lf2

News reports say British TV star Jimmy Savile was a sexual predator for decades

Jimmy Savile was one of the most well-know stars of British television. Everyone knew he was eccentric and many people apparently knew he was also a sexual predator who targeted young girls for decades.

Jimmy Savile scandal on BBC.co.uk.

‘If we blabbed on Jimmy, the family would have been left with nothing’: Savile’s abused great niece tells how paedophile DJ bought his relatives’ silence, on DailyMail.co.uk.

Britain’s Jimmy Savile abuse scandal: how could his crimes have gone unnoticed for so long? on WashingtonPost.com.

Links supplied by a Lovefraud reader.

Posted in: Media sociopaths

Comment on this article

128 Comments on "News reports say British TV star Jimmy Savile was a sexual predator for decades"

Notify of

Donna, thank you for posting this morbidly intriguing examination of Savile.

Like so many, he used and abused the “cloak of respectability.” If one is “connected” with wealth, power, and influence, then they believe that they are patently immune to scrutiny. From Savile to Lance Armstrong to OJ Simpson – it’s all about “connections.”

Once again, nice, funny, and charming blinds most to the monster behind the mask.

Horrific.
And he had minions too.

The nail on this guy’s coffin was his attitude about gary glitter’s child porn and the arrest in Vietnam. Once you know how spaths talk, how they twist everything into a WTF? moment, you would know that he was a spath just from hearing that statement.

From there, you CAN take it further and know that spaths have NO LIMITS and extrapolate that he was a pedophile himself.

But people don’t want to assume the worst. They would rather assume the best. Just as in the movie, “Doubt” we can KNOW things without actually witnessing them because of EXPERIENCE.

This guy had red BANNERS waving all over and nobody “knew”.

sick.

just lookin at him scare’s me..

I’ve been following this case in the news in the UK and I think it is gonna make Penn State look like “nothing”–the only difference is the US had someone to send to prison.

It makes you want to puke for sure.

Only in England — Americans would have seen right through his “eccentric” behavior. At least Jerry Sandusky actually seemed normal — which is probably more of a scare.

BBE, I don’t know if Americans would have seen right through it. Every time we turn around we find another public spath. It’s sad.

Evil is everywhere.

Athena

BBE,
We didn’t see through michael jackson’s mask either.
And that was blatant, but he got acquitted.

There was something peculiar about Sandusky’s defense. It was almost as if someone decided enough was enough and things started to fall apart for him.

First, the defense allowed him to be interviewed over the phone on a news show. That was when he paused for several seconds before responding to the question of whether he was attracted to young boys. Then the defense rushed the case to trial, only to complain later that they didn’t have time to prepare.

There was also the little known fact that a prosecutor who had investigated the case, a decade earlier, went missing and his body has never been found.

I believe there was more to the Sandusky matter, more people in high places involved, than we will ever know.

Skylar;

It is not unheard of for defense attorneys to use such a tactic — let’s just hope that the Appellate Judge sees right thru this baseless appeal, just as we do.

I too believe Sandusky killed that investigator. Let’s hope Jerry is never released…

BBE,
I could be wrong but Sandusky doesn’t come across as a killer, just a pervert.

I think there are others involved that didn’t want to risk exposure, people with more money and political clout.

Spaths rarely work alone. They like to brag too much. They like to share their duper’s delight with other spaths. They recognize each other, easily, so it’s not hard for them to meet a kindred demon. My spath said, “It’s amazing how EASY it is for me to find guys who are willing to rape a girl if they think she is drugged up.” It IS easy because spaths are everywhere. And some who would not score high on the PCL-R are still capable of evil if they think their won’t be repercussions.

OxD and Skylar,

I hadn’t heard anything about this. It’s coming, I am thinking. There are some big players being exposed.

Skylar,

I feel like Sandusky felt so much larger than life that his defense team couldn’t control him. He wasn’t speaking from reality. I imagine he didn’t take heed to warnings or advice from the “little people” until he got knocked down a few pegs undeniably. That’s the impression I got on the Sandusky issue.

Eralyn,
Sandusky was not in control. His lawyer was a pedophile too. He had sex with an underage girl and married her.

Spaths know that this stuff is beyond our ability to believe, so we won’t believe it. They know we would rather believe what makes “sense” to us.

Forget about what makes sense. FORGET ABOUT IT. The stuff that doesn’t make sense is what really happened. You know this from experience. Now apply it EVERYWHERE. Why not? Why not believe that what happened to you is what is happening everywhere?

I see what my spath did and it is now a pattern that I can see other spaths doing.

Remember the “Balloon Boy”? That was 2009, right after I left my spath. Everyone was looking for the little boy, but I knew he was hiding in the house. What? Am I psychic? no. Just knew from the pattern. Spaths ARE ALL THE SAME. THEY ARE PREDICTABLE.

Skylar, spot-on!!! Absolutely spot-on. Regardless of who the spath might be or what their preferred targets are, they ALL do the same farking stuff! The patterns of behaviors are an unwavering and permanent roadmap. They all run the same courses and take the same roads. Some of them just go slower or faster, but they all do the same things.

Brightest blessings

Years ago, I was living in Norway because I married a Norwegian.

Those of us with English as a native tongue clustered together. Not that we were necessarily great friends, but when we were out on the town, we knew which table to join for coffee.

Anyway, there was a DJ from England who became part of our loose group at one point. He was working at a club in town.

I don’t know why he singled me out, but he began telling me how much he liked little girls. He wouldn’t let the subject go. It seemed like every time that our paths crossed, he went on and on about the subject. He even told me that he lots of pictures of little girls.

It began sounding compulsive on his part telling me about his preferences. I don’t think it mattered who was present. This guy was going to talk about liking little girls. He wasn’t getting off on telling me and it wasn’t a cry for help. It was simply compulsive.

I finally got so creeped out that I went to the police. In my then pigeon Norwegian, I reported what this guy had been saying. I remember telling the cop that I was concerned that this guy would hurt a little Norwegian girl and it didn’t sit well with me that was a possibility.

Why I am telling this story is the reaction of the police. Unlike the US and apparently Great Britain, I wasn’t dismissed or simply tolerated. The guy listened very intently. He took notes. He thanked me for alerting them. What happened after that I don’t know. I don’t remember seeing the DJ much after that and then he was gone.

My ex said that they wouldn’t have arrested him. They would have simply deported him and wouldn’t have let him back in the country.

It seems to me, and perhaps this is a generalization, that the Brits have a much higher tolerance for “characters” or “oddballs” than the US. So what’s-his-face acts a little naughty at times? So what? He’s otherwise a likeable chap; give the guy a break. Or, she’s a comely lass, what did you expect? Complete and total disregard for the victims.

What about Savile’s enabling relatives? He gives us a lot of money so the girls need to put up with this because our goose will stop laying those golden eggs? Even his niece who was molested sounded like she thought this might be an acceptable excuse.

On the other hand, in the US, we either brush it off as “guys will be guys” or sweep it under the carpet entirely, look the other way, freak out in silence (if at all,) and don’t know how to talk about it.

We know that people wouldn’t have done anything. Sandusky is a great example of that. He wasn’t coming across as normal. There were people who thought him odd and were concerned about his behavior. Then there were those who did know, like Paterno and Penn State, who did nothing. And what about those who were willing to overlook Paterno’s inaction because he made us feel really great otherwise?

Let’s not forget the Boyscouts and all the kids abused by clergy – Roman Catholic and all the rest.

By the way, they arrested Gary Glitter.

http://news.msn.com/world/glitter-arrested-in-connection-with-bbc-sex-scandal

Sky, I remember “Balloon Boy.”

I thought something was off there as well. Before the parents got exposed, I was asking if they had checked out the home. Some people were very puzzled by my questions. They looked at me oddly. Why would I think the parents would pull a stunt? Why wasn’t I believing their statements? Why wasn’t I upset like everybody else in the world? Why, indeed.

What is this about Sandusky’s lawyer being a pedophile?

What’s this about an investigator being murdered?

Does anybody have any links or proof regarding either?

Thanks for the articles. The one about the investigator said it’s highly unlikely Sandusky is involved in his disappearance and that there is absolutely nothing connecting his disappearance to Sandusky.

The other one about the lawyer – ugh!

What the hell is that response supposed to mean, “Boys will be boys,” when a victim has been raped or molested? Where did that come from and how did it begin? I have heard that response for my entire life, and it has never made any sense, at all.

Tolerance can become a disease of enabling. As a complete aside, my son found a prank phone call on FaceTube that featured one guy calling a restaurant and getting into a verbal altercation with the business owner. The call ends. Then the prankster calls this business BACK and does the same thing. The call ends. This cycle continues 4 times, and I told my son that it was abusive. My son insisted that it was “just a prank call” and that it was funny. I held fast that everyone has pulled pranks – or, just about everyone – but, a prank becomes abuse when the prankster counts on a predicted REACTION and pulls the prank over, and over. It ceases being “funny” when it becomes an act of malicious intent. Then, my son responded, “Well, the guy could always have hung up and not answered the phone.”

Tolerance begets enabling. Enabling begets victim-blame.

GS1 said: “He gives us a lot of money so the girls need to put up with this…. even the niece.”

It strikes me that there was more payoff than money for the niece. In a very bizarre way, she was validated as being harmed, and she received compensation. As an incest survivor myself, the deed was bad, but the invalidation afterwards was worse. I was made to be the BAD one. No one listened to me, “took care of it” like the aunt did, there was NO acknowledgement at all. Silence was my outcome so… I will say, I’d have preferred to be heard, believed, and a type of apology (compensation), as opposed to being shunned, ridiculed, shamed, and cut off – this is the normal consequence to telling on most pedophiles. I don’t blame her a bit. my 2 cents…

G1S:

I loved your comment about how the Brits have a higher tolerance for odd balls, etc. Hahahaha, mine is a Brit so you can only imagine! That’s exactly how he has been treated here in the US…”oh, that’s just how he is”…that’s what people have said, blah, blah, blah…all the while he is walking around destroying lives. It makes me so angry, but that is how he is viewed. So you mingle him being a Brit with people here in the US who view it as looking the other way or sweeping things under the rug and it has been a recipe for disaster 🙁

KatyDid,

I am familiar with that outcome myself. The distortion campaign to ensure nothing I ever spoken of would be believed was very damaging to me. I would’ve rather not brought it up at all so I retained some control over the outcome. It’s a LIE that a child or adult should TELL. I see the ABUSE families in Family Court go through! It’s almost like a horrible voyeurist sick joke. The children and parent are treated as liars even with documented evidence and the whole bizarre ritualist affair tears their souls and what’s left of their lives apart.

People need to warn those who fall for the “tell someone” crap and let them KNOW the truth. You will be SHUNNED, CALLED A LIAR and if they cannot get you to shut up and your evidence is solid, they will finally BLAME YOU. That’s the reality unless it falls into the right hands. That’s as likely as winning the lotto in your state. Just my opinion and experience.

I see Dr. Phil publicly telling abuse victims to LEAVE, TELL SOMEONE for your childrens sake. I think “HOW IRRESPONSIBLE OF THIS MAN!!” He is so oblivious of reality someone should slap him. I wonder how many people have been killed following his advice. He started out touting CPS being a wonderful trustworthy organization. I notice he doesn’t do that anymore! He must’ve gotten schooled.

Eralyn,
I had a best friend. We were best friends b/c we knew each others pain. She was raped by her stepfather at age 12. Her next sister was raped on when she was 12. When the time came close for the next sister to be raped, we went to welfare and told.Their investigation consisted of asking her mom/stepfather if the girls were raped. No surprise that we were branded liars and homewreckers. This stepfather was lauded for marrying a mom with 6 daughters. My friend eventually married on her 16th birthday. Her sister was sent to girls state prison b/c stepfather said she was a druggie (she wasn’t). The rapes continued with EVERY GIRL. After the last daughter was raped, he left their mom for another younger woman, who you guessed it, had two daughters and last I knew, gave birth to another. All the younger sisters of my friend ended up drug addicts, suicide, tough little b’s. So sad we couldn’t get heard, b/c the social worker judged us. If they just asked the other sisters if they were terrified of him…. but no, welfare said they were too young to be questioned.

Dr Phil knows about alcoholics. He doesn’t know diddleysquat about sociopaths. He won’t go there. He’s dangerous b/c people listen and believe him, that there is good in everyone. Dr Phil withholds info that would save people from predators. As Oxy says, even Ted Bundy was a nice guy, when he wasn’t murdering someone. What Dr Phil fails to comprehend, is that even though people have SOME good in them, the good does not matter. When a wife is being beaten, the times when she is not being hit does not matter; it’s immaterial, just as it’s immaterial what a predator does when not raping children.

Louise,
That British accent. It does something to people. They assume quality, maybe b/c the accent seems to indicate someone so civilized? Except for cockneys of course. The worse is assumed of East Enders. OY!

Skylar,

I am impressed you are able to think LIKE spaths everywhere. I can predict spath2 and even spath1’s behaviors and outcomes. On the Balloon Boy, I wasn’t surprised he was in the closet where I think some people might even deny that as fact. I couldn’t have thought it though. With that said I obviously have some imbedded knowing of these types. When I watch a movie with my daughter, she doesn’t want me to open my mouth with my “guess” of what happens next as I am correct way more than not. Those are shows……. I just think Skylar, you have like a mathmatical mind of how they think and apply it to people where I have it by experience. You know the calculation of a problem and I seem to be missing some steps if that makes any sense.

KatyDid,

It makes me so angry how children are victimized! You and your best friend had an excellent plan but like we know it falls on what appears to be deaf ears. If they were so deaf though, why do they work so hard to destroy those who tell. They are listening and it’s not what they want to hear.

Dr. Phil is dangerous and the other one is Dr. Drew. I want to reach in the TV and slap both of them upside their heads! Wouldn’t it be great if we had a button at home and you could push the slap button! Then after enough people at home push slap, a big hand comes out of nowhere and smacks them right upside their dumb heads!! Lol !!! I would be so happy and they’d be doing more research!!! LOL

The comment made about Bundy, I have said to my mother. Somebody loved Bundy and saw good in him but look they FRIED HIS ARS! What does that tell ya? It’s like saying “your honor I only pluck a young child off their bike one day per year!! Look at the other 364 days!” “F” that! Better yet………..Don’t!!

Eralyn,
before I found out about spaths, a lot of people didn’t make sense to me. When I met evil people, I couldn’t understand their motivations because I didn’t know they were evil. I didn’t know what evil looked like. Their actions and words bothered me but I just brushed it off to people being kinda nutty or dumb. It didn’t affect me very much.

Movies were entertaining and always surprising, I couldn’t foresee what would happen next but it didn’t matter because it was just a movie.

As soon as the guy in the sushi bar explained spaths to me, my focus became riveted on learning everything I could. The patterns began to crystalize. Now I can see it everywhere, the need for drama, dominance, control, and the way they work in groups, how they recognize each other, the utter selfish entitlement that boggles the normal human mind. The malice. The envy and the bypassed shame that they try to slime us with.

When I finally saw all these things, I felt like the whole world had turned upside down. This stuff had been all around me my whole life and I had not seen any of it.

Well, actually, I had seen some of it, but I had misinterpreted it for things that made sense TO ME.

Now I can accept that some people will never make sense but that doesn’t mean they aren’t the way they are.

I’m not sure I can say that it is a mathematical process that helps me to “get” what they are. After I escaped the poster child for psychopathy, I realized that I know many many spaths. So it is experience that allows me to see the patterns. But even if you don’t know very many spaths personally, you can always watch the news, watch our political process and watch the financial sector news. It’s all the same drama. over and over again. Since the beginning of the human race.

As far as balloon boy’s dad, I could see in his behavior how much he needed attention from the media. That was the first red flag.

Eralyn,
I wanted to add that I think the reason I couldn’t see evil was because of fear. I didn’t WANT to see it.

Shortly after I first met spath, we were sitting in his apartment watching the evening news. The green river killer was still on the loose and the task force was following up leads on suspicious people and vehicles. The news reported that they were looking for an older blue (I think GMC) truck with a beige canopy and a primer spot on the passenger door. It was EXACTLY my spath’s truck! I froze in fear, pretended not to notice any connection and stared at the tv. I then told myself it was a coincidence. The next day spath sold his truck.

Well obviously he was not the GR killer but he is someone who picks up prostitutes and does something to scare them or he kills them or something.

Some 20 years later, I remember he called me and said that he had picked up a young girl who asked for a ride. He said she had no SHOES and he felt so sorry for her. Then he said that she wouldn’t say where they were going and finally he asked her to get out of the car but she wouldn’t and began to attack him, hitting and kicking him. He said, that he finally managed to get her out of the car but not before she kicked the windshield and broke it.

Of course, I tried to comfort him and tell him she was probably a prostitute and he should be more careful who he gives rides to. But thinking back, I realized something: he always drives a Geo where the passenger door latch is broken and YOU CAN’T GET OUT. He’s had 3 different Geo’s all with the same latch mechanism problem.

Then there was the bleach incident. His car stinks all the time so he finally decided to clean it. He took all the carpet and seats out and pressure washed it all with bleach solution. Removing evidence perhaps?

So, my point is, that there were many hints. But after I closed my eyes to the first one, I just kept going further and further down that slippery slope until I just COULDN’T open my eyes because the reality was more horrible than anything I could imagine.

Skylar,

I have also mistaken these people as “dorks” or “goofy” like the pastor of the church psycho was so in to. Pastor seemed to me (I had very little experience with churches) like a guy who loved to hear himself. Was overzealous in his bible teachings that seemed more evangelic and shouting sessions that made me laugh for his embarrassment. LOL He ends up being a minion for the psycho when the child custody case came about and helped psycho harm my life in an attempt to discredit me. He was investigated by his regulatory board after I filed a complaint against his psychology license and in the investigation, the “pastor/psychologist” did many fraudulent acts AND cared less for the damage he was attempting to do to a mom and child. He didn’t look so “goofy” anymore and looked more sinister. I also found out the Assembly of God civilly sued him.

That was one of my worst misjudgements of spath I think.

I was posting with 20years on the DSM article page and we were discussing my eyes slamming OPEN about government and corruption within it. How I cannot get rid of the knowledge I now have. She totally knows what I am talking about and she seems to have experienced people who may attempt to look inside say the “house of representatives” but after they are given knowledge they don’t want, like it’s all corrupt, they go away rationalizing it so as not to upset their own apple cart of life. Or they are like me and their eyes are SLAMMED OPEN which is exactly how I feel. I believe it’s the same bunch of crap with different actors on the stage……

Can’t scrub that brain to get it clean again once you know…

Skylar,

Your spath sounds like a serial “something”…….. The Geo having the same passenger side broken lock is very disturbing.

I cannot believe how many people would just like to think we are stars in our own “make believe lifetime movie” instead of being willing to entertain it’s truley happening. It offends my sensibilities to no end when someone who supposedly knows me would rather believe that then my truth. I once received a bar of “drama queen” soap and I wanted to shove it up the ars of the person who thought there was any humor in that. I still haven’t decided if this is a spath but she sure fits much criteria of one. It first hurt me but then it pissed me off.

Eralyn,
I know he kills men by sabotaging aircraft, but I can’t be sure what all he has done to women. I know he used date rape drugs because i found the bottle in my cabin, just a few weeks ago. And I know that his ex gf committed suicide and that he drove her to it. And i know that he had plans to kill me and make it look like suicide.

Oh wait, there was a woman pilot that I’m sure he sabotaged her plane. She and her husband were building a mansion on the island and spath began to fly his helicopter there to visit, very frequently. Then he would come home and talk about them all the time. About how in love they were and what a wonderful relationship they had. Then she and her niece were flying from the airport that spath kept his helicopter at and their engine quit and they died.

Then my spath neighbor, whom I now know is his minion, called me up. She said, “did you HEAR? Did you hear about xxx’s plane crashing? I used to BABYSIT her niece! Did you know them? blah blah blah.”

I have no idea why she would call me up and ask me if I knew someone whose plane had crashed. It was totally out of the blue, and no I didn’t know them, I never actually met them.

I think he is an equal opportunity murderer, but it’s possible that he just likes to abuse prostitutes, knowing that they lead miserable lives he probably lets them live.

The people I know he killed were wealthy, and decent people.

The drama queen soap was a projection or a “tell” IMO. You do not seem like a drama queen to me, judging from your posts, despite the drama that you’ve been subjected to. I wish you HAD shoved it up the ars of that person. They were trying to slime you and that’s what a spath does.

Yes I read your discussion with 20years and it made me feel so depressed that family court is filled with evil. But it makes sense too. Spaths are drama addicts. They grew up with drama in their families. When they go looking for more drama, family court is the familiar place to go play that game. And what better way to make sure they get to play than to be part of the court system?

KatyDid:

The British accent does do something to people; especially his. It is not cockney. It’s the charming, sexy northern England accent. At least to me it was. Plus, he had that very soft voice…it was hypnotizing. Yes, I believe it did make him sound civilized and intelligent when really he is neither. Sad.

Skylar,

You are very correct about the soap. She gave it to me in front of a group of people. I grew up selecting friends with large families as I believe I felt the need to belong and I was always so curious about family dynamics. I longed for what I thought they had. One of them had 5 sisters and a brother. The brother was a kind person who I should’ve given more attention. His sisters were always telling me what a player he was so I kept my guard up. One day he asked me why I let his sisters treat me so badly? That was the day I stopped owning their crap.

The same thing happened with the soap woman. A large family I grew up with and now they are all out of my life. I felt a great loss but I am positive they are a family of spaths. When I came across that soap in a cupboard years later, it hurt me again!! Stupid right?!

My counselor just a month ago said the same thing you just said only about my mom, “she’s projecting her feelings on to you”. Sliming me. It’s a rude awakening. Having your eyes slammed open like that! All of sudden you realize you are a spath magnet and the drama in my life was me bringing it in. My addiction to that turmoil from growing up in turmoil thinking it’s friggin normal.

I can honestly say, I see my daughter with a sparkle in her eye when things get stirred. I have intentionally kept things as calm as possible as I didn’t want to feed it. I called it “the wild hair syndrome” before I knew about the spath factor. lol

They can’t stand to see anyone happy and work to mess it up if they can. Thus your spath makes sure to end the happiness of someone who has nothing to do with him except on some benign level, like the couple who suffers the plain crash.

I have no idea where the expression, “Boys will be boys,” comes from, but when I read about Romney leading the pack and bullying that kid in prep school, my blood went cold (as it did when I read about the dog on the car roof) because that is how it was explained, boys will be boys.

At this point, I believe not taking women and sexual abuse seriously is due to it being a monied, elistist thing.

Back in the times of serfs, the lord slept with the serf bride on the night of her marriage. There was a name for that, which I forget, but basically what it came down to was power.

When you have elitist men judging everybody “including their peers” and giving themselves the privilege of sleeping with the serf bride (raping her under the guise of a feudal lord’s right,) of course there is a lot of nudge, nudge, wink, wink going on. They’re stacking everything in their favor.

I have never lived in England, but I knew Brits and Australians from when I lived in Norway. They are far more tolerant and excusing of eccentric or odd behavior than we would ever be in the US. Why? I do not know.

Cultures vary.

For instance, Scandinavian women are equal with men and have been for centuries because when the Vikings went off to sea, they were gone six months to three years at a time.

The Vikings came home long enough to repair and outfit their ships (six months to a year or so) and off they went again. This left women, the elderly, the sick, and children at home. The women took care of what would have been considered traditional male work in other societies such as the farming and running whatever else was around.

There was a lot of respect for women that continues to this day. No whore and Madonna mindset either.

I read an account of a Viking woman who was in this position (husband off on the ship and left alone to run the family farm) being raped by a small ground of renegade men. She collected a group of her farmhands and other men to support her and rode after her rapists. They found them and killed them. The story ends with her using the skulls of her rapists as weights and their entrails as yarns as she sang her victory song while she wove on her loom. Guess it’s all about what you’re willing to accept.

Eralyn,
I don’t know but I’m not sure that the husband was not in on the “accident”. Remember, he inherited everything when she died.

The fact that the spath went on and on about the love between them was very strange. On the other hand, I DO know that he was doing it to rub it in my face because OUR relationshit sucked and by this time, HE never showed any love toward me. He showed only disdain for me. So it was so STRANGE to hear him come home and blather on about somebody else’s relationship.

Which is why I say that all spaths are the same. Somehow, he couldn’t fathom that this was bizarre behavior on his part. He had a great mask sometimes and then at other times, he failed miserably to imitate an actual human being.

Of course, they count on the fact that we are unaware of this “condition” of spathy, so I couldn’t guess WHY he didn’t resemble a human being sometimes.

In my innocence though, I did do one thing right: I pretended not to notice. This effectively sabotaged his ability to perfect his mask. lol!! Since I didn’t say anything, he assumed I was eating it up. It is my hopes that as more people are educated, we make the effort to shun the spaths so they can’t mirror us and will never learn to imitate a human being.

No you aren’t stupid that the soap memory hurt. It just does. Regardless of whether we know that they are spaths or not. That hurt, is a good thing, IMO. It is a feeling that will protect you. That’s what pain is for. To warn you that there is danger. If someone would hurt your feelings with malice, what ELSE are they capable of doing to you? I’m so glad that you and I have learned to respect the hurt feelings and protect ourselves. Although the hurt is a good thing, it needs to be tended to with love. (((Eralyn)))

Eralyn,
I am of the same note about the soap woman. Projecting. Drama Queen. Like Skylar says, they are addicted to drama. At least my X!husband was… Although he also tightly controlled his image, so he didn’t want to be INSIDE the drama, rather he enjoyed setting it up and sitting back to watch whatever unfold. He also was big on never being held accountable, so by staying out of the fray, he could claim that he didn’t know someone would take a friendly joke so personally. However, if the drama didn’t hit a peak, like when I refused to participate, he didn’t let it go. No, not my dearest. He ALWAYS ratcheted it up UNTIL.

All that I learned about him, has been hindsight. Until those last few years, I was a fruitbasket trying to figure out wtf was going on. It really messed me up. But now, I’ve got him pegged, yep, SO predictable.

Hello GIS

The term your thinking about is “prima notte”(first night)
There’s a relevant scene in Braveheart where the english sherriff makes his claim. Yes, it’s an abuse of power.

If you have the time, watch Louis Theroux, who did a documentary on Jimmy Savile, Louis Theroux meets Jimmy Savile’ its on youtube.

JS was a spath/pedo, everyone knew what he was. What is particularly revolting about this individual is that he abused children, very sick children in hospital, some with terminal illnesses. Ditto he met and appeared to have a relationship with some of the UK’s worst murders including the Yorkshire Ripper who murdered and raped 13 women Peter Sutcliff. PS was imprisoned in Broadmoor, JS was apparently given the keys to this so called high security prison.. granted only in the UK!

Do watch Louis Theroux, who is an amazing journalist, a bit of an English twit to some over the pond …but very, very intelligent and knows exactly what this thing is. LT has done quite a bit of the same thing in the US ..swingers, porn ‘stars’, white supremist …etc

I can assure you having been to see James ..James Bond tonight …we do drink lots of tea .. granted ..we love our dogs more than people..and for some Jerusalem was built on these dark satanic hills ..but we aint any different than any other nation ..other than perhaps our sense of humour.

If you want to watch a real spath at work, check out Conrad Black ..what a guy .. BBC iplayer catch up Friday night ‘Have I got News for you’ ..they are everywhere ..convicted criminal ..and still denying it ..unbelievable ..

((hugs))

movingon,

I totally love Theroux’s style. He just gives people all the rope they want, but always remains respectful, gallant, interested and gentlemanlike to people.

It’s a bit early, but well you’re the only ones I can speak about early feelings. Two nigths ago a friend of mine had her birthday party. She always has a theme for her parties: this year it was animals. I was one of the many cats, lol. Two years ago I talked and met a couple who I had great conversations with. At the time though I was in the end period with ex-spath (the devaluing phase). I met them again at the New Year party in the same period, but not anymore afterwards until two nights ago. Especially the husband was pleased to see me. I talked with his wife of course plenty and then him. We ended up exchanging phone numbers and I was invited to join them last night with their friends to a club. But I had a hangover (well foremost of being out until 6am in the wee hours) though that when the wife rang me yesterday evening I said I was just gonna watch the movie and go to bed afterwards.

I do plan to see that couple again when the opportunity strikes, but there are a few things I’m now being reserved about. It’s ok that the man told me that he felt I was one of those persons he and his wife felt was possible befriending material. But at some point it just started to feel a bit weird. He emphasised it was because I treated both him and his wife well… that unlike other women I wasn’t unkind to her…And I had this thought – why would anyone be unkind to her, especially a woman, and why would he bring it up. And he also emphasised them liking me so much repeatedly, like surely 5 times in between conversation, and mentioning a ‘connection’… It started to feel as if he was lovebombing me but then over friendship. At some point I started to wonder when he’d bring up a threesome in the future or something. He also inquired after my availability: in the case one of his single friends might be interested in me after the possible future event he introduced me to them.

And there was another strange thing he said to me: he’s an accountant like my father. Suddenly he said to me that if I ever needed someone to talk about finances, but would prefer my dad not to know of it, I could always come to him. I told him that I had no financial secrets with my parents and was making sure I had no reason to be secretive about it (though we respect each other’s privacy). But then he repeated it again: just in case…

Anyway, I’ll probably agree to meet them again. I like the wife for sure, and perhaps he was just a bit drunk. Just in case though I’ll prefer it only once I have a car again first (mine was totaled a month ago as I was in the middle of a chain accident because of some total irresponsible driver who decided to go left from the most right lane, forced the one before me to hit the breaks, I hit the breaks and bumped him on a wet road on less than 10 km/hour, but the woman behind me hit me harder and I was harmonicized in the middle of it). I also plan any next meeting to be on neutral ground or with a lot of company.

I didn’t feel like there were red flags, but at some point I felt the potential of red flags and I want room and space to watch out for that.

Darwinsmom,
there were some red flags, imo. First he told you that he felt a connection. That is a love bomb. The question of your being single was a red flag. The accounting thing was completely boundary crossing! He was trying to get you to “share a secret”.

If you decide to meet them again PLEASE be careful what you share with them about your living arrangements and even your lack of transportation. And yes, lots of company, with a ride home as well.

A predator with a wife/minion is even more frightening than a guy alone, because it indicates that he has the ability to convince others to do evil. She is his facade that he uses to make you feel safe. The fact that he brought up how other women are unkind to her, is a red flag too, it makes no sense to share that with you.

If you do go out with them, wear gray!

He’s been telling me the “connection” thing actually the previous two times I met them as well. And I like the wife better than I do him. He’s easy to talk with, but quite occupying/taxing… that is: he won’t stop, and you can neither dance or talk to someone else anymore. Previous two times I didn’t think much of the word ‘connection’, but this time it did ring a bit of a tinklebell in me, the “secret” word even made a bigger tinklebell ring. And at some point I thought, “this is an attempt at flattery”. I wanted to wave it off more and more, because there’s no need for it. She’s much more relaxing and natural imo.

Cat’s out of the bag though: they know it’s over with the ex-spath, and they gave me a lift home.

But you’re right, there are some hints of red flags in there… that’s why I mentioned them. And I made note of the things that made me feel uncomfortable and made me think: this seems somewhat inapropriate or strange to ask or mention.

Yep, I hear tinkle bellas aslaso, i aspilt coffee on my keyboasrd.oh my, gonnas hasve to buy me sa neqw one.

hens, did you say “meow”? 😛

darwinsmom, your gut was talking to you. Sure there were red flags but I get the impression it was your gut that was really speaking up. And that made you start to dissect the red flags to determine what was a warning and what wasn’t.

It is nice to have a place to discuss red flags. Would normal people tell us that we’re being too paranoid?

Skylar, no. I think Hens said,”meowpeq”.

Darsmom, I think your friends are swingers! I think he is grooming you by making you feel bad for his wife, ie. women treat her badly…he is using her to reel you in, because you’re much too nice to hurt her feelings. I’ll bet my bottom buck that they are in cahoots together and looking to seduce a lover….that would be you. Who knows if she’s into it, or just going along with a spath who has her totaly psychologically decimated. JMTOTRF.

Sky,

I think non survivors indeed would call us paranoid, even the most understanding non-survivor would. And yes, it’s great to have a place to discuss those gut feelings and what spurred them on.

No idea at all whether he’s a spath, not thinking about that… but something there that might not be right.

Kim,

You might be right. The thought has crossed my mind. Ain’t happening though. And being groomed is an apt way to describe it. That’s kinda how I felt: as if being groomed for something. When people become too adamant about liking you and wanting to get to know you better, on and on and on, it feels unnatural and purposeful. That is the main red flag to me. There’s no reason to repeat it four times.

Hens,

Oh my 🙂

ETA: my mom listened to the story about the couple of last Friday, and she too instantly said… “that sounds weird, kinda creepy”. The financial secret proposition was the weirdest too in her eyes, and she told me – “keep them at arm’s length, and if you meet them, on your terms: having your own transport and public/crowded place. Your intuition is telling you something, and better listen to it.” Apparently non-survivors can understand too.

Hey.. An old reader here.. not been around for a while but the JS matter got me back… Thank you Donna for posting the info.

Theres a good article here by a journalist Jude Calvert-Toulmin on JS being a a psychopath:
http://judecalverttoulmin.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/jimmy-savile-child-rapist-and-psychopath.html
Just look at the eyes. They are very similar to my ex-spath. No feeling, no emotion, just staring at you empty. You know that behind those eyes is a very sick and sadistic mind.

Theres also a concern that JS may have been into necrophilia. Seemingly he had access to the bodies at the morgue or mortuary. So now they are wondering. He wouldnt have stopped at anything it seems. Gross.

Horrible, horrible man. I hope he rots into eternity.

Thanks Shanmoo for that link. I just can’t figure out why it ends with the C word? huh?

Donna’s first link:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-19984684
I found the most “telling”.
Lots of red flags. I found it interesting that someone mentioned that when traveling he only brought one pair of knickers and washed it ever night in the sink. I know another spath who did the same! Anyone else?

Saying that he hated children was also interesting because my spath crazy husband stealing neighbor, ALSO said that to me. Then she went on to tell me that a teenage boy from the neighborhood asked for a ride and she gave it to him. Then she asked me if I thought that was ok. Huh? wtf?

So those are red flags for me.

But the cigar mentioned in Jude’s article… I’m not sure we can call it a red flag because there are many cigar smokers, including George Burns, whom we can’t say was a pervert spath.

The elastic waistbands, also could be an indicator but not for everyone because lots of people exercise in those. But yes, I’ve heard that sex addicts prefer elastic because they can get a quickie more easily.

His eccentricity was a glaring red flag. My spath was not eccentric and didn’t stand out, but one day he said, “I’m just an eccentric inventor and helicopter pilot.” WTF? He’s never invented anything, though he tries and he doesn’t have a pilot’s license though he does fly for a living.

Eccentricity is one way of hiding pathology under a clown mask.

skylar:

Well, mine wore the same clothes all the time…kind of on those same lines 🙂

shanmoo:

Yes, those are dead eyes…ewwww. He was so gross…yuk.

The Jude Calvert Toulmin piece claimed that you could just look at JS and see that he was a pedophile.

Oh how I wish people wouldn’t make statements like that.

What does a pedophile look like? A scout master? Minister? Priest? School teacher? Seriously, bad guys don’t wear black hats.

Isn’t it part of our message how disarming, likeable, and approachable Ps and pedophiles are? If one could tell by looking at somebody what they were and capable of doing, I suspect that none of us would be here or need something like Lovefraud.

When I read that any person “looks like one,” I cringe. It gives permission to go on witch hunts and accuse anyone of anything simply because, in our humble opinions, we don’t like the looks of them.

Likewise, I feel very uncomfortable with statements claiming that all eccentrics are perverts or implying that one’s waistband is telling and a dead giveaway. I’ve worked in the clothing industry. Do you know how many pairs of pants a manufacturer can make in a day?

If we want people to take us seriously, we should keep to creditable statements and information. Start making generalizations and we’ll get dismissed and passed over.

GS1
I wish I could hit the “like” button on your post, esp the last three paragraphs.

As a woman who was involved/married to my sociopath for 23 years, I can’t help but pick up some of his mannerisms. One is I sometimes stare. That’s b/c I am trying to assess safe or danger. Can I trust, or should I be wary. So people on here point out that is a sociopath trait. My neighbor stares and blinks rapidly. She has allergies and her meds dry her eyes, and sometimes her vision is affected.

Conversely, my husband was VERY socially gifted. He Never stared. People comment on how personable he is, how humble, he was able to put people at ease. My father, a pedophile, was the sweetest man, everyone thought him so very kind.

If it was easy to pick out sociopath vs good guy by certain physical characteristics, then our work here would be done. The problem is, sociopathy is a BEHAVIOR disorder, not a physical disorder, generalizations become a distraction of a very complex, very dangerous disorder.

Send this to a friend