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Please keep Lovefraud co-founder in your thoughts and prayers

 

Donna Andersen and Terry Kelly

Donna Andersen and Terry Kelly celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary at a restaurant two weeks ago.

I’ve written quite a few times about the wonderful relationship that I have with my husband, Terry Kelly. Yes, there is love after a sociopath.

Terry is my business partner in Lovefraud. He funded building the website and the printing of my books. When business decisions about Lovefraud need to be made, he’s my consultant. He even handles shipping when we receive book orders.

I’m writing this as I sit in the ICU waiting room of our local hospital. Terry suffered a heart attack on Tuesday. It’s been a long week.

This came totally out of the blue. Terry does not have any of the typical risk factors of heart disease. No family history. No smoking. He’s not overweight, he eats well, he exercises.

I was at my desk Tuesday morning, working on Lovefraud, when Terry left to go the gym. Then he went to the nearby Acme supermarket. There, he collapsed.

Luckily Acme had an AED (automated external defibrillator), and store employees started working on him right away. They called 911; an ambulance took him to the hospital.

My phone rang it was the emergency room. They wanted me to come right away. All they told me was that he collapsed.

When I got to the hospital, the doctors had already taken him for a catheterization. Afterwards, the doctor came out to talk to me. “Your husband is lucky to be alive,” she said.

Afterwards they moved Terry to the ICU. I was standing there when the nurses asked Terry to raise his hand, and nod his head. He could not follow directions. They became concerned about brain damage.

So they initiated a “therapeutic hypothermia,” which meant they cooled his body temperature down to 32 degrees celsius for 24 hours. To do it, they had to give Terry a heavy sedative.

After the 24 hours, they slowly warmed Terry up again. Eventually they took him off the sedative. But it takes a long time for the sedative to wear off. So my husband was unconscious, or barely conscious, for five days.

And the entire time, no one knew if Terry had suffered neurological damage.

Yesterday, Terry finally started waking up. As the day progressed, he became more and more coherent. He still couldn’t talk, because he had a breathing tubes in his throat. But he could respond appropriately.

A nurse asked him if he was in pain, and he nodded “yes.” They gave him medicine. Later, another nurse, having learned that Terry was a drummer, asked if he would give her drum lessons when he got better. He nodded “yes” again.

Terry’s family and our neighbors visited, and he recognized everyone, responded appropriately to conversation, and waved goodbye.

This was a huge improvement. I slowly began to feel that maybe, just maybe, my life wasn’t going to fall apart again.

Terry almost died. His heart stopped. If he hadn’t collapsed in the supermarket, if the supermarket didn’t have the AED, and employees who could use it, well, he would be gone.

All week, when I didn’t know if he would live or die, my emotions were all over the place. Fear that I would lose my husband. Worry I depended on Terry for so much; how would I handle everything? Resentment my first husband was a sociopath; hadn’t I already been through enough crap?

It’s interesting though now that the situation appears more optimistic, I can observe how different it is from the crisis I experienced because of the sociopath. Yes, this is a life-or-death crisis, but there is no betrayal. No manipulation and no deception.

So it’s an honest crisis, not an exploitation. My sense of self is not shaken.

The crisis isn’t over Terry is not out of the woods. So I will be somewhat distracted for awhile, and perhaps not as responsive to Lovefraud readers as I usually am. I am sorry, and I hope you’ll be patient.

Please keep Terry in your thoughts and prayers.

UPDATE 2/29/16 2 PM

Tremendous news! My husband, Terry, is off the respirator. I just spent 2 hours with him and he is getting better by the minute. It must have been all the prayers and good wishes, because he literally looked better and better right before my eyes.

Terry will still be in the hospital for a few days and may also need a rehab facility he spent seven days in bed, so he may be a bit unsteady on his feet. Or maybe not he’s a strong guy, and he wants to come home.

Thank you all so much!

 

 

 


Posted in: Donna Andersen

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67 Comments on "Please keep Lovefraud co-founder in your thoughts and prayers"

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So sorry to hear about your husband, Donna!
I will be praying for both of you.
Take care and God bless!

Donna,

You are both in my thoughts and prayers. I am very sorry to hear about this stressful time.

In 2013, my mom passed from an illness similar to ALS. Over the years, when in counseling over the individual with psychopathic traits, she was progressively getting worse. The counselor knew my mom was failing and ask if I was handling that fine. I always told her that I was. I would continue to explain that her illness and her eventual passing were “normal.” Yes, the whole thing made me incredibly sad. I loved her, I was mourning the loss of the person she no longer was, but she was not “doing this to me” on purpose. She was sick and that was not anyone’s fault and there was no malice.

Thus, your point is huge and will help many people, I think. In the meantime, hang in there. If there is anyone with strength out there, it is you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Linda

Donna,

I am so sorry to hear this and Terry will certainly be kept in my thoughts.

You are a wonderful person, Donna, and you will get through this for you are very strong. At first there IS shock and disbelief. Like you said, it shakes you to your very core. You have come out of that stage already.

Terry IS a wonderful guy as well. Concentrate on the two of you.

Please lean on us, like we have on you.

We are here for you no matter what.

Warmest thoughts,
Bev

Donna-

Best wishes for Terry’s speedy recovery, and strength for you, from the bottom of my heart!

Joyce

Donna & Terry,

HUGE HUGS to both of you!! 💜💜💜

I had tears welling up reading your post Donna, I am truly sorry that you & Terry dealing with this life threatening medical complication. Just when you think you can coast in life these things are around the corner.

Please dont forget to take time & breath Donna…the stress level you are under needs to be focused on just as much as what you are doing to focus on Terry. Ask your doctor if it is ok for you to take magnesium & B-complex vitamins as they both are needed during stressful situation. Just google to learn more.

For Terry google “Dr Amen PBS you tube” to watch his PBS lecture and other videos on healing the brain. Dr Amen is a leading brain expert who has conducted over 80,000 brain scans & also conducted countless brain studies including the Ex Professional Football brain concussion study which highlighted the brain damage for football players. Dr Amen worked with these ex football players to help significantly improve their brain function & their lives.

Dr Amen & his clinics (Amen Clinics) help people heal their brains after brain trauma. He has written countless New York Times Best book for years on how to improve the brain (see amazon & Amen clinic sites).

Dr Amen & his clinics work with patients from all over the world that are in Terry’s condition to get their brains fully working properly after a heart attack. You do not have to bring Terry to their clinic they can help facilitate the proper testing that Terry needs while he is in the hospital via phone & they can help interpret the test results along with your current doctors. Dr Amen also has done a “Ted. com Talk”. I have no affiliation to Dr Amen other then reading his books/watching his videos)

God Speed for Terry’s recovery!! Take care of yourself Donna please dont wear yourself out as it is very common when taking care of someone who has had medical issues.

HUGS to you both. You & Terry will both get thru this incredibly stressful time in your life. 💜💜💜

ps Thank you Terry & Donna for all that you have done to save so many lives after an evil sociopath encounter. You have made a difference in millions of lives!!

Donna-

So sorry to hear this difficult news. You are both in my thoughts. I hope Terry continues to gain strength and recover and that you are getting the support you need during this challenging time.

O.N.Ward

Please get well Terry!! Donna you both are in my prayers. God will see you through!

Praying for you and your husband!!! God Bless you!

How scary Donna! I am keeping you both in my prayers! Please try to keep us updated as you can!

IT…sorry for that typo

So happy for you & Terry that he is getting better!! Such a blessing that he collapsed in the grocery store were not only the store had a defibrillator but also the store employees knew how to use it & acted quickly!!! WOW right place for Terry to have his heart attack!

Thank you Donna for share your story with all of us.

All the best to you both 💜

Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way Donna!

Donna,

I am so relieved to hear Terry is improving day by day! So glad that you are solidly by his side. Thank goodness for those store employees and the AED machine. It works when we know how to use them!

I will keep you both in my thought and prayer.

Slim

Donna you have had a tremendous amount of stress this week. Yes, LOTS of adrenaline & cortisol running thru your body. Take good care of your adrenal glands now by taking some down time for you while Terry is being taken good care of in the hospital by the hospital staff.

Everything is going to work out for Terry & you. Many blessing for the two of you last week & this up coming week!! 💜 One day at a time 💜

Go, Terry, Go! God bless you both!

Blessed be, Donna.
My warmest wishes are with you and your wonderful husband.
You’re a stronger woman for the sociopath, so I know that whatever Terry needs from you, you will be able to provide. The two of you will get through this, together.
Together. Wow, what a wonderful word!
Love,
Dee

I couldn’t have expressed myself more eloquently. Raising my tea cup to you and your love; Here, here you guys!

So greatful to God for all He has done to bring you both through this thus far. I’m excitedly looking forward to all your tomorrows.

Thank you for taking to time to share what you and your husband are going through with us on your blog. I pray for his complete recovery.

So sorry about this crisis! I am praying for his complete recovery. Please be sure to bring him to the reiki center for as many healing sessions as possible! Best of luck to both of you!!

Sending positive thoughts your way! Prayers for your husband’s speedy and safe recovery!!

Many prayers for Terry’s return to complete health! Blessings to both of you!

Dear Donna and Terry
Five years ago my life was shattered by a sociopath. I fell down into such a seemingly bottomless pit of emotional pain, anxiety and depression I thought I would never be able to climb out. But very slowly and gradually I did. Thanks to therapy, loads of reading on the subject and your wonderful site Lovefraud. Lovefraud has helped me and countless others enormously! As a result of going no contact with the spath I had to sever all contacts with a large chorus that I had been involved with for close to 20 years and which brought great joy to my life, a huge loss for which I sorely grieved. But after several years I’m singing again with a new group and have even taken up dancing! Thank you!Thank you! Thank you both! God bless you Donna and Terry! Wishing you a speedy recovery and many more years of happiness together. After reading your site for years this is the first time I’ve ever contacted you.xoxo!

Praying for Donna and Terry..for Terry’d complete recovery and restored health…and Terry so she can rest as well.

Wishing a speedy recovery for Terry. AEDs are wonderful things.

Hi Donna all the best to you & wonderful has abandoned -your rock xxxxxxxxx

Sorry Donna that is supposed to say “husband” I hate auto correct

I am so sorry to read about your husband. Everything will be fine. I will continue to keep the both of you in my prayers. Keep
strong!

Donna, so sorry to read about your husband’s heart attack. You sound very positive. I will send both of you healing thoughts. So glad to learn about your husband/co-founder…he sounds like a gem!

So glad Terry is doing better.

Donna: I am so very sorry to read of Terry’s heart attack and your agonizing experience. I hope and pray he makes a complete recovery. You both deserve the very best! I am happy to read he is doing much better. Warm thoughts and hugs to you both.

What blessed news!!! Thoughts and prayers continue for Terry and for you!

May God bless you with a speedy recovery, Terry! Warm thoughts and prayers to both of you! Take care 😊

Godspeed…prayers, thoughts and love to you both!

Donna,

Glad to hear he is improving! Prayers still for him, and for you as well!

Donna,

So glad to hear that he is improving.

I am praying and thinking of you guys.

God Bless and lots of healings….

xoxo

Donna,

I don’t know how I missed this post from you, I was just here reading it seems a few days ago.

So sorry your husband is experiencing serious health issues. I was relieved to read your update that he is doing better. I sincerely hope he continues to improve and is back home with you soon.

Sending hugs and prayers your way!

Vicki

God bless, Donna and Terry. You both deserve great health!

Donna and Terry,
My prayers are with you both as you go through this.
It sounds like Terry is in good hands and so glad the AED was available at the store.
So glad to hear he is off the respirator!!
Speedy recovery!
Prayers and hugs.
Stronginthecity

HI Donna I just saw this ,,oh no ,,,so sorry ,,,life is so unexpected sometimes

so glad u are together & he has your love & support ,,,that will help him recover faster good to see he is doing better after such so much pain…

,,,,U guys make a lovely couple in that picture,,,,keep an eye on all that goes on at hospital, so all is on tract,,,good to have u at bedside

U are in my thoughts & prayers
much love to both of u
xoxox

Donna, Your inner strength and resiliency comes through in your post. You are able to see the bigger picture in the middle of a life crisis. I hope Terry continues to make improvements and recovers quickly. Please take care of yourself during this time.

I’m VERY sorry to hear of Terry’s heart attack, Donna. Terry is obviously a Good Guy who never deserved this–and certainly neither did you! After being married to a rotten conman, you DESERVED to have love and happiness in your life with a decent guy, and I was so glad to hear that you had it. Well, I sure hope Terry survives this and makes a good recovery, and I’m happy to hear he’s starting to do better already.

If there’s a lesson in this, it’s probably that older people should get themselves checked out periodically for UNSEEN health problems, including heart defects, colon cancer, all that kind of thing. There are outfits that do some of this testing at a more reasonable cost than the ripoff pricing so many hospitals charge. “Life Line Screening” is one company that I’ve used myself. I lost a beloved brother-in-law (another of those Good Guys) two years ago to an aortic aneurysm that could have been detected far earlier and his life most probably saved with appropriate screening. That particular test, along with some others, would have cost about $150–not much to pay for saving a life.

Anyway, my very best wishes to you and Terry, and I hope he’s back on his feet soon!

Donna & Terry ~
If you could glance above the top of your tablet, or iPad, and see the many faces of those people who visit your site, all who read stories, ask questions, comment, nod our heads emphatically, eyes opened ala Christmas goose – it might not look much different than the triage area of your hospital, although there are many who no longer need emergency treatment, but plenty of maintenance and ongoing patient education.
Busted up hearts n’ brains meets the line in the sand. Nothing trumps the disasters of psych abuse like the wake up call of a cardiac emergency. We wish you the best treatment, the brightest docs and nurses, and the ability to remain positive and to heal ~~ you both are in the prayers of so many.

Donna & Terry,

Please continue to surround yourselves with truly supportive, loving, caring, and helpful human beings.

I send you loving kindness: May you be held in compassion, May your pains and sorrows be eased, May you be at peace.

Thank you for sharing your story.

I’m sorry you both had to go through this and wish Terry a quick recovery!

Sending prayers, Donna. These human bodies are just so fragile….(((hugs)))

So sorry to hear the news of your husband, I have you both in my prayers. It has been a while since I have been on here. Your site was so helpful when I learned that I had been involved with a sociopath. Even after several years I still have rough days. Thank you both. Bless you!

You are both in my thoughts and prayers. “Be still and know that you are in the flow”, Eric Butterworth

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