Ever since Lovefraud launched in 2005, my goal has been to educate people about the dangers of sociopaths—preferably before their lives are shredded. One effort in that direction is the Lovefraud high school education program—I’ll be doing my first three classes next month.
Another effort is my next book—tentatively called Red Flags of Love Fraud—Signs that you’re dating a sociopath. It will identify behavior that may indicate a prospective romantic partner is not all that he or she claims to be, and explain how what seems to be expressions of love may, in fact, be strategies of manipulation and control.
We’ve discussed our experiences here on Lovefraud, and through the telling, identified many behaviors that all seem to “come from the same playbook.” However, I’d like to collect that information in a more structured way so that I can use it in the book. Therefore, I invite you to participate in the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey.
Most of the questions are multiple choice, but there are a few places where you can write out your observations. It would probably be best to do the survey when you have about 20 minutes of free time.
Thank you for your contributions. To start the survey, click the following link:
Star………
Naw. I think we’re all “Entitled” (poor articulation) to a tantrum once in awhile. 🙂
HUGS!
LL
YOu know, A while back I saw Ann Margaret, the actress on a TV show, and she had had so much plastic surgery that she looked like a Barbie Doll that had been too close to the heat and melted! It was HORRIBLE. She looked so BAD and the worst part was she was TRYING to look like she did 40+ years ago and it was GROTESQUE! AWFUL.
It made me realize that I LOOK BETTER THAN SHE DOES and I haven’t had any surgery—sure I have more wrinkles and I’m fatter but you know what, I DO NOT LOOK LIKE SOME VAIN OLD BROAD TRYING TO LOOK 30 WHEN I AM 60+.
I see these people who dye their hair jet black and it just makes their wrinkles look worse, and they wear too much make up which just pools iin the wrinkles and makes them stand out more. They wear clothes that are two sizes too small and actually might look cute on someone 16 but not on someone 56, and you know it makes them look PATHETIC.
If you are a size 18 and wear a size 16 dress it doesn’t make you look thinner, it makes you look like 10 pounds of sausage in a 5 pound sack!
You know, I don’t think there was a prettier girl than I was when I was young, but truth is I smoked so my skin isn’t as smooth as a baby’s butt, and I gained weight and stretched it out, but I am 64 now and I’d rather look 84 than to have people look at me and say “look at that silly old woman trying to pretend she is 24!”
There is a woman who goes to the local auction I frequent sometimes and she’s a slim figured woman, nice looking for her age (about 55 probably) but she dresses like she is 16 and REALLY COOL, and does her hair up like a kid, uses a push up bra and the spike heels etc. and everyone there calls her “BOTOX BARBIE!” And I don’t know who coined the term, but it is a PERFECT DESCRIPTION OF THE WOMAN and of what I do NOT want people to say or think about me.
I dress neatly, wear minimal make up, am clean and my hair combed when I go out, just everyone’s pleasant, well groomed grandma I would guess and that’s fine with me. I sincerely doubt there is anyone SNICKERING at me for trying to pretend (very poorly) that I’m the girl I use’ta be.
Ann Margaret? I haven’t seen her in years.
What about Joan Rivers? ECK! She’s hilarious, but she is one of those too who had MANY Plastic surgeries. Another who did it and just looks AWFUL, is Bruce Jenner. You could bounce a BALL off his face!! ECK!
Then I see women like Jamie Lee Curtis and quite frankly, I think she’s rather beautiful. She REFUSES to get plastic surgery and to age naturally. She doesn’t look at all fake to me, she looks great!
I see things I don’t like. Bags under my eyes now, crows feet and that gawd awful beginning of turkey neck. I’m still a relatively beautiful woman, just older. I also have an nice figure but I’m NOT about to try to get into my daughter’s 20’s wear because I know how ridiculous I would look.
I don’t know now that I”m older if I really care about that so much as I do about what’s on the inside now. You can be very beautiful on the outside, but be TOTALLY ugly on the inside. I’m more concerned about changing my inside…..cuz ya know what? What is INSIDE makes a person FORGET about what’s on the outside!
I do have my picadillos with others though. I can’t stand it when people don’t take care of themselves with the basics, showering, brushing their teeth, etc. To me, it’s about taking care of yourself too. But there’s also overdoing it.
I want to fix the inside, so that the outside is something that just is going to age naturally and so what. As long as I’m alive and have the opportunity to heal, ………well, we shall see.
Funny and good points ox!
LL
Dear LL,
My husband had a huge nose—he was NEVER “handsome” but he had such a wonderful personality that every woman he met from 6 to 96 was “in love with” him! He made US feel beautiful, so we didn’t notice what he looked like, he was a funny and a great guy, no one noticed that he had a huge nose! LOL I have never felt so beautiful as when I was in his presence! Even when I was older, because just by the way he looked at me I FELT beautiful. It wasn’t in a leering way but ini a cherishing way. When I lost that feeling when he died, I melted down and my exterior looks became a stumbling stone for me and left me vulnerable to the psychopath because he (for a short time anyway) made me feel loved and wanted and desirable. Now, I don’t need that external validation like I did before, and I’m more comfortable even in my wrinkled skin that I’m in. I’m taking care of my health, losing the weight sensibly, quit the smoking, and am exercising.
Just spent the last week (well, since Friday) painting my hall way, has 7 doors in and out of it so is a lot of trim work to do, and it looks great. I cleaned the bathroom that is off that hallway from top to bottom literally with a toothbrush in the cracks, and decided I will work my way through the entire house 1 room at a time. Probably take me about a week per room, I’ve done this before when I moved back to the farm while I was still living in the RV and threw out and organized and cleaned and did any minor repairs that things needed. It is GREAT exercise, climbing up on a stool, reaching and stretching, bending and lifting, and has a great purpose too, to make my space more organized….so now that I’m done with that hallway (and it sure looks nice all clean and freshly painted. Mopped etc.) and the bathroom I’ll move on to another room. Probably start with my office where I am now. It had a fairly good cleaning a couple of months ago but this time will shampoo the carpets and get the corners with the toothbrush! LOL GREAT Exercise and has a good purpose besides just moving my fat arse! LOL
hahaha yes, Stargazer, i’m sure he would be proud.
Should i tell him he’s inmortalized here?
I was torturing him the other day and was him who run scared. He realised i was laughing at him. They’re not so so idiot. He realised it.
It doesn’t mean breaking no contact because that poor psychopath is forgotten without hope since another attacked me just for the pleasure of attacking a “rebelious” one who was insensitive to his wonderful smiles and empty blah blah blah.
And this is a new experience for me: they attack even if one has ignored them systematically. This monster has kept my mind so busy that i had to bury quickly the other.
I even kept the pics and they don’t hurt me. The spanish sadistic deprived me of a decent bury for the blonde psycho of the big dick, who seemed so macho but he had too many gay “friends” and visited Vienna too often…he went to Mango bar -where young gays meet- But i was already fighting the spanish one when i knew it and i could not get shocked properly.
Ox,
Now THAT is persistence AND motivation!
I do know what ya mean though. I’m starting to finally move my ass around a bit more now. Cleaned my entire place, have been making sure the dishes are done, cooking again…it doesn’t seem like a big deal but it really IS when this depressed! It actually cheers me some! I feel better when I live in “clean” and “organized” LOL…..now my DESK is another matter altogether lol!
I can’t believe how much work you’ve done ox. I love painting. When I had my house, I painted almost all of it by myself, vaulted ceilings and all, talk about needing to be creative and CAREFUL whew! Was dangerous! But it was SUCH a tremendous accomplishment for me and I was so proud that I did most of it all by myself. The house looked great. had the carpets changed out, new linoleum in the bathroom……UGH so MISS my house!!
I’m looking to move right now. Trying to find a place where I can garden. I really REALLY miss it as gardening is SO therapeutic. Something about gettin my hands in the dirt, ya know? And then seeing everything flower and blossom! YEAH!
Say some prayers for us in finding a place, will ya? They’re a bit hard to come by around here right now.
Do you garden too Ox? Your own veggies and all?
LL
Dear LL, used to garden a lot and canned and froze and dried –raised about everything we ate except wheat and rice and coffee. LOL But have cut that down, didn’t garden at all last year but will have a few tomato plants this year and herbs anyway. Still have my own eggs and meat is the most of it. Love to garden to and play in the dirt! good therapy too!
Ox
I just found out today that my eldest might be coming home to stay awhile. I absolutely ADORE this child (adore them all, but this one and I are very close-have not seen her in TWO YEARS NOW), and we enjoy doing the same things and are already talking about our gardens for this year.
We created this lovely garden year before last. OH LAWDY it was beautiful!!! The neighbors enjoyed it too because it was so pretty and really livened things up all around us with color and nice scents!
We loved digging in the dirt. And when we worked our butts off, at the end of the day exhausted and then went out the next and could really appreciate our work after some REST, it was fantastic!
Oh I HOPE she comes home! we all love her SO much!
LL
I make dirt look good ~! :)~