By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
Psychopaths sometimes don’t know enough about how the rest of the world thinks to tell a “good” lie. I saw the following article about North Korea’s soccer team and how they had been apparently caught in a doping scandal, but were claiming that it was really an herbal medication that made them test positive for steroids.
The excuse given was that the team members had been struck by lightening and they had decided, heroically, to compete anyway. The steroids were accidentally taken with traditional Chinese medicines.
I have recently found other articles about the “stories” of the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-II, that made me laugh out loud. In one article, he supposedly played his first round of golf and scored a 38, including five holes-in-one.
One of the things I have noticed about many psychopaths, and others who frequently lie, is that their lies are so “off the wall” that no one over three years old would believe a word of them. They will “lie when the truth will fit better” is a saying I’ve heard all my life. This seems to be especially true with pathological liars and psychopaths.
Dr. Robert Hare, well-known psychopathy researcher, says that psychopaths have difficulty realizing that their lies are unbelievable, even when the evidence that they are untrue is literally in front of them. In some way, the two sides of their brains can’t connect the evidence in front of their eyes.
An example of this are the lies told by Casey Anthony when she led the police to the place she supposedly worked, even going to a cubical, when she knew that she didn’t work for that company. She also lied about leaving her daughter with “Zanny the Nanny,” when such a person didn’t exist. Anthony even led the police to the door of the empty apartment with the police in tow.
Not all liars are psychopaths, but all psychopaths are liars. Liars signal that they are not to be trusted. But if you hear a lie that is so outrageous that it makes you laugh out loud, or have the feeling that the person telling it must be “crazy—”look out! You very well may be dealing with a psychopath.
Farwronged,
I read your above post and I sit here shaking my head and feeling empathy for you…..”trust me!!!!” LOL WHAT CONTROL tactics they use!~
You are right, HE IS THE CHEATER! HE IS THE LIAR!
In the future make sure someone EARNS your trust, don’t give it away for free….and once you see the red flags of dishonesty! Don’t EVER trust them again.
I won’t (((mama Ox)))…. I’m learning but it hurts so bad.. iinstead of feeling better it’s getting worse. When I accepted the sociopathy, I felt better. Why is it now, 4 months out of the situation, I feel such pain?
Farwronged,
I don’t know your situation exactly, but with mine I hurt for a LONG time. My ex-socio dredged up a lot of abandonment and clarity issues with my mom. Going through the kind of abuse and abandonment with the socio was like reliving past trauma, as well. Funny enough, I had no idea I was repeating patterns!
Anyways. I still hurt about it. Though, it’s better today than it was fresh out of the relationship. I think what makes it bad is the fact that it’s just BAD. There’s no way to reconcile your feelings and losses with someone who will help you, care for you, show sympathy, empathy, etc – it’s just you and the reality that your sociopath used/abused/lied/abandoned you and now you have to get on alone.
Not easy. So be patient. It will take a lot of time.
Dear Farwronged,
Yes, Purewater is right, it takes TIME and there’s no way to rush it and get through it. It is like when you are preggers, you can’t rush the 9 months it takes to make a baby….same with healing, it takes time—how much? Different for different folks, I’m going on 7 years and still not “there”—it just gets better and one day you wake up and realize you are FEELING GOOD but there are and always will be things to learn. We ahve to get comfortable in our own skin. For me that has taken a life time to figure out I needed to, now 7 years into the healing from the pain(s) of dealing with these people for my entire life….of trying to fix others, of trying to make others happy, and forget about myself. Now I realize that taking care of ME is primary job ONE! When I take care of me by keeping toxic people away then those people who are healthy, kind, caring and loving have room to have relationships with me without all the drama.
Time, I am so far down that road. This week I sat in a pub garden (I work away from home), eating my seafood platter (this is the UK), glass of wine, doing a crossword ..sun was sort of trying to shine (this is the UK (sorry again)), and I felt at peace, for the first time in 6 years.
I am about to do battle again via the silly court system (spaths never stop), but I don’t give a monkies tit! Now I have had numerous false police reports against me from the spath, I have been raped, worse of all my children have been abused ..but I now have clarity ..firstly no one actually cares apart from your own family (and this site), and secondly the law is rubbish but if you hang in there long enough you may get some justice and thirdly, for all those who say ‘don’t fight’ ..bullsh*t ..that’s how I got my peace (eventually) ..I got justice, not much but hey hoy!!
Would I do it differently, of course, now we all know what we are dealing with we would all do things differently.
It takes time, time and more time, they are pure evil. I am as I say yet again being taken back to court by the spath, I am so ‘am I am bothered’ I simply don’t care ..this is about to be my 41st court appearance ..
So anyone out there, sobbing, hurt, cut to pieces, destroyed, homeless, on the edge of a nervous breakdown, broke, arrested, put in a cell, police harassing you, courts etc ..just hang in there, and if you don’t have children run away, as far as you can.
I also appear to have got my taste buds back, and smoked mackerel ..delicious ..for the first time in years I even enjoyed my food. Those spaths suck out every pleasure.
Hugs
Dear Movingon,
TOWANDA for you!!!!! Sorry it is taking you back to court again though and that you have a child involved in this mess. You are a strong person, so keep that attitude! (((hugs))) and God bless.
moveingon:
Good to hear from you and glad to hear you felt peace this week while you were in the pub garden. Not sure if you are a Tori Amos fan, but I love her and when you mentioned about the sun trying to shine, it reminded me of one of my favorite songs by her, “Welcome to England.” In it she sings, “you better bring your own sun.” Love it. My X spath is from Liverpool and lived in Manchester so I would love to visit there.
Anyway, thank you so much for your encouraging words. Makes me believe that we all will eventually be OK. Hugs to you x
Speaking of lies; are you all familiar with the Madeleine McCann story? Wow….so much like the Anthony story!
MovingOn: “Those spaths suck out every pleasure. ”
So insightful. We numb ourselves b/c the pain is so overwhelming. What we don’t realize is we numb our pleasures too. The way it happens is so subtle that we don’t even realize what was NORMAL to us was gone.
It wasn’t until I REGAINED my ability to feel joy again that I became aware that I’d lost my pleasures in life. But it was also a signal to me that I was HEALING, b/c as you say, you got your taste buds back.
HEELLOOooo LF posters??? What are things all you others forgot you liked b/c you were so numb?
TB: I did follow little Maddy’s story for a long time. What makes it sim to the Anthony story?