Dr. Dorothy McCoy, a licensed professional counselor and psychotherapist, has developed online quizzes to help you figure out if you are dating a psychopath or narcissist. The behaviors identified by the quizzes will certainly look familiar to Lovefraud readers.
kim frederick
Onestep, I loved your long post. I really didn’t know much about trauma bonds before coming to LF, even though I did understand the dynamics of addiction. I knew by my behavior and thought process and inability to extracate myself from my miserable relationship that I WAS ADDICTED, but I never understood why, or how I got that way. The amazing thing about it was, that I never thought I was in love with him! It was the you and me against the world mentality, and a gradual wearing away of reason along with a growing sense of dependancy, and an ever increasing awareness of iimpending doom.
Thanks for your post. It goes a long way toward explaining trauma bonding. I will read your link when I finish here.
As far as Hoodoo goes: One morning, years ago when I was still married to N X hub, I got up and dressed and got ready for school. I was putting on my make-up, and screwed the lid off one of those roller- ball type lip-gloss, and found a long, kinky black hair stuck to it. Ewwwwwwww. How perverted is that?
And about menstual blood: Way back in the day when God was a woman, and no one really knew how children were concieved, menstrual blood, and breast milk were considered sacrid….I agree that to us, menstual blood is taboo, but that fact, I think is a result of patriarchy and it’s need to over throw the Godess. Just sayin’.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
good morning kim – i am so with you on the goddess side. I think menstruation is amazing. i believe that it has many more reasons for being beyond having babies. i read an article about menstruation by a brilliant scientist once – and her theory was that menstruation had a ant bacterial affect on our bodies. i sat in stunned silence when i read that – like i had discovered a long hidden truth.
it is an amazing thing that we bleed and don’t die, that our bodies produce food for children – we female mammals are incredible. not sure why parthenogenesis is not the norm though.
it’s sad and potentially crippling that we are taught what we are about our bodies and how they function – everything has some stupid social meaning. my mom was a nurse, and she was extremely invasive with our private space, inc. our bodies. she turned most natural bodily functions into shames/ something she should control. she did hurt me with this stuff. but it was the 60’s and my spirit was very free when i was younger – she didn’t stop me from doing a damn thing by the time i was 12. what she probably actuallly taught me was to let others disrespect me.
i always felt good about my cycles (once i was past the societal embarrassment – thanks mom and puberty) until i started to bleed so painfully and heavily that it became dangerous to me.
i described a bit about the trauma bond (although i didn’t call it that as i don’t want the spath (who reads that other blog) to come looking for internet references to the taruan bond and find her way here) on the blog where the spath is exposed, and another poster came back with a link to that long post. I told her that in fact it is what spaths do.
i responded to your post over on Society for the ‘Scientific Study of Psychopathy, meeting highlights: Researching victimization’
have a great day kim!
kim frederick
Yes, I think it’s sad that we are taught to feel shame about our femaleness. Our wonderful bodies, and their natural ability to produce new human life.
romanticfool no more
Da-aamn! It was bad enough that he was drugging me, now I really wanna barf! He did all the cooking in the beginning, now I know why I fell in love so stupidly!
He rated as both S and N, no surprise there. I’d figured out long before the end he was a N. I enjoyed those quizes, I took an extra one and I’m going to be the next Agatha Christie. Yay! The only one he didn’t score on was jealousy, I guess when you think you are perfect you can’t imagine your victim ever wanting anyone else. Although he did act like we were glued to the hip when we were at parties, enough so it was physically uncomfortable.
Ok, I expected to see his behaviors in the sick system. What I didn’t expect is that I would flash on the roommate I had when I met him. She was the one who constantly complained about her job, yet did nothing to change it. She also was Crisis Central, she could whip up a crisis every single day out of literally nothing. And you better participate in feeling sorry for her and exclaiming it loudly and repeatedly. She would always one-up any real crisis someone else was having…at least in her own mind.
Sometimes when I remember everything that was going on in my life at the time I fell for X, I’m surprised I didn’t fall for a cannibal wearing a scary red mask! I was actually living less than a mile away from Ted Bundy’s parents while he was on his killing spree in the NW, I’m sure I would have found him just my type, sigh.
bellaangel
Dear Kim Frederick and Onestep….. I would love to know how to access what you are referring to above about the long post on trauma bonding? I know that is what I experienced, and read the book but still need to hear how it affected others. I saved your paragraph Kim as it explains into words what I felt too….but couldn’t express. Any pointers would help. thanks.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
bellangel – the original is on livejournal: http://issendai.livejournal.com/572510.html
behind_blue_eyes
Kim frederick;
I second your comment regarding Onestep’s post. That was my experience 1,2,3 and 4! Add with it that at the end he became my caretaker and one can see with there was such a traumatic effect.
behind_blue_eyes
I assessed my x-spath with the quiz and he rated a 9. However, since I did not know much about his past or bill paying habits, I did not answer questions relating to these negatively.
Quizes and tests are one thing, but when a particular question really resonates, my head is left shaking.
“Is described by others as laid back, cool, unruffled, an android.”
On several dating websites he describes himself as “chill”.
Ox Drover
The post that one/joy made on June 8th, I hadn’t read before and I want to say that it makes SOOOOOOO much sense….and every one of those things was done to me in the “summer of chaos” by the Ps ganging up……I was CRAZEEEEEE as a sheet house rat because I was so TIRED and STRESSED and COULDN’T THINK effectively.
If you haven’t read that post, go back and read it carefully.
THANKS, ONE!!!!!
skylar
Oh my god how did I miss that post?
That is such an incredible post. It describes my life for 25 years.
Thank you 1 joy And oxy For bringing it to my attention.