Ever since Lovefraud launched in 2005, my goal has been to educate people about the dangers of sociopaths—preferably before their lives are shredded. One effort in that direction is the Lovefraud high school education program—I’ll be doing my first three classes next month.
Another effort is my next book—tentatively called Red Flags of Love Fraud—Signs that you’re dating a sociopath. It will identify behavior that may indicate a prospective romantic partner is not all that he or she claims to be, and explain how what seems to be expressions of love may, in fact, be strategies of manipulation and control.
We’ve discussed our experiences here on Lovefraud, and through the telling, identified many behaviors that all seem to “come from the same playbook.” However, I’d like to collect that information in a more structured way so that I can use it in the book. Therefore, I invite you to participate in the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey.
Most of the questions are multiple choice, but there are a few places where you can write out your observations. It would probably be best to do the survey when you have about 20 minutes of free time.
Thank you for your contributions. To start the survey, click the following link:
Hens,
You get to take part in creating a preventative program… which makes you definately NOT a Bozo.. but if you really want a button… we might be able to arrange it. :O)
Aloha!
Hens,
Here you go.
http://www.sew-materialistic.com/uploads/images_products/2213.jpg
alohatraveler – You always make me smile…:)
hehe… :O)
LL- on the left side of the page under META> change profile. Change your password too.
And if it is a security issue on your computer (and not about being in this public forum), then download a free anti-keylogger, that will scramble anything you write in a a browser (which is what you are doing when you write here).
I just took the survey and what an eye opener! I have been NC since October 2010 after a 7 year relationship although he has texted me several times with real “cute” phrases. I didn’t fall for one of them. I ignore him completely. After taking the survey, I thought to myself, what if my 19 or 22 year old daughters came to me with this survey answering it just like I did and said, Mom, I met this guy and want to marry him. I WOULD FREAK and say RUN! So, why didn’t I run, when so many RED FLAGS were beating me against my head? I only know that I was captivated by his presence. As I told him, I could just melt into your dimples. Now, after reading my answers on the survey, I realize that I was love struck by a manipulating con man. He may have taken $10K from me, but he DID NOT get my life. I struggle everyday with intrusive thoughts, but not good ones, just the hurtful ones (things he said and did that crushed me). I want those thoughts to go away but I know in order to heal, I have to confront each one of those hurts. THANK YOU DONNA FOR A GREAT SURVEY THAT PAINTS THE PICTURE IN BLACK AND WHITE! I needed that…….
Wow – I didn’t anticipate that the survey would be a healing experience for Lovefraud readers. That’s terrific.
I get a BoZo button, LOL.
I chose to do the survey on husband rather than boy friend. I found with the boy friend that things changed at about the 3 month level.
Since the marriage lasted 25 years I think a lot of things I assumed were normal were not really and the abuse escalated the last 4 years, but I notice so many similarities between BF and H as far as things that happened in beginning. Just one example. The first sleepover for each of them, they were rude to me in bed. (not sexually) BF yelled at me for waking him up and H accused me of stealing covers in a mean way.
They were guests in my home and treated ME like they were entitled, and I should tiptoe around their needs. YUK!!!
TTS
I participated in the survey as well. It felt incredibly good to answer YES or check the “Extreme Measure” box, because that had truthfully been the measure of what he did, to inflict himself and his crap on me. It had been incredibly intense. My answers were 100% accurate and honest. I am glad I got to project how much each behavior/catagory affected me, and how much cruely was truly inflicted. Thank you, Donna! I took one of the Dr. Hare tests, however this was different. It was more poinient for me. Something about it. It felt more about “ME” as apposed to the focus being on him, or diagnosing the Psychopath. I needed it!
Peace…
Eden
Hi all. Most of us seem t be asking the question ‘Why?’Why did I stay? Why didn’t I see it?
When I was nursing at the regional plastic surgery hospital an Asian child of about 3 was brought in with part of her nose missing.
We asked her parents what had happened and we were horrified to learn that it had been done by a rat.
We jumped to the conclusion that the rat had jumped up and bit her. Not so, she had been asleep, the rat crept into her cot and very gently started knawing. The child eventually woke and started crying.
A horrible story I know and you will be pleased to hear that the surgeons did a brilliant reconstruction job.
What’s my point? Well, we are innocently in the wrong place at the wrong time. The spaths sneak up on us and start knawing and at first we don’t notice it but eventually we awake, see the damage and try to repair what spath has done.
We will never be quite the same, we will have scars, but we will always be wary of anything with a long tail!! Cos if it looks like a rat…….yep it IS a rat.