By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
Psychopaths sometimes don’t know enough about how the rest of the world thinks to tell a “good” lie. I saw the following article about North Korea’s soccer team and how they had been apparently caught in a doping scandal, but were claiming that it was really an herbal medication that made them test positive for steroids.
The excuse given was that the team members had been struck by lightening and they had decided, heroically, to compete anyway. The steroids were accidentally taken with traditional Chinese medicines.
I have recently found other articles about the “stories” of the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-II, that made me laugh out loud. In one article, he supposedly played his first round of golf and scored a 38, including five holes-in-one.
One of the things I have noticed about many psychopaths, and others who frequently lie, is that their lies are so “off the wall” that no one over three years old would believe a word of them. They will “lie when the truth will fit better” is a saying I’ve heard all my life. This seems to be especially true with pathological liars and psychopaths.
Dr. Robert Hare, well-known psychopathy researcher, says that psychopaths have difficulty realizing that their lies are unbelievable, even when the evidence that they are untrue is literally in front of them. In some way, the two sides of their brains can’t connect the evidence in front of their eyes.
An example of this are the lies told by Casey Anthony when she led the police to the place she supposedly worked, even going to a cubical, when she knew that she didn’t work for that company. She also lied about leaving her daughter with “Zanny the Nanny,” when such a person didn’t exist. Anthony even led the police to the door of the empty apartment with the police in tow.
Not all liars are psychopaths, but all psychopaths are liars. Liars signal that they are not to be trusted. But if you hear a lie that is so outrageous that it makes you laugh out loud, or have the feeling that the person telling it must be “crazy—”look out! You very well may be dealing with a psychopath.
When I was in the recovery room with that respirator down my throat, I kept telling myself “I am alive.”
BBE,
Good for you! That’s what it takes. My brother in law had an anuerism (sp) that burst and he said he kept repeating to himself…I’m going to live thru this…over and over and he did!
Sometimes I think it’s a state of mind…You are very strong BBE! : )
Yes, that is how I have felt on a couple of occasions. 🙁
But you know what? You are exactly right: “Through the haze: I AM STILL ALIVE!” 🙂 We are breathing and we have a full, caring, feeling ALIVE life. Not the life that these soul less creatures and impersonation of human beings have. And you know it’s true. I can’t imagine what a life without caring must feel like. To be imitating everything you see because you don’t understand it and don’t really care to as long as your basic, primal needs are met. It doesn’t matter what they have to do to get what they want, they will do it. Never under-estimate a psychopath.
After my heart attack, when I became conscious, the next morning, the first face I looked for was “IT’s” but it was no where around. But it was alright that I almost died for it. Hmm? At “IT’s” hand? NO! That is not right. I am sorry: ASKEW and CRAZY is ASKEW and CRAZY! Yes: we must recognize it, Ana, to protect ourselves from it.
I had a horrid car accident many years ago where I broke every bone in my body except for my legs and arms, INCLUDING my skull. Multiple fractures. I was a horrid mess. Took me almost 8 months to learn how to walk, talk, feed myself again. They really didn’t think I would make it but I fooled them all. And, I am sure I did that because I TOLD MYSELF I WAS GOING TO!
That’s the point, isn’t it? What we tell ourselves? I, personally, am not going to sit still for this inexcusable behavior. I will tell myself LOVE IS POISON for the rest of my life and live it solitary if I must subject myself to any of this further. The affections we had for them was all based upon a fallacie. That is why it laughed because it did not care about my sincerity nor my genuine care. It just didn’t. All it cared/cares about is what YOU CAN DO FOR IT. It laughs at feelings and caring. That’s not what it’s about ~ it’s about control and domination. Sucking all they can from those who show any signs of caring for them. They do these horrid things and then cry that everyone is a ‘hater’ when it is THEM turning people into HATERS and they are just in denial. Using their imitation tears to try to persuade us back into their webs for another round.
I am sorry BBE that you had to wake up like that. I understand it and feel for ya, but hey ~ I am just glad you and me BOTH got to wake up. With me, it’s been a lucky couple of times…perhaps more, I am sure. I guess what you don’t know can’t hurt you; right? 😉
Thanks for being here ~ your friendship is priceless.
Love ~ Duped
What would anyone do if you were living with 3 spaths, and 2 of them were your own teenage children? Happened to me. Three against one.My ex started drinking again, after 8 years sobriety, and he started to bad mouth me in front of the 2 teenage girls. he encouraged them to jeer and sneer at me. One of them tried to kill me by throwing a red hot industrial steam iron at my head. I was badly beaten up by my ex. A nice man I met who wanted to marry me, drove over while my ex and kids were at work and school. He nursed me back to health, took me to hospital, where I was diagnosed with concussion, and a hairline crack in my right temple bone.I foolishly went back after emotional blackmail on the phone from one daughter.
“Dads crying, the dogs howling, the siamese has gone on a hunger strike.You have to come back, NOW.” I went back, after 3 weeks, still sporting a huge egg on my temple and purple to yellow bruising on my face.
The day I got back {I wont call that hell hole home,} my ex sneered to my 2 girls,
“We’ll have to knock Mum back in to line, wont we, girls?”
I was SO beaten down, so low,so scared so lacking in self worth. But deep inside, I knew I had to get the hell out of dodge. Took me 2 more years, but I did it. Walked out with nothing but the clothes I stood up in. I survived, and even thrived.My girls are still horrible spaths, they have NOT changed despite me turning myself into a human pretzel to ty to make them happy. I had wall to wall guilt for leaving their Dad,{and of course, I had to leave them too, even tho they were 17 and 19.Of course, they capitalised big time on my false guilt.
I remarried very happily, and have been with my second darling husband for 27 years now. Yes, good men ARE out there!!
Love and peace to all of you wonderful guys,
Mama GemXX
One thing I noticed about “IT” was that it didn’t like it a whole lot when you gave it back what it gave you. That ‘cold shoulder’ attitude. That lack of remorse with those shark eye stares and that foul mouth of a sailor on tourette’s syndrome! It wasn’t always like that. For years, it was the perfect gentleman. Very charming and very enthralling. It was always proper and kind and nice. It is a player and a charmer until you can’t do anything more for it or you get ‘onto it’ and then suddenly you are all the ugliest things that can be thought of.
We can’t take this ‘personally’. I know that sounds absurd but we really can’t when you think about it. They are WHAT they are. They are never going to be any different. They are liars, fakes, cheaters, cunning and uncaring. We have to snap ourselves out of that ‘dream-bubble’ they left us floating in and realize, TRULY, ‘what’ has just happened to us. If we have children and families, we owe it to them to put our feet back on the ground. I have a short life span left and I want it in peace and void of all this ugliness and I am willing to do whatever that takes because I REFUSE TO LET IT WIN! It is NOT going to win this time. It just isn’t.
((MamaGem)) 🙂 So happy to read you!
You are such an inspiration!!!! xxoo *Blessings*
I am sorry for you that you had to leave those people behind. They didn’t deserve to have you as their wife and mother! How absolutely horrid!!! Just horrid!!!! Inexcusable. ((MamaGem))
I am so HAPPY FOR YOU THOUGH that you have found a happy and loving and peaceful life. You warmed my heart tonight just before bedtime and that’s nice. 🙂
Love to you…
Duped
Dearest Duped no more!{which is YOU now!} Thank you so much for your kind words, i am SO grateful to Lovefraud, which I found 2 years a go. Up till then, I just thought i was losing my mind!!. I had NO knowledge of mirroring, gaslighting, narcisism,etc. I really believed there was good in everyone, and if only I was nicer, kinder, more loving, more forgiving, more patient, I would somehow unlock that kernel of good in my daughters,{who are now 45 and 47,} and NO they have NOT changed one iota. They are cold, unforgiving, lying, lacking in any remorse, fakers,snobs,{with no reason to be.}Nothing is EVER their fault. Its always always MY fault.
I now believe in EVIL. I knew after some months of awakening by all the wonderful people on LF, that none of this was, after all, my fault.Its beena rocky ride, Ive had to process,[and still am,} disbelief, horror, anger, rage, then more guilt, bargaining with god,on and on. Im slowly geting to acceptance that I gave birth to two horrible individuals who have;
no empathy,
No remorse,
Lie all the time,
no compassion,
no real humour,
No sympathy,
No kindness
areTotal phoneys and Narcisistic sociopaths.
I cant change them.
I cant see them ever again, if I want to stay whole and sane.This has been the hardest 2 years of my life, slowly realising I can never see my daughters again, and therefore I also dont get to see my Grandkids either.Harder than my divorce, harder than being beaten up, harder than giving birth to them.That analogy of a coyote chewing of its own paw to escape the gin trap is me.I thought it would literally KILL me to give up on my own flesh and blood.
Anais Nins story of the rescuer, who was trying to pull a drowning man onto her raft, and he was trying to pull her into the sea with him! She said,
“At a certain point, to save your own life, you have to let go of that hand,”
That was me. Ive HAD to let go of my adult girls, and save my OWN LIFE.I feel very little love is left in me for them now.As human beings, I dislike them intensely.
I am so fortunate not only to have David, but also my 2 “adopted” adult kids from Iran, Roya and Abbas, who in 2 years have given us so much love, joy, happiness and fun!!
much Love,
Mama gemXX.
Good Day MamaGem! xxoo
Yes, I am grateful to LoveFraud too! It filled in all the missing pieces. I shared it with the x wife too and she said this so amazingly and accurately depicts things for her as well.
I believed like you, MamaGem: that there is good in everyone. I agree: nothing is ever their fault. It’s always someone elses that way they don’t lose face. You see, they are the omnipotent ones. They never change, Mama.
I know all about processing all of the plethora of emotions we have to sort through, all too well. That is why I always stand firm on the position that we need a better voice = US, the victims, IN THIS LIFE. While I realize and distinguish that SOME crimes are very hard to determine responsibility and although I DO recognize there are ‘insanity/psychological issue’ defenses, I ALSO BELIEVE that there is a very thin line between what we have experienced being not only SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE but may as well be CRIMINALLY UNACCEPTABLE as well. They sure do seem able to push it to the limits, at times.
Mama: Did you ever bring prosecution for the harm you suffered? I think your story is so absolutely HORRID! I can’t imagine having FAMILY treat you this way. Just don’t ever tell me ‘where’ they live; okay? I am not a BIG FAN of children disrespecting and being mean and abusive to their parents.
Yes, MamaGem, I never really truly grasped the meaning of evil until it came into my world. I am serious. There is absolutely nothing about the man that does not REEK evil. I am not subjecting my life to that anymore. The longer I did and the farther I went with “IT”, the uglier and meaner and more abusive it became to me. For no reason other than IT’s own pent up hate and ugliness towards itself, I think.
I am NEVER allowing it back into my world. It is evilness, I tell you. That’s why we can’t ‘figure it out’ – you can’t figure out evilness! It is like a random act of crime – I believe they are evil entities. I will always believe that. Without a doubt.
I had a biological mother who was a heroin addict and I have grown up through lots of ugly and miserable things, but I am here to tell you: I HAVE NEVER MET A MORE EVIL AND UGLIER PERSON THAN THE ONE I HAVE JUST GOT RID OF. IF I HAD STAYED IN THAT ROADSHOW ONE MORE SECOND, IT WOULD HAVE DESTROYED ME COMPLETELY. I kid you not.
I am so happy that you and “David” have found one another. YAY for Roya and Abbas! They surely seem to have wonderful parents and I am grateful to you for their love and care. I hope they will find healing in the arms of love and kindness, such as yourself, Mama Gem.
You guys have fun for me too; alright? xxoo
Dupedster
MamaGem: â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤â¤~â¥
Although, I was raised to believe what is written in the good book that there is ‘good in all of us’. I am now a more inclined to believe in George Thorogood’s song ‘Bad to the Bone’. Love. Shalom