A Lovefraud reader asked me to write about the Bill Cosby scandal. A total of 27 women have publicly come forward to tell their stories of being sexually assaulted by the famous comedian.
A complete list of the women who have accused Bill Cosby of sexual assault, on Slate.com.
As I read the accounts, I kept seeing virtually the same story, over and over.
Many of the women were young models and actresses who claim Cosby made a pretense of offering them career advice. One woman, however, was a 19-year-old waitress who said Cosby offered her a ride home and then assaulted her. Another woman was 19 when Cosby approached her in a gift shop at the Las Vegas Hilton, where he was performing, and invited her backstage. She says she was drugged, and woke up to find him having sex with her in the green room bathroom.
At this point the shocking realization hit me: This could have happened to me.
Atlantic City Magazine
From 1978 through 1982 I was editor of Atlantic City Magazine. It was my first job out of college.
The job sounds more prestigious than it was. Casino gambling had just become legal in New Jersey, and Atlantic City’s first casino opened a few weeks after I graduated from college. Atlantic City Magazine was a startup publication. I was not only the first editor; I was the first employee.
I had majored in magazine journalism in college, and founded a campus magazine. But I think the prime reason I got the job in Atlantic City was because I was in the right place at the right time.
Arranging the Cosby interview
Atlantic City Magazine frequently published interviews with the headline entertainers who performed at the casinos. Sometime around 1980, when I was 24 years old, Bill Cosby, who regularly appeared in Atlantic City, agreed to be interviewed.
I needed to finalize the time and place where our writer would meet the comedian. But Cosby wasn’t available — he was playing tennis with a casino executive. So in this era before cell phones, I drove over to the indoor tennis courts.
After making the arrangements with a casino PR person, I, along with a few others, watched Cosby play tennis.
As the game was coming to an end, Cosby announced that he wanted to go to the famous White House Sub Shop. But he didn’t have a car. So as the casino folks were trying to figure out how to get him to the sub shop, Cosby pointed at me and said, “She’ll take me.”
Driving Bill Cosby
I was astounded. Everybody looked at me, and I said I could take him.
So, when Cosby finished playing tennis, we got into my car. The car was something plain and white that Atlantic City Magazine rented for me — certainly not what I assume the TV star was accustomed to driving in.
I was star struck. During the 15 minutes that it took to drive from the tennis courts to the sub shop, I tried to engage Cosby in conversation. He didn’t say much. But he did spit out the window.
When we arrived at the sub shop, I stopped the car, let him out and drove away.
It never occurred to me to go in with him, be a groupie, order subs, or make sure he got back to the casino. That’s how naive I was.
Dodged a bullet
Later, realizing that I’d let an opportunity to make an important connection slip through my fingers, I berated myself for my stupidity.
But now, after reading the accounts of all the young women who claim that Cosby assaulted them, I can’t help but wonder if the same thing could have happened to me.
Maybe Cosby assumed that I’d go into the White House with him, and drive him back to the casino. Then, perhaps he would have invited me backstage. I know I would not have questioned his intentions. I didn’t understand then that rich, famous, powerful men took advantage of young women.
Had Bill Cosby done the same thing to me that he allegedly did to all those other young women, I know one thing. I would have been severely traumatized.
So perhaps I was lucky that I drove away.
More info:
Everything you need to know about the Bill Cosby scandal, on Time.com
Bill Cosby’s legacy, recast: Accusers speak in detail about sexual assault allegations, on WashingtonPost.com.
I was chewed up and spit out in a ‘classic’ manner and at record speed
To his victims: I believe each and every one of your accounts of Cosby horrible abuse against you. I think it is important to realize that going up against an evil man like Cosby can not be done alone it must be with all his victims. With a large group you have power against him so stick together no matter how different your personalities and lifestyle are there is power in numbers. Just look at the African herds of animals that stick together because they have a greater chance of survival verse standing alone.
I have prayed that you would find your way to Lovefraud and other sites like this one where you can educate yourself on what appears to be Cosby’s personality disorder, also for you find support and have some type of closure.
To Donna: I literally was holding my breath reading your post, so thankful that you dodged a bullet by leaving him at the sub shop that day. The fact that he pointed to you and said that you would take him (without him asking if that was ok with you) is proof to me that he had sized up the group and pick his next target victim. He seems to be masterful at initial grooming of his victims as he appears to be “nice” and “trustworth” and shows special attention the first time they meet so that the victims will return to his hotel room during a next meeting with him under false pretenses so you leaving him that day prevented him from coming up with a reason to invite you back to his hotel room for say a one on one magazine interview in the future.
I am so glad that you wrote your account Donna for several reasons but the main reason is that when any (hopefully all) of his victims search the word Cosby sociopath it will guide them to your wonderful site.
As for Cosby he appears to fits the traits of psychopath with narcissistic personality:
he grooms his victims by appearing “nice” & “trust worthy and shows them special attention.
he isolates his victims from a group ie Donna’s story or other stories where he moves the target victim away from their family/friend/coworkers
he intimidates, bullies, and manipulates reporters or anyone else that attempts to expose his dirty secrets
he turns the tables and makes the woman or reporters feel bad for bring up such history = guilt tripping them
he shifts blame to the victims
he hides behind his lawyers, PR people, his wife, his daughter
news reports this week state that he has hired private investigators to dig up “dirty” on the victims that have come forward = classic sociopaths smear campaign in the making
he has a history of being rude, controlling, intimidating and abrasive from everyday people he meets
he has pathological abusive behavior
major power & control issues with drugging his victims
He selected a character for his TV show that was the complete opposite behavior to his real behavior but the sick part is he selected his characters as a doctor but not just any doctor but a gyn/obn doctor..a doctor that would look at woman’s private parts in real life…this to me was not by accident but by a man who is sick and twisted. His character in his mind was a good cover if he ever got caught no one would believe the victims.
.
all serial rapist are sociopaths/psychopaths and most child molester fall into this category. 70 – 90 % of sex addicts fall into this category as well.
As for Cosby’s wife:
She is living a true nightmare behind closed doors and while she is in public she puts on a smile but behind closed doors she is most likely emotionally & mentally broken down by her husband on a daily bases. He is her cult leader mind controlling/brain washing her so she does not leave him. If a man is this abusive in public he is extremely abusive behind closed doors with his own family. Hopefully one of her closest friends/family will guide her to a good domestic abuse counselor so she can finally free herself from his brain washing, mind control and abuse.
It’s extremely telling that not one person in the Hollywood has come out to support Cosby who has been part of that world for over 50 years. Why have they not come out? because they know all these victims are telling the truth about him they have witnessed his behavior and/or hear the rumors for years. Even his own friend Huge Hefner did not say anything in his comment about how great Cosby is or that Cosby would never do such horrible things to woman.
Donna-
What an interesting story!
Outrageous behavior toward someone they just met is a test. They are looking to see your reaction. That’s probably what spitting out the window was about…. the first attempt to see whether you’d be properly polite and ignore his offensive act.
Had you said something like, “Yuck, don’t do that out of my car,” it might have signaled a barrier to him. Obviously, star-struck young women don’t generally behave that way, but he wanted to gauge you.
Some sociopaths seem to be even more excited about overcoming obstacles so an outspoken reaction does not necessarily stop them. Rather, it signals them the lay of the land. We are often left with a sense of having been manipulated, even in a small way, when we first meet a psychopath.
My son’s roommate told me a story about first meeting my son’s father that, knowing what he’s like, I fully understood. (Ill call him) Steven was at the apartment putting a bookcase together when my son and his father walked in. His dad was carrying his jacket across his shoulder and he placed it directly on the framework Steven was working on. In his early twenties and not wanting to offend, Steven ignored his rudeness, but his actions always stuck with him, just as Cosby’s spitting out the car window stuck with you.
We often miss those first cues that could otherwise tip us off as to the character of the person we’re dealing with. The psychopath tests our “offensiveness” tolerance from the moment they meet us.
Joyce
Joyce, wow, this brought back a memory I had completely forgotten.
My ex and I worked in the same department but our duties didn’t overlap much, if at all. I saw him in weekly staff meetings, or around the office. Our building had an open staircase that you could see straight down from the 3rd floor to the 1st floor. One day I was heading up the stairs from the 1st floor when I heard a sound like someone was going to spit from above me and I looked up and he was standing up there, leaning over the railing and grinning at me. I recall laughing and continuing up the stairs. Prior to that, I doubt I’d exchanged more than two or three sentences with him. I was a female in a mostly male profession and had spent a lot of time out in the field and a lot of crude stuff just rolled off my back (you got used to it back in the 80’s before laws were in place).
After we got involved, he told me that the day he had made that noise and I had laughed, he knew I was “cool” and he wanted to get to know me better, since most women would have reacted very differently.
CREEPY.
In the psychopath’s dictionary- Cool- Someone polite enough to overlook bad behavior. Good victim material!
Joyce
Astute comment Joyce. Certainly held in my situation. First time I met the socio, he tested me with a very flirtatious comment at the end of a job interview. I was caught completely off-guard, completely tongue-tied at this unexpected and outlandish “question,” served up with, yes, just as HM’s path, a grin. I sure wish I had had my wits about me and reported his a** immediately to his management. But, as I always say, he chose well. I, too, “passed the test,” just at you did, HM.
Excellent “victim material” Joyce. Excellent.
@HM, somehow can’t respond to the post you left earlier re: whether or not I caught the Cosby interview. I did see part of it and had similar feelings to yours. I think he’s so ill, he thinks he did nothing wrong. Camille is probably being coached by many lawyers, therapists, etc. She is protecting herself, kids, grandkids, etc. I still wish he was innocent, but actually, after reading Donna’s letter, I am 100% sure he’s a rapist and very, very ill.
Still Reeling, I’m with you – I wish I had reported him when he did that spitting thing, but he had this going for him – his wife had just died from cancer – and I felt sorry for him. In fact, that’s why I accepted his invitation to lunch, thinking he could use a friend.
I was supposed to meet him at a certain restaurant, and when I walked in 10 minutes early, he was already at the bar, eating. I walked up and said, hey, I thought we were supposed to meet at 1, why are you eating already? His response? Women are always late, I was hungry, so I decided to go ahead and eat.
Sadly, I passed that test too.
HM, hope this comment ends up in the right place as there is no “reply” beneath your comment. Anyway, if you see this, please know I hear you loud and clear. And I reacted to path’s behaviors just as you did, making excuses for him, “he has so much to lose, he has a young child, wife, big job, so he must be crazy about me to put all that on the line.” That was a lot of mind-boggling admiration and attraction for me to just dismiss. I would have used wife’s demise as an excuse as you did, knowing full well that spitting and grinning was at best childish and at worst, not the kind of behavior a grieving or pretending to grieve husband would display!
After awhile I asked him, how he could be so calm and collected, smiling and joking when his marriage was in trouble and he was about to lose his job as well. He said their therapist told him he must learn to compartmentalize in order to survive. Of course, I believed him.
When I got sick of his inconsistent, insane behavior, I told him I was done with whatever it was we had, this pathetic excuse for a friendship or whatever it was and I thought he was psychotic. I had NO idea about sociopathy at the time. He said he as very “complicated.”
Today, as I said on another thread here, I still feel so angry, empty and gyped when I think of him, knowing all there is to know about sociopaths now. There’s still a little voice inside that says, “You were too old, not pretty enough anymore, not smart or clever enough. That’s why nothing ever happened between you. Now, you’ll never know what’s it’s like to walk together, see a movie and discuss it, go to a concert, etc.”
In reality, he got himself fired, lost his marriage and I hope his kid because he is NOT father material, other legal problems as well. Yet, I still feel gyped. How pathetic is that? I know how sick he is, I understand that he is incapable of any humanity at all, and still……
I believe that had I reported his pathetic a** as we have stated here, I would have felt in charge and not be feeling those loose ends that will never tie up. Because he got to walk out first, even tho fired, I feel like the one who was left. I was trying to find a new job just because I know myself and wanted to leave him behind. He wouldn’t have cared AT ALL but in my mind, I would have ended things, not him.
Hope 2015 is a good year for you, HM.
Still Reeling, we believed because we were good people, sincere, and we thought they were too. We didn’t know what we didn’t know.
The job where I met him was the job of my dreams”I was second in command in a large department, was well respected and liked, had huge responsibility and was at the top of my game. I was having a blast. He was a manager in the same department, at a lower level than I was.
He started about a year after I did, and I had been there 3+ years when I got involved with him. He insisted on keeping the relationship a secret (red flag), in order to not impact our jobs (even though our responsibilities didn’t overlap) and it seemed like a good idea at the time. We became a couple quickly (red flag) and within a year, I started having trouble at work. To make a long story short, someone powerful came after me for no reason I could ever figure out. My boss ostracized me and HR made it clear that it would be in my best interest to move on. None of it made sense – my work was exemplary, the things that were being said were lies, my second in command was set up and lost his job, my duties were reduced and I was told to vacate my office and move to a closet. I refused to vacate the office and that was the day I started looking for another job. I had planned to stay in that job until retirement. During this time, my ex was my closest confidant and support. It wasn’t until after he discarded me that the pieces fell into place and I am certain that he was responsible for the mysterious smear campaign that resulted in me being pushed out of my f’en dream job.
He continued to work there, and around the time we were buying our house together, said he was having troubles with a woman filing a false claim about him. He called me one day when the house was in escrow and told me that he had had enough “harassment” and had quit that day. Again, after he discarded me, someone sent me links to newspaper articles detailing harassment claims several women had filed against the company due to his behavior, and they were shockingly embarrassing. Later I found out he hadn’t quit at all, but had been paid off to leave, to the tune of almost $100k. As a manager, he had eliminated positions to cause women to lose their jobs – women who had refused to meet his demands. The company had improved their retirement benefits right after I left, and he was able to take advantage of that too. I now know that he “dated” no less than 7 – 10 women in that office during our relationship.
My career has never been the same and he made sure I lost as much of my life’s savings as he could in the house deal. Meanwhile, he still has his home, and the value has increased dramatically in the past 3 years. He kept going without missing a beat, and is now married. I doubt he has spent one night alone since the day he discarded me.
I am on my own, trying to rebuild. It’s not easy at this age, and I know things will get better but realistically, my “glory days” are behind me. I hope I will find something that can come close to the pleasure and satisfaction that my career gave me. I completely understand feeling angry and gypped.
Wishing you a good 2015 too!
Good God, HM. I am so very sorry. I have never read your story and I have to say this is one of the worst and most frustrating I’ve heard.
You betcha he set you up. No doubt about it. I wish for poetic justice for you. Hate to have to say that but hell, he ends your dream job in a devastating way, sits in a house increasing in value, (while due to him you lose yours and your savings), w/a “wife” (POOR thing-hope she screws him good and not in the Biblical sense).
Yes, I’d be thrilled to know he was locked up in prison or a mental institution, whatever. I don’t know how creeps like that get away with what he’s done-clearly he’s committed crimes…they were in the newspaper. I so hope he gets what’s coming to him in a BIG WAY to the millionth power.
Sounds like you and I have similar feelings about work. I also had my dream job and HM, I love work. It helps me focus on things other than myself and makes me feel productive and fulfilled like nothing else can. I lost mine to a layoff and fought like a demon. Like you, my work was topnotch, the good people were on my side but my corrupt management dumped me off. They did not care about my work, work ethic or any of the folks who tried to help me stay employed. I, too, wanted to work there until I dropped onto my keyboard and my boss knew it.
If not for that horror, I would never have known the path in my life. He hired me for my next job. God.
Listen, HM, I am so very sorry once again. I just hate your story and feel your pain.
You sound amazing and my wish for you is to find employment that allows you happiness and satisfaction that far surpasses the dream job. I know it’s out there and boy, do you ever deserve it.
Big hug and thanks so much for sharing with me.
You’re inspiring and know I’m thinking of you. I do hope that path gets slammed beyond recognition.
Yes, my sister married a psychopath. When he first visited my home, my mother-in-law was there and asked him to please take out the trash. She is petite and he is large and strong. He refused to help, apparently with some attitude. Right then, she said she knew, and she was the only one in the family who saw him for what he was in time.
Still Reeling, thank you for your kind words and support!
My ex is not likely to suffer any consequences from his escapades of the 7 years that I was with him”the women who ended up filing claims all waited too long to be able to personally sue him, and elected to settle with the company rather than got through costly trials that might have pulled him in. I really don’t blame them, I would have taken any kind of restitution from my loss rather than risk it too.
It really fries me that he company choose to pay him off to get him to leave almost a full year before he was eligible for retirement (a cash settlement plus full pay and benefits until that date) but I was high up enough in the food chain to know that that was their best method of damage control. They knew he was guilty, his boss (who had been my boss) was guilty of allowing it, and the $ cost to handle properly would have been much greater. That boss went on to be promoted to run the company. Nice.
I was through the initial shock of being discarded when I put the pieces together and realized he was most likely the source of the smear that ended my career there. I was truly sleeping with the enemy, and he used what I confided to him in confidence to take me down. The pleasure he must have gotten from that while I was in pain and completely clueless really hurts. We went on as a couple after that for 5 more years!
Although I’m 3 1/2 years out from the final discard, the home we owned together wasn’t sold until early last year, and while the time in between was spent with my sole focus on surviving, healing and avoiding the meteors that he kept dropping at my feet, I was surprised to find out that the real, deep healing of my LIFE didn’t start until I drove away from that house for the last time. Just as I was ready to take a breather, I realized there was much more work to do. It is what it is.
The kicker with these monsters is that they make sure you can’t see the forest for the trees when you’re in the thick of it and that is why recognizing it and getting out the minute something doesn’t feel right is imperative.
HM, so glad you are out from under and that you truly felt this in your gut as you drove away.
You are so right about getting out when something feels wrong. Sure, we are all gun-shy, so to speak. I know I don’t trust anyone and am suspicious of almost any flag that even looks pinkish-white. Knowing this, I try to be rational and not jump to conclusions right away. No way I can control the way I feel but I try.
Took a job about a yr after the one I had w.path. The guy who interviewed me seemed perfect *except* for the fact that he said I would be replacing someone so beyond amazing, that it would basically be impossible to even come close to being the perfection that she was. RUN!!!!! That is a sick comment and certainly I was sensitized after path experience. I ran all right, like moth to a flame.
Yes, the young woman I was “replacing” was lovely and had a good attitude and loved working there.
I took the job for many reasons but I have admit that possibility of being abused was one of them. It’s pathetic.
This guy played me for a year and a half before I walked out. No romantic stuff at all, but basically threw me crumbs here and there, then manipulated me into doing exactly what he wanted/needed. Ranted at me about his politics (opposite of mine) even after I told him I didn’t want to talk politics and was basically apolitical. Was a misogynist, said horrible things about women (he owned the small business so no one to go to). Got nasty w/me for asking certain questions that he just didn’t like to answer. Then about once every 2 months, he’d throw me a crumb, “You know, blue is your color.”
“Anyone would love having you as a friend.” “We are so lucky to have you, and raising your salary so we can keep you around.” You betcha. I worked my a** off to shine in his narc. eyes, but he was a one-man show, only heard himself, only cared about himself, a nasty, mean-spirited misanthrope with a foul mouth who pretended to be the child-like clown for his own amusement. When he wanted something or felt he had gone too far w/his nasty, inconsistent behavior, he’d behave like a decent human being for a few minutes. Another roller coaster ride. Some of us just never learn. I became so depressed and couldn’t figure out why. Now that I’m outta there, looking back, I can’t believe I even took the damned job. Found out the reason he was so into the woman before me was because they were of the same political philosophy and sat there day after day verbally accosting all those who didn’t agree w/them.
“The kicker with these monsters is that they make sure you can’t see the forest for the trees when you’re in the thick of it and that is why recognizing it and getting out the minute something doesn’t feel right is imperative.”
I sure why I’d read this before taking that second job.
Once upon a time when I was pretty young I applied for a job that was a great promotion for me and I REALLY wanted it. The manager put me through several odd feeling interviews that I excused since I wasn’t very experienced at it, and at the last one told me he had called my references, one of them a prior boss who hadn’t seen me in about a year. He told me that this prior boss had spoken glowingly about my work product, but said that I was a “real moose” (a reference to my weight). The manager said to me that he told him I must have lost some weight, because I was no longer a moose! I’m serious, he told me that to my face! In a job interview setting!
This wasn’t enough to make me not want the job (I was around 25 at the time and pretty ambitious). The manager drew the process out for what seems like was about a month more, and finally called and offered me the job, with this comment: “you are the best of a poor bunch of candidates”. Now THIS was enough to make me turn the job down. I was hurt, and angry that he had put me through so many hoops for so long, only to insult me in the end.
The profession I am in is a pretty tight knit group, and it wasn’t long before it got back to me that this manager was bad mouthing me because I wasted his time only to turn the job down!!
Over the years, I have heard nothing about him but more bad behavior.
Moral of the story, if the flag is pinkish-white, it deserves very close scrutiny. We are conditioned to give people the benefit of the doubt, and that’s not in our best interest. So many people expect us to happily accept treatment from them that they wouldn’t tolerate for a minute before they’d be gone. I have found that being true to myself is a lonely business.
H.M. Geez, girl, you never cease to amaze! As well, each time you post, I relate. What a HORRIBLE experience!! I’m so very glad you didn’t take that job. As well, I hate to say something this ugly but very glad you found out that that loser is exactly as he was w/you.
I have been around jerks like him before, who are totally stupid, clueless and lack social skills of any kind. Unless he owned the business, I can’t imagine how someone of that ilk would be allowed access to others at all let alone an interviewee! Unbelievable if I hadn’t experienced similar.
When some pathetics say things like, “you are the best of a poor bunch of candidates,” they have need to be sure you know they are superior. Very sick individuals. And if you called him on it, he’d probably say, “Wow, no sense of humor. Can’t even take a joke??! You’re gonna be a barrel of fun. Not.”
Then to say you wasted him time! Certainly. What else?
I’m too lazy (and tired, sleepless night) to scroll back up so forgive me if I’ve already posted this story.
About 2 yrs ago, before the job I just quit w/the narc, I received an immediate return email from a job I’d just applied for. The guy, Tom, sent me a really nice email, stating that he had hundreds of replies but my cover letter conveyed the type of personality and attitude he was looking for. We set up an interview.
He came into the room wearing a Bluetooth. Stike 1 for me. NOTHING is more important than the interviewee for him at that moment. Only exception: an emergency call he’s expecting and he tells me right away.
The interview was a visit to the Twilight Zone. He really didn’t go into the job, per se, except to say the last person didn’t cut it. They wanted someone with vision, with drive, with enormous enthusiasm (this was for a straight customer service/sales assistant job, mind you). I realized he was full of it. I think they may have already filled the job.
I tried. Asked him to describe a day on the job, duties, responsibilities. He went off into abstract blah-blah again. Then he went off into a story. But of course, he did. Makes perfect sense. His wife and their neighbor interviewed for the same job and his wife got the job over the neighbor. “You want to know why she got that job?” Well, I couldn’t have cared less, and by this time, I was getting ready to bolt. “She got the job because she took with her a very impressive portfolio which contained a program she created for her last job. She laid it all out for the interviewer and explained it fully.” I remember thinking, “Poor interviewer probably wanted to tear his/her hair out.”
I said, “Tom, are you saying you wanted me to do something like that for this interview? I’m not following you.”
He said, “You know what your problem is, you’re afraid to fail.”
Whaaaaaaaaaaat???
With that, he took a call from a sales rep, which he said was, “Urgent.” I gathered up my stuff, said buh-bye, left and wrote him a very nasty letter about leading people on, only to drop them on their heads in a bizarre and embarrassing way.
There have been many interviews and about 4 jobs since my career ended in 2010 and by the time I interviewed with that sick creep, I had had it!
OK, H.M, just had to share that nugget with you. Are you working now?
Very shocked and disappointed in Bill. We (my brothers and I) listened to Bill’s records for years (we had LPs back then).
I arranged with friends to see his comedy act back in 1969 at the Worcester Auditorium in Mass. He did his ‘my brother Russell routine’ and chatted to my friends and I.
He is a very, very sick man.
So sorry.
Donna, what a fascinating story!
First off, I didn’t know—or if I ever did, I didn’t remember—that you’d trained to be a journalist. That helps to account for the skills you’ve displayed here.
However, this is about your encounter with Bill Cosby. The first thing I noted in your story was Cosby’s arrogance in simply presuming that you’d take him to the sub shop, instead of ASKING politely like a normal human being.
The second thing was his rude behavior and aloofness in rejecting your overtures at friendly conversation. Since you were doing him a favor by giving him a ride, the least he could have done was to return the favor by being civil toward you.
Instead, what does he do? He crudely spits out of the window! I’m sure a “young, naive” person would expect a Great Star to behave with a touch of class; not like THAT!
Now we come to the interesting part. You LEFT him at the sub shop! Yes, it does sound as if you dodged a bullet that day. Good for you!
However, I still have to wonder WHY you left him at the sub shop! Doesn’t that need explaining?
Consider the facts. For one, you said you were “star struck.” Quite apart from any other consideration, wouldn’t a “star struck” person be expected to act like a “groupie” (as you said), clinging on to every opportunity to stay with Cosby instead of leaving him there?
For another, you KNEW that Cosby didn’t have a car to take him back to the casino. Even if he wasn’t a Great Star, just some ordinary person you’d agreed to give a ride to, wouldn’t you normally have waited around anyway, or at least asked him if he needed you to wait?
Lastly, as you said, you missed what looked like an opportunity for an interview. Surely too, that realization was not just an afterthought, when the interview was the very reason you’d gone to meet Cosby in the first place! Yet you abandoned that goal without a second thought, and just drove away!
Absent an explanation for what you did—as wise as it turned out to be—I can only speculate on the reasons for it.
You may have been a little “star struck”—but NOT “star struck” ENOUGH to stick close to Cosby whatever the price, as some groupies would have done, particularly in the face of his rude, crude, and supercilious demeanor.
Although you didn’t say so explicitly, I’m inferring that you were NOT impressed by Mister Cosby’s behavior. Could it be that the fifteen minute ride to the sub shop lowered your opinion of him enough that the rose-colored spectacles came off, you stopped regarding him as some Great Star to be worshipped, and started seeing him instead as no more than another human being, and a singularly ill-mannered one at that?
At any rate, the way you dropped him off at the sub shop and simply drove away is exactly what anyone would have done if they’d just given a ride to anyone whose response was both boorish and ungrateful; a passenger, in short, they’d be glad to see the back of.
Could it be, too, that despite your wish for an interview, Mister Cosby was proving to be a frustratingly un-interviewable person, not worth any further effort on your part?
And for his part, it looks as though Cosby’s own haughtiness played a role in your decision to leave him there. Had he been a normally chatty person treating you as a fellow human being, he would not only have thanked you for the ride, but made some comment if he expected you to wait for him when he was finished at the sub shop. Instead, it sounds as though he was so arrogant he “naturally” expected everyone around to WAIT on him, to hang onto his every wh im, without even being asked! Well, tough titty, Mister Cosby, here’s one gal who was NOT going to wait on you!
If I’m guessing right, Cosby was looking for a victim who was not only “star struck,” but willing to worship at his feet! Maybe you had too much self respect to go quite that far… and that’s what saved you!
Star struck doesn’t necessarily translate to groupie, although it might for an outgoing person with no boundaries. A polite, more reserved person might want to not impose, especially since he made no overture for her to stick around.
Redwald – Thank you for your highly complimentary analysis. I wish I could agree that I perceived the situation as you suggest, but I’m afraid I did not.
Back in my 20s, I did not know that people’s actions and motivations needed to be evaluated. I took everything at face value. It never occurred to me that people had ulterior motives for anything.
This is one reason why I was vulnerable to my sociopathic husband. I didn’t lie to him, and it never occurred to me that he was lying to me – until I was in too far to get out.
This is why I believe it’s important to educate young people. Let’s at least tell people that sociopaths exist, and what the warning signs are. Then we all may have a fighting chance of staying out of trouble.
Do those of us who now understand psychopathy realize we have had many encounters with these monsters, or are there more here on the planet than we realize? In any case, thanks are in order for sharing this “got away” story. Fortunately, I no longer feel alone and no longer blame myself for this type of unwanted experience, and you have helped me tremendously.
As to my “two cents” here; living in Denver in the early ’80s, I had a friend Louise who was having a dinner at an upscale supper club called Turn of the Century where Bill Cosby was performing. Louise went to his table when he called her over wherein he proceeded to bully her into joining him for drinks. She declined. I am beginning to wonder how Bill Cosby had time to perform?
Who knows how many others got away from him? When this story first broke, I was not surprised due to my friend’s experience. Last weekend brought a TV report discussing the 10-year-old skit regarding Bill Cosby and his behavior on Saturday Night Live…also not surprising that the entertainment community has probably known this for who knows how long.
Bill Cosby can dismiss away, but he cannot hide…I choose to believe that the truth always eventually prevails…reason to stay strong!
How depressing. Like you, One, I can’t figure out how he had time to perform, write, do his show(s), etc. I guess he was pretty much an absentee dad and husband. Your story is just another in a chain of bad things I’ve heard about Bill’s behavior away from the camera or recording devices.
Pretty much the saddest, most frustrating letdown of my lifetime irt a famous person (outside of politicians and unscrupulous business leaders who don’t count, imo).
Horrible. My husband still refuses to believe, even when he hears personal accounts such as yours. Cosby was part of his childhood, he listened over and over to his “tapes” and in fact, we played them w/our daughter several times on car trips. He must be VERY ill indeed. Sounds quite socio, as they seem to have plenty of time to accomplish all sorts of complicated badness due to the fact that they have no emotions or conscience. They are focused on action with nothing to hold them back. Lots of adrenalin and energy too. So sick. So sad.
Glad you are doing well tho.
Have you heard the latest? That at his show the other night in Canada, he made a joke on stage about it not being safe to drink with him?
This AT BEST is in very bad taste and very disrespectful to women in general. The reality is, he considers himself so untouchable, so invincible, that he is comfortable JOKING about it in public, and in my opinion, did so to send a message of how powerful he (thinks) he is.
If he was truly the person his propaganda says he is, then he wouldn’t have dared to say such a thing in public, where it would be in the press and repeated. He’s out of control, and either his handlers have lost control or he’s gone completely rogue.
He is abhorrent.
My ex used to suck on sloppy cigars and chortle (that is the only word for it) about the misfortunes he perceived of others (especially his ex wife). After he discarded me for the last time and threw me into personal and economic ruin, I often thought he was now sitting in his broken down patio chair chortling about me. He and Cosby are two peas in a pod. Just abhorrent.
And Philicia Rashad claims that these women are trying to unravel his legacy.
She’s a perfect example of the lack of validation victims receive when they come forward.
Joyce
Ms. Rashad doesn’t need to be worried about the women unraveling the legacy, he is doing just fine on his own, making jokes about the situation. IF he really was a man worthy of the “legacy”, he’d be behaving very differently right now, at the very least, keeping his mouth SHUT.
God only knows why she felt the need to support him publicly.
Yep. Bill doesn’t need Rashad to defend him. His joke was bizarre to me, a pityplay. He took these women’s LIVES from them, while he went on like nothing happened, b/c for Mr Cosby, that’s what they were to HIM.
I Tried very hard not to jump to conclusions about Mr Cosby, b/c I was the victim of a smear campaign, but his response is so calloused. It’s like he’s doubling down and dismissing them even more. I have tried to find photos where his eyes had emotion. Ya know, he’s really good at mugging, but cover up the bottom half of his face and his eyes are all the same, dead.
Donna, what a chilling story. I do think you dodged a bullet. Know why? He chose you. Gratefully, things did not go as planned for him. The fact that he did not converse with you in the car is testament to his narcissism. 99% sure a run-of-the-mill flirt, trying to get up close and friendly, would have chatted you up, joked around, etc. Cosby acted like a much worse jerk in that cab. He asked to be driven by you and you concurred. Ok, he’s famous so that’s part of the reason. His fame is beside the point, as it colors all that he is and does. You did a favor for him and, of course, as with many of the girls he exploited, probably expected him to be a decent human being. It’s understandable that a guy who’s supposed to be an excellent dad, (Cliff Huxtable was supposed to be auto-biographical to some degree), great with kids as per his Art Linkletter-type show and a peacemaker/diplomat representing racial relations, would be at least polite! Instead, you got silent and spitting. Thank heavens. You dodged a bullet, my friend.
The first time I met the path, he did just about the same thing. After an interview, he insisted on walking me down to the lobby. He stopped talking at the elevator and bit my head off when I asked him a question. NO talking allowed. It felt weird and uncomfortable. When we got downstairs, he broke out into a smile and hit on me. I was so rattled, I couldn’t respond the way I would have liked to.
Thankfully, Donna, you did not get to that point or you may have ended up as Cosby’s other victims. I do believe he is socio or is there anything worse? It’s with immense sadness that I have to say I fully believe he is a vile monster.
How ironic that you crosses paths with Cosby. Some of us must have had X’s on our foreheads.
Thanks for sharing that jaw-dropper.
Cosby has “dead eyes”. Looking at the picture of him here on LF, if you cover up his fake smile as I have just done…… you can see it yourself, there is little to zero sparkle of a real soul. Lifeless eyes.
HanaleiMoon, wow…just shaking my head at how cunning & evil these sociopaths are in all aspects of their life. I am truly sorry that your life has been turned up side down. Hugs to you!!
My ex h did the same at his work place! Prior to that job he had been fired from two other jobs never truly telling me the truth as to why he was fired. I now realize at one work place he had an affair. But his last job he ended up having an affair with a co worker for over 2 years (well that is the amount of time he told me..truth be told I think it was much longer their office travelled weekly rotating who went on the trips).
He set his eyes on the managers job to have the power to take which trips he wanted and proceeded to get the manager fired with his manipulative lies and brain washing the CEO because the manager and other staff went to HR to let them know that he and this other coworker were having an affair (she was married too). HR call each down to their office and both lied to HR not just during one meeting but during 3 meetings. Then my ex h turned the tables and got not only his manager fired, but another coworker and was able to get another co worker demoted so that his mistress would then be in charge of her previous team leader. Of course the wife is the last to know things.
He got what he wanted he was now the manager & his mistress head of her team. They had the power and control of their office.
Eventually the rest of the coworkers had proof of the affair and both were swiftly fired for lying to HR.
This is when I found out about their affair…I had suspicion early on but never had proof and he was so masterful at spinning my head away from my gut feeling. Her husband had zero clue too. Of course my ex h went into massive manipulation mode to keep me from leaving him once I found out. He even stated that “she was the one who was after him” and that is why he started the affair. But the reality is he cheated on her too during that time…I suspected he cheated on me at least 8-12 times but my counselor believes its more like 3 to 4 times that amount..which is most likely the truth.
The ripple effect of their evil behavior is so mind blowing and sadly no one sees their covert behavior to piece together all their lies and chaos they create because the sociopath manipulates all parties to isolate them so they dont realize they are all being conned by them.
Wishing you the very best in 2015! Take care.
Wow, Jan. I just commented above to say that these monstrous freaks of nature are incomprehensibly capable of the most complicated and plentiful covert actions. With no emotions, empathy or conscience, they are free to set and accomplish an enormous quantity of evil goals without a hitch. I’m sure the path in my life (at work) who exited from a elevator in a weird location one day, had probably just had one or more sexual encounters either right there in the building or closeby in a no-tell. He looked a little weird but didn’t miss a step with me. Said something bizarre as usual and went right back to the office. Sick piece of garbage.
Your story is mind-blowing. Unbelievable. I really am still reeling trying to comprehend how these creatures actually pull the wool so tightly over their victims’ eyes. Not just their sexual targets, but anyone they deem worthy of being conned for their own benefit.
You said a few things that truly bear repeating:
“I had suspicion early on but never had proof and he was so masterful at spinning my head away from my gut feeling.”
Boy is that ever true. Perfect description of how they so easily knock you off track. Scary, truly horrifying.
“The ripple effect of their evil behavior is so mind blowing and sadly no one sees their covert behavior to piece together all their lies and chaos they create because the sociopath manipulates all parties to isolate them so they don’t realize they are all being conned by them.”
Truly sick to live a life day after day, getting your rocks off by conning others. These “mistakes of nature” need to be locked up. I so hope we see the day that this occurs.
IMO, and I loved Bill Cosby, he is a huge socio, just immense. And he needs to pay for it. Send them all off to an island somewhere to con each other to death.
A woman who says she was molested by Bill Cosby in 2008 filed a criminal complaint. It is not precluded by a statute of limitations.
Bill Cosby ‘victim’ tells police how he drugged her in 2008 at Playboy Mansion party when she was just 18 as detectives launch full-scale probe into comedy legend, on DailyMail.com.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2910225/Bill-Cosby-victim-tells-police-drugged-2008-just-18-Playboy-Mansion-party-police-launch-scale-probe-comedy-legend.html
Thank you Donna for writing your personal story on Bill Cosby. It was so revealing of his ugly, arrogant and very dark side. Fortunately your close encounter didn’t end badly as it did for so many women.
I am appalled, disgusted, and sickened by this man’s actions. I never cared for him as a comedian and never thought he was funny. I hardly ever watched his show and always kept a neutral and disinterested perspective of him. For some reason his current fan base can’t seem to separate the man from the fictional character. Cosby is NOT Dr. Huxtable, the wise patriarch. Huxtable is a character in a TV comedy series that he has hidden behind and presented as his public persona for years. Bill Cosby, in real life, is a monster and a serious sociopath. Unfortunately much of society is ignorant and unsuspecting of sociopathic behavior regardless of how famous the individual might be. Years ago I remember reading something said about him from someone in the industry saying “If you’re a woman you don’t want to be alone in an elevator with Bill Cosby.”
COSBY’S INVESTIGATORS
Cosby’s latest move by his attack team is hiring private investigators to dig up dirt in the background of each of his alleged victims and attack their credibility. By doing so, they re-victimize the victims thus sending a powerful message in order to deter other victims who are thinking of speaking out that they, too, will be subjected to mass smearing, humiliation, and degradation.
COSBY’S CANADIAN PERFORMANCE
His Canadian performance was vexed by protests and hecklers. Kudos’s to them and keep it up! Shame on the ticket holders still attending his shows! Gloria Allred states:
“By buying tickets, they’re helping Cosby to make a profit, and he can take that profit and he can plow it back in to paying his attack dogs in his defense team, the investigators, to try to discredit and undermine the alleged victims who come forward,” she said. “Whether or not you believe these women, why take the risk of helping him to gain more profits so that he can use them to hurt women?”
During his performance in Canada, Cosby acknowledged the rape allegations with a bad joke and, incredibly, the audience loved it. Again it shows the absolute arrogance of the man and his complete disregard for the seriousness of these rape allegations. Let’s not forget another bad joke he made in 1969, on one of his records, of his long standing desire/fantasy to drug women with Spanish Fly and take advantage of them. How prophetic of his future actions of decades to come.
COSBY’S CO-STARS
Recently Phylicia Rashad, Cosby’s TV wife, stated she never saw or experienced any disrespectful behavior by him during the run of his comedy show and that the purpose of these allegations was the “obliteration of his legacy”. Of course these co-stars aren’t saying anything negative regarding Cosby, and maybe they didn’t see or experience any bad behavior while working with him. He’s not stupid. He’s a calculating sociopath. He wasn’t going to s**** where he eats and risk bad publicity for a successful and very lucrative TV series. He wasn’t going to give any co-star, budding child actors, or anybody else connected with the show cause for suspicion as to what he was really doing behind the scenes.
If these allegations are true, and I believe they are, the only legacy he’s leaving is being famous as the most prolific serial rapist in the history of the United States.
WHY IT TOOK SO LONG?
It’s never about the rapist. It’s always about the victims. The culture of the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s was not yet completely accepting of women’s rights even though feminism was a budding movement. These women knew, on a gut level or were advised, people in the industry didn’t want to talk about rape allegations against Bill Cosby because he was a powerful man who could affect their ability to get work. Believe it or not, Cosby is wealthier and more powerful than the President of the United States or even Kim Jong Un. As one victim stated “he’s more powerful than God”.
Asked why so many alleged victims waited so long to speak out, Gloria Allred said, “There are all kinds of reasons that women suffer in silence, and apparently Mr. Cosby is taking advantage of that.”
You have to wonder how many people knew and participated in his heinous drugging and raping activities. Someone had to supply him with the pills. Someone had to put these unconscious women back in their cars. Someone had to get them home and in their beds. He ran the risk of overdosing these women. How did he know how much drug to slip into their drinks? Who knows, maybe he did on occasion overdose some poor woman. Again, it speaks to his power, wealth and means to pay his people to support his sick actions and keep quiet for decades.
CAMILLE
It is truly mind-boggling how this woman can “stand by her man”. Is she in denial? Has she been abused? Has he or his team threatened her? Is she brainwashed or just financially motivated? Or does she just not want to destroy the family/public image at all costs. Maybe it’s a little of everything. One can only speculate what her reasons are and what really went on behind closed doors. Where was she when all of this was going on? You can’t tell me, after 50 years of living with this monster, she didn’t suspect or know what he was doing. Whatever her reasons for turning a blind eye to his hideous behavior his legacy is her legacy and he’s taking her down with him.
Strength is in numbers and I hope more of these women who have been drugged, raped or sexually assaulted by Bill Cosby will have the courage to come forward and tell their truth.
I am in no way defending Camille but lets just assume she didn’t know we all have been frauded, i was with mine for 23 years and he works in the entertainment industry!!! but once the evidence appeared I went into deep shock and at that moment i might have even defended him”but after the shock and the smokescreen lifted there was no denying the facts. However going forward and if she continues to support him, well then we can wonder”pray she gets the help and support she needs.