal is gone. Particularly when it is expected.
This is an expected death. I don’t sit around and grieve all day, but kinda like it was with exPOS, I grieved the relationshit while I was in it………but I’m also grieving out of it, because I knew it was coming……the end.
It’s the same with my wiener, but different……….
I know we don’t have him much longer. So he gets his hot dog treats and extra spoiled and extra hugged…….
Unfortunately, something that couldn’t be had with our spaths.
I’m gonna go get something to eat and sit with my pup.
🙂
rose 6 is very young – most wieners live to 12 or even 14 – My Willie was 14..they are prone to have back problems because they have one xtra vertebre…if your pos acted like he was gonna kick him, chances are he did when you were not around….I dont think my x mistreated my dogs when he was here ,but I will never know……My wieners get frustrated at me sometimes because I stay on the puter too much , that is not fair to them they need attention….
This makes me so sad, Rose, to hear about your wiener. I lost my beloved Siamese a year ago to renal failure. He slept under the covers with me in my shirt every night for 10 years. I had a vet come to the house to put him down. He died in my arms while I screamed and wailed and begged her to give me the shot too. It took me 6 months before I could even talk about him without bursting into tears. If someone even mentioned a Siamese, I’d fall apart. I had a few weeks of anticipatory grief while I was doing hospice care for him. But nothing prepared me for the actual moment of his passing. It was a pain like I’ve never experienced. I remember waking up the next day and asking myself how I could even wake up and breathe without him. We survive these things. I don’t know how but we do.
There is a saying that until you’ve loved an animal, your soul is not fully awakened.
Hens,
It is very young. Ex POS didn’t cause what happened to my wiener. I never let that man be near my dog out of my site. When I came unglued he knew to leave my dog be. He kicked him, but not hard as if in across the room. And only near his butt as if to shove him out of the way. The herniated disk was located initially near his neck. It healed, but not without Hercules (his name) having a gimp on the left back leg. I was told that his condition was genetic and that eventually it would spread and he’d have to be put down. Yes, for a dog with this, he is quite young to have it. He has yet another herniated disc in the lower back. Vet says wieners should be born with two extra legs. I love him. Just enjoying him while he is here…
Star, OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT imagine your pain, although I kinda can. When they have to put my boy down, I’m going to be right there with him. RIGHT THERE, as you were with yours…..anticipatory grief……….so true…same feelin I had before my patients passed on in hospice……even before they knew or could accept it…….
I know that nothing will prepare for me for this loss. Doing the best I can. Just loving him while he’s here…….
But devastation doesn’t come close to the most descriptive word to dealing with the aftermath of my wiener and his inevitable passing.
UGH!!!
RB
Roses, all I can tell you is that you will survive it. You don’t think you can but you do. My heart goes out to you because the anticipation is the worst.
I once lived with a guy who picked up one of my cats and threw her across the room. She wasn’t hurt but she was traumatized and very afraid of him. I had no money or resources to leave and no place to go. That’s when I sat down and prayed for a way to get enough money to get some financial stability. The answer shone down like a white light, and it wasn’t what I expected. I became a private exotic dancer part time, going to guys homes and taking off my clothes for money. After 2 months, I was able to buy my own condo and a car. I bought my financial independence. I owe everything I have today to that job. And I was safe and protected for the entire duration because I just decided I would be. I kept my spirits up and never let the negativity of it get to me. Once I had my financial independence, I walked away from the job (and the creep I lived with) and never looked back.
Star?
WOW!!!! Wow………….that’s all I can say. I know this may sound ludicrous, but that story is nothing less than one of a victorious survivor.
YOU are amazing and I’m quite simply blown completely away rigth now.
RB
That is excellent, Stargazer, truly. Good for you.
Goodnight,
Eden
Ox, thanks for the clarification, and for the compliment, or was it an irony? Am i funny? Some people say i’m a bit too crude. 🙂
Eva, It was meant as a compliment! You are funny!
Hi Donna and Hi to all in lovefraud,
Just filled out the survey- it was therapeutic ! it’s so apparent to me now I got seduced (by my craving to be loved) and drugged (by male pheremones) and then taken to the cleaners!! but like an immune system that gets stronger after fighting off the attacking virus, I am feeling great 2 years no contact.
Enjoying life to the full, no relationship but really seeing so much in relation to where I get trapped,and for me it is in my weakness for relying on a reflection to tell me who I am, needing to hear I’m beautiful, needed, loved from the ‘other’ because I got a negative reflection growing up, I crave a positive one to balance out my feeling inferior! when now a days I do not need anything from anyone to tell me who I am, I know it thanks to this lesson learnt.
I am convinced we are meant to experience illusions such as this so we can learn what the truth is. It is only through being conned like this we truly find out what is real and what is fraud, within us as well as outside us.
I think first, we scammed ourselves, then we were scammed by people ony too happy to use our dreams and desires to bait us with and rob us blind. Why not? everybody is doing it, take a look at society and the inequality that exists here! this is what the psychopath will say…I am only doing what is already being done on a larger scale! wake up people!
my post traumatic stress flashbacks still haunt me, I get new ones even now, another angle, another layer of illusion ripped away. It has left me standing with nothing but the truth of who I am, and from here I can see how I conned myself and others long before the psychopath “finished me off” and finally killed my ego…my ego has not survived this! but the truth of who I am beneath is taking over,and that’s awesome.