Lovefraud has just posted a new case study on Lovefraud.com. It’s probably the most frightening article in True Lovefraud Stories:
Mark Ledden stabs his wife 11 times, then accuses her of attacking him
This is the story of a man who would probably score at the top of the PCL-R, the tool that measures psychopathic traits. He was charming, scamming and over sexed. He coldly threatened violence. Then, when he was crossed, he brutally acted on his threats.
It is also the story of a woman caught in a no-win situation. He seemed like a good guy, a responsible guy, when they became involved. Three months later they were engaged, and three months after that she was pregnant.
After the second child, Mark Ledden started threatening to kill his wife if she ever left him. By this time, Denise knew him well enough to take the threats seriously. She knew he was capable of committing that act of violence.
She also knew that if she left him, he would track her down and make good on his threats. So she stayed—until he did commit violence so atrocious that he was sent to prison. Luckily, she survived.
What do you do?
This case brings up the most difficult scenario when involved with a psychopath: What do you do when he (or she) threatens brutal violence, and you know the person means it?
What good is a restraining order? In reality, they are nothing but pieces of paper, and violence-prone psychopaths don’t care about paper.
Do you go off the grid and completely disappear? If so, how do you start over? You’ll have no identity, no background, no support network.
If Denise had called me for advice while she was still with this man, I don’t know what I would have told her. So I ask Lovefraud readers for your views. How would you advise someone who is living with a psychopathic volcano that could explode at any time?
I find this all a pretty scary. I’ve been living with my P husband now for 10 years. He didn’t show his true colors until I was pregnant with our first child 6 years ago. We now have a second child. Although he’s never been violent towards me, he’s threatened to kill me twice… both times were when I threatened to leave him. He also told me that no one else would ever raise his kids. This last time he threatened me, a few weeks ago, he said that if he wanted to, he could get away with it, and no one would ever know. Luckily, his aunt, who lives with us, overheard his threat. I also told my brother and mother what he had said. So, now he now knows that if he ever did something, people would know he was responsible. Whenever he has threatened me, he always says it sarcastically, like it’s a joke. He’s also held knives up to me, jokingly of course, but I also know he’s half serious about it too. What kind of person does that?
So, I’m going to school right now, and once I’m done with school, I’m leaving. He knows that as well, because I’ve told him. We’re in a honeymoon phase right now, because of his threat and what happened a few weeks ago with me almost leaving. The only reason I stay, is because I feel like I have no place to go, and no prospects job wise until I finish my degree. But this story really scares me because there seem to be so many similarities.
I feel silly even mentioning my experience – nothing like OxDrover or the others!
My GF at the time was so possessive that my attorney warnd me that he felt my life could be in danger!
Socially unable to hold a friendship, except her school friends from 35 years ago – couldn’t hold a job, always had something nasty to say about someone, no real relationship with her daughters, left one in Knoxville with her ‘drunk’ ex, and took the other to California, where she ran wild.
And I had to ask myself, what relationship would she have with my son, as he grew up.
Thankfully I kept him away from her – and only spent time ith him on my own or with his friends parents.
I still have pangs of knowing what she is doing – probably living with a much older ‘stoic’ man – with money, and doing the same things – people do not change.
Waiting,
how long til you finish school?
I hope you realize the importance of keeping your thoughts to yourself. He does. He is always secretly plotting against you and you will never know what he is planning. YOU CAN TAKE THAT TO THE BANK.
Mine was poisoning my food for 25 years. All the while telling me how much he loved me. The poison caused muscle spasms and unbearable pain. So I couldn’t work. It was part of the isolation strategy.
I’m surprised your spath is allowing you to go to school. Prepare for him to sabotage that.
The most important thing to remember is to SHOW HIM NO EMOTIONS. Do NOT threaten to leave him. Do not react to his “jokes”. They feed on emotion. The purpose of Gray Rock is to be so boring that THEY leave YOU. Use that strategy, BE BORING. NO DRAMA, NO EMOTION.
This strategy was described to me by a man who needed to get rid of his P-girlfriend. He knew she would stalk him if he tried to break up. Furthermore, they were both lawyers and she was well known and respected in her field, so she could have made things difficult for him if she got angry. So he used a different tactic. He never told her he wanted to break up, he just became so boring that she lost interest and slithered away
Dear Waitingtogo,
(((Hugs)))) and God bless you and keep you safe! Yes, the leaving phase is many times the time of most danger, so it is IMPORTANT that you keep your cards close to your chest. Though in my case the man who tried to have me killed was my son, I got angry and spouted off to him my plans….so do NOT LET YOUR HUSBAND KNOW YOUR PLANS…do not let him lure you back into the “honeymoon phase”—think about your children’s lives if you are not there to protect them.
Knowledge is power, so keep on reading here and learning, and putting back a few dollars—even 1 or 2 a week—for an emergency fund, more if possible, in cash, along with a bag with copies of your important papers, birth certificate, SS#, rental agreement or mortgage papers, car title, car insurance etc. and a couple of changes of clothes toothbrush etc and one for each of your kids. Hide these bags with a friend or where you can grab them and go quickly, but where he is not likely to find them.
Have a shelter’s number and the cops on speed dial with your phone, keep your car keys and your phone in your pocket at all times—day and night.
BE PREPARED and BE CAREFUL, play your cards close to your chest and BITE your tongue, try not to provoke him, so he will let HIS GUARD DOWN. It is a difficult game, but one you can win if you play it for the LONG TERM….every day is one day closer to your freedom. Good luck keep strong and God bless you and your children!!!
Yes, Waiting, loose lips sink ships. Keep your mouth shut. Do not let him know your plans. He will sabatoge you at every turn. Keep your emotions in check and don’t provoke.
God bless and good luck.
Aussie girl, Nah, I really don’t care for old mutton, leg of lamb is much better, so your boys are safe from me….the meat would be too strong! LOL Believe it or not, I don’t do “pet” animals (whatever meat kind they are) except as a service to prevent them suffering any further…there are too many meat animals I am NOT intimate with to choose to eat that are available for me to pick one that has a “name.”
You are right, goats are VERY psychopathic but they are so darned cute that even if they push you to the brink of goat-a-cide, you still love them. Only wethers (castrated males) and females are good pets though, the males are NASSSSSSTY and aggressive and when big enough dangerous. Plus, the males STINK to high heaven after about 3 months of age, so if you do get a goat, make sure it has no working male parts!
I would rent or borrow a male each year for my females but I never kept one,, even when the visiting one was here, he was kept in a pen away from and down wind of everything else, and I would let the girls “visit” him when they were ready, when his job was done, he was GONE. Yuk, they are nasty creatures!
Wow Waiting, we’ve all been there. We are worried for you, and I think we have all fell short of zipping our own lips. It’s a must!! I love the idea of being so boring he leaves. It could happen. It’s so hard with kids, but these guys are scum, they will find someone who will laugh at their jokes. All this advice is great.
I understand what you all are saying about keeping quiet. I tried that for so long,years, then a few weeks ago, I felt like I just finally snapped and spilled the beans about all my plans. Now he knows. I know that from now on, I’ll keep my mouth shut though, and let him believe I’m happy with our relationship. I have been putting money away for the last few weeks. I think as the time comes closer to my time to leave, I’ll get copies of all our important paperwork too. I’ll graduate with my LPN this fall, and if I can stay any longer to get my RN, then that would be one more year, but that seems like such a long time to me right now.
It’s weird, because I’ve never had to be a sneaky person before… I’m usually open and honest, and it sucks that he has brought me to this, but I know it’s for mine and my kids protection. He’s the most charming person I know… and I know that most people are going to believe whatever he says, and think I’m the one with the issues. I don’t really care about that at all. I just want out.
@....... Skylar, he agreed I should go to school to get my nursing degree when I told him how much money I could make. I think $ is his major drive in life, so it makes sense to him. He also has a good job, and that’s also important to him, because it’s a status thing. It enables people look at him in high esteem, and he just loves it. I like his job too, because he’s gone at least half the time for his work… and that makes it much easier for me to stay on like I have.
Dear Waiting to go,
Yea, he will do what he can to sabotage the school, especially at the last minute so expect that….
Since you have kids you will expect also that he will try to use that against you and use them as a lever to hurt you with, so anything you can get as EVIDENCE is going to help you. A small digital recorder might be something you might want to invest in as well, keep it with you and hidden so you can tape any threats that he makes. DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT
Don’t be “too nice” to him, it may make him suspect you, but don’t provoke him to outrage either, kind of “hit the middle”—even start to verbalize some PLANS for your extra money that include him…like “maybe we could buy a house or a new car” when I get to work and start earning some money? Waht do you think, honey, would you like a ford or a chevy?” LOL
Sort of that I call DIS-information, throw him off the scent of your real plans. Keep the faith and keep on coming here and learning more. (((hugs))) and my prayers for your safety.