By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
Psychopaths sometimes don’t know enough about how the rest of the world thinks to tell a “good” lie. I saw the following article about North Korea’s soccer team and how they had been apparently caught in a doping scandal, but were claiming that it was really an herbal medication that made them test positive for steroids.
The excuse given was that the team members had been struck by lightening and they had decided, heroically, to compete anyway. The steroids were accidentally taken with traditional Chinese medicines.
I have recently found other articles about the “stories” of the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-II, that made me laugh out loud. In one article, he supposedly played his first round of golf and scored a 38, including five holes-in-one.
One of the things I have noticed about many psychopaths, and others who frequently lie, is that their lies are so “off the wall” that no one over three years old would believe a word of them. They will “lie when the truth will fit better” is a saying I’ve heard all my life. This seems to be especially true with pathological liars and psychopaths.
Dr. Robert Hare, well-known psychopathy researcher, says that psychopaths have difficulty realizing that their lies are unbelievable, even when the evidence that they are untrue is literally in front of them. In some way, the two sides of their brains can’t connect the evidence in front of their eyes.
An example of this are the lies told by Casey Anthony when she led the police to the place she supposedly worked, even going to a cubical, when she knew that she didn’t work for that company. She also lied about leaving her daughter with “Zanny the Nanny,” when such a person didn’t exist. Anthony even led the police to the door of the empty apartment with the police in tow.
Not all liars are psychopaths, but all psychopaths are liars. Liars signal that they are not to be trusted. But if you hear a lie that is so outrageous that it makes you laugh out loud, or have the feeling that the person telling it must be “crazy—”look out! You very well may be dealing with a psychopath.
Hens:
I wish I had a picture, too, but I don’t. He really does resemble Daniel Craig…even the OW thought so. One thing that is different is that his eyes are blue, but they are not that striking blue that Daniel Craig has. They are more darker blue.
Yeah, doesn’t it feel kind of weird to not know really if he is dead or alive? I would know if mine died because there probably would be an obit in the paper and plus I would probably hear it from someone where he works since I used to work there.
Duped no more, I think it was the very HARDEST thing I have ever had to do in my life, ie, totally cut off my 2 adult daughters. I knew it meant no grandkids, either, and Im sure they are poisoning the Gkid minds with lies about me. The older ones ex husband is sure she is doing that.
Not a dam thing I can do about that! When they are older, Im sure they will have the judgement,{hopefully} to make up their own minds.There was an article in a British womans mag, this woman wrote that the only place she now got to see her oldest G daughter was on Facebook. The girl is now 16, and the woman hasnt seen the GD since she was 4. As she helped bring her up as a baby I know how heart breaking this would be. Her spath D in law, removed the kid and disappeared 8 years ago, and the older womans son has not been able to trace her yet.The woman managed to find a recent pic of Gd on FBook, and has printed it out, and framed it.
I too, have never ever met spath D. 2s three kids, now 15, 12, and 3.I have in the past written to my daughter, pleaded with her, send cards, flowers, gifts, to no avail.She is made of stone, she will not relent.I also have seen pics of these 3 kids on FB.Like her spath sister, Im sure she is poisoning their minds about me.
No conscience, no feelings, totally hard and heartless. No remorse.David and I dont even know what we are supposed to have done wrong!
Im so glad you are doing so well!! Good on you, as they say here in Australia!If youd like to ask Donnas permission to email me, Im very happy to give my email to you. the procedure is, you ask donna, and she formally”Introduces” us to each other.
Much Love,
Mama gemXX
skylar:
Yep, that was the OW in triangulation alright…she fits this definition of a hypocrite.
You said, “Do they do their abuse under the cover of love and goodness?” That was both the X spath and the OW. They both did things while making me believe they cared about me. She even told me many times she loved me…she did!! Not in lesbian love, but friend love. And he also told me he loved me…HA!! I knew that was a lie. There were so many other things that I saw him do to other people also that showed me what he was.
But I know what you are saying. There is overlap and sometimes it is hard to tell what a person really is. But when someone does things with no regard whatsoever of the feelings of other people and does it over and over, I think that is a spath.
You mentioned that with a narcissist, they do hurtful things, but you can usually see them coming…that was just it with the spath…you can’t see things coming with him. He’s so charming and because he’s an executive and has the “family man” image with the wife and kids, you don’t see his insidious acts. Before you know it, you have been duped.
Incidentally, spath daughters only daughter, now 12, looks like a spath in the making, judging from her FB pics.She is 12, going on 30, by the look of her, and her comments are full of sex references, she looks like a mini moll. Practically every pic, she has her pretty face distorted by sticking out her tongue as far as it will go, and is in sexy provocative poses.She looks very like spath D.at th e same age, wilful, precocious, brazen,mocking,and looks like the original spoilt jewish princess.{Spath D 2 is living with a very rich Jewish boy, whose Mother paid for their A$4,million mansion, the 2 cars, the nanny, and pays all of the school fees at the exclusive jewish college the older 2 kids go to.}
So, unlike her feckless and stupid sister, spath 2 is very well off.The older one is stoney broke, owes hundreds if not thousands on credit cards, despite me baling her out in the past to the tune of over $10,000. She has now moved in with the “significant other’,-lets hope he has a good job. She has lost countless good jobs, one for embezzling $28,000 and laundering it thru a second company she worked for. She was fired from both , when an audit was done and the theft discovered.How she avoided prosecution is beyond me! Of course, Im not meant to know any of this! What a pair!!
Love,
Mama gemXX
Louise,
yes, I agree, some spaths don’t do anything overtly violent. Mine didn’t. He killed by creating accidents, suicides and I was going to be poisoned to death. Think of a snake, slithering about unseen – that was my spath.
The only violence he showed were his rages and tantrums, but he never hit me or anyone that I know of.
Here’s something else that he did, which I finally noticed at the very end. He would be telling me something which allowed me a peak at his sinister and evil thinking. But it was only a peak. He would watch my face and reactions for any clue that I was actually understanding how disgusting he is and suddenly, he would switch topics to a story about him rescuing an animal or being a kind and honorable human being. “That’s just the kind of guy I am.” he’d say.
By mixing in stories about his goodness with a sociopathic tell, he could lead me down the slippery slope of accepting his evil behavior. After all, if such a good guy could do this, then it must not be so evil, right? I was so duped, for so long.
Mamagem: Nice to read you. Yes, there usually is no reason for them other than that’s what they want. I suppose. I am sorry for you that your heart is hurt. 🙁 You are so fortunate to have such a loving and wonderful husband! I am happy for you.
I am starting to do very well. ((Thanks)). My life is still quiet and even though 3 months NC anniversary, tomorrow, it is quiet. I hope it stays that way. I know my life has improved TREMENDOUSLY since I got rid of “IT”, once and for all.
Beautiful Austrailia! Used to have an Aunt that lived in Sydney. She was one of my favorite relatives! 🙂 I had always hoped to get to see the Beautiful Gold Coast and will probably have to put that dream aside for now. Perhaps in the way I say some things, you can pick the Aussie out from my Aunt’s inspiration! 😉
I will send Donna an email requesting she introduce us to one another. I think that would be lovely. I would enjoy so much having another friend to keep in touch with and you truly are one of the most special.
I am doing alright. I am trying to find ‘another life’ without all of this drama. But one thing I CAN tell you: I am not going to keep living this way and have been ACTIVELY attempting altering my thoughts and habits. It’s daunting sometimes.
If I can make it to Tuesday morning (the day after tomorrow) without having “IT” punch it’s way into my world, again, I will be happy for another week.
I will do that, MamaGem…drop Donna a note about our exchanging emails. You are an inspiration to me.
Have a good night.
Love ~ Duped No More
‘looks like the original spoilt jewish princess’ oh mammagemmers LMAOROTF…….he he..oh my…gnite ya’ll…
Hello everyone…I came across this supportive site a couple of days ago…thank goodness! On July 27, 2011 my life as I knew it was turned upside down. My story is kind of lengthy but I’ll try to shorten it. My first true love, FROM 30 YRS AGO, contacted me last October via Facebook. He and I were each other’s first true love..first kiss…first everything. We dated about 3 yrs, the first year being middle school and then high school. We broke up back then because my parents divorced after years of physical abuse from my father and I was forced to live with my maternal grandmother who lived far away. So, this past October he contacted me and we began a long distance relationship. He told me he’d never gotten over me, that he’d loved me all these years and just couldn’t let another day go by without trying to win my love back. We had an awesome past and I was and am still very close to his entire family. In February we decided I would move in with him (I moved from Alabama to Texas, we were both born and raised in Houston) to his apartment in Dallas. What it boils down to is that although he lived separately from his wife, there was no divorce on file and he continued his relationship with her while living with me. Of course he was playing us both. We were supposed to be moving into our new home this weekend, and earlier this week I found out he’s actually moving into another home with her. I contacted her and told her what’s been going on for the past 9 months and of course he’s still lying to her…that I was the one that hasn’t left him alone. I forwarded texts, emails, and pics to her that show dates and times (all very recent ones) and she knows he’s full of it but is staying with her. I also wanted to state that he did say and do all the right things to “hook” me, but once I was living with him it was like a switch went off. I kept wondering what was wrong with him..that something just wasn’t right. I also got the feeling that he was being deceptive but could never get any proof. He finally just started getting sloppy. I would question him on certain things he’d said or done, and he would get defensive and try to make me feel guilty for questioning him. He also got verbally abusive. On top of all this, originally he presented himself as not a rich man, but responsible with a nice savings account…goal oriented, etc. Turns out he’s penniless and has filed his 2nd bankruptcy. He’s 42. This post is long and I do apologize, I’m basically just thankful that I have figured out that his behavior and actions are totally that of a sociapath and at least it helps me to have some closure…that I’m NOT THE CRAZY ONE, and that he really does have a very severe problem. It does hurt very much that I am now mourning the loss of him AGAIN. Now my mission is to try to get his wife to LISTEN to me, to take a look at who he really is, and to GET AWAY FROM HIM…they have 2 children, age 9 and 8, boy and girl…he has already told me that his son is JUST LIKE HIM. I fear for his wife and children’s safety, but I’m worred that she’s too upset to look at the whole picture objectively. Any advice from anyone would be appreciated.
Perplexed and sad:
So sorry you had to deal with this. Other than he’s an spath, I can’t figure out why he would contact you out of the blue after 30 years when he knew he was still married, but this is what they do. Maybe he did think he was going to get a divorce and wanted another woman in the wings and thought you would be the perfect person.
The one part I can give good advice about is I would not tell the wife anything! She won’t believe you and even if she does, she will not leave him. And he is not going to leave her…he is not going to get a divorce. If he never filed for divorce and he’s moving into a new home with her, you may as well forget it…believe me…that sounds somewhat what happened to me. It is nearly a million dollar house and they moved in over a year ago…he’s not going anywhere and also has two kids a boy and a girl just a little older than those two yours has.
So have you moved out of his apartment?
Hugs to you. We are here for you.
Perplexed and Sad,
I am sorry to hear what happened to you. You are lucky that you got out.
If I were in your shoes, I would go no contact with him and anyone that he has in his life, including his wife.
Focus on healing and getting better, stronger, happier every day – do not keep the connection with that blackhole of a man. It will suck you in over and over.