Mothers of boys accused of murder

I believe that we don’t hear about “the other victims” because it’s convenient for the law and the courts. It means less work and costs for them. It’s an easy solution and if it doesn’t always work, which obviously it doesn’t if 60% of paroles fail, then at least the powers-that-be can boast of doing something right because they can claim that 40%. The problem is that isn’t enough. It’s a huge failure rate.

Oxy mentioned that prisons like the families to be involved because it reduces recidivism. At what cost to the families? The courts and the law do not seem to care.

We are not obligated to accept the status quo. We need to remember how the law and courts have been set up for centuries. They’ve been exclusively male and those males have been educated, wealthy, and landowners ”“ in other words, the elite. Everybody else was chattel, i.e., serfs, laborers, women, and children. The courts and law were heavily skewed in favor of the monied class and still are today.

There are many warnings in the Bible about not associating with certain individuals. Unconditional love is not as unconditional as many assume. It is unconditional only when true repentance is shown and felt. Like the courts and universities, those in power via established churches and the clergy were males. The corruption and power of the church has dominated society for centuries. Go away and practice unconditional love (and stop bothering us with your needs.) The only unconditional love that they had was for themselves.

What we have now, unprecedented in history, is the Internet. Whereas in the past the poor person had to stand hat-in-hand before the law and do what the authorities told him or her, nowadays that is no longer true. Today, laws are posted online. The common man/woman is warning others via relating their experiences or knowledge.

What we have today are ways to bypass the BS being dumped upon us as true. What were the commentators saying during the third debate for President? I heard plenty of them saying that the fact checkers are going to go after that one. Have we ever heard that before? Political campaigns or commentators openly giving credence to fact checkers? Times have changed, people. It is not coming ”“ it is here and will snowball to the point where the people will not be denied. We will be heard. We can double-check and vet claims and statements, and we are.

Where did the premises that “families need to be together” and that “it is sweet when they do for everyone involved” come from? What are they based on? Where are the facts supporting these premises as true? Has anybody asked?

It seems to me they are just words to push the annoying and ugly out of one’s sight. You got problems? Go home and take care of them. You’re failing. I don’t need to deal with you.

No, children do not “need” to go to prison to visit their incarcerated parents. They can, if everyone chooses that, but to be forced to do that because the incarcerated parents have their rights? Bull.

I mentioned elsewhere on LF that we took our best guesses about how things should be socially when we moved from agrarian societies into cities and became urbanized. There were no blueprints for living like that, i.e., large numbers of constantly changing populations with little or no accountability and plenty of opportunities for doing despicable things without being found out.

We took our best guesses. We didn’t know many things.

We need to remember how unsettling all these changes were. Whether we recognized it or not, we were desperate for explanations. Our world was crazy and we wanted somebody to put it back into some sort of a predictable order.

Guess what happened? The mental health field arose. What did we do? We empowered these professionals with providing all the answers because we either didn’t want to be bothered (somebody else could do it) or they sounded like they knew what they were doing. How could we challenge their conclusions and who would do that? The field was too young to prove which things were working, failing, or were not any better than a bunch of hot air.

We did that with physicians as well. We empowered early doctors with mystical qualities and revered them for having infallible knowledge. They became little gods. We did that ”“ and we created monsters. The medical health field has come down from its ivory towers and inflated sense of self, but there is still a sick, symbiotic dynamic going on between the courts and mental health field. “Tell us why! Really, that’s why? GASP!” It’s entertainment, really. A pompous strutting that we are informed and can make the decisions best for all. It’s foolish. “Families need to be together. Parents have a right to their children. Well, most parents don’t abuse their kids.”

We sit by and believe this because that’s what the simply folk used to do when it came to judges, lawyers, and other experts. We add insult to injury by stupidly convincing ourselves that these things will never happen to us and only to other people.

This isn’t to say that all professionals behave or think in this manner. That would be preposterous. I know that they do not. There is wonderful work and research going on. There are many dedicated people trying to help, have ethics, and genuinely care about others. They’re getting burned out, discouraged, and demoralized.

They need our help. They are not better than us. They are one aspect of the solution. We provide another part of the solution by doing what we can. Our voices as bloggers, educators, and activists give them perspectives and ideas that they could never have come up with on their own. We complement them. There simply isn’t enough money and experts to slay our dragons for us. What we can do is write letters, form support groups, and educate.

Donna remarked this past week that there has suddenly been an upturn of interest in our situations by the media. I don’t find that surprising. Why? In part, look at all the true crime stories that are on cable these days and the constant news stories of the horrible crimes people are committing at random or at their loved ones. (Quick aside, maybe that term “loved ones” should be changed. Seems many times that is a misnomer.)

It’s getting worse. How many years ago was it when we recoiled seeing that several people were murdered by an irate gunman. Not that many. Today, it’s another story and what else is happening out there. It isn’t letting up so we’re numbing ourselves to it. It’s getting pretty darn difficult to keep chewing on the straw that these are freak incidents or aberrant humans who will pop up now and then, just not that often.

It isn’t working anymore to keep blaming the families. We’ve looked at those families and found many of them have been suffering in silence because society hasn’t bothered to consider what they are going through. Not all. Certainly there are warped families that take pride in their offspring harming others.

We know that Ps are everywhere. There is nothing wrong with tapping the World on its shoulder. We can tell it to wake up and see things for what they are.

The number of educated people in society, and the types of expertise and knowledge that they have access to, has never existed before.

We are at a place where we can determine which things worked and are working, and which things do not.

We are just as smart as the so-called “experts.” We do not have to buy the BS being handed down to us by elitist judges, clergy, or politicians as this is the way things are, poor simple humans; if only you had our wisdom.

Really? Is that a fact? Well, guess what? We do have the intelligence, wisdom, and experience. We know our rights. You do not have the right to push us aside or walk all over us anymore. You do not have the right to impose harm and fear on me because it is easier on your wallet or you don’t know what to do with these criminals.

If we are the ones who know firsthand what Ps can do and what they are capable of, we should be uniting our voices and offering alternatives to things that are failing humanity.

So Oxy, if you want to start a support group for parents of children who have committed horrendous crimes, don’t let the expectations of the prison stop you. They’re only looking after themselves. Your situation is not a priority of theirs. If a support group for parents of children who committed murder screws up their objectives, then they’ll need to come up with Plan B. There is no reason why innocent people should suffer because it is more convenient and less costly for them.

Not doing anything enables the faulty system to keep stumbling on. I would think it would be less of a drain on you as well if you were involved in something pro-active that helps you and others. I can’t imagine the energy it takes to fight City Hall or argue with the powers-that-be by trying to do things solo.

I’ve found the best way to support me is to gather ideas and strength from others. It helps me to hash things out and refine my thinking. Talking and meeting with others gives me and them more strength. We’ve got collective wisdom and countless years of experience as opposed to my one little lifetime and brain.

Go out and do a lot of good. Start your support group/organization. Be productive. Change your approach to fight the battle. Do a lot of good. Help and comfort others. That’s your nature. Embrace that.

Instead of facing towards prison authorities and parole experts worrying about what they want, turn the other way and focus on what is best for you and people in your situation. If you’re wrong, and you will never be wrong entirely, things will work out. Besides, it’s possible that whatever your group produces will spark ideas in the experts that they would never have come up with had it not been for your insights and efforts.

Take the risk. I bet you’ll be pretty amazed by how strong your arguments become, the love and support that you will feel, and the changes the power of your evolved, collective voices make.