Ever since Lovefraud launched in 2005, my goal has been to educate people about the dangers of sociopaths—preferably before their lives are shredded. One effort in that direction is the Lovefraud high school education program—I’ll be doing my first three classes next month.
Another effort is my next book—tentatively called Red Flags of Love Fraud—Signs that you’re dating a sociopath. It will identify behavior that may indicate a prospective romantic partner is not all that he or she claims to be, and explain how what seems to be expressions of love may, in fact, be strategies of manipulation and control.
We’ve discussed our experiences here on Lovefraud, and through the telling, identified many behaviors that all seem to “come from the same playbook.” However, I’d like to collect that information in a more structured way so that I can use it in the book. Therefore, I invite you to participate in the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey.
Most of the questions are multiple choice, but there are a few places where you can write out your observations. It would probably be best to do the survey when you have about 20 minutes of free time.
Thank you for your contributions. To start the survey, click the following link:
Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey
Ox Drover
Dear New day,
I suggest that you log on to Dr. Liane Leedom’s web blog (there’s a link here at LF) “Parenting the at-risk child” Liane has a child with her psychopathic x and knows what it is to try to be a parent to a child who shares DNA with a con man…that is tough. It is tough enough being a parent who is divorced, or a parent who is “single” without a co-parent, but “co-parenting” with a person who is disordered/dysfunctional is EXTREMELY stressful and difficult.
I think Reading Liane’s articles and her blog will help you with your knowledge and healing. Knowledge is power and strength and we can focus that on ourselves.
I agree that co-parenting with a psychopath is extremely diffcult, we have others here who are trying to do the same thing. FightAnotherDay (FAD) is a young mother with a 2 and a half year old that is in your same shoes. She also used to post under “Banana”—she is a wonderful young woman who has a “hard row to hoe” with her X.
While takin care of your son is your number one responsibilty, it is also important to take care of YOURSELF…if you are not healthy you can’t take good care of him, so don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself as well. I know three years seems like a long time to not be “over it”—but with the responsibilities you’ve had taking care of your child, you’ve not had the leisure to focus on Yourself so much. “Time” is relative so take time for some introspection, learning (reading here and books), RECREATION is also important….try to eat better, exercise, get appropriate amounts of sleep, decrease or stop caffine, tobacco, alcohol, and anything else that is not beneficial. In short, GET HEALTHY in every way. In short, give it some time and take care of you and your child! Healing will come at its own time, a bit at a time and one day you will wake up and realize you are HAPPY and content! (((hugs)))) and God bless.
lesson learned
((((((((((((((((((( Mama Gem!!! ))))))))))))))))))))))))
CONGRATS!! YOU ARE FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND ABSOLUTELY RIGHT ON!!!
Roses
hens
mamma Gem you said RESPECT – that is what was lacking from the people who were abusing me – that was what I realized I was NOT getting in return for all my efforts – if they had just respected me I would still be kissing their butts…..their loss my gain..
MiLo
Mamma Gem – I learned with my P daughter that there is a fine line between unconditional love and enabling. You have discovered it. My heart goes out to you, it is painful but necessary. We all deserve RESPECT. Good for you !!!
Ox Drover
Henry, RESPECT doesn’t require demand or want anyone to kiss their butts…if someone requires, demands or even wants you to kiss their butt, they do NOT respect you.
Respect and Love are ACTION VERBS, not nouns. They show how someone ACTS not what they “feel.” But, by the same token, how a person acts shows how they feel. If you treat someone with love and/or respect, you do not do mean things to them, you do not lie to them, you do not want them to “kiss your arse.” You want GOOD things for them. You want to do good things FOR them.
If someone is “ugly” to you, and treats you badly, they are showing NO respect or love. No matter what they say, they do not love you or respect you.
Last year when my son C lied to me—over something trivial, totally unimportant, I finally GOT IT that he has NO RESPECT and NO LOVE for me and that his ACTIONS demonstrate that lack of respect and lack of love. Not just the one lie, but the 100s of lies before that, the hundreds of things before that, and the PATTERN CONTINUES because he doesn’t want to change it.
I hated to accept that being the case, because I really wanted him to love and respect me. I’ve not been a perfect parent, but I loved him and wanted him from before he was born…I put my time and effort in to doing things for him and with him and nurtured him to the best of my ability because I loved him.
I still love him, but I realize it is not a two way street because he does not respect me enough to tell me the truth. He doesn’t even respect himself enough to man up to his own behavior and to tell the truth. He expects, even DEMANDS that others tell him the truth, but he is not willing to set those same standards on himself. No, that doesn’t make him a psychopath, but it doesn’t make him someone I want to have in my life either. I can’t trust him because he has proven himself untrustworthy. It’s a shame really, because he has some good points, but he lacks the ONE critical thing to be in my life, and that is HONESTY.
hens
I get respect every day from three tails a waggin…they are honest, they dont lie, they give me lot’s of attention and affection and they aint out screwin the neighbors because I took care of that…
But yes trust – respect and honesty – 3 crucial elements in being my friend..
Ox Drover
Hens,
PLEASE CLARIFY: they aint out screwin the neighbors because—– I took care of that”—???? LOL ROTFLMAO
silvermoon
Ever hear the punchline to the story that ends
“It don’t hurt if ya don’t get your fingers caught between the bricks”?
Its about building real relationships with real people and not worrying about culling the rest There are good ones out there too.
We’ve found some here. If we are strong enough to survive the betrayal, we are solid enough to discern what is real.
The rest? Well, we call them zombies at my house….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjMiDZIY1bM
Eclipse
Hello Donna I did your survey. Thanks for posting my story Looking into the eyes of a conman.
hens
Ox I got them neutered and spayed – and I run off a few neighborhos in the process. Dont mess with me or I will cut your gonads off = need more clarity?