Most cheaters are amateurs; sociopaths are professionals

118.

I’m new to LoveBlog ”“ although I’ve subscribed for a few years (been with him for 5) and have read much of the content that came thru my email. I think I always new there was a problem with him, but could I really call it being a sociopath?

He was the first to say I love you. Met him online- he was married ”“ i didn’t want anything to do with that but was charmed by him, feeling the need to help him “take control, be happy ”“ life is short” He told me he loved me with the first month. I was shocked, but charmed. He left her within a year. Moved into his own place and had custody of his two boys.

Stayed with him for 5 years. Recently broke it off with him (for the 100th time) but plan on staying strong this time. Hoping to. No contact is the key I think as he no longer has my number so I’m in the driver’s seat now. Feels good. Or does it?

But as I sit here typing this I wonder was it really ME? and what HAPPENED? 5 years. I loved him and will love him forever. He never took any money from me ”“ he helped me. Well, to the point of it being only “good enough” for the most part. I got the smallest piece of the pie. ” But he loved my kids too. These are not signs of a sociopath right? ? ?

But then there was the other side of him too. The person that cheated on me many times in the first two years of our relationship {but i’m different now, i love you, i’m not that man anymore} The first time I will never forget ”“ we were having issues because of a personal thing, and he declared his love for me so much that he wanted to go to counseling. The next morning, full of love, i left very early to drive the 50 miles to see him ”“ only to find another woman in his bed with him. I punched him in the nose ”“ something i have never done to someone ”“ but the pain of seeing his cold uncaring face just brought it out. I felt horrible, but somehow justified. That’s not me, I thought. What is happening?

But over and over I caught him in lies ”“ for all the years to follow the initial cheating. There were signs everywhere, internet sites for dating and sex were shown to be visited on his computer {but it was my teenage son not me} then why not get a profile for yourself for the computer to PROVE it’s not you? never happened.

Then all the sex phone calls ”“ soooooo many of them. {we were broke up or having trouble} i hear him say. This is true ”“ but when it’s already a huge sore spot in my heart to even KNOW that you have called sex lines {only to talk to people I was lonely} he says to me in my head again ”“ WHY? You loved me. You said you didn’t do that anymore. You even gave me your phone bill to prove it.

But what did I find? In one month just recently there were 23 mysterious phone calls made to numbers that are now ALL disconnected. All the same number 734-444-2xxx just the last three digits are different. 23 phone calls in one month ”“ most from 20 min long to 45. But he didn’t make the calls and has no idea {lets call the phone company and ask them ”“ he says ”“ and he supposedly does, only to tell me they have no idea and can’t give him ANY information ”“ again his son must have done it} hmmm strange. Well OK lets see what happens NEXT month on next months bill.

a few days before the bill arrives we are arguing about god knows what ”“ I’m going down there on a sat. night to visit him (he is 50 miles from me) on the way down i start getting texts from his friends phone (his died and it truly had) messages saying “he’s done with you” “don’t come down here” “he won’t come home if you are there” WTH? but the girl who is sending me the messages has no idea who was sending them, but it surely was not her ”“ and i feel he fails to stick up for me ”“ still befriending them, saying it was not them. Well WHO was it then? ??? never found that one out.

So anyway after that happens I’m ready to read the next bill”..what? no access? no bill? {well we broke up and I was mad so I canceled it} hmmm ok yes we were broke up/fighting as usual but you KNEW i was waiting to see it to COMPARE it to the last bill with all those wierd numbers on it. Damn, now I have to wait till next month (to decide if he is still lying or not)

OK next bill comes, he still is telling me he is changed and doesnt call livelinks, redhotdateline, vibeline or whatever other numbers he calls {just to talk } I get the bill ”“ first checking for those wierd 734 numbers ”“ still tons of them, all long periods of time, all now disconnected. ???? what is this? {must be a scam from someone at the phone company calling these numbers and putting them on my bill he says} huh? possible? maybe- I try to believe him, want to believe him. But he still tells me, he is changed now and was willing and did whatever was in his power to prove he wanted to get to the bottom of it all too, so he said anyway.

I let it go for a few days. Sitting in limbo stay/go/stay/go. I love him. I’ve been with him 5 years. We were looking at rings, picked one out a year ago ”“ but when he had the extra money he bought a new boat instead. {for US babe. something to do as a FAMILY} yes, you are right how could I be so selfish to want a ring after all these years to show your commitment and love for me. How SELFISH I was!

A few days later ”“ back to investigating the bill. I’ve spent many hours, days, month investigating his behavior. Finding fling.com sex sites that he joined ”“ it showed up on his email account which he ALSO freely gave me access too. {but babe it wasn’t ME it must have been my son, or that DAMN site just joined me as a member without my knowledge!!} he proceeds to write them a nasty email, sure to forward it also to me, about how can they do this ? join him without his knowledge? he lost a great woman because of it! take me off! he demands to the fling.com people. They delete his account, thanking him for joining”.for JOINING?

so the investigation continues. I’ve become quite good at it ”“ seeing the signs and red flags. Sad that I spend time doing things as this, instead of something for me, instead of being happy and content”. What????? What is that? I call the numbers. SEX LINES Blatently THERE ON THE PHONE BILL ”“ not just the 734 numbers BUT SEX LINES AGAIN the same ones as before???? I call him WTF? i say ”“ you said you didn’t do this anymore??? {but babe we were broke up} UG yes, we were but we also were still seeing each other, still talking every day, still sleeping together. Because I was waiting ”“ waiting for the next bill to prove that he was true. That he could be trusted.

I asked him ”“ why did you call those numbers knowing the chance was there I would see them? {we were broke up. I was lonely. I forgot I even called them. It means nothing to me} frustrated, broken, bruised and sad ”“ i change my phone number. I try and let go. He emails me how much he loves me, how it’s “me and you kid forever”, how much he misses me and the kids ”“ how much he has changed. Changed? it was just three weeks ago that you called those numbers AGAIN. Which also btw would lead me to believe that those OTHER strange 734 numbers were ALSO sex lines ”“ but ones that could not be tracked or something ”“ maybe escorts even. But when I told him that he just said he had no idea. Maybe he got better over the years for covering his tracks. But why so blatentlys call more sexlines when you KNOW I’m gonna look. You PAID extra so I COULD look ”“ to prove your innocence. Felt like a huge slap in the face to me. but again, somehow it was MY fault, because i broke up with him, because i didn’t trust him ”“ gee do I see a pattern here?

So it’s only been a week or two. I have seen him once or twice and talked to him. I’m trying to break free. I’m doing MUCH better really ”“ than I used to be. Every day that I don’t talk to him makes it {a little} easier. But then comes that point that I question myself”

“am I the one who is crazy” “did I jump to inconclusive conclusions???” Am I over-reacting—is this sociopathic behavoir? any comments would be so appreciated ”“ i need to keep focus and it’s so easy to lose focus when you are alone and know nothing else but this behavoir for the last 5 years.

P.S. He is an alcoholic. or was. That’s something he says he has changed as well, because I brought lite to the problem. If he is so CHANGED then why don’t I feel any change?