Lovefraud has just posted a new case study on Lovefraud.com. It’s probably the most frightening article in True Lovefraud Stories:
Mark Ledden stabs his wife 11 times, then accuses her of attacking him
This is the story of a man who would probably score at the top of the PCL-R, the tool that measures psychopathic traits. He was charming, scamming and over sexed. He coldly threatened violence. Then, when he was crossed, he brutally acted on his threats.
It is also the story of a woman caught in a no-win situation. He seemed like a good guy, a responsible guy, when they became involved. Three months later they were engaged, and three months after that she was pregnant.
After the second child, Mark Ledden started threatening to kill his wife if she ever left him. By this time, Denise knew him well enough to take the threats seriously. She knew he was capable of committing that act of violence.
She also knew that if she left him, he would track her down and make good on his threats. So she stayed—until he did commit violence so atrocious that he was sent to prison. Luckily, she survived.
What do you do?
This case brings up the most difficult scenario when involved with a psychopath: What do you do when he (or she) threatens brutal violence, and you know the person means it?
What good is a restraining order? In reality, they are nothing but pieces of paper, and violence-prone psychopaths don’t care about paper.
Do you go off the grid and completely disappear? If so, how do you start over? You’ll have no identity, no background, no support network.
If Denise had called me for advice while she was still with this man, I don’t know what I would have told her. So I ask Lovefraud readers for your views. How would you advise someone who is living with a psychopathic volcano that could explode at any time?
Dear Survivor,
Keep on working toward taking care of YOU….you deserve it, you deserve to be cared for…and YOUCAN CARE FOR AND LOVE YOURSELF. I know it is difficult, but you are NOT alone, and I am so glad that you have a good therapist who does see and get what you have been through. (((hugs))) and God bless you as you heal.
She may have to go into hiding.
Sticking it out in her home may be very dangerous for her. These people are so cunning that they turn people against you. You end up with no support system. There is no way to defend yourself against their lies. Every blurt out of their mouth just floors you. How can you protect yourself against some made-up story about you. And one story after the other about you.
I found he beat me down so bad, that I am not a likable person. Now the odds of getting a support system are less.
He stressed me out so bad that I am high anxiety and I stress other people cause I am so stressed. The judge at court picked up on this and he ripped my head off. He couldn’t stand me! People don’t like to feel the stress of a stressed-out person.
The only way to prevent being in a dangerous situation is listen to what he tells you the first time. Cause he will tell you if he is a thief, or violent. Cause people like to brag. When you question them, they will change their story cause they notice they are being CAUGHT. So listen to what they say the first time — don’t listen to what they say the second time cause that is them back paddling.
I wish I learned this years ago. I would be a different person today.
Great point jeannie, People don’t like to be around stressed out people. I learned that ” Misery may love company, but company does not love misery.” Thats why this is my only place to fit in. But the spaths in our lives have changed us, we are quick to read everything that everyone has to say to us, as if we are the judge between truth and lies. I have read blogs here and suspected the spath ( maybe even mine) was writing in as the victim, why? just to mess with us. Because they can. My ex had no truth in him, and after I validated his lies with odometer readings and being always on, trying to catch him in lies I realized I was not crazy or forgetful. So I just quit giving a s.
The greatest point I heard here is that they all do have such similar patterns. So do we, we are all victims sucked in over and over, and in the end we think we can out smart them. I was successful, I saved a ton of cash (mostly his money) I became neutral, just as someone else suggested. I was colorless, uninterested,stopped laughing at his stupid
redundant jokes,and waited for him to take the rope and hang himself. It may be better than taking a chance that the courts will keep your kids safe. Whatever keeps our kids healthy and safe is all we can do. And if we know what we are dealing with, and we dont let them know we know, then we may be able to win them at their own game. Be safe…
Waitingtogo I know it is a very emotional and difficult time with all you are dealing with I feel for you. I must say you are doing a wonderful job with your school and it must be hard at times to focus and study with everything around you for sure. If you get back some don’t be hard on yourself just continue to do the best you are doing all ready.
All of us here can give advice only you know what is best and will do that for you and your family,God bless and keep moving forward girl you are doing a beautiful job!!! Like everyone here says be safe and give yourself a pat on your shoulder ……..
BeAware
” I have court today. Despite about 4 different restraining orders, the social workers and court officials are too oblivious to prevent me from having to sit directly across from my husband for about an hour while we wait for our turn in court.”
Please tell me which state you are in so that I can research whether or not your courts have other provisions for situations like yours?
In Australia, I am allowed to sit in a separate room to him, with a guard outside of the door until it is time to go into court. If things are really too much to take, I have the option of appliying for permission to attend by video-link instead of being at the same courthouse with him.
I can’t believe that there would not be something along those lines in the US. It just doesn’t make any sense.
Best wishes for you today in court, I hope you do ok God bless.
Dear Jeannie,
I can relate to the being beaten down—that summer of chaos I was not a likable person either. How do you defend yourself against being the “anti-christ?” It isn’t easy. I think in the end, we end up having to be our own support systems and to be able to validate ourselves. Hang in there! You are NOT alone! and I found that we can validate ourselves. Right is right, even if we are the ONLY one in the world who believes it. (((hugs)))) and God bless.
“How would you advise someone who is living with a psychopathic volcano that could explode at any time?”
I was pregnant at the time and decided to leave everything behind and make a run for it across the U.S. Thankfully, I had friends to help me for a week or two, and family, AND a very supportive ex-husband, believe it or not (he had seen my ex for who he was, though, and knew I was in very bad trouble).
My advice is to drop off the map completely. Delete your phone number, myspace, facebook, old life, everything, and start over. Spend your money on a significant move, ask for help, and eagerly seek your survival.
My ex, insinuated that he could make me disappear, and that he wanted to “put me in a box”. Boy did I try to rationalize that a hundred ways to make it not so scary – then I got straight with myself and realized that NO ONE SHOULD TAKE THE RISK in staying with a sociopath. That is a game of Russian Roulette.
It takes a while to rebuild, yes. It will be painful, yes. But, if you can leave everything behind, and save yourself and your sanity, it is so worth it. Get away when you can. Don’t convince yourself that a threat isn’t a big deal. IT IS!
My ex-pH is dangerous masked by a calm decency. I ran. Still suffering from Ptsd and high anxiety three years later.
My sanity was in shreds with what I could only describe as a planned assault on me — one that it would leave no bruises.
He dropped the mask after 22 years of marriage and for nine months I suffered relentless torture. He set in motion this plan and it caught me unawares. He knew exactly what he was doing. In the GAME he exposed me to was intense attempts at mind control. I snapped under the pressure and dissacociated (spelling). Right now I suffer from panic attacks in top of this and also PTSD.
I am still in ther process of the WHY?
He was insane–I ran for my life and my childrens.
But I put him out and three and a half years later I don’t know if this puts me in danger still. Has he got over it. He stalked me for two of those years. Anxiety.
The question is–do thy plan your demise as mine did and if so–watch your back.
Peace
Littlewhitehorse and Purewater, sometimes RUNNING is the only sane way to handle it…been there and done that…and spent so much time trying to talk myself out of the need to run that I almost didn’t…thank God that my gut and my guardian angel kept whispering in my ear RUN!!!!
Sometimes they never quit stalking, and sometimes they do…no way to predict which will be which I think. I have NO doubt that my P son will continue to try to stalk me…he is like a snake in the grass, he will never quit. I don’t trust any of them…can’t for my own sanity. Stay CAUTIOUS but am getting out of the TERRORIZED PHASE…but will always remain cautious, and that’s a good thing. Terror isn’t a good thing I don’t think, but sometimes we have to get there before we get motivated to RUN!