The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless Versus the Rest of Us, by Martha Stout, Ph.D., will be the topic of discussion at a New York City Barnes & Noble Book Store on April 22, 2010, at 7 p.m.
The event is sponsored by the Non-Fiction Reading Club at the Barnes & Noble at 86th and Lexington Avenue. All are welcome.
Event announcement provided by a Lovefraud reader.
For me, I found my anger to be something that I rather tried to hold onto, just as I was “comfortable” in my abusive relationsnip. My anger was predictable – no risks involved, and no surprises. I knew how I would wake up, every morning, and I knew where that anger would take me. It was also a pretty handy excuse for me to avoid many, many things. I still get angry, to be sure. But, I’m getting better (I hope) at letting it go when it ceases being therapeudic and commences to be toxic.
When will it end? I don’t think the healing path has an end. Not for me, anyway. I’ll be working my way down that path for the rest of my life, I think. I would rather that I never had to step onto this path, but I’d rather stumble on this one than cruise down the SocioPath in a pink Cadillac.
I’m still having trouble processing the anger and it’s already starting to turn back into depression. This is so frustrating. I feel like a pressure cooker. I don’t want to stay angry. But I don’t want to be depressed either, which is what happens when I just ignore it.
Star~
Ann Bradley was an inspiration for me during my divorce….her journey was tough.
I HIGHLY recommend her ebooks…..they are only her experience, but I felt like I went through her process with her….as I began mine….and it was the only info I recieved, in person or researching that enlightened me to the injusteses and tactics and needing to be our own advocates….she crosses so many borders….
I learned a lot from her writings and info she wrote about in her divorce process books…..kinda like a heads up this is what’s coming….
She concentrates on Narcissism…..but toxic is toxic…whatever you call it….
But here is a link to her newsletter….and I read it tonight, and immediately thought of you from her last paragraph!
(It’s NOT about divorce….it’s inspirational)
Hope you find it inspiring too!
http://hosted.verticalresponse.com/176286/eced48ddc5/17000054/cff51598b2/
EB, that name sounds familiar to me. I will check out her book as time permits.
I have so many blocks to even feeling anger, never mind expressing it. I woke up this morning feeling depressed. This is a long, hard journey for me.
{{{{{{Stargazer}}}}}} There’s this excellent book that I was required to read when I was in high school (raised Episc. attended Cath. School, am now trying to be “spiritual” rather than organized..I digress). It was part of our “Christian Learning Sciences” curriculum, and it was by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (sp?) called, “On Death and Dying.”
The steps of grieving spelled out by her research follows with any loss, so I’ve learned. The denial, the bargaining, the anger, etc., all follow a pattern and the anger, for me, has always been a lurking presence. Sometimes, weeks go by, and I don’t feel the effects of my anger, and BLAM!!! I give in to a trigger and get all wound up, again.
The one ray of hope that I’m feeling is that these episodes of anger are becoming more and more infrequent, and less intense than they once were. I have to believe that things will get better as I travel down that healing path, but it will never be “perfect” and I’m not the same person I was before I had my experiences.
Star – i am thinking about how we gt done with things. i am looking for a metaphor…think i am going to go with detox. we get rid of toxins at a deeper and deeper level…and when we release things that have toxins in them, we will experience toxicity….but its a GOING out of our systems, not a coming in.
i understand the fear of this process – because we can’t necessarily tell if is depression coming or toxins releasing. i have a big fear of depression. don’t want to go there.
so i am thinking i may need to start taking notes so that i can see the conciously tell the difference between depression coming and going. so that i can support myself through detox, and not add the fear of the fear of depression.
i have had some hinky dark days lately. but today is not one of those days – this alone tells me it isn’t depression. well, i do know i have PTSD and i am trying to find help for it. ’cause now i need to be able to see what sows up with it that looks like depression to me, as depression is my point of reference.
i know that your working through everything about the trip/ no trip is a helaing journey for you. that’s mucho obvious. pay attention ’cause you are healing. 😉
now i am going to picture you and the snakes basking in the sun. 🙂
xx one step
Thank you for the support, Buttons and One Step. As I meditated falling asleep last night, I was able to feel the anger for tiny increments before I went back into fear and blocked it out. It is so foreign to me–it puts me right back when I was 16 and tried to stand up to my mother, and walked away. Because she couldn’t handle it, so I couldn’t express it. I just need to get it out of my system at some point. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and the mountain I need to climb. Confront my mother.
I made a decision about Costa Rica. I will be staying in a 2 bedroom beach house on the Central Pacific. I will also allow a few extra days to travel to another part of the country if I want. This will be a 2-week trip.
I went to look at a rescue Siamese today that looks exactly like my Willowee who died in January. I’m now torn. I’m not sure I want the responsibility at this stage in my life. But he’s so adorable and he needs a home.
How are you guys doing? Glad to hear things are moving along for you, one step and you’re having good days.
Howdy Just saw this on the news, researches say the party drug esctacy helps with PTSD..apparently helps victim’s sort out the trauma. anyway I am over my PTSD or I would try it..I wonder what party drug is good for CRS?
Henry, I took a lot of ecstasy in the 80’s when I was a grad student in San Francisco. It was still legal back then and so it was regulated. It is derived from MDMA, which is a synthetic form of mescaline. Back in the day, therapists gave MDMA to their clients, especially the couples, because it acted as a truth syrum! My friends and I had a stash lying around for numerous occasions. I have to say it was my drug of choice. I felt totally relaxed and open-hearted on it. I discovered while on ecstasy that I could sing and dance (both of which became hobbies and careers for me later in life). I also was able to help others who were having a hard time on it. I thought it was really amazing, and I still do.
However–big however–now that it is illegal, it is not regulated and cut with all kinds of other stuff that makes it unsafe. Even if I thought it would be a good idea, I would never take it now. The other thing about a drug is that when you feel good on it, it becomes psychologically addicting. This is what happened to me. When the drug wore off, the walls would come crashing down, and I would sink to very low places. When I was high, however, I was a facilitating all my clients to heal and living this magical life. I came to the conclusion that drugs can sometimes point to our potential. But it is our life path to realize that potential without the drugs. I stopped taking any drugs in the late 80’s, for better or for worse.
Dear Henry,
BEER! (Joke)
Actually there is some research being done with “magic mushrooms” and stroke victims and depressed people and PTSD, at least one research that showed it had some positive effects on them long term after one very closely monitored use.
But keep in mind that once it was “thought” that LSD was helpful too….so I reserve judgment on the use of “recreational” drugs for “therapy.”
I smoked my share of grass when I was about 19 living in California in the mid 1960s, but you know, I think I’ll face life unstoned and sober. Many of the friends I had in those days ended up frying their minds, and I have seen too many others who fried their brains and so on with drugs of one kind or another. I’ve seen marijuana used for pain control in cancer patients and I’ve seen chronic pain patients who have smoked dope and popped pills for valid pain control, but even then it got out of hand and “smoked” their lives away. I’m glad that medicine is recognizing “pain as a vital sign” now and is working with it in a better manner than ignoring it because a patient might get “hooked” on opiates or whatever. However, unfortunately, too many times drugs of any sort become crutches for facing life and end up destroying reality and the lives we could have. Doesn’t matter if it is beer or grass or oxycontin or coke or meth. Whatever is used to excess will “kill ya” –so I think I will just take my “real life” with a “Water chaser”, drink up and enjoy it.