The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless Versus the Rest of Us, by Martha Stout, Ph.D., will be the topic of discussion at a New York City Barnes & Noble Book Store on April 22, 2010, at 7 p.m.
The event is sponsored by the Non-Fiction Reading Club at the Barnes & Noble at 86th and Lexington Avenue. All are welcome.
Event announcement provided by a Lovefraud reader.
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Good for you, Hope42moro! I think that we can all relate to Bullet’s feelings. I still cry, rage, and vent, and my ex spath is dead and buried over a year, now. The fallout will never be tallied, and I often feel so helpless and powerless, especially where my oldest son is concerned. Ugh….must plug along and move forward with some positive momentum.
Ox Drover
Dear Hope42moro,
I am so glad that you are getting counseling for your child. Have you visited Dr. Leedom’;s site, “Raising the At Risk child?” Or do you have her book “Just like his father”? BOTH are great helps for the mother who knows she has an AT RISK kid. How old is your son?
I hope that the counselors know what a psychopath is and are able to help you with your son. There are other mothers here with at risk children and children that the risk has been realized and the adult children have become psychopaths.
Dr. Leedom is raising an at risk son herself and is very good at what she does. Get in touch with her, if anyone can help you, I think it is Liane. She is my HERO!!!! ((((Hugs)))) and God bless you and give you wisdom you need for the task ahead.
bulletproof
hope42moro
thanks for that, I also feel when folk really express true feelings it helps me too. We can get very intellectual and even de sensitized with the overwhelm of events. I am blessed because I can let the feelings flow.
I love what you say:
sad sad sad but I am determined to re-pattern early and he is in counselling for it!
That says it all to me, about the type of person you are!! You are loving, kind , you love your child no matter what and you have HOPE!!! and you will not give up on him…that is the difference between a human being and a Psychopath, right there you can see it. Yet You(and I) Picked out the $%”””&****!!! and are now responsible! offspring and all.
Know that I support you in your efforts to help your child, I would love to hear of how it is going, and what you need in terms of support, USE LOVEFRAUD to comfort you and guide you, there are some wonderful people speaking here. Precious, wise unrepeatables!! you included.
learning
Dear Bulletproof,
Thank you for saying, sharing this
“but to night I FEEL IT and no book stands a chance against the feelings. heartbreak. wishing it were different. surrender. I cannot change the P into a loving human being”and I so wanted to and beleived love was all you need”I am so sad that I couldn’t reach his heart and make a difference. I am so sad he is a psychopath. it hurts so much right now”
It is so painful to reach the moment you realize he is not someone who wants to change or believes he needs to change.
But I can tell you and promise you — love from within is all you need for yourself. You will be able to reach your own heart and make your own difference in your life going forward.
For now, you DO need to go through the emotions and very real saddness and disbelief…wow I remember my own awakening — its as suffocating as it is relieving…
Hugs to you… and gentle reminders to you that going through it will get you to the otherside – and that there is inner peace and security to be found in your journey ahead.
For now, today, it is surrendering and saving yourself. xo
bulletproof
learning
Thanks so much, you have been there and come through it,then so can I. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SOOTHING AND CALMING your message is to me right now, talk about saying the right thing at the right time. Thanks so much. Will get you back! I’m even smiling. thanks thanks thanks.
sharing the journey
I’m not sure how it started. What I came up against. It was beyond my level of comprehension. This doesn’t make me stupid—just unaware.
I loved this man—his funny ways. But I was also hesitant to some harmful ways e.g. his obsession with get rich quick schemes.
That’s what I was—just a get rich quick scheme. I was business—money. Fundraiser—spender—for what—a horse for Amber. He hated his mum. I did see the way that he would not kiss or hug her. But I just put it down to being a man. I also noticed that time on holiday his contempt for compassion. But I put that down to being a protestant with a different value system. I am catholic.
I valued our differences and trusted him implicitly not to harm me.
So why decide to harm me. Why destroy me. I started to become like him through the abuse. Is this what happened to him. If so it was horrendous. He was insane with power. Caught up in some fantasy of programming me like a robot. No empathy—indifference to me. Terrifying.
Was he always indifferent to suffering? I watched him with Hammy our hamster suffering and I could swear he felt it and hated it as much as me. He told me he killed a cow when young.. Confusion. He cried when Cagney our dog died. Feelings .
He was sadistic to me. Why? What had I done to make him so. How could I have been so wrong about someone. Married for 22 years. I took him back ten years ago on the understanding that he would change. He promised and he did and for 8 years I lived happily with him. Then bang. A sadistic monster. Hidden from me. Multiple relationships to be provided by me. The perfect woman—which I am not.
Me—whats left of me—Ptsd—and dissacociative states. Will I ever heal.
I have already posted my story elsewhere. Right now I need friends. So alone and lonely.
kim frederick
Littlewhitehorse, Yeah, I was confused by my Xspaths compassion for our pets, too, thinking if he was really a psychopath he wouldn’t have any empathy for them. I read just recently, however that it’s a myth, and that most P’s aren’t cruel to animals….so there ya go.
It will get better….and you will get better, and life will go on.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so lonely. We’re here. Keep coming back.
sharing the journey
Thanks for replying Kim. No one understands this. It is so hard. I really thought I was living with normal. Then bang–not normal. Too much to take in. I am getting treatment for trauma. But as said need friends. No one here understands . Too fantastic. I seem to get the impression that most of you live in the USA or Canada. I am from Scotland. Definately a global problem. xxx
Ox Drover
Dear Littlewhitehorse,
I am sorry that you don’t have anyone near you physically that does understand, and really, it IS A GLOBAL problem. Many of us don’t have friends close by either, so we use LF as a great place where we can be understood and comforted by people who DO get it. Hang around here and read the articles, and learn. Knowledgte is power and ther eis a great deal of support here and once you get involved here, in both GIVING and RECEIVING support, it will help. I can PROMISE YOU THAT!!!!
I’m glad you found this place, there are many of us who will stand up and TESTIFY under oath that this place saved our lives and sanity! Welcome! Sorry you qualify to “join” our club, but if you do qualify, this is the best place for help!!! God bless.
sharing the journey
Thanks oxy. I have been reading lovefraud for a while and many of the stories mirror mine. I am one of the unfortunate sods who qualified for psychiatric care after my exP. I was diagnosed psychotic for two years. I ended up challenging my psychiatrist that she could be wrong as I wasn’t getting any better under her treatment. She got me a psychologist two weeks later.
Since then I have found out that I have a vulnerability to dissacociate { spelling} under stress caused by childhood abuse and that I have paranoid ideation (not surprising as I was stalked for two years} after I put him out and anxiety.
At least I have a diagnosis I can work with.
I feel so vulnerable and needy. Something I hide from the children and it is new to me. I was strong and independant before my ex husband had a go at me. So right now I need a place where I can borrow strenght until I can go alone. I have been in no contact for two years. I always thought I was a quick learner, but that thing wanted to kill me. xxx