By | December 24, 2011 16 Comments

Merry Christmas to all!

Merry Christmas! Wherever you are on your journey, we hope that you are heading towards happiness, joy, and above all, peace!


Donna and Terry

Posted in: Donna Andersen

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Merry Christmas to you Donna and happy everything to all All lovefraud peeps past and present
. Peace and joy to my x , so happy he has not peed on my Xmas tree for the past three years.


Dear Donna,

Thankyou for LF. My first spath free Xmas! ….peace on earth! Well nearly.
Thanks to all lovely people who have helped me on this site. Merry Christmas. Joy, happiness and long life to you all x


Merry Christmas to my fellow LFers! May this season bring only joy and blessings to all.


It’s my first spath free Xmas as well. He has tried to call for the past 3 days but I am sticking to the no contact and feel better every day.

Ox Drover

Cathy Ann, Congratulations!!!! NO CONTACT!!! A Merry Christmas and a HAPPY SPATHY-FREE NEW YEAR!!!


I heartily wish a very MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone here!

After having some eats last night, we were decorating the tree. Our daughter particularly wanted to help, but she gets home from work very late, so this ending up happening in the early hours of the morning. Mind you, that didn’t spoil it one bit. My wife had bought these newfangled lights that flash in different patterns, which are fun to play with.

Twinkle, twinkle, little lights,
Brightening up our Christmas nights,
Climbing up the tree so high,
While we munch our Christmas pie.

I know that’s puerile, but it’s the best I could do last night on the spur of the moment, and it would be dishonest to tart it up for presentation elsewhere. Anyway a MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone, and if Christmas isn’t your thing, a Happy Hanukkah (or should that be a “Chappy Chanukah”?—I’m never quite sure how to spell that word), a Konvivial Kwanzaa or whatever. Or if you prefer the Pagan gods of ancient times, IO SATURNALIA!!!

Ox Drover

Redwald, I love your poem! LOL Gave me a chuckle for sure! You are a poet, and your feet show it, they are longgggg fellers!

I didn’t put up a conventional Christmas tree but did put out some table decorations with lights….and made the cat her own Christmas tree to bat at and have fun with! That was fun coming up with cat-safe things that would interest her!

Funny about “holidays” (and I don’t know how to spell “Chanukah” either! LOL I saw a funny thing about spelling it on FaceBook)…who cares as long as it is fun and/or meaningful?

The best thing about holidays now is that I don’t have to deal with dysfunctional relatives!



Not dealing with any disfunctional relatives? That’s something to celebrate.

I’ve been doing something Skylar suggested — I’m trying to not be in “reaction” mode but “observation” mode. My step mother is not quite an “N” but is exceptionally selfish and self important. We’ve been visiting for a couple of days. Just observing all the things she does and says, rather than reacting to it, has been a real eye opener. I don’t feel so victimized, I feel like I am building better boundaries by OBSERVING rather than reacting.

I wish I would have done this with my spath…..I wished I had OBSERVED
ALL the big red flags that I saw..

the LIES with no shame
the intentionally hurtful remarks
the other behavior that was very strange, which I took personally but was only part of his schizoid PDs…..

having an approach of “observing” is a much healthier approach.

People are consistent. The way they behave when they’re with YOU is the same that they behave when they’re with somebody else. It’s NOT ABOUT YOU. This is such an important lesson for me.

Bring on the disfunction. I’ll watch it, and keep it arms length, so it doesn’t affect me.


Ox Drover


That’s a good way to look at it. Unless someone is physically attacking us, what they SAY to us only has the effect we allow it to have, so we do have some control over how we react, act or observe.

It isn’t always easy to accomplish though, and I’ve failed many times at accomplishing it. LOL

My son D and I celebrated our holiday together before he left for visiting out of state, and I was here on the farm by myself. A good time to “just contemplate the lint in my belly button!” LOL

A quiet peaceful time. I was invited to a cousin/friend’s house for lunch today but declined…it was just nice to be here on my own. I’ve read and done other things, and checked in on the blog from time to time, been outside in the fresh air some, and just spent the time in PEACE.

When you compared it to some of the “traumatic” times I’ve had with trying to please others about where I spent the holiday, or how I spent it or with whom, today was WONDERFUL!

My step kids called me and I got caught up with them and some friends, so was a successful day because I did what I wanted to and enjoyed the day! What could be a better day? Nothing I can think of!


Yes! Athena! I have spent my Christmas holidays in observation mode. NO expectations. I notice but I don’t feel devasted, which is how trauma normally affects me.

OBSERVATION MODE. Great place to be, Hard place to find.


Merry Christmas to everyone! I made a conscious decision to have a PEACEFUL and stressfree holiday! Totally avoided the “dysfunctional” family and spent time with my girls and my sister and my best friend and her family (who are more like family to me and treat me with love and respect!).
Its been a cozy, heartwarming fun Holiday!
Hope everyone here has a peaceful warm holiday!


Hellllllllllo LF friends. Just stopping by to wish you a belated Merry Christmas and a Peaceful New Year.

It’s hard to believe what a difference a year makes (spath free) Good luck to you all who are just beginning the journey – it DOES get better as time passes (although when someone told me that at the beginning I could have screamed ‘no it won’t’)

Anyway here I am on year on and on the mend thanks to LF for educating me re: what I was dealing with. It would have been impossible to come through it without you guys. Thank you.

Love to all x


Merry Christmass to all of you: let it be cozy, peaceful, warm, stressfree and a safe one 🙂 Hugs to all of you. I don’t think I could have gotten such a good progress without you all.

Love, Darwinsmom


Belated Merry Christmas to all
i survived my last xmas as half a person. I have stepped back and now observe. As Athena writes, by being an observer you realise that they treat everyone the same – that everything is focussed on him, even when he is with his family; how much he has done for them and how they have inconvenienced him and the uspoken subtext of how that has stopped him looking after his own interests. And now I have noticed the ‘inaccuracies’ in the stories that I used to ignore. I no longer feel the need to excuse his behaviour to them.

Come the new year I will be celebrating in a major fashion, escape from a world of dimishment and lack of commtiment – as I walk alone and free into my new world where I am not dependent or part of another
where I can find true love with someone who wants to be with the real me and commit to me (If I can’t commit to ME then why would anyone else)
thank you all for your support and words of wisdom
happy new year


Love lost,

That is pure poetry. Very beautiful words and very touching.


I spent Christmas Eve afternoon with my oldest son, his son, and his girl friend and her two children…and my sociopath husband.
It was good fun.

Shortly after everyone else left to go to his girlfriend mom’s house, my husband announced that he would be going to celebrate Christmas Eve at his daughter’s house…I was welcome to go with him…he would be leaving in 10 minutes! Yikes! I asked him about his plans 2 weeks earlier so that I could make other plans…he said he didn’t know…not even when I asked again two days earlier! (This is his pattern.)

Anyway, next year will be different…I resolve to make plans…right after he tells me he doesn’t know what is going on (grin).

The dog and I actually had a very pleasant time without him.

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