By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
Psychopaths sometimes don’t know enough about how the rest of the world thinks to tell a “good” lie. I saw the following article about North Korea’s soccer team and how they had been apparently caught in a doping scandal, but were claiming that it was really an herbal medication that made them test positive for steroids.
The excuse given was that the team members had been struck by lightening and they had decided, heroically, to compete anyway. The steroids were accidentally taken with traditional Chinese medicines.
I have recently found other articles about the “stories” of the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-II, that made me laugh out loud. In one article, he supposedly played his first round of golf and scored a 38, including five holes-in-one.
One of the things I have noticed about many psychopaths, and others who frequently lie, is that their lies are so “off the wall” that no one over three years old would believe a word of them. They will “lie when the truth will fit better” is a saying I’ve heard all my life. This seems to be especially true with pathological liars and psychopaths.
Dr. Robert Hare, well-known psychopathy researcher, says that psychopaths have difficulty realizing that their lies are unbelievable, even when the evidence that they are untrue is literally in front of them. In some way, the two sides of their brains can’t connect the evidence in front of their eyes.
An example of this are the lies told by Casey Anthony when she led the police to the place she supposedly worked, even going to a cubical, when she knew that she didn’t work for that company. She also lied about leaving her daughter with “Zanny the Nanny,” when such a person didn’t exist. Anthony even led the police to the door of the empty apartment with the police in tow.
Not all liars are psychopaths, but all psychopaths are liars. Liars signal that they are not to be trusted. But if you hear a lie that is so outrageous that it makes you laugh out loud, or have the feeling that the person telling it must be “crazy—”look out! You very well may be dealing with a psychopath.
DUPED NO MORE:
Yep, we were ALL duped. I am angry today. I get those days now and then.
Good luck at your medical appointment. I’ll be thinking about you.
Ha: I am TRYING to get ready but I am so pissed off today too! I am storming through here doing the stuff I need and just cursing like a sailor with tourette’s at that disgusting pile of crap. The more I uncover memories, the more PISSED I get. But, you know…at least I am still ALIVE and I have a life WORTH something which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for “IT”.
Love ya, Louise….
Thanks for the wishes at my appointment.
They have put off discussing defib/pacemaker for another 3 months. We are trying some medication first. I am happy you are with me on this journey, Louise. At least we got each other; right? xxoo
Throw off that hate and realize that’s just one more way they are tormenting us and that is unacceptable. Get out of the house, go uptown, talk to people, feel the sun on your face and think of “IT” as melting in the sun, like the wicked witch of the west…melting and melting…. 🙂
Duped No More
If we were all duped, Louise, does that mean that we could start up our own club? 🙂 We could call it “The Dupedster’s” hahahaha
ENJOY THIS DAY.
IT WAS GIVEN TO YOU AND NOT IT.
mwah!!!
Talk soon.
Duped NO MORE!
PS: it’s ‘lurking’….
DUPED NO MORE:
Funny you should mention uncovering memories. This past Friday, something popped into my head from 2 1/2 years ago!!! That is a long time!!! Long story, but believe it or not, it was from a time when the spath and I were only acquaintances from work and we were both at a retirement party for another British co worker. He was on me allll night. This was a full year before he ever “formally” approached me. He never really came onto me the night of the party…just talked to me all night long. Anyway, something he said that night popped into my head after all this time and it made me realize something, but I won’t go into that here. It made me sad.
THEN just yesterday, another thought popped into my head about something he said one night when I had stayed at his apartment. It’s sooooo weird how these thoughts come out of NO WHERE. Our minds work in such mysterious ways.
Anyway, I guess I am feeling angry today because yet again I am feeling like he was able to do ALL that he did and get away with it. He was able to just go back to his life and be happy. He may be tormented, but I think he is “content.” I truly do. If that makes any sense at all to be tormented and content at the same time…hahaha! Now I sound CRAZY!!!
I realize that I am better off without him, but somedays sure don’t feel like it.
I am getting a haircut today so I will be out and about downtown.
I am also VERY happy you are on this journey with me. What would I do without you???
idiot:
I have cut off all contact with him, he would have a hard time knowing or finding out how to contact me. I was only trying to get through to the wife that he has a disease that is incurable. I know she knows he’s a compulsive, liar, cheater, user, etc…but I don’t believe she knows the severity of the disorder or THAT HE WILL NEVER CHANGE BECAUSE HE CAN’T. She doesn’t realize he’s a sociapath at all.
Louise…
I am very glad that I contacted her father. I do believe HE has made her not want her family around, that way it frees him up to treat her even worse, to where she has no one to turn to and he has her trapped. I believe in my heart I’ve done all I can do where she is concerned. I’ve planted the seed hopefully she’ll have the clarity at some point to further look into his behavior and mannerisms, like I did. Also, you mentioned the part about having these seemingly random memories just pop up. I’m experiencing it constantly. They are moments where after they enter my mind, I think…Oh my God! Now that weird ass thing he said or did makes total sense! It’s all so mind boggling.
Perplexed – well done for remaining NC.
You are right the WTF moments keep coming. I had one at the traffic lights tonight and burst out laughing! Bet the other drivers wondered what I was laughing at.
And yes, our minds keep going over ‘it’ but eventually we ‘get it’.
Louise
I do think some spaths are tortured but only b/c they were THWARTED in their efforts to procure their desires. Tortured b/c they can’t figure out how to completely scam the right people. Flustrated b/c a scam didn’t work. Angry b/c they think they deserved a certain outcome and it didn’t happen. Seeing others have something they want and were not able to get for themselves. Furious that victims recover and prevail in life.
My husband has this central truth: That if someone else gains, it is a LOSS for him. So if he sees others happy, he FEELS LOSS. That’s torture to an spath who views others as beneath him. And esp for my husband whose life is centered around one upping EVERYONE, Being a WINNER.
We use words as if they apply towards an spaths feelings. Just like I look at my dog and think she’s caring. In reality, she’s not. I forget the term, when you project human feelings on pets, when really what they feel is secure/insecure. We do the same with spaths, projecting human feelings b/c of the demeanor or look on their face.
Another one? Depression. Yes spaths feel depression. But not from the source that normal people do. Another? Contentment. They don’t feel contentment. They feel victory. Satisfaction in winning. They’re temporarily sated in their quest for soul food. And I do mean feeding on SOULS. Temporarily sated LOOKS like contentment, but it’s just the rest period b/t trolling for more.
Perplexed and sad:
Good. It sounds like you are in a good place. I am so happy to hear that!!!
It is weird about the thoughts popping up, isn’t it???
You are in my thoughts…hugs to you.
To quote KatyDid:
KatyDid says:
“I do think some spaths are tortured but only b/c they were THWARTED in their efforts to procure their desires. Tortured b/c they can’t figure out how to completely scam the right people. Flustrated b/c a scam didn’t work. Angry b/c they think they deserved a certain outcome and it didn’t happen. Seeing others have something they want and were not able to get for themselves. Furious that victims recover and prevail in life.
My husband has this central truth: That if someone else gains, it is a LOSS for him. So if he sees others happy, he FEELS LOSS. That’s torture to an spath who views others as beneath him. And esp for my husband whose life is centered around one upping EVERYONE, Being a WINNER.
We use words as if they apply towards an spaths feelings. Just like I look at my dog and think she’s caring. In reality, she’s not. I forget the term, when you project human feelings on pets, when really what they feel is secure/insecure. We do the same with spaths, projecting human feelings b/c of the demeanor or look on their face.
Another one? Depression. Yes spaths feel depression. But not from the source that normal people do. Another? Contentment. They don’t feel contentment. They feel victory. Satisfaction in winning. They’re temporarily sated in their quest for soul food. And I do mean feeding on SOULS. Temporarily sated LOOKS like contentment, but it’s just the rest period b/t trolling for more.”
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KatyDid: I for one think what you just said there is absolutely, 1,000% percent correct. Thank you for taking the time to put into words something I haven’t had the time to do yet. xxoo
Absolutely.
Duped No More!
Louise: Yes, it’s very strange how the thoughts will just suddenly pop up and there you are, shocked and overwhelmed by the ‘unexpected-ness’ of it all. I so know the feeling.
I learned that when we are in a situation, as we have been with our respective spaths, it creates a chemical imbalance in our brain. It throws us off and that is from the high levels of these chemicals in us, during our experiences. Once the experience ends, it’s almost the same kind of thing after riding a fast ride at the amusement park, you know how your body will still be vibrating? I know you know exactly what I am talking about. And the emotions and thoughts that come with that is almost like drowning, the hurt and emotions run so deep. Right? I used to feel that way too, ALL THE TIME. For five years, non stop.
It takes time for those natural chemical levels to return to normal, if they ever really do, but they will get someplace close, anyways. Don’t give up Louise. It’s like an addiction. If we just keep fighting it, it will lessen and lessen and lessen and eventually, HOPEFULLY, go away. In the meantime, we need to take care of ourselves physically and healthily. We need to strive all the time to put these horrid experiences behind us. We need to be completely honest with ourselves and the situation we have just come through.
In my case, there will NEVER be NO ‘white picket fences’, ‘happy ending’. With sociopaths, that doesn’t ever happen. The only one like that that DOES happen is after we have dumped them and moved on with our life. THEN that, in itself, IS a ‘happy ending’. We have escaped with our lives and our sanity. What’s left of it, anyways.
We are not here to judge one another. We are here to accept what we are being told based on truth and honesty and in the spirit that we are all here to help one another. I carry no prejudices only experience. And the experience I just had, I wouldn’t even wish on my worse enemy. Seriously.
3 months and 3 days since IT has heard a peep from me. I am sort of secretly hoping they will hurry up and marry each other. Although, just because IT’s divorce has been final now 90 days, from the x wife, “IT#2” is still married. To a warrior, in a distant land, fighting to defend his wife’s right to be a liar and a cheat.
There comes a time when you set aside the drama and the people who bring it and just focus on yourself. This is one of those times for me. They can all jump in a banana boat and head down the river to wherever it is they are going. I just don’t need this in my world any more.
I love ya, Louise…
You hang in there. It’s a rough road and personally, “I” have dealt with MY RESPONSIBILITY in this triangle, which eventually ended up being a (do they have a word for 18? like that?) 🙂 I apologized to the x wife and she said it never was about me and she knows this. She said she realizes that it is all about HIM and always has been. I have known him longer than his own wife has. How’s that for a paradox? There have been MANY TIMES that woman picked me up off the floor and put me back together again, setting aside her own heartache and disillusionment. He just didn’t realize that he had the two women in his life that has always loved him and cared – I just know he will never find that again. And that is his fate. Because we, collectively, just don’t care anymore and are trying to make our brains and our hearts believe that.
So, we are ALL DUPED. IT is never going to have a happy life, so I don’t wish it ill-well, but I do expect justice for it trying to harm me. If I did not, wouldn’t that mean I was accepting it? And, I am not going to.
Hope everyone is doing well today. If you haven’t gotten out in the sunshine, please – go do it for me. Get out there and breathe some of that wondrous fresh air we have been gifted!
Love ~ DUPED NO MORE!