Ever since Lovefraud launched in 2005, my goal has been to educate people about the dangers of sociopaths—preferably before their lives are shredded. One effort in that direction is the Lovefraud high school education program—I’ll be doing my first three classes next month.
Another effort is my next book—tentatively called Red Flags of Love Fraud—Signs that you’re dating a sociopath. It will identify behavior that may indicate a prospective romantic partner is not all that he or she claims to be, and explain how what seems to be expressions of love may, in fact, be strategies of manipulation and control.
We’ve discussed our experiences here on Lovefraud, and through the telling, identified many behaviors that all seem to “come from the same playbook.” However, I’d like to collect that information in a more structured way so that I can use it in the book. Therefore, I invite you to participate in the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey.
Most of the questions are multiple choice, but there are a few places where you can write out your observations. It would probably be best to do the survey when you have about 20 minutes of free time.
Thank you for your contributions. To start the survey, click the following link:
Thanks, Roses and Eden. I guess that is an incredible story. I sometimes forget how resourceful I am. It makes me sad to look back and think about some of the things I had to do to survive. But I learned so much from those things, especially knowing that I CAN survive. The human spirit is very resilient, isn’t it?
I learned so much from that job. I learned to have a positive body image (because men don’t see our flaws the way we do). And I learned about what a positive attitude can do (because I never carried a gun or mace like the other strippers did).
I think it is the same with what you are going through now with your xspaths. When you get through all of it, you will look back and say, “Dang, I did that – I got through it. If I can survive that, I can do anything!” The mind is really amazing. It has all kinds of creative capacity, especially for healing.
is roses LL? I missed that transition.
One,
Yeppers!
welcome, warm summer flower!
i am so sorry to here about your pup, roses. 🙁 and i agree with you about being in the now including the grief. I had a precious animal friend in my life for 17 years. the last 2 he was in chronic renal failure. we both did our best and it was REALLY hard. loads of grief. CRF is a roller coaster – one moment they look like they are dying ‘now’ and the next they are up and eating. When he was younger his pelvis was crushed (i think a human did it) and we spent months nursing him, in the cage, etc. I so know this landscape you are speaking of.
One of the things that i did was to take LOTS of pictures of his last months. I am so thankful that i did. I have the ones out of him looking good, and the ones of him very sick (oh, and dead) i have tucked away, to look at occasionally. I also have his bones in a lovely box. just this morning i was thinking about the kind of glass wall reliquary i would like to have made to contain them.
I finally had him put down in 2001, when neither of us could go on with treatment. It was a long and loving relationship, and we had a deal, so i let him go. I still miss him. He still comes to visit me at times. He was such a gentle spirit, with enough edge to him to be funny, and had the softest armpits of any cat in the world (like bunny fur). he liked to have them tickled and would chirp when i did. And we would chase each other around the house – we played like that; running and jumping and spooking one another.
he had great human fiends and wherever we lived he always had another girlfriend – someone in the neighborhood he would go hang out with on occasion. i used to have a close circle of women friends and we drummed together. he was very close to all of them.when his life was done i had a wake for him – it was well attended – there was beer and shrimp and we told stories of him.
he and i had traveled together also – we came to where i live now via plane and car. he was so brave. we lived down here for a couple of months, in a trailer on the farm. he loved the tall grass and being there. he was a miracle of love.
when we got home he was diagnosed with CRF, and so began 2 years of vet and holistic care. much of it i was doing myself , including daily sub-q fluids that left him looking like he had a bison hump. When he was gone i joined an online forum for peeps who had lost their cats, most to CRF. those folks were a life saver. I met many of them a few months later when i was overseas, and still maintain contact with a couple of them.
I cremated him on Valentine’s day 10 years ago. His life was sacred, his death was sacred, and my memory of him is sacred.
((((( One! )))))
I got the warm fuzzies with warm summer flower 🙂
That is absolutely beautiful….a wake and others came to share in it!
Our pup is well loved with others outside of our home too. That is such a beautiful idea. When he dies, I will have him cremated and keep his ashes in an urn.
It IS a rollercoaster ride for all of us. Anticipation this way is awful. I agree with you about taking pics. My son has been taking them of him left and right, then downloading onto the computer for me. They are PRECIOUS to me!! EACH one!
This mornin, he got up, waggin his tail, ready for his potty time. Took him out (Very cold here right now) brought him back in and downhill again. He’s not as energetic as he was, and believe me he was ALWAYS bouncing off the walls. He lies around a lot now. UGH!
Thanks for sharing your story. I understand totally how you feel. I know I will miss mine always when he’s gone. I’ve thought about replacing him right after, but just as with spath, I think I’ll just grieve his passing awhile…..he can’t be replaced.
RB
((((Roses – i can feel that tail wagging, that spirit , that desire for life and how rotten he must feel.))))
(about ashes – when we cremate we don’t get ashes. we get burnt bones, which are then ground. I had the facility leave his bones un-ground. The skull is fragile and doesn’t make it through the fire, but i have all the others, including his little toe bones, which are priceless in their beauty. )
Aaaaawww one…..”I have all the others, including his little toe bones,which are priceless in their beauty 🙂
That’s just precious. And I don’t think it’s morbid at all either.
Death does not frighten me. I think if you see it as a natural life process, even with the sadness it brings,…those treasures can be irreplaceable.
RB
Roses – death opens us wide. Our simple presence and willingness to be with it opens our compassion wide. I hope that i am loved as well in my going, as i loved my cat and as you love your dog in their going. Loving him in his dying was one long thank you for being this miracle of love in my life.
I have developed allergies now. 🙁 🙁 can’t have a furry animal friend 🙁 I met a pyranese pup on the street yesterday. Played with him for 10 minutes…he was 4 months old, mouthy. i indulged him…stuck my hand in his mouth and played tug with him…he was soft like a chenille throw and sooo sweet. he’d play like crazy for a couple of minutes and then collapse. I am still sniffing and my eyes are still swollen, but it was so worth it.
i might have to get a snake. but i don’t know that i feel okay about imprisoning an animal in my home. the snake couldn’t roam about freely in the neighbourhood, or even in the house. and i wouldn’t have an imported snake, no way. i like snakes, would be happy to have a relationship with one, but don’t think I would be okay with how much living with me would curtail its basic habits.
One,
A SNAKE? ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’d so be at an impasse with that one,lol!
My daughter is also highly allergic to the furry creatures, but she and her live in bf have two sheba enu (sp), and boy are they HIGH MAINTENANCE with all the fur they have!! She is a MESS most of the time. But she loves them anyway. I personally think she is insane lol!
RB
One, have you tried being around a poodle? They are not near as allergy causing as many other animals…and their hair doesn’t shed like other dogs, you might “borrow” one to play with for a few minutes or an hour or so from a shelter. Tell them your problem and see if they would bring him/her outside so you didn’t have to go inside where the other animals were. Might be worth a shot.
Fish are another pet I adore too, especially some of the really strange gold fish that have PERSONALITY or a beta which can be kept in a very small container, and I have spent HOURS with my nose pressed to the glass watching them, or even guppies or an angel fish which are easy and cheap to keep…just watching them is THERAPY To me! I don’t have one now but have been thinking actually about getting a gold fish but haven’t seen any that I really like. The ones with the thing that looks like “a brain” on the top of their heads are AWESOME and you wouldn’t have to feel bad about keeping them in a small apartment or have to walk them (they pee in the water! LOL hee hee)