By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)
Psychopaths sometimes don’t know enough about how the rest of the world thinks to tell a “good” lie. I saw the following article about North Korea’s soccer team and how they had been apparently caught in a doping scandal, but were claiming that it was really an herbal medication that made them test positive for steroids.
The excuse given was that the team members had been struck by lightening and they had decided, heroically, to compete anyway. The steroids were accidentally taken with traditional Chinese medicines.
I have recently found other articles about the “stories” of the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-II, that made me laugh out loud. In one article, he supposedly played his first round of golf and scored a 38, including five holes-in-one.
One of the things I have noticed about many psychopaths, and others who frequently lie, is that their lies are so “off the wall” that no one over three years old would believe a word of them. They will “lie when the truth will fit better” is a saying I’ve heard all my life. This seems to be especially true with pathological liars and psychopaths.
Dr. Robert Hare, well-known psychopathy researcher, says that psychopaths have difficulty realizing that their lies are unbelievable, even when the evidence that they are untrue is literally in front of them. In some way, the two sides of their brains can’t connect the evidence in front of their eyes.
An example of this are the lies told by Casey Anthony when she led the police to the place she supposedly worked, even going to a cubical, when she knew that she didn’t work for that company. She also lied about leaving her daughter with “Zanny the Nanny,” when such a person didn’t exist. Anthony even led the police to the door of the empty apartment with the police in tow.
Not all liars are psychopaths, but all psychopaths are liars. Liars signal that they are not to be trusted. But if you hear a lie that is so outrageous that it makes you laugh out loud, or have the feeling that the person telling it must be “crazy—”look out! You very well may be dealing with a psychopath.
Constantine
Dear Duped,
Very good points. Of course it’s a fool’s errand to even attempt any kind of “final diagnosis” based on a few Youtube videos. However, if we take what she says at face value (which we should do only “for the sake of argument,” etc.) then I think we are at the very least dealing with a toxic narcissist, with perhaps a touch of something else as you suggest.
Of course, it’s sometimes more to the point to simply say in our everyday, common-sense way, “I don’t give a darn what you call her – you’ll never catch me on a date with a bi*ch like that!”
Okay, have a great evening, my dear Duped!
behind_blue_eyes
Constantine;
I guess I put emphasis on the stare because it was so striking with my x-spath. The night we met, I noticed him staring at me across the room and in conversation with him, he looked so deeply at me I felt uncomfortable. His stare is also evident in pictures and it was an article about the sociopathic stare that first made me think that is what I had dealt with.
No matter, what Redwald said above about his quirky and outrageous is also true about this woman. She is certainly toxic even if not sociopathic.
Ox Drover
While it might be nice if we could “look at” a person and tell if they are psychopathic by their “stare” or how they look at us, I think it is more than a bit fanciful to think we can “tell by looking” at a video of someone—even if they are saying they are psychopathic. Actually, even saying that Casey Anthony is a psychopath is a stretch because none of us have met her….however, we do have more of a history of Casey to base an “arm chair diagnosis” on….of her lies and her other behavior that would indicate a person high in P-traits.
behind_blue_eyes
“Psychopaths can have a superficial charm about them… Shallow affect also describes the psychopath’s tendency for genuine emotion to be short-lived, glib and egocentric, with an overall cold demeanor.”
Charming, with an overall cold demeanor is exactly how I describe my x-spath. Interestingly, he repeatedly gave clues to his demeanor when talking about himself: “cold grey-blue eyes” his flat “damp and cold” even his personality “takes me time to warm-up to people.”
Ox Drover
BBE, true, but while our “P-dar” may pick up on a few things, it takes the entire picture to get a “diagnosis” but ONLY A BIT to get the “gut feeling” there is a PREDATOR NEARBY. I’m no longer waiting for the full diagnosis, I’m getting the heck out of Dodge at “gut feeling” level. LOL
behind_blue_eyes
Ox;
Of course I agree it takes more than a look at somebody or a conversation or a video. Equally important, on the continuum there are those who may be mildly sociopathic or the “sort-of” sociopath as Steve describes them and these are particularly hard to detect.
Back_from_the_edge
I am with Ox:
“…but while our “P-dar” may pick up on a few things, it takes the entire picture to get a “diagnosis” but ONLY A BIT to get the “gut feeling” there is a PREDATOR NEARBY. I’m no longer waiting for the full diagnosis, I’m getting the heck out of Dodge at “gut feeling” level. LOL “
Ana
Duped,
I!agree with you, who agrees with Oxy! GET OUT while ya still can : )
lifegoeson
I’m confused!
I don’t even know what my gut feeling is any more.
I met someone on match when I went on to cancel my subscription and he seems ok. No love bombing, just 2 or 3 texts per day for a few days, then a meeting. He was nice, quite quiet, no scary stares, no ‘oops I forgot my wallet’ or ‘can you come and pay for diesel as I filled my car but have no cash’ as the nut job did.
He has a flat, a job and a car, is on speaking terms with his ex wife and ex long term girlfriend.
Anyway a few days after the meeting he went away on hols and I didn’t hear from him when he came back. I texted just to find out what happened to him and it turns out he’s still alive and asked me out on another date. Never did say why he didn’t call when he got back from hols but when I asked him if he was sure he was single, he said he’d seen another woman a couple of times but it wasn’t going anywhere as there was no spark.
Anyway, the two times we’ve met he’s rearranged the day then the time of the date. This makes me suspicious but it seems a bit extreme to turn my back on someone who seems nice and fairly uncomplicated.
I’m kind of lost now. Being with the nut job has robbed me of my reasoning powers and I think someone would have to be pretty well perfect for me to let my guard down. In fact if they were perfect I’d run a mile because they’d be too good to be true!
Any thoughts?
Ana
Dear Lifegoeson,
I don’t understand why he did not contact you after his holiday. Hmmm, and I don’t like that he rearranged the date thing. Control maybe. I’m sure more people with more experience can speak to that. It just sounded odd to me is all. I wish you the best.