The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless Versus the Rest of Us, by Martha Stout, Ph.D., will be the topic of discussion at a New York City Barnes & Noble Book Store on April 22, 2010, at 7 p.m.
The event is sponsored by the Non-Fiction Reading Club at the Barnes & Noble at 86th and Lexington Avenue. All are welcome.
Event announcement provided by a Lovefraud reader.
Stargazer
Thank you Oxy, EB, and everyone else. I will sit down this evening and write a letter. I can do this!
ErinBrock
Hey star….
Good for you!
🙂
Stargazer
But why do I have to keep going through this over and over again? Do you know how many letters I’ve written over the years? I used to actually send them.
ErinBrock
Because you havn’t let it all out in the process…..
Life has a way of teaching us what we dont’ get the first/second/third……time around.
Ox Drover
Star “Why do I have to keep going through this over and over again?” Because you don’t complete it, and if you don’t complete it, it will bounce back in your face. EB’s notion of you building road blocks of “I can’t do this” is I think what is happening. It is difficult but you CAN DO THIS—it may take time, and you WILL bounce back and back and back, but that is the way the grief process works. The anger is part of the grieving, and the grief process doesn’t go 1-2-3-4-5 it goes 1-3-4-3-2-4-1-4- etc but eventually you start getting in there to #5 “acceptance” and then you may slip back a time or two but eventually you get to the acceptance part and STAY there.
You can accept that your egg donor is 1) not what you deserved 2) isn’t going to change 3) did some nasty stuff to you and you can accept also 4) that because she is an N/P does not mean I have to stay sad/angry all the res tof my life. 5) I CAN and will validate myself that she was a nasty arse-pathole and it is NOT my fault. 6) THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO CHANGE HER, BUT I CAN CHANGE MY REACTION TO IT. 7) Telling her off to her face is an exercise in futility because she will never get it, never change, never care 8) but I CAN and will live a good life IN SPITE OF HER!
YOu can do it star! Remember back when yhou first came here on LF and how bummed you were about that army guy? Well, looks to me like you have come a long way since then, and as you peel back more layers of the onion, you are getting down into some painful stuff that made you vulnerable to him in the first place. SO you are making progress on you. At first it was about THEM but now it is about YOU and healin YOU. You are making progress Star, I can see the progress you have made and hear it in your posts!!! Just keep on trucking. One step at a time! Love Oxy
Stargazer
Thank you so much, Oxy and EB. I am absorbing every word. The last thing my therapist said to me while she was hugging me good-bye was “It wasn’t your fault.”
Stargazer
I’m looking right out at my patio as I’m typing. There is a squirrel on the rail jumping up on the bird house shaking it. I can’t believe he can jump that far!!! And now there are two ducks right outside my patio fence. They come every year i April to hang out in the little pond outside my patio. And a cat on the bed. Snakes in the living room. It’s a regular zoo here.
ErinBrock
Sounds beautiful star. ENJOY that and hold it near.
Rosa
Stargazer:
Do you want to go to Costa Rica??
Then I say GO TO COSTA RICA!!!
That may be the best therapy of all for you.
It just seems like your heart really wants to go, so I say GO.
This life is not a dress rehearsal….this is the only shot we get that I know of.
So, do what your heart is telling you to do.
As Miles said to Joel (Tom Cruise) in the movie, “Risky Business”:
“Sometimes, you gotta say what the F***. MAKE YOUR MOVE.
Saying ‘what the f***’ gives you freedom….freedom brings opportunity…opportunity makes your future.”
So, the moral of the story is that every now and then, say “What the heck!” 🙂
Stargazer
Thanks, Rosa! You’re right. I once was studying abroad, in Scotland and barely had enough money for my plane fare home. Instead, I used it to travel to the Greek islands. I ended up flying to Athens from London with $50 in my pocket to spend the summer there, and no plane fare home. Even though it was bittersweet, getting played by Greek men and all, I would not trade that experience for the world. Truth be told, I want to move to a place like Costa Rica. I will be looking into it when I’m there.
You all are giving me a shot of confidence today, and I appreciate it more than I can express.