Ever since Lovefraud launched in 2005, my goal has been to educate people about the dangers of sociopaths—preferably before their lives are shredded. One effort in that direction is the Lovefraud high school education program—I’ll be doing my first three classes next month.
Another effort is my next book—tentatively called Red Flags of Love Fraud—Signs that you’re dating a sociopath. It will identify behavior that may indicate a prospective romantic partner is not all that he or she claims to be, and explain how what seems to be expressions of love may, in fact, be strategies of manipulation and control.
We’ve discussed our experiences here on Lovefraud, and through the telling, identified many behaviors that all seem to “come from the same playbook.” However, I’d like to collect that information in a more structured way so that I can use it in the book. Therefore, I invite you to participate in the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey.
Most of the questions are multiple choice, but there are a few places where you can write out your observations. It would probably be best to do the survey when you have about 20 minutes of free time.
Thank you for your contributions. To start the survey, click the following link:
Star,
You’re inspiring! 🙂
LL
Please include something in your book about how families and friends can encourage the victims to get the help they need!
And, to help weed them through the court system which may turn against them
My son has his trial tomorrow. It is over that disorderly conduct ticket he got in September. I think it is a waste of time because it is a ticket. This court doesn’t want to let go of money. My son says the kid hit him with a crutch, which matches the welts on his stomach. But, the court says it was mutual combat. The court is going by the boys having words prior to this assault. (going by this if I take a baseball bat to Jim’s knees wouldn’t that be mutual combat too? Cause he had words with me)
The thing I found interesting in my son’s court record was the back pages. The court included court papers about the women who called the police. The court stapled her driving record on my copy of the court papers. Her driving record is quite colorful and interesting reading. BUT, it is not my business and I did not request it.
I think it is wrong.
No one would call the police if they knew their bad driving habits would be stapled on unrelated police reports, for everyone to see.
This woman’s bad driving record was over two pages long.
I don’t like this women. She has not treated my son with kindness after I fed and housed her kids year after year. She invited every kid except my son to birthday parties. But, I gotta feel sorry for her over this invasion of privacy.
Will I tell her? No, she’s a bitch.
My son was defending her the day he got into fight. She never spoke a word in his defense.
I just finished this survey based on a relationship in 2007 that I ended and took to court to get a restraining order against. I did not win, but he did not contact me again. I enrolled myself in the local battered women’s shelter for 6 months of group counseling which was the best thing I did for myself to move beyond this relationship and the effects of the insidious emotional and verbal abuse.
Now I’m in a relationship where my partner’s ex is a Sociopath, BDP and Narcissist, and has been alienating him since his kids were born (they are 4 and 6). She tried to move back to the UK with the kids last year which he had to fight in court and now she says the kids are being harmed by having more time with him. It’s disgusting to watch her abuse her own children and clear that she is all these things. My partner has spent $100k fighting her so far. He’s better about maintaining distance but gets sucked in and this whole thing is really affecting me and our relationship. I have a experience to draw on and support him but he can only handle so much of her even though he has to. He continually is on the defensive and not being proactive and calling her on her lies when he has this forum with a third party present (they have a court appointed coordinator to oversee their communications which is somewhat effective). He has joint legal custody but she stonewalls his attempts to move toward 50/50 time share (he has about 20-25% right now).
This whole process is draining and he gets mad at me when I help him to be more proactive (I feel like I have to push him a bit). I feel like my hands are tied. We have been together 1.5 years and I love his kids and they love me. Any suggestions on what approaches I can take without being too pushy?
I just completed the survey – I hope that it is helpful and stops others from being injured in the same fashion. While my situation has caused enormous debt the most difficult for me is the emotional damage – I doubt that I will ever recover enough to actually trust another man – Everyday I pray that he is not able to do this to another person.
I have taken almost all of the legal steps available to me and taken back most of my own power – I would say that I am finally de-shamed ~ but not yet completely healed.
Donna, this is an excellent idea. This information should be as much a part of high school education as Sex Ed or Health. Recognizing personality disorders early on can help save so many people’s mental health!
One angle that might carry this cause of educating high school students about personality disorders even further is to collaborate with those who already inform them about bullying. Bullying has gotten a lot of media attention for the past few years and, as a result, also quite a bit of funding for education about this big problem in American schools. Quite often, the bullies are psychopathic. Tormenting innocent kids is their way of playing power games. I think those who educate kids about bullying should definitely let them know about psychopathy as well.
I want to take this survey after ready some of the comments here. I hope to do it tonight after work. Unfortunately, I’ve been with many of these men…my first and only husband was a sex addict. Ughhhh! I was young and thought all men were like that. Anway, hope I’m not too late with the survey. Hugs!