Ever since Lovefraud launched in 2005, my goal has been to educate people about the dangers of sociopaths—preferably before their lives are shredded. One effort in that direction is the Lovefraud high school education program—I’ll be doing my first three classes next month.
Another effort is my next book—tentatively called Red Flags of Love Fraud—Signs that you’re dating a sociopath. It will identify behavior that may indicate a prospective romantic partner is not all that he or she claims to be, and explain how what seems to be expressions of love may, in fact, be strategies of manipulation and control.
We’ve discussed our experiences here on Lovefraud, and through the telling, identified many behaviors that all seem to “come from the same playbook.” However, I’d like to collect that information in a more structured way so that I can use it in the book. Therefore, I invite you to participate in the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey.
Most of the questions are multiple choice, but there are a few places where you can write out your observations. It would probably be best to do the survey when you have about 20 minutes of free time.
Thank you for your contributions. To start the survey, click the following link:
Hens,
I”d be happy too 🙂
Ya know, something I’m discovering. It’s rather disconcerting…….
This almost feels like being apart of a private yacht club (I HATE to put it within the realms of that sort of analogy as it seems rather Narcissistic, but can’t come up with anything else right now for comparisons),
I know my friends love me. I love them too. There are some of my friends who get the psychopath stuff. But very few. Those that don’t, I have to educate. It seems rather tedious and somewhat unbelievable.
Until I came to this site, it was apparent to me that I had no idea what I was dealing with to the extent that it was…….
Now I”m on a quest. But it bothers me that I can’t discuss psychopaths openly without someone looking at me as if I’ve lost a marble or two.
It only increases my feeling of being alone in all of this. I come here, though and everyone gets it.
ANd this is cyberspace. I feel so connected to all of you on some level because of this experience, especially to those who were raised with this kind of pathology.
Is that weird?
I”m beginning to wonder. Of all the places I have researched and gone to on the net, this is the ONLY place where I felt safe enough to really SPILL the beans, all of it, from childhood to present. With all of that, it’s allowed me to begin this journey of finding myself. Sometimes I’m so pissed and frustrated, other times I”m elated about these self discoveries………..
But I KNOW I could not do that anywhere else.
This site is such a tremendous GIFT…….or so I’m understanding now.
The worst for me is not yet over. But I have this feeling of hope that I would not otherwise have if I wasn’t here posting day in and day out to get past the withdrawal of spath.
Does this make sense?
RB
Yes, Rose, I understand exactly how you feel. This site saved my life in 2008 when I went through my ordeal with the sociopath. Though I’m long over him, I still suffer from other issues that folks here truly understand. I feel like I can talk about anything here.
warm summer flower – OF COURSE IT MAKES SENSE! most of us would say the same thing. I have been on two amazing forums, lf and the cast forum i mentioned earlier. both were necessary as no one who hasn’t had these experiences really understands.
i can be acting normal and go off on a tirade, or into some dark dark humour about the spath and only lf people get that, are at ease with that, and don’t treat me like i have 2 heads.
So, we have cyberspace. And i know spaths read us at times. and it is too bad, but the public nature of the forum does allow for easy access for folks who have been spathed.
To Donna,
I feel like a stupid fool after taking your survey. All the red flags were there! Yet I continued on with that nasty cruel man.
I broke up with him July 3rd and never went back. Just this short time away was an eye opener.
What did I see in that guy? How could I let that nasty dirt-bag touch me?
It tells me a lot about my self esteem!
Roses,—
Thank you for your kind words. Since that incident with Pansy, Im convinced there is no such thing as soul death.!! And what do catholics know saying animals have no souls? Im sure they are wrong! What do they know?They have purer souls than a lot of subhuman humans. Recently, I read a story,{a true one} in a womans Mag about this woman who lost her beloved dog.{a large labrador.} He died, and she buried him in the front Garden.With a small plaque to mark the spot. Anyway, this evening she was in bed, crying because she missed her beloved dog. Suddenly, he leapt onto her bed! She said, he was not a ghost dog, she patted him ruffled his fur, he kissed and licked her, then with bound, he was gone.No trace of him.
The next day she checked out his grave. There was a deep hole where his grave had been! Like Christs resurrection! WOW!” There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamed of in your Philosophy.”Why would you ever make up a story like that?
So, enjoy your beloved dog. And when its his time to go, Im sure gentle arms of angels will carry him to heaven, where he will be waiting for you, forever young, fit&,healthy!! Dont waste ONE SECOND grieving for him, enjoy him, and know that when its his time, he will know, not only that, he will be GRATEFUL to you for having him painlessly put to sleep, like my beloved Pansy!!.
With much Love,
Mama gemXX
Jeannie812,
What I am seeing is that to many of us here take to much responsibility for the experience they had with the S/P/N, or for having allowing the relationship to occur in the first place. We had no idea what they were about to bestow upon us. We have to remember that. And without the experience, we would not know now, what we can do in the future to help us recognize that the person is a P/S or N.
Peace,
Eden
(((((((((((((((( mama Gem!! )))))))))))))))))
I BELIEVE our pets TRULY HAVE SOULS! I DO believe that!!! I’ve heard it touted that they don’t. I simply believe it is not true. I also think they possess good and evil souls, much like their human counterparts.
Ex spath had a dog I just adored. He offered me to take her. I SHOULD HAVE!! DAMN ME!!!! I worry about her constantly. More so than I did spath. I have to try to put her out of my mind now….but she always ALWAYS came to me and sat by me……she loved spath too and I couldn’t figure that one out to save the LIFE of me!!! But whenever I was there, she recognized me instantly.
Okay, I’m done with that now. Too painful to talk anymore about now.
Jeannie, we do. Or at least I know I do. You’re right though, we don’t know. I’m seeing that our vulnerabilities are oftentimes so deep and they KNOW them immediately……I’m still trying to process how a human being can know something so deep about another human being and extrapolate it for their benefit…..it is beyond me, to the point of still being unbelievable……..I wake up every morning and wonder if it’s really true………..
One……………warm summer flower………I may have to change my name again……………..there is something about that that brings me SUCH peace when I see it!! And peace is what I strive for. 🙂
I know what you mean….just wondered if anyone else here understood the depth of gratitude and relief that this site is here and how much you all mean to me in being here too.
Roses.
OOps, I meant to address to Eden not Jeannie, but well, also Jeannie………………UGH **foot firmly placed in mouth** sorry!!
Okay
I absolutely love this user name. TY One. You’re da bomb!
It’s far more cheerful and positive and brings peace when I see and hear it 🙂