Why do psychopaths go after what they want regardless of the negative consequences they may experience? According to the journal Nature Neuroscience, the answer may be chemical—an overactive dopamine reward system.
Read Driven toward reward without regard for consequence on Time.com.
Read the scientific study, Mesolimbic dopamine reward system hypersensitivity in individuals with psychopathic traits, in Nature Neuroscience.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader via Facebook.
Our Family Wizard can help you co-parent with a sociopath
Thanks CA mom,
I dont really know how to “convince” him anymore that he has “won”.He has all of the material possessions but wants to appear “generous”. The entire community knows what he did so how can I cover that up?
What he is most upset with is that I avoid and ignore him in public. I guess I can let down all boundaries and let him run all over me again??? We have NC and he cant stand that..wants to appear like the amicable divorced couple in public.
Just a good ole boy like he thinks he is. I dont play those games because when I did before, I was not taken seriously about the abuse and threats. So how to let him win. I dont know.
I basically ignore him and hope that bores him. He just wants drama anyway. But he is ruthless and vindictive. His reputation is suffering and he blames me of course..not his continued immoral choices or ugly arrogant behavior.
Kids are another tool for punishment and revenge. Now trying to take them and be parent of the year. I am trying to convince our psychologist of this. I am beginning to think HE is an N too. Doesnt do anything with the ex; placates and soft sells. But he is getting alot of money in this.
Danger is in the form of the friend. He is the one to watch. Will do anything for ex. and hates me.
ErinBrock says:
Flower:
Let me ask a few questions”..and forgive my CRS”.Its’ bigtime”.
What do your kids want? If kids want to be with Daddy-0, there is not much you can do exept raise their awareness”..and NOT directed in S’s afflictions”.or you’ll drive em closer to dad and farther than you.
How old are kids? young teens?
What are your legal standings currently.
(BTW, you DON”T NEED AN ATTORNEY)You need balls and tenacity”.and most mothers can develop those both!
Do you have a paper trail of abuse/neglect?
STOP”.don’t campaign just yet”.NOT a good idea!!!
This is where patience is key!! Really”.if you don’t have it”.your gonna learn it!!! It will benefit YOU and kids!!!
Have you read the articles and other comments re: this topic?
If not”..spend the day doing this—.gather ALL INFO you can.
Is divorce final?
And”..your not gonna be able to ’force’ a diagnosis of S”..
Start using the word”CLUSTER B personality disorder”..HE is a CLUSTER B!
YOU DO HAVE THIS DIAGNOSIS!!!
Using the word Cluster B”.provokes people to ask what a cluster B personality disorder is”..THEN”.you can speel it out—.and educate them”..
BUT, you MUST be educated on it yourself”.thoroughly, to educate others!!!
GO FOR IT!!!!
If the kids don’t want to see dad”..then YOU don’t have to force them”..this is the beauty of teens!!!
You can’t prevent it, but you also can’t force them to go.
So”..tha’ts a start”..and forgive me for not remembering your complet story”.
Were you the ’love of their life’, their ’soulmate’ or new best friend
within weeks?
Were they initially charming, saying all the right things, “mirroring” your hopes, desires, and feelings?
Are they jealous and possessive?
Do they have few friends or long-term relationships?
Multiple failed relationships?
Do they badmouth their ex or other friends?
Do they tell lies, big and small?
Does the relationship veer from hot to cold? Do they “Jekyll and Hyde”?
Do they have an unstable work history, frequent unemployment or
job changes?
Do you find yourself “covering” for them, making them appear better than they really are?
Do they have constant financial problems?
Are people mad at them because they don’t honor their debts?
Do they have a lack of realistic goals? A history of living off others?
Are they comfortable taking money from you?
Have they ever used your credit cards without your knowledge?
Do they make you feel guilty about your outside interests, time spent with friends or family?
Do they make you feel you’re not good enough, that you’re lucky to
have them?
Have they ever humiliated you in public?
Do they withdraw love, friendship or approval as punishment?
Do they have a bad temper triggered by something seemingly insignificant? Do you often not even know what set them off?
Do they always shift blame onto you? Is whatever’s wrong always your fault?
After raging, do they act like nothing at all has happened?
Do you ever feel “smothered” by them?
Do they ever threaten, hit or shove you, punch walls, break your things or call you names?
Are they always on the “outs” with someone?
Do they pressure you to quit or change jobs/friends/relationships/homes?
Do they have problems with authority figures?
Stalked anyone for any reason whatsoever?
Have they had Restraining Orders?
Is your self-esteem eroding?
Do you sometimes feel you’re the crazy one?
Is the relationship affecting other aspects of your life?
Do you have a gut, “sick” sense that things just aren’t right?
Do you sometimes wish it would just all “go away”?
So important I thought I’d post it in two spots….
Add to this list to build it.
🙂
potted plants and tires to rotate kids!
Dear Flower,
Can you investigate the friend? If he has a criminal past maybe that could be used in your favor, and if he doesn’t it might put your mind at rest?
I understand the need to be seen as generous and amicable. My ex wanted to be seen as a good guy also. It’s quite possible the therapist is an N…since my ex was/is a therapist, I know no one is exempt. And my ex needed to be validated by therapists in town that he was really a good guy and i was a pathetic bitch. They were more than willing to accomodate him…so the ex would call me & tell me my diagnosis…and it was costing him a lot of money also…but the satisfaction for him was immense.
Think I would start with the friend, Flower. Find out everything you can. I once hired a private investigator for someone else (a woman who was borderline & considered my ex her guru—she was like the woman in fatal attraction—-long story!).
Pretending you are amicable so he can be seen that way is not healthy for you or the children. Ignoring them is good, they do hate that and love the drama. I did have contact with my ex and since I have a few illnesses, bored him to death with details…you can’t do that, but boring them silly can work. My ex is still vengeful and harbors a lot of mixed emotions about me…he calls, and I am nice to him. Think he’s just checking to make sure I haven’t met anyone…or whatever reason he has. I don’t want to make him angry…
But, the friend, I would investigate the friend. Definately.
EB…please read my post from last night anwering your questions..
Ca mom..we did. Has a local history of harrassment on record. No other public records. Is on mental disability and dx with depression. Known on the street as a “con man” locally in the gay community. Dates women occas under real name to appear straight but has a gay “nickname.”Carries pistol in car without a permit. We continue to investigate him. Need solid evidenceof his “secrets”. But I know first hand of threats. Tried many times to cause “accidents” with me and others. i have witnesses to his behavior. Harrassed my friends; damaged their property; helped ex with his “girlfriends” and watched me during marriage and reported in. Is VERY manic…should have been diagnoses as bipolar but was taken in during depressed episode , so has depression dx.
flowerpower,
Camom shared some really good ideas with you. All of this really is so complicated when staying safe is an issue. As much as people with this disorder can look much like carbon copies of each other, we have to remember there is different places that they fall on the spectrum scale.
Bipolar is a very treatable illness but left untreated it can present its own danger. Mix untreated bi polar condition with s/p/n personality and you have a rather unpredictable situation.
To be honest with you I believe an s/p/n s behavior or what their next move might be can be somewhat predictable if you know them rather well and have a long history between you.
If you give it enough thought and take your emotion out of the picture.
However because of the nature of the bipolar illness, this is very difficult to predict what a person might or might not do.
so it certainly adds another dimension to trying to keep safe.
I also do not know all the background history to your story. But do a search online to really research bipolar, manic, depressed, and especially, mixed bipolar episodes.
Many do not have mixed episodes, but these can be the most dangerous as I understand it. As I understand it mixed episodes are rapid cycling.
Stay safe and try and educate yourself as much as possible to your own individual circumstance and what you might be dealing with.
Flower:
I can’t find your reponses? Can you direct me to where you posted them…..or repost them here?
Thankx…
Witty….I so agree with the predictability statment you make above…..
By paying attention, taking the emotions out of the mix, and just noticing things I never paid attention to prior…..I know the S’s next move…..with certainty.
I realize all situations are different…..but we can predict a lot…..by removing emotions and keeping a balance and paying attention and deciphering.