By | February 16, 2018 2 Comments

My heart breaks for my three beautiful daughters who are no longer part of my life – Part 4

Editor’s note: Following is a series of letters sent by a Lovefraud reader, whom we’ll call “Grace18.” Other names are also changed. Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4.

As a woman, having been involved on the sidelines with women of many age groups for decades, who were victims of abuse, I found that the one group, constantly being forgotten was the “older” generation. So many of these women, were the mothers….the grandmothers….the aunts, who carried the work load and the child-rearing in dignity, while holding onto their secrets.

Because I had such a variety of friends covering ages above me and coming up behind me, the stories existed with that silence.

There were no terms of general use, to describe the actions of partners from those groups of women, with the gray hair and the faded blue, brown and green eyes.

My dear friend passed away two years ago, leaving me with the conversations stored in my mental trap, of how she struggled under the hard heart and hand of a husband, going into his old age with his demands and opinions. She spoke out when she could, but her tears, that she allowed me to hear, were only the lid on the boiling pot. She died a painful death of cancer, leaving me the choice of “confrontation” against her compliant children, carrying on that threatening abuse. Attacking her husband in his 80’s, as now he will be the victim 100% of his own children, whom he taught that hate to….would be useless now.

But, please do not ignore the group of women that as they face their demise, still in so situations deal with those men, who played the games with control…..threat…..and lies.

As a side-point, my brother, (67) grew up using me as his punching bag. There was “no one” to cover me, nor protect me. My distance from him is now decades long, to the point that I forgot he existed, for years. As he went through relationships, his abuse became a noted issue w/the police where he resides.

One wife, happy to disappear….second wife, “took” her share, only to make him angrier…..third wife, became a victim, emotionally and financially, while her sons became physically abused by the monster. I became involved w/o his ever being aware in giving information to the third wife for her use.

The fourth wife (?), I found out about thru court records, tying the two counties that cover where my brother does his “business” of lies and cheating. I saw where the woman was facing prison for using a knife in an altercation with my brother. He had been previously charged with aggravated assault with a weapon against her.

I called the arresting officer, explaining who I was and my own history with my brother as a young person and some events as an adult with him. I explained that this woman was more likely trying to protect herself against the charmer, with a dark inner storm, being my brother……(your perfect description of him in print). The officer took my info and had the female DA call me.

She agreed with me and told me she would speak with the “perpetrator-victim” and DISMISS the charges against her. I would have “loved” to have been a crawling bug in that court room that day!!!! :=) !!

My brother will smooth talk the dollars out of the pockets of men and women, while promoting his charity…..but, turn like a lightning strike on any being that dares to cross him. Was it my Mother, who created the monster….was it my hard working Father, who failed to KNOW how to raise children…..was it women, who gave into the good looking guy…..what ever created the monster of hate and control whether it be DNA or environmental contribution, the existence of controlling, dangerous men (and women) exists with all ages in the range of existence.

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Is there a check-list to follow, when first we meet? Do we take references, ask family and friends, about the “new” interest, while our hearts begin to pump and our brains begin to quiz?

Dated my first husband first in high school. Met his family and friends. Watched him, listened to him and delighted in his sincere attention and devotion. Within weeks of marriage, he changed!

Who would know? Who would guess? To others, he was a nice man, w/values and devotion. How do we ever stop the train, once we get on the rails, before we crash at the end?


How do we teach our children to learn from our mistakes, w/eyes wide open and ears ready to listen? How can we prevent our children from running into fires and burning, as we stand on the side-lines screaming for them to “run”?

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