A Lovefraud reader asked me to write about the Bill Cosby scandal. A total of 27 women have publicly come forward to tell their stories of being sexually assaulted by the famous comedian.
A complete list of the women who have accused Bill Cosby of sexual assault, on Slate.com.
As I read the accounts, I kept seeing virtually the same story, over and over.
Many of the women were young models and actresses who claim Cosby made a pretense of offering them career advice. One woman, however, was a 19-year-old waitress who said Cosby offered her a ride home and then assaulted her. Another woman was 19 when Cosby approached her in a gift shop at the Las Vegas Hilton, where he was performing, and invited her backstage. She says she was drugged, and woke up to find him having sex with her in the green room bathroom.
At this point the shocking realization hit me: This could have happened to me.
Atlantic City Magazine
From 1978 through 1982 I was editor of Atlantic City Magazine. It was my first job out of college.
The job sounds more prestigious than it was. Casino gambling had just become legal in New Jersey, and Atlantic City’s first casino opened a few weeks after I graduated from college. Atlantic City Magazine was a startup publication. I was not only the first editor; I was the first employee.
I had majored in magazine journalism in college, and founded a campus magazine. But I think the prime reason I got the job in Atlantic City was because I was in the right place at the right time.
Arranging the Cosby interview
Atlantic City Magazine frequently published interviews with the headline entertainers who performed at the casinos. Sometime around 1980, when I was 24 years old, Bill Cosby, who regularly appeared in Atlantic City, agreed to be interviewed.
I needed to finalize the time and place where our writer would meet the comedian. But Cosby wasn’t available — he was playing tennis with a casino executive. So in this era before cell phones, I drove over to the indoor tennis courts.
After making the arrangements with a casino PR person, I, along with a few others, watched Cosby play tennis.
As the game was coming to an end, Cosby announced that he wanted to go to the famous White House Sub Shop. But he didn’t have a car. So as the casino folks were trying to figure out how to get him to the sub shop, Cosby pointed at me and said, “She’ll take me.”
Driving Bill Cosby
I was astounded. Everybody looked at me, and I said I could take him.
So, when Cosby finished playing tennis, we got into my car. The car was something plain and white that Atlantic City Magazine rented for me — certainly not what I assume the TV star was accustomed to driving in.
I was star struck. During the 15 minutes that it took to drive from the tennis courts to the sub shop, I tried to engage Cosby in conversation. He didn’t say much. But he did spit out the window.
When we arrived at the sub shop, I stopped the car, let him out and drove away.
It never occurred to me to go in with him, be a groupie, order subs, or make sure he got back to the casino. That’s how naive I was.
Dodged a bullet
Later, realizing that I’d let an opportunity to make an important connection slip through my fingers, I berated myself for my stupidity.
But now, after reading the accounts of all the young women who claim that Cosby assaulted them, I can’t help but wonder if the same thing could have happened to me.
Maybe Cosby assumed that I’d go into the White House with him, and drive him back to the casino. Then, perhaps he would have invited me backstage. I know I would not have questioned his intentions. I didn’t understand then that rich, famous, powerful men took advantage of young women.
Had Bill Cosby done the same thing to me that he allegedly did to all those other young women, I know one thing. I would have been severely traumatized.
So perhaps I was lucky that I drove away.
More info:
Everything you need to know about the Bill Cosby scandal, on Time.com
Bill Cosby’s legacy, recast: Accusers speak in detail about sexual assault allegations, on WashingtonPost.com.
I was chewed up and spit out in a ‘classic’ manner and at record speed
This is one of the most disturbing media reports I have heard in my entire life. Bill Cosby, a perv? A molester? A rapist?
It shocked me when I first read about it. Even having endured a spath and NPD/BPD.
There are just no good guys left 🙁
House is right–“Everybody Lies”.
And maybe, just maybe, it’s not just that I have so many FN issues in my head; maybe, just maybe, ANYONE can get caught in the hell of a EVIL person.
I do understand how you feel. I too was sorely disappointed to discover that Bill Cosby, of all people—that guy who made us all laugh so much with his wonderful humor—was just another stinking rapist. There’s no way we can ignore what twenty-seven womeh have to say about him.
However, in spite of Bill Cosby, there’s plenty of us Good Guys left. And there always were. We’re actually a majority. So please don’t lose heart! If you’re looking for one, there’s a Good Guy out there for you, somewhere.
Even though WE ALSO have a great sense of humor—well I do, anyway—we’re just not CEEE-LEB-rities, that’s all!
Look for us in the grocery store… or on the street… or anywhere that REAL ORDINARY PEOPLE can be found! 😉 We hide in crowds, yanno! We just don’t make an exhibition of ourselves the way those CEEE-LEB-rities do. But we’re out there. Hope your life goes better for you in the New Year!
In this case, I think your guardian angel was watching out for you Donna.
I have been horrified when reading about Mr Cosby. I am very sensitive about pedos, although def sexually molested, my pedo was in a terrible car accident before he could penetrate me with his penis. I always thought an angel protected me.
I worked at Cedars Hospital from 1985 onwards for years, it’s a celebrity hospital. We’d hear about “the industry”, and I remember being told to stay away from Mr Cosby, that he was NOT like who he appeared to be on TV. He had a reputation of being cruel and cheating on his wife. So during those opportunities to meet him, I stayed away. (I did meet Danny Kaye and James Stewart, both were very kind to me.)
I’m just saying, Bill Cosby has ALWAYS had the reputation, it’s just now getting traction. WHY is this scandal being believed NOW when he got away with it for so long? And geeesh. His behavior towards the women accusing him? It’s the behavior of a sociopath. SICK SICK SICK. Those poor women, and YES I do believe them!!
I agree that Donna’s guardian angel was looking out for her!
I believe Cosby is guilty of what he is being accused of, and I’m appalled at his behavior today – he clearly believes he walks on water and is used to being treated as such.
I think in the pre-internet days when this happened, it was easier to keep it quiet”it seems pretty obvious that industry insiders knew what/how he was, but outside of that, it just didn’t get around. He was a money making machine and the powers in charge wouldn’t have wanted that to change. The women were incidental, unimportant. It’s all sickening.
I’m sorry, I was disjointed in my message. If true, Bill Cosby did to these women what Pedos do to their victims. There is the helplessness, that no one will believe you, that YOUR reputation is forever damaged while they go on to whatever good things life gives them. And you have to pretend that the rape didn’t affect you if you ever want a life, if you ever want to be something that is NOT damaged. Bill Cosby is accused of using people as objects, not as lovers or affairs (although he did that too) but using women as unconscious receptacles for his semen. The degradation must be so very awful. Talk about NO JUSTICE for rape victims? Well, maybe there is a tiny bit of justice after all, because NOW people SEE HIM as the predator, as a cold, soulsucking, calloused RAPIST. And yes, this is written assuming he is what they have said, with no trial or evidence, because… their words RING TRUE, and his behavior RINGS like that of a sociopath.
Donna,
I did smile at the fact you just dropped him off. LOL He must have had a stunned look on his mug as you drove off.
Missed interview and missed opportunity:
That type of missed opportunity nags at us for a long time. Case in point: About the same time you were at the casino, I had moved from NJ to San Diego. A friend and I drove to Los Angelos and got a map from the corner kid that sold a booklet that mapped out the movie stars’ homes.
We went to find Jack Nicholson’s house. and we did. The gates were open and in we went. A party was going on and we were welcomed as guests. Our hostess said Jack would be down soon, that he was in a conference upstairs in the bedroom.
Well, I wanted to stay. I didn’t think of consequences as I was star struck. We stayed for a while, sitting on his couch and talking small talk and then my friend became very scared and made us leave. I kicked myself for not staying. I never got to meet him although he was right there.
Not saying Jack was a bad guy. Just about missed opportunities. But we might have escaped a terrible outcome. Mine might have been at the hands of others. Being so young and naive, we left ourselves wide open.
Unfortunately, I had other bad experiences because I was not looking for dangerous situations. But arming young woman and young men with the knowledge of predators in real life is one of my jobs. I just was trying to explain this site and sp’s to a young man who doesn’t understand why women stay for a while or longer with an sp. At least he will be aware….and he is starting to get it. and not blame the victim….
Glad you escaped and understand how you might have lamented that missed opportunity….and I am pretty sure that Cosby sure did…..
Donna, I think your self protective instincts overpowered your conscious objectives of career and meeting a “famous” person. Spitting out of the window while riding in someone else’s car might just seem disgusting but it sounds like it was a red flag since you remember it so well after all of these years. It sounds like he might have been testing you by behaving the a too familiar, uncouth and power flaunting way of disgusting trashy men. He would have had a handkerchief or apologized otherwise. Maybe it just took a long time for you to realize it. And it took a long time and a lot of rapes to get him nailed. What a tragedy for all of the women he used and demeaned deliberately and with malice in his unfeeling. I am so glad you just let him off and drove off. You put him in his place in a small but obvious way. Be proud of it.
I posted above but wanted to add that spitting in public actually can be regarded as symbolic act of contempt.
True to what Delores said above: ” testing you by behaving too familiar, uncouth and power flaunting way of disgusting trashy men”…
PUBLIC SPITTING IS AN ACT OF CONTEMPT!!!!!
Totally agree re: the spit. When I read that, I said to myself, “A socio or sicker.” Basing that on the fact that we now know he’s a rapist and a certified pervert. He hates women. Of course he spit and probably wanted to spit right on Donna. He has no conception of personhood or decency and never has. I am much more disgusted and disappointed in a man I thought was humane and caring (and not because he was Cliff Huxtable) than I was of the path. I knew the path was nuts and inhumane from the very second I laid eyes upon him as he acted like a jerk right away. But as we all know, that changes.
“Left is her brother, Doug Andersen.” So your brother is Santa Claus 🙂 How nice to know. I always wondered if Santa had family. OK, just kidding, I can tell who your brother really is. Nice photo!
As far as dodging a bullet, evidently yes, that seems to be the case, based on your description. The interesting question is why. Predators pick their targets very carefully. I would hypothesize that you did not meet his criteria for someone he could control and take advantage of against your will. You weren’t even close. His clue was simple – you left him standing there! From his perspective you would have made a terrible next target, based on the little he knew about you. That’s probably why he didn’t later on track you down, unlike the reports of other young women whom reports indicate he went out of his way to later track down and rape. He probably mistook your self-stated naiveté as indicated by your leaving as someone who would stand up to him. None of the women seem to have stood up to him, at least not initially. That seems to be part of his pattern, and you did not match that description. My best guess is that’s why you dodged the bullet.
NotWhatHeSaidofMe, You are so right about being used as a sperm receptacle. That is what was done to me by the psychopath I married, a respected attorney, haha. He took what was supposed to be beautiful and loving and turned it into a degradation and humiliation of body and soul. I tried to say no and he told me that it was my duty as his wife to have sex with him whenever he wanted it. I suppose it was accepted as legal back then to force sex on your wife. It took me years to realize that it was rape, abuse and a cruel power game for him. Worst of all, he intended it to be that way to harm me. He had no interest in healthy sex. I kept him away from my children as much as possible but it took me over 30 years to report him to the police when he showed too much interest in my grandchildren. You are so correct, his actions were like those of a pedophile and instinctively, I knew it. This is why I am so adamant that we must stop Islam, it is legalized rape and slavery of women.
I spent the majority of my professional career in higher ed. Mr. Cosby appeared a few times at one of my employer’s campuses. The gentleman who oversaw the theatre asserted Mr. Cosby was one of, if not the rudest, most demanding performers he’d met during his 40 years of employment at the university. I was very disappointed to learn he was a bully and sadly, am not the least bit surprised by the recent allegations of rape and sexual assault.
Famous folks often act out seemingly because they can’t handle fame. I would never have believed that of Cosby. Now, of course, it all makes sense. I think he’s too sick to admit to himself what he’s done and what he is. How that woman stayed with him all this time must have to do with money and/or the family. I cannot fathom. If he lived in reality, he’d come clean. He’s probably psychotic as well as a socio and g-d knows what else.
I think she stayed with him because of money, but it has occurred to me she might be afraid of him.
When my ex told me he had been accused of harassment by two different women at his office and he said they were lying, just trying to ruin him, the first words out of my mouth were “if you didn’t do what they said you did, then you must have done SOMETHING, because women don’t put themselves through the process if there wasn’t truth to it.” Turns out, I was right.
Good point, HM. Something that did not cross my mind at all. He’s so daunting and crazy, who knows what he’s threatened her with over the years. That terrifies me for her. Beyond horrendous.
So true re: your ex. There’s generally some truth to any rumors of that nature. Yes, there are exceptions, but generally by jealous female paths or narcs! Awful. Just awful.
Did you watch the clip where he was intimidating to the interviewer after the interview was over but the cameras were still rolling?
Everything about his mannerisms, his facial expression, his tone of voice, seethes “I”will”not”be”questioned”period”. He’s gotten away with what amounts to murder for decades, and he believes his own propaganda. He believes he can intimidate anyone, and they will back off. So far, it’s working for him, but he’s dangerously annoyed.
I’m scared for his wife too.
There are lots of reasons why someone would stay.
She might have accepted the affairs but can’t deal with the cog dis that he’s a rapist.
She has had some benefits over the years… she’s had status, and celebrity. She’s had POWER herself.
She’s from a generation that does not divorce so easily.
She’s avoided being trashed like his other victims have been trashed.
Fear is certainly possible. Powerful people can make trouble “disappear”.
She might be a rescuer, and enjoy “saving” him from those accusers.
She might be a narcissist herself and uncaring about what is done to others by Bill.
The list goes on.
I know I stayed with a sociopath because by the time I figured out he was a cheat and a liar and a conman but… he had swayed my daughter to his perspective and I would NOT leave her (my father was a pedo, with my childhood history, there was NO way that I was leaving MY daughter to the custody of my ex). I didn’t find out that all his attributes fit a sociopath until a couple of years after I finally left him.
I think the most likely reason people stay is that they are caught in a Betrayal Bond.
They simply are in denial. And it generally takes getting hit over the head with an emotional or real two-by-four to begin to see reality for what it is, and break free.
To onlookers, people experiencing Betrayal Bonds look like they are making bad choices. But it’s actually the significant power of our brain chemistry to cleave us to our mate. We simply don’t internalize the sinister characteristics that are right in front of our eyes.
Joyce
I remember The cosby show. He was thee ‘Dad’. A Dr. in a perfect functional large family. Respected and loved by children. He created a dream on screen.
If anyone spoke up with allegations at that time, i can totally imagine they would be mocked and slandered as money greedy opportunists.
Its so strange! My late father was in criminal psychology. Did not want us watching that show as kids. He said cosby was a pervert and hates children which is antagonistic to the ideals of the show. (I wander what he would say about my expath)
Heart1 Did your father ever explain to you why he concluded Cosby was a pervert and hated children? It would be interesting to know what his reasons were from the standpoint of a criminal psychologist.
I was in my tweens. He was intelligible and articulate in conversing with people. He said he could read people like a book by their actions and physical behaviours in the first few minutes. He passed away in my early 20s but when we where warned, it was in simple laymens terms. I vaguely remember him analzying Cosbys actions onscreen(acting) comparable to seeing his regular persona on news and interviews, and he picked up on the slight irregularities that are familiar to a psychotic allure.( Even when acting they maintain a certain aura of their own persona). And described what he thought he was. But as a child, it was almost too complex for me to understand. He predicted alot of people correctly. He was all over TV evangelists and presidential figures. But I wont get into that.
Did any of you watch the video interview with him and his wife ? I think it was NPR but don’t quote me on that. Toward the end of the interview the journalist inquired about the recent allegations. That part of the video gives us a pretty clear glimpse of his pathology. He is dismissive and attempts to stake out the high ground by his condescending assertions. When he assumes they are finished with the interview the camera continues rolling while he applies pressure to edit that part out. He has the audacity to target the ethical/journalistic integrity of the institution and the interviewer. This shows behind the mask of the bully. This is a good example of paramoralism in action. Sickening. And I was a fan.