Why do psychopaths go after what they want regardless of the negative consequences they may experience? According to the journal Nature Neuroscience, the answer may be chemical—an overactive dopamine reward system.
Read Driven toward reward without regard for consequence on Time.com.
Read the scientific study, Mesolimbic dopamine reward system hypersensitivity in individuals with psychopathic traits, in Nature Neuroscience.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader via Facebook.
Our Family Wizard can help you co-parent with a sociopath
Dear Matt, re: your advice to Witty,
Thank you for that good information, and I think the suggestion to call the DV shelter may be a good one. The problem though as I see it isn’t about what is LEGAL, but what is SAFE for her.
I have no problem with the gun for me, and with using it if I need to, but not everyone is capable of pointing a gun at their own offspring and pulling that trigger–or of going to sleep at night with the ENEMY in your house, relative or not.
Even when he turns 18 there is no idea that just because she isn’t LEGALLY obliged to keep him in her house that he can’t still continue to BULLY her for a roof over his head.
This is the problem with psychopaths, you just don’t know what their limits are or what they will do. Believe me I have found that out the hard way! But I still don’t have any answers for witty.
Thanks for all of your brainstorming guys….
This journey for me began for me about two years ago with me realizing that my son needed help so that the mental health aspect was the first place I expanded my energy.
Basically the truth of the matter is that until he does break the law, hurts someone, or trys to hurt himself…..I can’t do anything about further medical treatment. Or getting him further evaluation.
After medical avenues were exhausted, and things escalated here at home other avenues were also explored. Incorigible, emancipation, a parent/ adolescent program through the county, ect….
Silver I love your idea of hiring a body guard. It actually made me chuckle. And none of this strikes me as particularly funny at this moment in time. However this did bring back my sense of humor even if it was momentarily. And believe me if money wasn’t an issue for me I would be on the phone right now leaving voice messages to big burly dudes, instead of at my computer.
And I would have never even thought of this! So thanks for thinking outside the box.
My income is less than 1/2 of what it was a year ago and I am barely keeping a roof over my head. So I would imagine this would be out of the question as far as “rates” for body guards these days.
I have entertained the idea of renting a room in my house (to a man) but that also seems kind of dangerous to do.
Matt and Oxy really kind of nailed a good part of my problem though.
This is a very angry young man we are talking about here. With a VERY unrealistic thinking process. And I can honestly say I think his thinking boarderlines on delusional at times. And that delusional thinking process is usually how he percieves/defines himself and his reality. And it is pretty serious stuff.
Matt,
I would like to ask you something if you could tell me how I would be able to find this out or if you might know this.
One of the ideas the police chief offer was that if I did refuse him access back into my house, although the law is not on my side, court proceeding and a judge ordering me to take him back in would buy a little “extra” time.
However what exactly does the court proceeding involve? In other words in laymans terms.
Would what I have tried to do thus far hold any weight in the courtroom. Trying to get him medical treatment/evaluations, filing incorigable, going through the program provided by the county, going to the police for advice, I mean would I need a lawyer to defend me?
They notoriously like to get all of us to think we have no options ..that its their crazymaking way or no way at all.
He may have a VERY unrealistic thinking process.
But that doesnt mean you need to accept it or allow it or partake in it.
No matter what , I would toss VERY realistic avenues back into his delusional reality. Again, it may fall on deaf ears but it also affords you the chance that it will DETER him from continuing on the path to stay under your roof.
I dont mean threaten him or get on his level. I mean when he approaches you with statements that are unrealistic or questioning when he is going to return home — give him VERY realistic and even slightly tweaked examples of what it will take for that to happen – or it simply wont happen.
His issues are his issues. In fact If he doesnt agree to meeting your requirements I would suggest he follow through with court system support – by the time it comes to be – he will be of age and it will be dismissed. My point is as scary as it is – let him know you are prepared to be treated like a Mom and a women deserves or lose him as your son because of his choices not to comply with whatever it takes to have a healthy mother-son relationship.
Its that realistic — even if its received in his unrealistic world – he will know you mean business.
Now that the government has taken over the health care system, this might be a good time to lobby for mandatory psychiatric evaluations of all children when they enter kindergarten AND again when they enter high school.
I believe this would uncover a lot of childhood abuse/trauma, and some budding psychopaths.
Then, maybe we could get these children help early enough for it to do some good.
The physical exams/vaccinations are already mandatory. Psychiatric evaluations are just as important, and should also be mandatory.
Employers should also have the right to require psychiatric evaluations of potential employees.
Especially in fields such as law enforcement and medicine.
Why are we spending all of our resources on physical health, and ignoring mental health?
This is the perfect time to lobby for some new legislation, my opinion.
I’m sure it’s much more complicated than this, but if we don’t get the ball rolling, nobody else will.
yes – beyond long overdue – the parental/child rights and responsibilities laws are messed up….just totally messed up….
there arent many things in this world that arent. Sometimes overwhelms me whose hands are tied and get the crap end of it…because the “LAWS” are so messed up and unable to address mental health issues in family situations. It doesnt even come close to protecting the ones who need it – and sometimes it truly isnt the kid who needs protecting – its the parents.
Depressing to say the least. Good point Rosa. The time IS now!
Rosa,
If I have an OUNCE of energy left, and I could allow my focus on something for any period of time….
I would honestly consider taking on such a project as lobbying for mental health issues. It is way long overdue.
And it is something I feel pretty passionate about.
Wits- My heart goes out to you, and most importantly my prayers. You know that this with your son feels like a book that I have already read, and am re reading it, sadly knowing all of the chapters. As you know, I went thru almost the same thing with my son, at around the same age. WHAT MAKES ME SO UPSet FOR YOU IS- WHY WHY WHY wont the courts act “FOR” YOU? YOU should not have to worry what happens to YOU if YOU cant let him stay in your home when he is UNDERAGE and is OUT of control- the “biggie” for courts should be his not showing up for school!!At least for me- that was my way IN for the courts to assist.
After some time went by- I finally received some court appointed help-
Because my my son broke curfew while living with me, (the least of his offenses at home,but still qualified for major court assistance) and was skipping school- I was able to get a probation officer to monitor him and also administer drug tests.(which he had some failed marijuana tests)
The courts “encouraged” me to get him under control BEFORE 18- as they said he would no longer be a juvenile after that and I would have no more appointed help to keep him in line.
It is against the law for any school age child to be out past a certain time at night, as well as skipping school (I live in Alabama) Apparantly, dropping out of school was not an option that the courts would allow him when I went before the judge and said that I needed help and could not enforce any rules with him.
THe probation officer came to my home, got a list of my rules and explained to my son that if not followed, he would go to juvenile jail, then after that, court appointed boot camp- which is EXACTLY what happenedto him.
The juvenile jail incarceration he was placed in kept him there for 2 to 3 months BEFORE space at boot camp was available.
This was only a brief “band aid” for me, but he was out of my home for several months within this process.
As he is 21 now, the courts were right, only jail intervention is available.
As you have mentioned- the physical abuse issue is real. I did buy the high powered tazer,(I already had it, thanks to my x P ) I had to point at my so more than once, and had to utilize my dead bolts, hotel locks, on my reinforced bedroom door several times to get away from him.
He has been physically abusive- and just as with all other P’s- He gets a wild animalistic blood thirsty look in his eyes of pure evil, and is dramatically frightening. At the time of his violent rages- I know that he could of easily killed me, with this detached, almost satisfied look that comes across his face. Durng those rages, no talking to him would help- it may even be more deadly to say anything.
This is what others may not realize- giving him “positive” reinforcements DOSENT help. They will perceive injustices and unfair treatment when there is none!!! Getting away from him is the ONLY way!!
Wits- if you are fortunate enough to still have him out of the house- He would play hell getting back into mine- if it were me. Courts can bring it on!! Tell the freakin judge to let him live with him awhile!!!! AND for a court intervention against YOU- your son would have to focus enough to get something done- If like mine- No worries, NEVA happen!!
Take care of yourself !!! I think of you often!! xoxoxo
Dear Sabrina,
I hear you! I was fortunate I think that my P son DID break the law and get arrested, but still I didn’t get it, and WOULD have let him come home after his first 2 yrs in prison for robbery. It was only 5 months after that that he killed the girl and went back to prison.
The thing is, and I kind of feel guilty about this, he REFUSED to come home because he knew the RULES h ad not changed and I WOULD HAVE reported him to the police. I DID have a husband and another adult male iin the house at the time he chose not to come home (he saw it as punishing me by refusing to come home) but I can look back now and realize that IF HE HAD COME HOME, it would have been ME dead and not that girl. I guess it is sort of survivor’s guilt over the fact I am alive and she is dead because if he HAD come home, he would never have met her.
But I agree with you that he can never be ALLOWED BACK INTO THE HOUSE, however, that may just be waving a red cape at a bull because if he WANTS backk in and she finds a way to THWART that desire, he is going to be MAD AS HELL.
I also know that living in a house by yourself with a STALKER outside who is ANGRY and out to “get you” is an impossible situation as well. How could you go to sleep wondering when he will throw a gallon of gas on the house and strike a match?
When I finally KNEW that the Trojan Horse was a psychopath and that my P-son had sent him (they were former cell mates) I was terrified and so was son D (Unknoown to me D was staying up guarding me during all the dark hours) and I finally realized that my HOUSE and the STUFF in it were not worth losing my life over and I RAN.
I’m back home now, but know that I may have to run again, and in the meantime I live with GREAT CAUTION, and I’m not really sure how safe I will feel this summer when son D is gone and I am here alone for 6 weeks. Last summer I at least had son C here living with me so wasn’t “alone” 24/7 here on the farm.
Oxy, May I borrow your skillet for a moment? Boink, boink, boink.
You gotta let that guilt go!! You didn’t do it! It was pobably only a matter of time…if it hadn’t been that girl, it would have been someone else….Not your fault. BOINK. 🙂