What’s it like to grow up with a father who is a sociopath—and you’re not?
Travis Vining knows. At least, he knows now, because when he was a child, even a young adult, he didn’t know that his father, John B. Vining, was a sociopath. Travis just knew that his father was fun, charming, the coolest guy around. All Travis’ friends liked his father. Travis, himself, idolized him.
The Vinings were a prominent, politically connected Miami family —Travis’ grandfather, E. Clyde Vining, was a real estate magnate. John B. Vining also went into real estate, and Travis grew up in a house on a lake with all the trappings of privilege.
Fraud and murder
But John B. Vining wasn’t content with real estate sales—he graduated to real estate swindles. He forged land titles and other documents in three real estate cons that could have netted him $1.6 million, but he got caught. In 1983, the con artist pleaded guilty to three counts of mail and wire fraud and was sentenced to 12 years in federal prison.
Vining was released in 1987. By this time he was 56 years old—and that’s when the real trouble started. Vining told two half-brothers from Washington, D.C. that he could sell them cocaine for $15,000 a kilogram, about a quarter of its value. Convincing the men he had buried the cocaine, he lured them into the woods—and shot them. Vining took their cash and left the bodies—which went unidentified for 17 years.
Shortly after that, Vining answered a newspaper ad placed by a Georgia Caruso, who had diamonds to sell. Vining accompanied Caruso to see gemologists, who appraised the diamonds for $60,000. A couple of weeks later, Caruso’s body was found in a field. She’d been shot twice in the head.
Kidnapping
In August 1989, Vining put an elaborate plan into action. He’d heard a rumor that Charles E. Fleming, a convicted Georgia drug kingpin, had hidden $3.5 million before he was arrested. Charles Fleming was still in prison, but his wife, Gail Fleming, was not. Vining and an accomplice went to Georgia and kidnapped the woman, locking her into a cage they’d constructed in the back of a van. They drove Gail Fleming around for hours, demanding to know where the money was, threatening to kill her. Eventually they left her, handcuffed and bound with duct tape, while they went into the woods and dug a grave.
The men pulled Fleming out of the van, carried her to the edge of the grave, and wrapped her head with duct tape, like a mummy. She couldn’t see, could barely hear, and had trouble breathing. One of the men grabbed Fleming and put a gun to her head. Then she heard muffled words, “Freeze! Police! Drop the gun!”
Kids had seen the two men carry Fleming from the van. They ran to a nearby store and called the police. Vining and his accomplice were arrested.
Death row
John B. Vining was convicted of murder in the Georgia Caruso case in 1990, and sentenced to death.
For years, Travis Vining suppressed many memories of his father’s crimes. In fact, it wasn’t until 2004 that he remembered hearing the story about the two drug dealers from Washington. Travis then told the police what he knew, and his father was convicted of those murders as well.
John B. Vining is currently on Florida’s death row. (Type “Vining, John” into the name fields for details.)
Healing
When he was young, Travis Vining berated himself for not having the stomach to do what his father, the tough guy, did. But now Travis recognizes that his father is a criminal sociopath, and he is grateful that he did not follow those evil footsteps.
Travis went to college and married. He started a family and a business. And during those intervening years, he healed from the experiences of his youth.
For the first time, Travis is telling his story, here on Lovefraud. He hopes that by sharing his experiences, describing how they felt at the time, and relating his path to healing, that he can help you recover from your entanglements with these predators. His posts will be appearing on Wednesdays.
Wow !
I can only commend this man for pulling himself from the pit of EVIL ! Congrats ! LOVE jere
I do feel it is a choice !
Unfortunately if nurtur is to blame the choice perhaps is a mater of survival at an infant level and not a choice that you and me take for granted because we are fortunate enough to have had a priviledged chillhood ! do you know ? what happens to a babie when it is not touched and held and love d but merly fed ? It is disturbing ! to say the least !
Another thought I have had today is this ! Read at your own risk !
Now that I have buttered you up ! I intend to eat you alive!
Good morning Angels of Light and Truth !
Your mission If? you choose to accept it is this :
To inact justice ! as subtlly as you can possibly do it !
I know your POWER will only be more if you are not phisicaly here ! But I would love for you to be here!
So take Care that you are even more carefull not to anger this Spirit !
You are to except no personal gain profit or reward for your efforts! There are no benniffits in this world for your efforts ! You will not be able to use our legal system unless you have the rare find of an HONEST attorney and an incredible amount of documented evidence !
You are to systematicly bring (it ) to light, OUT ,disclose . unveil , tell everyone who will listen about this (it) We cannot revel in our own personal satisvaction and let (it) harm another SOUL ! It is your mission to as carefully as you are capable of doing this to RUION (its) plans at all expence ! My goal is to make sure (it) is compleetly OBVIOUS to all ! I am Obssed with makeing (its)void ever wider ,deeper ,and as Shallower !
We are not satisfied in just our own understanding ! I want Justice not revenge ! If (it) thinks we are going to wallow in our false shame because we loved it ? (it) is sadly mistaken ! Does (it) imagin that we are so disraveled that we won’t bother with the effort of Justice ?
This mesage will self destruct and systematicley Deleet it’s self in 2 seconds! Good Hunting ! love jere :)~
Dear Travis,
Thank you for sharing you story. I am also the child of a psychopath (my father) and though he never went to prison for it, I know of at least 2 men he murdered (for sure) and he claimed others, which may or may not be true.
I also have a psychopathic son, who has been convicted and is serving “life” for cold blooded murder.
God ‘Bless you–for not following in your father’s footsteps, but also for being willing to share your story and to give encouragement to others.
Guesss WHo???
REV . DR . PSY .PSL . Magna cum laude Off. Retard ! Read at your own Risk ! Is In the House ! Oh I need your Credit cards and Pin #s please ! :)~
Travis,
Thank you for wanting to share your story with us and yes I agree that it will help me as well as others here at LF.
I didn’t know my biological mother being that she left us as children when we were very young. I didn’t get the chance to meet her until later on when I was an young adult.
One story I heard from my father is that she spend some time in jail for a bank robbery that went sour. I remember even as a young child of my father crying for her on our kitchen table. Which was something he would do as his drank himself to a stupor. Strange but I was only three or four at the time but I do remember it.
Anyway the story goes that she (my mother) a female friend of her and two guys went to rob a bank and a police officer shot at my fathers car leaving some bullet hole in the back truck. Guess that is how the police figure out that my mother was involved somehow. They (the police) wanted to arrest my father but at the time of the robbery he was in the drunk tank and had a solid alibi. So my mother was indicted and charge with driving the car at the time of the bank robbery. I am not sure how long she spend in jail. Now I not sure if this really happened but I do remember my mother not being there with us for a long time and again my father crying at time for her when he was drinking. My father was a alcoholic but not a liar so I do believe him. After meeting my biological mother as a adult I did see her as a very bitter and controlling person and am sure she suffer from being a NPD. She was a terrible person even to the end of her days. I thank God everyday that she never got a chance (by her own choice) to raise me as a child and had enough sense to stay away from her as a adult. My biological mother is now deceased and has been for many years. Again thank you God for that too!
Welcome Travis, It is hugely heartwarming and reassuring to know that you were able to move on from your P parent and devlop a normal life and relationships. I so look forward to your posts in the coming weeks.
I have two sons by my ex P, and have only in the last year and 1/2 come to grips with the ex being a P, and not just off, or strange etc.
My sons both exhibit empathy and a sense of fairness and fairplay. BUT, they also idolized their dad, as he always displayed some inate kind of calm (vacancy) nerves of steel ( no fear) dignity ( thinks overly well of himself) and an iron clad optimism and belief in his abilities to overcome setbacks etc (knows how to steal).
He is very self contained and would limit his interactions to be about “stuff” only, which with young boys means talking about sports and cars and so on and passes as a relationship.
They are now coming to grips with the extent of his deceptions, but of course are removing themselves, as they should because the battle is between their mother and father. What concerns me tho’ is the idea that, regardless of how my exP came by his ill gotten goods – he is entitled to them. Exclusively.
They don’t liked that he has dumped the family financially and is lying, they wish me well in my battle – but they are still inclined to seek some balance and neutrality in their appraisal of HIM. It is hard to let go.
I see them get frustrated with me and often attack me in a way that he might have, or second guess and invalidate my opinions or action plans etc. in a somewhat condescending way. I have had to draw the line in the sand repeatedly and let them know that they MAY NOT take up where the ex P left off in denegrating my abilities etc.
What I am saying is, I believe my kids (adults really) have assimilated the subtle but constant messages of “you are less than, subservient to, ” the P and are probably subconciously assuming his role.
I love them dearly but noooooooo waaaaay.
I would so much welcome others comments on their children with P’s as well. I don’t want to start “seeing” flags in my boys. But when I discover a little white lie of convenience (rare) or soft ethics on shady things I take note.
I do not believe they are REMOTELY like their dad. But they see him frequently and his philosphy is of course also that of most of business. As long as they see him as a ‘star” busniess man – there is that allure – that – well it is a dog eat dog world and he is just playing by the same (lack of ) rules as the rest.
The ethics of the P’s have permeated our culture, and often times the non-violent crimes are just percieved of as business as usual. My ex’s favorite excuse on a long ago criminal investigation was that his was a “victimless crime”. Right.
I would love to hear more about Travis’s mother and extended family and friends. Did they nurture him, teach him values. Or did he naturally find his way to being “normal” and caring?
So much to learn.
Peace to all
eyeswideshut – I was just like your boys around my Mom (as a kid). I defended my father when I was young and also thought he was “it”. Fortunately my Mom simply loved me. It must have been tough for her and your post helps me to better understand what she must have felt. (My parents were divorced when I was 5)
The bottom line is I loved my Mom and eventually the truth came through. Now I know and I believe in the truth. It will always reveal itself in time. The best thing my Mom did was focus on her relationship with me, what she could give me and not my father. It took time, but that took care of itself.
She died of cancer at 54, but had a huge impact on my life and I am so grateful for her unconditional love while I was “hypnotized” by my father. She was getting through…
Beautiful Travis. You are so right. It takes time but the truth eventually does come through. I look forward to hearing more from you, and am especially interested in how you have processed your feelings about the time between when you had “shut out/shut down” your awareness of your father’s malice (evil) and when you had your revelations of truth.
Did you have a relationship with him during those years?
I think that is a lingering mystery for many of us here at love fraud, once we have seen the light. How on earth did we stay in the fog, how did we manage to keep our eyes so wide shut..
of course in the case of a parent/child relationship it is altogether different, as the child is truly dependant on and in awe of the parent, and vulnerable, totally..so I believe there is a survival mechanism involved.
Come to think of it, many of the male P’s described here do take on a paternal/patriarchal role,( mine did) and through control and abuse, reduce the spouse to a childlike role. Maybe that is what happens, we are made dependant and insecure, and revert to an inate childlike dependancy where we block out the sins of the abuser.
I am so glad, Travis, that you found your way, and that you have the grace and courage to share your story here.
Peace
Dear Travis,
I have looked and looked for a “word” to describe how I felt when at age 18 I went to live with my bio-father who had an “exciting” and “adventureous” life to hold out to a teenager from the boonies who had never been “anywhere” (at the time he was an international movie producer, doing wild animal films all over the world)
Hypnotized–an OBVIOUS word, a perfect description, but I guess it was “too” obvious for me to see. I sat back and listened to his bragging about violence, malice, and mayhem like I was in a trance. Almost like a small child being read to from Grimm’s fairy tales, not believing but not disbelieving either, just eyes filled with “amazement” at the tales.
Eyeswideshut, I know it is difficult to see your sons “idolize” their father’s behavior to make excuses for it. When my son C was “taking the side of” his P-brother, and being isolated by his P-wife and distanced from me, it broke my heart, but there was nothing NOTHING I could do about it until he finally GOT THE PICTURE.
I also know it is difficult for chldren (even as adults) to “choose” between parents. No matter what a monster one of the parents is, the child wants to “love daddy/mommy” evenn when the parent is abusive to THEM, much less abusive to the other parent.
My mother’s brother, I call him “Uncle MOnster,” was horribly abusive to not only his wife but his children, and yet, even though they had felt the abuse themselves and witnessed what Uncle Monster did to his wife, their mother, still it was difficult for them to cut ties with “daddy” entirely. I won’t go into details of Uncle’s abuse but he should have been in a super-max prison for violent offenders for what he did in terms of physical violence alone. But he was a master at emotional violence and fear inducing threats.
I am glad eyeswideshut that you have good boundaries with your sons, and I hope for their sakes that they marry women with good boundaries so that they do not emulate dad’s style as a husband.
Travis !
I am in Orlando Toooo if ya want to get together ?
What do you do when the Court cannot see what a true danger this personality style is to a child? I am in the process of battleling it out ($60k and going) and the GAL has been decieved by him.