Why do psychopaths go after what they want regardless of the negative consequences they may experience? According to the journal Nature Neuroscience, the answer may be chemical—an overactive dopamine reward system.
Read Driven toward reward without regard for consequence on Time.com.
Read the scientific study, Mesolimbic dopamine reward system hypersensitivity in individuals with psychopathic traits, in Nature Neuroscience.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader via Facebook.
Our Family Wizard can help you co-parent with a sociopath
Can you Mom’s tell me when these issues with your kids really started to show up? I’m wondering because EB mentioned ADD and/or ADHD.
My 9 year old Grand-son has been diagnosed with ADD.
He’s been on two different meds at two different times in the last two years.
He is not a bad kid. He’s very generious, and caring. He comes from a stable home with a lot of love and support.
I, being a little old school, and feeling like kids are over diagnosed with this, and overly medicated, never really thought he had it. I, personally thought he was a little lazy and didn’t wasnt to sit still and study multiplication tables. I also thought he lacked SELF-DISCIPLINE.
At the beginning of this school year, his teacher said she thought he was ADD. (at this time he was off meds…my daughter had decided to see what happene without them)
So back they go to a new Dr. and he says, “Yes, he believes GS has ADD.” He puts him on new meds.
GS was getting satisfactory grades in school up intil about November, (when he went on meds.) In the mean-time, his teacher retired, and a new one came in.
We didn’t hear much from the school until about 4 weeks ago.
New teacher called and said she was worried about him. He wasn’t socializing with the other kids, seemed unhappy, was asking to sit with her in the classroom at lunch-time, and on top of that was failing 3rd grade. This came 2 weeks before F-cat, the school standardized test, and she said he really needed to work to pass it.
My daughter took him off meds and worked w/ him every night.
He is happier and doing better socially, but is still struggling to catch-up in school.
At home i find he has a delightful sence of humor, is very kind to his pets, tries hard to please…but, is easily frustrated and smart-alecky when not getting his way.
His parents are divorced, and both devoted to him, but he shows very little respect for his father, being quite rude, at times. His father doesn’t correct him for this.
He has a step-dad at home who treats him well, but doesn’t put up with that kind of dis-respect and they get a long pretty good.
I’m upset because I feel He may have been misdiagnosed, and because of this may be held back a second time in school, Also, have heard you Mom’s say your kids showed no signs of S/P disorde until they were older.
What do you think?
Kim Frederick,
Do you know if your grandchild was ever given the actual testing for ADD or if it was just a “loose” diagnosis made by a doctor?
I think if the kids are put on medications it is important to have the actual test done, rather than just form the “opinion”.
That is my humble opinion because of the medication involved. And because it IS over diagnosed.
To my knowledge you can have the testing done at the school. Especially if it was a teacher that recommended this.
My insurance company wouldn’t pay for the testing because they put the burden on the school to do it if I remember correctly.
If he is ADD and has a learning disability then the meds can actually be beneficial to him. And help him to focus, and concentrate better. But I also think that tools need to be used, especially at home when its homework time ect…Give a quiet place with less distractions to study…If alot of homework is given do some and then take a little cookie break, and then go back to the homework.
ADD makes learning difficult. Snd lets face it school is a pretty distracting place to be ALL day. So anything that can be done to make learning “easier” (or even fun at this age) is a good idea. Make up flash cards for spelling words. Make a game out of it if possible.
Also if he isn’t ADD but still having problems in school, try some of the same things. The worst thing that can happen here is when they get “turned off” to school at this early age.
That is really the biggest thing at stake here. Trying to keep him motivated to learning.
Usually in elementary you can keep close contacts with the teachers. Don’t “wait” until they contact you, because often times by the time they do the kids are to far behind. Ask your daughter if she has emails contact for the teachers and if she does, she might want to email on a regular basis. It is important to try and develop a good relationship with these teachers. So they know that this is really important to you and you are trying to work with them.
If kids have problems with learning all day at school it just makes sense that they will be frustrated and maybe “act out” a little both at home and at school.
It would be like us going to a job we hate everyday and then coming home cranky.
It is important to find if he really does have ADD or if he is just having some difficulty. Once they fall behind naturally it is going to be difficult for them. Either way.
You almost have to be your childs advocate at the schools anymore because they are over crowded and understaffed.
You don’t really want this poor little guy to feel all kinds of “pressure” at this age.
Google ADD and carefully look at several of the sites that come up. Some sites have better info than others. Look at the criteria and try and determine with an open mind what you think. Does he fit into this criteria? I think it helps to educate yourself as much as possible. So if you go to the doctor you can challenge him with questions of your own.
Also Kim, and most importantly….ADD doesn’t go hand in hand with S/P disorder. It is a learning disability. So don’t worry that it leads into,….. or any of that.
And ADD is usually something that teachers do catch onto in elementary school. That is the common age that kids are tested. But it IS over diagnosed. Many of the experts say that. That is why educating yourself about it can be helpful.
xxxx
Thank-you, so much Witty. I’m not absolutely sure if he had the test, but I think so…I will ask my daughter to be sure…I remember some talk about them, that they would be costly,and that both parents agreed not to medicate him without the test. Also, the Dr. was a prominant psychiatrist.
I will google ADD.
And thanks so much for easing my mind about P/S/N disorder.
I was just concerned because you all spoke of your kids seeming pretty normal, up to a point….how on earth can anyone see this coming? Are there any red-flags in early child-hood?
I’m going to read what Dr. Leedom has written on the subject. Thanks, again. And as always prays for you and yours.
Erin, I agree with Wits, I think you have lots of reasons to believe your son will come out of this to be the little boy you mentioned before with all the good qualities.
I applaud you as a mom for keeping him involved with his youth pastor. You may never know how much that divine intervention may protect him and keep his paths straight. I daily have to live with the sad fact that when my son was growing up, I wasnt th person I am trying to be now, as my spiritual commitment was not as it should have been. I ignorantly scandered so many opportunities that I could have had him in a christian environment, and should have been on my hands and knees praying for this kid (my son) instead of pursueing “my” agendas. I know see that the”pain of discipline weighs far less than the pain of regret.”
However, the bright side is that I pray for him now. In the bible, a city was saved thru the prayers of the people and all the people were spared.
To all the mothers out there, remember that we dont own our children, God does and every child of His is valued greatly. All the angels in heaven rejoice when any child young or old decides to follow Him. We are not alone in this fight. xoxo
Erin,
It is all sounding really good to me, the progress that you see with your son.
And the more you can interact with him the better. If he is enjoying his communication with you that is really a VERY good sign.
And of course he is feeling the “effects” of how he was raised when his dad was in the house. This was his MALE role model…
He is confused (a normal teenager side effect lol) and maybe even has some unresolved anger.
But alot of teenagers have that anger. The more you can talk to him and build up his self esteem the better.
And just a word of warning….When he turns 18, you might see a difference in him. My older son lived at home until he was about 22 or 23. But the year he turned 18 he got to thinking he was a “man” and got a little cocky. It was temporary. NOTHING had changed on his magic b-day…He was still in school, still looked the same in the mirror, still had the same rules at home. A school night still required being home at a certain time ect…The weekend still required a reasonable curfew as well, when still in high school. Reasonable rules can still be in effect when they live at home regardless of ‘”age”.
Once we got past the initial first few months after the b-day, “I can do what I want” everything was fine.
Once out of school, he of course didn’t have all the same rules and curfews but he was very good about letting me know when he would be at home and his work schedual ect.
Because by this time he was able to appreciate living at home, and going to school part time and working….. And being able to save money, ect.
The thing is that once they turn 18, living at home is now a choice. (for BOTH of you) They can live at home and have the benefits, along with a few reasonable rules OR choose NOT to.
Hey, EB, I didn’t mean to brush over your progress with your son. I read your post and immediatly thought of my own concern. Sorry about that.
I concur with Witty and Sabrina. It sounds very promising and I’m very happy for you.
Sabrina, I’m sorry things didn’t work out so well for you, but you can’t blame yourself. From what I understand there isn’t much you could have done in any case. It’s not your fault!
And remember, God don’t have no grand-kids. That is to say that your son is in God’s hands, as we all are.
Your quote, above reminds me of Kahil Gihbran. ( don’t think that’s spelled right.) But I love his poetry.
Kim,
I have spent alot of time looking back….Looking for early signs I might have missed.
I just don’t see much. He was a delightful little boy. He has a VERY strong will. And he had this as a child as well. But that runs on my fathers side and although he could be challenging at times, nothing out of the ordinary.
No red flalgs as far as lack of compassion, he was loving, and kind, all of those things. Loved animals.
He was a boys, BOY, when he was young. Always climbing trees. HIGH in trees. Stuff like that. He didn’t have alot of fear. And I suppose that could be considered a red flag now.
The red flags presented themselves in puberty. And when they did…It was like BAM. Couldn’t help but be alarmed. It was not a SLOW process. It was like a night and day difference.
Kim, Thanks for your input. It is raining here, dreary day and my mood seems to be following. Lol. Time to snap out of it!
I couldnt find where I got that quote from, I’d like to look up Gihbran.
Witty, that is so scarey. We really need to educate the public, and make a fuss about this stuff so that something can be put into place to HELP.
I so feel for you and all the other Mom’s dealing with this heart-break.
Kim:
There were several things that came up over the years….
They confused me and I never looked in a ‘medical’ direction….I thought it was just my kid.
In 3rd grade…..His teacher asked me….”Do you think he knows right from wrong”???
I was PISSED….angry at her aproach and I even said to her….WHAT DO YOU THINK WE HAVE A TED BUNDY IN THE MAKING????
I was so defensive….I deflected her comment…..so ofcourse, she ‘shut down’.
Her comments were based on his lack of asking for any sort of help…..in the classroom. He also has had a time ‘getting along’ with the MAJORITY in a group and would siimply pull away. He was overly sensative and misread others ‘judgements’ of him…..He didn’t have a ‘loyal’ group of longterm friends…but always had a friend dujour.
His father, the S claimed anyoine his ‘friend’….collected them…
I pushed people away unconsciously…..because ( I now know…of my situation…I didn’t want anyone to know). I never allowed anyone ‘in’ to my inner circle…because they would see the reality and talk to me about it…so I kept people out….
The kids from various sports teams would come over on weekends or before/after games….and he’d ‘leave’ the group…..he always had a cool bedroom and the kids loved it….games toys yada….they’d be in his room shooting baskets and he’d go off into the den alone….
He’d have every opporutnity to ‘mingle’ and connect….but he prefered to be alone….
This boggled me….NOW I understand.
His father was always the coach….and the kids loved him…..and he was only a shadow…..he felt his father would shine and he backed away to avoid being once again, humiliated in front of these kids…..
It was his protection.
(I did the same).
When we did have friends over….Jr OR me…..the S would dominate the time….and if we asked for privacy….he’d punish us in front of the friends….make us AND the friends uncomfortable….embarrased….so it was ‘easier’ to keep peeps away.
Since the S has been gone…..we’ve all developed friendship bonds….the kids come over every Fri night and watch movies here….eat pizza/soda etc….everyone brings something and rides are provided by other parents….We provide the safe place and movie….
I wanted to make sure we weren’t attracting kids by ‘luring’ or making it easy for them with ‘free’ pizza, taxi service etc….I wanted to make sure THEY wanted to come….
I do see the blossom, since the S left and things quieted down….safety prevails……we all are safe to share our feelings and emotions, trials and errors without being attacked or judged……we are safe to laugh and cry…..again without being attacked or punished.
This alone speaks volumes….for emotional growth…..to be allowable.
This child has and is on meds….one he tried, during very tumultuous times was a complet FLOP….brought out MAJOR anger, jumping out of the car, punching road signs…breaking things…..I went back to Dr. and she switched it…..
He was hesitant to take, but now…..feels they do help him focus and concentrate…..I can’t monitor this focus…..he has to….
BUT he does take em everyday (school).
He explains to me how different assignments scramble up in his head…..I’ve encouraged him to talk to the teachers….he feels its not worthit,they wont listen….I got him to approach his English teacher and he was SHOCKED at her response…..
I’ve tried to encourage him to do this rather than ignoring the projects and failing…..but he saw it as fruitless…ONCE he tried….he was surprised, she reassigned him another project that he was more able to focus on….not so many steps…..end result the same.
His problem is, he’s avoided assignments and hence he’s been labled as lazy, non motivated…..BUT….if HE is interested in something…..it’s done…..
So, as i explained to him…..he needs to be HONEST with those around him…..about his abilities….NOT BEING MANIPULATIVE trying to avoid doing something….but totally honest and give a description of what goes onin his head……and these folks WILL work with him.
He’s on a 5250 at school…..ADD with teachers offering special help….NOT special ed….he doesn’t qualify for that ….although Ithink in some classes it would benefit him….but nonetheless….he’s on a ‘program’…..and up until NOW, he’s felt it was worthless…..BECAUSE HE DIDN”T ask for the help HE needed……he avoided…..
So…..I do think he’s getting things….
and I know why he doesn’t ask for help……and just avoids….
with his father…..he COULDN”T ask for help….he was always punished or called names and put down…..and so he avoided and learned to stiffle himself….and his father NEVER followed through with ANYTHING, so it never came up again…..
IT ‘WORKED’ for him to deal with things this way….at the time!
His goal became to avoid punishment or putdowns…..
He’s always had a deep love for animals….during the really rough times he was the kid who volunteered at the shelter…walking dogs, cuddleing cats, cleaning cages….and we’ve always had a dog…..that he’s loved and taken care of and considered his sister…..he’s VERY compasionate with animals….VERY!! He always makes time for a dog.
Even after he was bitten by a dog in a car…..he was so concerned the dog would be put down…..It was a neighbors dog…..it ripped his cheek down…..To me….i wanted the dog gone….he was so cncerned for the dog.
He does have compassion and as I write this, I am realizing more and more….HOW he got ‘here’…..
He’s spent his whole life, once he could form his own opinions, likes and dislikes….being put down and badgered…..NEVER raised up……and yes, by his only male role model…..
So…maybe I should just shut up and remain in ‘clean up’ mode……keep nurturing him as I nurture myself…..and clean up all the messes the S left.
Maybe it’s not too late…..maybe another year will help him…..without the badgering etc…..and just love him….without expectations…..maybe his successes will also be delayed…..due to his path…..
Kim…..It’s a hard call…..your GS sounds like my son inways….but the fact he has support and love and awareness around him tells me…..he’ll do fine….your all aware and looking……
I was blinded and shut down……concentrating on being a mother, without knowing what was going on behind my back with the kids……
I do think they need advocates…..and that in itself is like swimming upstream…..ya need to SCREAM in the publlic school system to be heard…..but don’t quit…..he’s young….and you can get him the help….IF YOU KNOW WHAT HE NEEDS.
Design his education…..(gosh I say this alot….it seems to apply to all of life)…..design, design design……make it individualistic to your gs needs and abilit8ies…..
I think I just ended up rambling….sorry I hope some of this makes sense…….I just had a revelation …..although this was not my intent…..
See……evertythign happens for a reason……
🙂