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Bo - our new dog.
Bo – our new dog.

Meet my new dog, Bo. My husband, Terry, and I brought him home from a shelter on Thursday.

I’ve been meaning to get a dog ever since my previous dog, Beau, died of old age. That was more than 13 years ago.

What took so long? I never felt like I had the time or the energy for another dog then suddenly, more than a decade slipped by.

My first dog, Beau

Beau was with me when I met my sociopathic ex-husband. During all the confusion and upheaval of my fake marriage to James Montgomery, my dog was the loyal companion that my husband should have been.

After two and a half years with Montgomery, I discovered that my entire marriage was a scam. I left him, and Beau was my comfort. As I sat on the floor weeping, my four-legged friend frantically kissed my tears away. I always had to stop crying at some point, if only to take him for his walk.

Beau, my dog that I lost 13 years ago.
Beau, my dog that I lost 13 years ago.

To overcome the betrayal of the sociopath, I worked with an energy healer, Elaine Anderson. I remember one session in which I worried that Beau was getting older. Elaine assured me that Beau would stay as long as I needed him. Then he would pass, and after that I’d get another dog.

In 2001, slightly more than a year after my divorce, I met Terry Kelly. We fell in love. Two years later, in March 2003, Beau died on his cushion next to my bed.

Even though I knew it was coming, I was heartbroken. In my next session with Elaine, all I did was mourn my departed companion. “Pets get deep into our hearts,” Elaine sympathized.

It took a long time to process the grief. At the end of the session, Elaine told me that Beau and I were good friends, and he offered to come back to me when I was ready. I was thrilled.

You can read the full story of Beau and me in my book, Love Fraud.

Life is short

My husband, Terry, had a heart attack last February. For five days, I did not know if he would live or die. And if he lived, I did not know if he would be healthy or incapacitated. (See Please keep Lovefraud co-founder in your thoughts and prayers.)

Terry lived, and he is fine. But his heart attack was a brutal reminder of the fact that life is short. When he got home from the hospital, Terry didn’t want us to wait any longer. He wanted us to go ahead and get a dog.

I wanted to adopt a rescue dog that was medium-sized, calm and out of the chewing stage — two or more years old. For the past few weeks I’ve been looking online at the pets available in shelters. We visited one dog that was a coonhound like Beau. She was very well mannered, unlike Beau. But by the time we applied for her, we were too late — someone else had adopted her.

A dog named Bo

On Thursday morning, I looked at the dogs available at the Animal Welfare Society in Voorhees, New Jersey. This facility takes in many animals from overflowing shelters elsewhere in the country.

They had a dog named Bo. He looked somewhat like my first Beau, although he was a bit smaller. When I saw him online, I cried.

Terry and I went to the shelter that afternoon. We walked through the kennels they had many beautiful dogs. We asked about four of them two beagles, a black labrador mix, and Bo.

Bo is a terrier mix, about five years old. He had just arrived in New Jersey from a shelter in Georgia, where he was named. The Animal Welfare staff didn’t know how long Bo was in the Georgia shelter, but at some point before that he’d been a stray. Even so, Bo’s records described him as a “happy dog.”

The shelter manager brought Bo to the “meet and greet” yard. He was friendly and spunky. He knew how to sit. He knew how to walk on the leash, although he was a bit rambunctious. He was reasonably well behaved around other dogs. We adopted him.

Coming home

For the hour-long ride home, I sat in the back seat with Bo. He immediately jumped onto my lap and looked out the window.

We stopped at Petsmart for dog food and supplies. I doubt that Bo has ever been in a massive store like Petsmart, but he handled it well. When we got home, I took him on a short walk in his new neighborhood. Then he curled up on his new pillow and went to sleep.

Bo has been with us for three days, and it feels like he’s been here forever.

Letting go

So why am I telling you this story? Because I am in awe of how quickly Bo has let go of his past and embraced his new life.

Bo on his first day in his new home.
Bo on his first day in his new home.

I don’t know the full story of what Bo endured. He was a stray, then he lived in a shelter filled with barking dogs. He traveled 800 miles probably in a crate —to another shelter, filled with more barking dogs. He was put in a car by people he didn’t know, traveled almost an hour to Petsmart, an avalanche of sensory stimulation. Then he was led into a strange house.

Bo lapped up some water from a new bowl, sniffed around, and made himself comfortable.

He let go of everything that happened to him in the past, and relaxed into his new life with his people who already love him.

Whatever pain we have suffered in our lives, the secret to overcoming it is letting go. Perhaps we can learn from a dog named Bo.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  2. Hope Springs

    Yes, if only we humans could let go so easily.

    I have often thought that dogs are fortunate in that they do not really understand the passage of time, or loss. Whether you are away from them for an hour, or for a day, they usually react in the same fashion. Happy to see you.

    When one of our two dogs passed, the other was sad after not seeing him for a couple of days, but was then alright within a week.

    Yes, if only we could be like dogs!

    • regretfullymine

      I do wish (after 16+ years) of divorce from a psychopath, that I could just forget him and move on. Its just not that simple, not after a long-term marriage, children, overworked on a farm. I’m much better, as time has gone on. I still have trouble trusting people to say what they mean and mean what they say. I still question people’s motives, in friendships with me. I have not dated since, and after being single these many years, I have little desire to try again, let alone try to trust someone else. I envy those people (and dogs) who can and do move on, to new wonderful, fulfilling lives.

  4. Donna Andersen

    Yes, my new dog, Bo, is precious. And although dogs naturally live in the moment, I believe it’s something that we humans can get better at.

    If we’re out of the relationship, but still consumed by pain and betrayal, I think it’s important to determine why. Why are we having difficulty letting go?

    Of course this is harder for people who have no choice but to continue some level of contact for example, when they share children with an exploiter. Even so, it is possible to let go emotionally, even when still dealing with the sociopath’s drama.

    That’s were we need to be. So to anyone still feeling the emotional hook ”“ can you identify why? When you do, how can you break the tie?

    It can be done.

    • Hope Springs

      Hmmm. I am really going to have to process this.

      I don’t see that it can be done for me in particular. I wish it could be so…but I am not positive that it can be so for every person.

  7. Stargazer

    Do you feel that Bo is Beau coming back to you? They look so similar! There is so much animals have to teach us about love, life, and being in the moment. They just adapt to whatever situations they find themselves in with no self-pity whatsoever. A great lesson for all of us. I believe each animal has something different to teach. I learned different things from my cats than from my snakes (both are great teachers). And now my boyfriend’s yorkie is a major player in my life. I think he has taught me how to handle very high, almost dangerous, levels of cuteness without passing out. 🙂

    I’m so glad to hear Terry is doing well!

    • Donna Andersen

      Stargazer,

      I think it’s possible that Bo is Beau returned. They have a lot of similar traits, although Bo is more well-behaved. And, I just discovered, not frightened of thunder. Perhaps he learned calmness in the interim.

  8. Ladybugg

    I could do the same if I could just leave and none of it was in sight. I am house trained, love to clean, and sing like a bird! Any takers 😆? Sorry thought we needed some humor seriously though I do want to run away!!

  9. Stargazer

    Yes, Donna, perhaps Beau has learned some things from you as well. :)I agree that we can all strive to live in the moment and when we find we are not, we can ask ourselves why and work on removing the obstacles. An ongoing task. To me, this is what the spiritual path is about – it’s not really anything complicated – just striving to be present. Even with the most severe PTSD, it can be done. I believe that the tougher the obstacles a person can overcome, the greater their character. That’s why my heroes are people like Jaycee Dugard. She recently gave an interview on her life 7 years after her rescue from 18 years of captivity. She is remarkably present and forward-thinking. She doesn’t dwell on her past. She inspires me so much.

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