By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
Psychopaths sometimes don’t know enough about how the rest of the world thinks to tell a “good” lie. I saw the following article about North Korea’s soccer team and how they had been apparently caught in a doping scandal, but were claiming that it was really an herbal medication that made them test positive for steroids.
The excuse given was that the team members had been struck by lightening and they had decided, heroically, to compete anyway. The steroids were accidentally taken with traditional Chinese medicines.
I have recently found other articles about the “stories” of the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-II, that made me laugh out loud. In one article, he supposedly played his first round of golf and scored a 38, including five holes-in-one.
One of the things I have noticed about many psychopaths, and others who frequently lie, is that their lies are so “off the wall” that no one over three years old would believe a word of them. They will “lie when the truth will fit better” is a saying I’ve heard all my life. This seems to be especially true with pathological liars and psychopaths.
Dr. Robert Hare, well-known psychopathy researcher, says that psychopaths have difficulty realizing that their lies are unbelievable, even when the evidence that they are untrue is literally in front of them. In some way, the two sides of their brains can’t connect the evidence in front of their eyes.
An example of this are the lies told by Casey Anthony when she led the police to the place she supposedly worked, even going to a cubical, when she knew that she didn’t work for that company. She also lied about leaving her daughter with “Zanny the Nanny,” when such a person didn’t exist. Anthony even led the police to the door of the empty apartment with the police in tow.
Not all liars are psychopaths, but all psychopaths are liars. Liars signal that they are not to be trusted. But if you hear a lie that is so outrageous that it makes you laugh out loud, or have the feeling that the person telling it must be “crazy—”look out! You very well may be dealing with a psychopath.
Back_from_the_edge
Time for me to get ready for this days work ahead of me.
My plans are as follows:
1. shower and dress
2. go to court
3. stop at church, light candle & say prayers
4. CARAMEL APPLE MARTINI!!!! YAY!!!! 🙂
love and blessing to you all….
see you on the ‘flipside’!!!
xxoo
Duped NO MORE!
candy
Some plan Duped. I lurrrrrrrrrrrrrve the Martini ending. Have fun.
Back_from_the_edge
hahahaha: ‘martini ending’…oh but of course, Sweet Candy…I have to have SOMETHING to reward myself with; right?? 😉
xxoo
candy
Hic! Hell YES. Enjoy.
Ox Drover
Dear Perplexed,
You can be Sad, but don’t be perplexed, he is clearly a psychopath/sociopath….and as much as he used you, he is using his wife and kids more…but she will NOT listen. It is only when SHE finally gets enough of it that they will split up, but you or 10 women telling her what he is is NOT ENOUGH to get her to SEE. She is BLIND and will continue to make EXCUSES for him and his behavior.
YOU ARE THE FORTUNATE AND LUCKY ONE….and she is the unfortunate one. You cannot save her from HERSELF.
Welcome to Love Fraud there is much information here and support to help you heal. The learning starts off about them, but ends up being about US and our healing. Good luck. God bless.
KatyDid
Dear Perplexed.
I am the wife so that is my perspective as I respond to you. My answer is dif than others. I say, IF you have the appropriate motivation, YES tell the wife. The seed you plant may save her life.
Wives have so much more invested than just the sweetheart level, esp when kids are involved. So let’s not blame her for not getting it. She may well get it, but she has a deeper hole to dig out of, and a lot more years of his brainwashing. That is the biggest benefit of what you have given her, a seed that his blame of HER isn’t about her afterall. I know that’s likely how he controls her, by convincing her that She was the problem, by blaming her. and That if she’d just get it right, her dreams would fall in place. (yes I am projecting this bit, but it is the typical hook in abuse.)
Likely b/c they separated she already knows something is wrong about him but not know exactly what. And that’s when he got in contact with you? (someone who didn’t have an issue with him.) My husband was fully in love with women he had not had a relationship with and blamed me for not being like HER… so I see the appeal in tracking you down as his IDEAL. When truth came home (about his real situation) and his fantasy faded, he triangulated, make it seem like YOU were the problem and probably asked for his wifes help to get free of the crazy woman. This manipulation does work, at least for the short run. It’s biological to protect your childrens father. (just not biological for HIM to protect his wife and children b/c he is disordered.)
Take comfort that even if it SEEMS she hasn’t heard, at least the seed is planted so that when he pulls another load of carp on her, it lessens her gullibility. That is YOUR blessing to her. (some OW do it to the wife – it’s is rubbing salt into their heartbreak – to break them up so they can get the man. I think from your posts that that was not your motivation.)
Even though it would have crushed me, if a KIND woman revealed this truth to me, I’d not likely respond immediately but it would have reduced the number of years I let him lead me on, dangling that carrot of almost having the life I dreamed of. IT would have been a way for me to have my suspicions validated, that I was not imagining his manipulations.
Take care of yourself. You have escaped. Learning and healing is your path to peace.
Best
Katy
KatyDid
Duped
My husband used to quip. Well, I got you fooled. or I sure got them fooled. He knew. He had contempt for those who trusted him and believed his scams. That’s the lesson for his sychophants. He doesn’t admire them for their loyalty, he ridicules them for being stupid followers.
Perplexed and sad
KatyDid….I do have good intentions by trying to get his wife to come to know the words PSYCHOPATH/SOCIAPATH. If I hadn’t learned what I’ve learned hell I might have tried to “fight for my man”. Not now…not knowing this…I firmly believe in my heart he has deep down rage and is capable of harming or even killing her and or their children. They have 2 children, the daughter is not his biologically and we know for a fact that not only was he molested by his mother’s boyfriend at the age of 8, but that the same man actually made him have sex with his own sister who is 2 years younger than him. I do believe this man is capable of sexually violating the little girl that he’s raised as his own daughter. I’m not sure if his wife knows of his terrible childhood.
Constantine
Dear Katydid,
You make some good points about the wife’s position in all of this: There’s no question that she is the one who’s been most wronged. At the same time, those of us who DID try and set things straight (I was the “OM” but didn’t know she was married), to no avail whatsoever, feel a profound degree of frustration that the person in question (i.e., the victimized spouse) did NOTHING AT ALL when we told them the truth! At any rate, it’s hard to see beyond one’s own bias in these matters, becuase it just reminds one of how the spaths always end up so triumphant.
I guess there’s no great harm if Perplexed wants to send the wife a “box of goodies” (texts, e-mails, etc. – and only as a “one time thing” to make an end of it, etc.) documenting their relationship; but I fear, Katydid, you are probably the “exception that proves the rule” here, and that in this, as in most cases – it will do no good at all.
Again, it’s hard to see past one’s personal experience in these matters.
Constantine
Dear Louise,
You sort of answered my question from the other thread. But was it his wife that he moved into the new house with, or the woman from the office? I’m still confused on that point…
But my God! – your experience sounds so much like my own! I wonder if he was even separated at all? I know he claimed that, but it’s more than possible that even that was a lie. Indeed, I would seriously question whether he even left her AT ALL.
I would be particularly suspicious if it was the wife with whom he moved into the new house. That would entail a degree of planning that would be hard to accomplish if they were not actually together all along. I know it sounds impossible, but trust me, it isn’t!