Editor’s note: Following is a series of letters sent by a Lovefraud reader, whom we’ll call “Grace18.” Other names are also changed. Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4.
Every single day I pray for hope in reaching my oldest child — a classic victim — a target!
It is late at night, again while I try to drag my brain into numb-darkness, where I cannot think when I lie down to sleep.
It does not work, for when I say my prayers about my (3) daughters being able to finally “wake-up” & save themselves, the tears roll down my cheeks and the nightmares begin.
Three beautiful, happy daughters — 11, 10 & 6, when their Dad left to “find himself”, 32 yrs ago. The oldest one, now a research biologist, married to a man, for nearly 16 yrs, who controlled her and corralled her from the minute that they met. I am “not” allowed in her life, even though long ago, my heart and my soul felt that I was melded to her.
I only found out by “research” that she had a son, two years ago. I am not allowed to even know the slightest whisper about her life from my youngest child. For 22 yrs, from my daughters, I dealt with their hate…..love….hate….abuse….deceit…..and lies, while all the time, I longed to hold those children, whom I knew when they were free from heavy guilt and hidden sorrows.
My blood pressure soars, w/many health issues now, while every day for hours, I mentally and emotionally “talk” to my daughters, knowing that for me, maybe time is shorter because of the greatest sorrowful loss.
There is a group in my state for grandparents, who are NOT allowed contact w/their grandchildren, but it is hours away from me, as they meet once each month. I am alone in this pain. My present husband catches me crying sometimes, as he feels my pain, but he has no mercy for my children, as to the way that they have treated me. His own daughter at 55 yrs, is a thieving abusive sociopath, who plays the “trump” card of guilt on my husband, which scares the hell out of me.
I am one of those “thousands” of people, who exist on a thin line of hope and the left over crumbs of yesteryear.
Does sensitivity to others’ fear make some of us easily manipulated by sociopaths?