Why do psychopaths go after what they want regardless of the negative consequences they may experience? According to the journal Nature Neuroscience, the answer may be chemical—an overactive dopamine reward system.
Read Driven toward reward without regard for consequence on Time.com.
Read the scientific study, Mesolimbic dopamine reward system hypersensitivity in individuals with psychopathic traits, in Nature Neuroscience.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader via Facebook.
Our Family Wizard can help you co-parent with a sociopath
Kim & Oxy,
Thank you for the clarifications. Oxy I do remember your warm welcome when I finally got the courage to start blogging, and it was appreciated.
Allthough I’ve had to live with emotional abuse all my life from a N father, this is my FIRST experience with a full blown personality disordered Spath and first experience blogging in any site EVER!
Trust is a HUGHE issue for me right now, not only in other people but in my own judgement….Especially in my ability to make desicions and succeed at anything I am currently undertaking. In my mind it’s all questionalble. I’m walking on shaky grownd and constantly reminded of it.
I’m not just trying to understand and heal from a broken heart and spirit as a result of a Spath relationship, I am also trying to cope with the loss of a job, health insurance, my kids who’ve moved out and all the resulting loneliness, but I’m also trying to figure out how I’m going to pay for a new roof for my house, as the recent repairs I made failed with the heavy Florida rains we just had. I am overwhelmed and hyper sensitive. Foregive me.
Red flags are everywhere, in the physical world and in the cyber world, and I understand that when they come up in a site like this, you folks that have been involved for a long time can recongize them and worked around them to eliminate the predators. I’m still a learning work in progress.
Aelah, You have a plate-full. Try not to get over-whelmed…do the next right thing. I know it’s hard to believe, but this too shall pass.
You are in a really good place, here at LF. It will bolster you and give you courage and strenth, if you keep coming back.
You don’t have anything to apologize for….I hope you have a very healing and promissing day.
Dear Aeylah,
That loss of trust in OURSELVES to keep us safe is I think one of the most difficult hurdles to climb over on our way to healing.
Also when MULTIPLE PROBLEMS happen at the same time, it makes them multiplicative not additive, so each one seems bigger than it ordinarily would seem.
The lonliness or that feeling of we are ALONE!!!! UGH! Can also cause us to feel disonnected and powerless.
Focus on yourself, the things you need to do, the things that are possible to do, and focus less on what is not possible today. Keep reading here and learning and I do suggest going back and reading the archived articles, every one of them. And there’s a BUNCH! Reinforcing the positive knowledge will help you get closer toward healing. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! ((((Hugs))))
Aeylah:
I agree with the above posters…..Evil lurks everywhere.
We don’t get many, but it’s a good practice to test our ‘red flag’ buttons everywhere we go…..It’s unnerving to think they do come here….but LF isn’t immune either…..it’s representative of the ‘real’ world. I think like oxy…..there is way more good than bad here.
The internet has up sides and down…..I think the up side of LF is that we don’t get confused by the prettyness of people…..outer appearances…..that offer some an intimidation with the package. WE read what others post without knowing anything behind the poster aside from what they/we choose to share.
This can also work against us…..some can ‘design’ a story…..but on the up side…..it’s somewhat easier to spot the inconsistancies and changes in posts…..soon agression peeks it’s ugly head….
When Ihave seen this here….I often wonder…..’what is this person getting in this’. I know my time here is valuable to me…..I come when I need something or want to share or help….I can’t imaging going somewhere where I just want to ‘mess’ with others…..but it does happen here…..it does.
They are sad, lonely soles who have nothing better to do…..and probably not accepted in their world????
Having been duped and been hurt…..I don’t think there is a place we can go and completely let our guards down to 0.
I’ve heard people comment that Church is their only safe place…..yesterdays posts about Mensa….same thing…..just when we think we are safe to go back into the water….boom…..it appears. Evil lurks everywhere.
Church, schools, neighborhoods, family….and yes….online.
I thought dating a cop or some law enforecement would work great for me……weellll, maybe…..but just NOT the cop or law enforecement I chose……
I don’t think evil is avoidable…..just sidesteppable….once recognized.
SO you see…..we just need to keep protected, not be vulnerable if we can’t handle the betrayal….and only reveal what we feel comfortable…..and this is different for all of us….
We can’t allow our self esteem to depend on others opinions…..becuase in life……we are always being judged…..and we just shouldn’t care! We are all so different.
We come here for support, there is no authority, we are all hurt in similar ways. We can only learn through others journeys.
In the beginning, Iwas careful what I shared…..because I was more vulnerable…..didn’t want the S to have access to my ‘thoughts’……Now….I could give a rats arrsss, so I post my deep darks…..if it helps someone…..all the better! We are all at different points……on the same road.
If what a poster says doesn’t connect with you…..someone will be there for them……and likewise you should be careful to be offended if a certain poster doesn’t respond to you….because someone will be there…..
If you wnat to direct a question tosomeone specific….you should do that…..(although it doesn’t negate that someone elsemay jump in if you’ve touched them)….if it applies….great…..if not……don’t respond.
Don’t take anything personally…..take what works for YOU!
If there is a conversation going on and your touched or want to jump in……I say….jump in…….my experience here is that we are all welcome……
I personally have gained insight, wisdom and support through your posts….and for that…..I thank you!!!!
Its a monumental journey….and one I believe is unique….
Once we ‘getit’ ..we realize that it’s not just healing from a broken relationship……it’s financial, emotional, health, fear, and so on……
I can so relate to your worries……My god! I will share with you…..when things all hit at once…..Separation, money gone, strokes cancer, kids kidnapped, loss of business….the mudslinging, the splitting, the emptyness and the lonliness and the questions on how am i going to do this?????
Well….Please understand……things DO work out the way they should….REALLY….just keep putting one foot infront ofthe other and walk in A direction……NONE of it will be taken care of overnight…..
I’m still in ‘cleanup’ mode…..3 1/2 years later….still broke, still wondering if the house will be modified and I can stay….still wondering how the kids will get to college…still wondering if my health will hold out or if I will lose EVERYTHING to med. bills…..
I went through this divorce during radiation…..I fought him tooth and nail…..during a major illness…..
I just handed all the woes off to the universe….and dealt with what I could and hoped for thebest…..let me tell you….things are working out….and I’ve not had the worry inside just bevause I ‘gave it up’. I couldn’t….the worry was bigger than me…..and worry doesn’t take anything away……
Be prepared for anything…..and don’t expect anything…..
It does have a way of working out!!!!
And the process forces us to learn!!!!
XXOO to you today…..remain strong and loyal to YOU!
Aeylah – Please dont think you are being judged. What you are going through is real, you are at a very low place in your life and I as so many here relate with that. When I came here two years ago I was twenty pounds under weight and suicidal. Oxy and Donna and so many others here at LF picked me up and dusted me off and helped me find some peace in my life. I personally want to apologize for my late nite banter and sometimes silly nonsense. I wish there was a thread for ‘LF Bloggers no cover charge Party’ because we dont always stick with the subject of the thread and sometime peeps like you need some support or need to speak to the topic of the thread. I remember when I was like you, planning a LF retreat was the last thing I wanted to post about…hang tuff Aeylah , take one day at a time, one minute at a time and your life will slowly come together, what you are going through is HELL…but you can do it…
“It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.”…author unknown
Thank you all; Kim, Oxy, EB, Hens… for your support and understanding….you are the “treasure” for me here today.
Oh god there have been days when I have a pitty party and want to just jump off a bridge and call it quits….I think today’s been one of those, but I allways come to my sences and realize I’m not unique in these struggles, and I’m not alone. Courage and perservearance are the only bridge to cross at this point.
“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned. So as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.”…
“Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.” author unknow….another couple of mantras I keep posted by my side.
Hens- no need for appologies regarding the late night banter….I actually have a sence of humor too…and the other night I chimed in and laughed my a$$ off right allong with you guys. Humor is the best relief sometimes.
I will get through this….just like you all are doing it too.
Namastee to all,
Aeylah
Aeylah I think for me my life will never be the same after the sociopath. And i can tell by your writing that you are truly dealing with a certified sociopath. I have had to relearn and rethink my whole life, undo and redo so many flaws in my self. The s’s take something of us with them when they leave, be it innocence or ignorance we are never the same person. And in time I hope this will all be for the good. But so far the most profound lesson for me is, I have to love myself and I have to take care of myself first or I am no good for anyone..
Hey everyone, I am about to face one of my big fears today. I am going to talk to the chief of police about my situation with my son. I feel this is kind of my last hope as far as getting out from this rock and a hard place situation. I am needing options and I hope that I am able to get some.
My biggest fear is that I won’t get any viable options….
I need your prayers, mojo, or whatever else you can send this way…
Most of all I need the RIGHT words to explain to him so he gets it. And words are not my best friends. They escape me when I need them most and emotions take over.
I am already feeling defeated. Grrr.
Wit – Only you and your highest authority can truly assess your actions, grant you permission, and bless your choices..You are in my thoughts and prayers today, right now, all day…