Jimmy Savile was one of the most well-know stars of British television. Everyone knew he was eccentric and many people apparently knew he was also a sexual predator who targeted young girls for decades.
Jimmy Savile scandal on BBC.co.uk.
‘If we blabbed on Jimmy, the family would have been left with nothing’: Savile’s abused great niece tells how paedophile DJ bought his relatives’ silence, on DailyMail.co.uk.
Britain’s Jimmy Savile abuse scandal: how could his crimes have gone unnoticed for so long? on WashingtonPost.com.
Links supplied by a Lovefraud reader.
[youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/6nHDZfSl36g]
SharingTheJourney, in a particularly gruelling session, I demanded that my counselor explain to me how I couldn’t have SEEN the financial fraud and exspath’s deviances. I was in a terrible state because I had just received the documentation that confirmed that the exspath had forged my signatures (and, wrote in his OWN on many) on drafts from my private investment account. I had been financially wiped out by a man who had compartmentalized a violently deviant lifestyle, and I wanted answers.
The counselor calmly responded, “We only know what we KNOW. You (meaning, ME) weren’t looking for deception and betrayal because you hadn’t been given any reason to.” This took some of the shame and blame off of my shoulders, but not nearly enough.
Retrospective observation (IMHO) is sort of like standing outside of a bamboo forest. If you’ve ever been in the middle of an enormous clump of bamboo, you know how dense and dark it is. It screens everything outside of itself, and it can grow to tremendous proportions. It’s very SECRETIVE, too. Birds are “safe” from predators inside bamboo forests because they are so dense.
Got an auto junkyard that’s ugly? Plant some bamboo around the perimeter and nobody will even know it’s there in a year’s time. It HIDES things.
So, when we finally get OUT of that dense, dark, secret environment, we can look at that bamboo and see the areas where there are dead, dying, and diseased canes and we can see the intrusive, invasive runners that this bamboo sends out for many, many yards all around. Once those runners are in place, it is nigh-on-impossible to contain that bamboo because it spreads at a phenomenal rate. THAT is what spath life is like, to me. It’s dark. It’s secret. It’s dense. Some patches of sun come in, but infrequently. Then, on the outside, I can actually see what a mess this forest really is.
It’s not so much as being unable to “see the forest for the trees,” but being unable to see anything BUT a thick, dark, and SECRET place with no end in sight.
Although I may have chosen to remain “blind” in some regards, that blindness was inflicted by exspath. Through games, semantics, coercion, crazy-making, and passive-aggressive abuse, the blindness was deliberately and efficiently inflicted upon me.
So……..yeah……it’s okay. We’re ALL okay, even if we don’t feel that we are, right now.
Brightest blessings
The Stare…….they ALL have it, whether they are physically abusive, or not.
Even female spaths will STARE. It’s not even like a “searching” stare. It is the stare of a hungry cheetah on the African plain at a herd of wildebeasts. It’s the stare of a predator sorting out who is old, injured, or sick.
Truthspeak:
Yes, they all have the stare. I can’t believe I had never encountered it before. Mine is not physically abusive, just emotionally and mentally.
It’s funny you say the females have the stare, too. You bet. OW in my office had it, too, but I also never realized it on her until I saw it on him. Man, they were made for each other. I have often wondered why he did not end up with her, but I think it’s because they WERE too much alike. They fed off of each other, but she was probably too much competition for him…they were too much alike. Crazy stuff.
I hate that he took all your money. That is so horrible. You still have to go to court, don’t you? Will you ever recover any of it?
Louise.
I am very close to my kids and know when they feel upset etc. I asked them directly and calmly and watched their reaction very carefully. First impression is usually the right one.
They displayed more curiosity than shock and they all said no. Also, usually there are behaviour problems if kids are sexually abused and my kids are great. ‘Thank you God’.
As for the other kids in the family. They all belong to his side and I had to NC everyone from there when I threw him out. It
wasn’t hard. They are all so narcissistic that they wouldn’t believe me anyway.
All I can do is pray that he only thinks about it rather than doing it and that the kids are safe.
Truthspeak
I tend to scrutinise people this way too but unlike the predator I am filled with compassion for them.
And I don’t stare.
I remember when I was about 7 years married and my two eldest were young. it was totally loveless and I tried hard to keep the little love we had alive.
I remember one night trying to cuddle up to him on the couch and I asked him what he was thinking about me when he stared at me for weeks when he first saw me.
I was looking for a bit of romance.
He turned to me and coldly said ‘sex’.
I wasn’t expecting this and I felt like I had been slapped.
This was the days when I was being abused and I was filled with self blame. I was young and couldn’t work out what was going wrong with us. off course I was slowly being brainwashed that it was me that was the problem. And I believed him for 15 years until I had that lightbulb moment when I knew it was him.
That’s when I left and took the kids to a house of my own. Sadly I took him back.
But I didn’t know about spaths in those days. Totally ignorant. Wish I did.
I also think that they use misdirection a lot Truth. In those six years he kept me distracted by being ‘loving and attentive’ to me. Totally fooled.
xxx
STJ:
Good, you did well…watching your children’s reactions when you asked them. I understand about the children on his side of the family and how you are not able to ask them. That is all you can do is pray.
I felt a pang of hurt when you told the story of asking him about the stare and he said it was “sex” he was thinking about. Hurtful. So many things came flooding back to me as I knew at the instant I read this from you that is also the only thing my spath was thinking of. So devastating that I interpreted it as anything more. Very sad. But this is why I get on my soap box about being intimate with men too soon. It’s because I was duped and I KNOW what men are like…sex is what they want 99% of the time or 100% of the time and like I was at one time, women are blind to it. They think it’s “love”…haha! Not to make light of it by laughing, but it’s tongue in cheek…you get what I am saying. It’s NOT funny…it’s despicable. I am just sooooo glad I see it NOW. I am trying to educate others so they can avoid the hurt and humiliation.
Thank you STJ for your posts today.
STJ, we only know what we know, and an abusive relationship has so many factors and variables. The only reason that I finally connected the abusive dots was observing how my eldest son was acting-out and how his father refused to make him accountable. We were all just being warehoused until the exspath wanted some amusement.
Louise, as for the second exspath and recovering any of what he’s taken, the answer is, “No.” In “no-fault divorce,” there are NO punitive damages awarded. It is strictly about division of assets. And, seeing as how he managed to either take or destroy (foreclosure, vehicular repossession) all joint assets, this trial is about nothing more than alimony: how much, for how long. And, that’s IT.
No, I will never recover one slim dime of what he’s taken. And, he will never face any more of a consequence than having to pay out alimony. For a man who makes the healthy income that he does, he’s whining about THAT.
Educating others is the best that I can do, at this point. Although there are people that need a good, strong “warning” about spaths, doing that would only cleave them closer, still, to the disordered. So….general terms and general references.
Brightest blessings
Louise.
Thanks so much for listening and responding.I don’t feel like a victim anymore but rather a survivor that needs to put it out there what I experienced.
To get it out of my head.
Truth
I don’t know if your living conditions have gotten better as I hardly hear you talk about them now, but I do hope so. You were in my prayers as I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have my home.
Surviving the aftermath and what you endured afterwards was a heroic feat.
I take my hat off to you.
Take care
xxx
Truthy, you are in my prayers as well. I hope you finally get some resolution. And I hope he ACTUALLY PAYS, that’s another part of the problem YOU get a JUDGMENT but the court doesn’t enforce it, YOU have to. So they don’t pay. I hope yours at least pays if you do get a judgment, but whatever happens it is at an END and that ENDING is a closure…as close as you will get to one any way. You may find that very much a relief.
Truthy if I ever get my hands on your expath… (justice fantasies involving some face slapping). They are sub-human, we aren’t , so no matter, we are better off than them, broke or not, hot water or not, bedwetting or not (sorry it felt a relief to admit that earlier so did it again) Thank you from my heart for your guidance warmth humour and eloquence truthy, I’m so grateful to you x
STJ,
it shows how manipulative your exspath was to use counseling as part of his facade. You had suffered 15 years of abuse so in order to get back in your good graces, he had to have some “story” or “explanation” for his sudden redemption and counseling was something you could believe in. He milked that for 6 more years.
It’s such a relief that your children weren’t damaged.
In hindsight, there were many clues that my exspath was a pedophile too, but as Truthy said, “You only know what you know.” Since spaths are not something we were told about, how the heck would we know?