Plenty of scientific researchers have studied psychopaths. But few have studied the victims of psychopaths, so there is little documentation of what we have all been through.
Perhaps that is beginning to change.
Lovefraud has been contacted by a researcher from Carleton University in Ottowa, Ontario, Canada. She is conducting a study entitled Victimization, coping, and social support of adult survivors of psychopaths. The graduate student is working under the supervision of Dr. Adelle Forth, who is a colleague of Dr. Robert Hare.
The purpose of the study is “to gain an understanding of the victimization experiences of adult (18+) survivors of psychopaths, in an attempt to raise awareness amongst the general public, and mental health and criminal justice professionals.”
Everyone at Lovefraud is invited to participate.
The researcher has developed a web-based survey. The survey has both self-report scales and open-ended questions. You will be asked to rate the presence or absence of psychopathic traits of the most recent psychopathic individual you have been involved with on one scale. Questions revolve around demographics, your relationship and experiences with the psychopath, including being deceived and its impact on your mental and physical health, your ways of coping, and your support networks. The survey does not ask for any information that might identify you.
Completing the survey will take approximately one hour, and Lovefraud strongly encourages you to participate. If you are concerned about your safety, please be sure to take appropriate precautions.
Here—finally—is a chance to develop information that may make a difference in how victims of psychopaths are viewed and treated. Let’s take advantage of the opportunity.
Data is being collected from now until Dec. 31, 2008. Be sure to add your voice.
Stargazer
It’s because you’re not ready yet. You will probably compare all the guys you date to him. Give it some time. One of these days you will be hanging out with a guy and you will notice you just enjoy his company. But maybe it’s not time yet.
kerisee04
Okay, I liked the survey, but had a few problems with it:
1. There is the general assumption that the P is out of your life. In my sad situation, she will be a permanent fixture for the next 16 1/2 years and counting, due to shared children with my husband.
2. There is no provision for any other type of relationship besides significant other or family member. What about supposed friend? Spouse’s ex? Boss?
3. Also, the questionaire portion had me monologue-ing in a bad way. It’s not just about the first time we met what I noticed, it’s about everything afterwards. The tons and tons of memories she brings up of false allegations, sleepless nights, territorial preditorizing (I’m sorry, really tired here), deceitfulness to anyone in authority, and managing to snow them all.
4. The emotional outcome for me: well, partly due to the emotional outcome for my husband. It’s all interconnected.
5. And the support network. Yes there are people who are there for me. Do they completely understand? NO. Do they wish I’d get over it? YES. Kinda like how people used to think people should get over depression or alcoholism (before it was an actual disease). They worry about the kids, yes. My family will not give me money or cars, etc. My husband’s family will. That’s because my family is a stingy lot, his isn’t. Has nothing to do with my ability to create close friendships or bonds with people.
Okay, off soapbox now.
Thanks for the survey! The best one I’ve taken yet! 😉
Glinda
My only concerns with the survey were the questions about the psychopath that started with “think” or “feel.” I don’t know what the xs thought or felt… I could tell you what he SAID, but I don’t believe he experienced any real emotions…and most of what he said he thought wasn’t true. I don’t know which 3 or 4 times he told the truth! LOL
And it was odd for me because of the timeline. My answers would have been quite dire and depressing the few months after I threw him out (late 2006). He’s been in prison since May 1, 2008 and I’ve felt GREAT since about July 30th! (I started feeling better around March 2007- with ups and downs, of course). But I’m a completely different person in many ways. I have survived. I am thriving.
I appreciate their quest for knowledge while protecting identity and anonymity, but I’m not ashamed of my experiences anymore. I’d be happy to answer whatever questions if I could save one mother with a daughter from the xs when he gets out of prison. I’d do about anything to accomplish that. If there was something I could do or say to save another from the non-reality of life with a socio, I’d be thrilled to make some sense from the ashes of his nonsense.
Indigoblue
Disease shameise everything is a syndrome Bull malarky !
Ihave openthe fridge syndrome ! take a poop syndrome!smoke a joint syndrome! mastrebation syndrome !
Science has proved that we don’t exist ! Aliens have landed and taken over the sewersystem !
PLEASE, Ya Choose to drink ya choose to turn left or right
Syptems of the real cause , ya self medicate to relieve the pain ,thought ,whatever !
Stress can and does have Physical syptoms You name your favorite !
MAD cow I like that one! and Flesh eating thats a good one tooooo ! LOVE jere
alohatraveler
Hey Blondie!
From my experience I am going to say that not knowing what you want out of a date is a step in healing. I am only saying that because I was there.
Part of the Sociopath experience is that we think, even for just a moment, that all our dreams are coming true… and then *POOF*… they are gone and we are living some kind of nightmare.
I think that leaves us with a blank slate in a way. When I was finally ready to date again, I certainly didn’t want anything that felt like a dream come true… that would be red flag city!
I don’t believe in all that now anyway. What I believe in is taking the relationship I am in now moment by moment. I am not full of expectations but I am open.. and ALERT. Definately alert.
I loved my Bad Man too… the man I thought he was but we know the punch line… he wasn’t.
On a side note for anyone out there that knows me and my stories… the Bad Man’s wife has been in touch with me as well as his daughter and they found me via LF. This is so awesome. I am not sure what will happen yet but I am happy to be in touch with them. I know they are good people and they assured me that they are ok now.
This adds to my PEACE.
Aloha XO to all.
P.S. Perhaps she will do the survey too. I haven’t done it yet.
alohatraveler
One more thing Blondie… like Oxy says, happiness will sneak back. For me, I recall a day when I told a friend, “I got my JOY back.”
I always say it so I don’t want to cram my way of healing on other people but the biggest hurdle for me was understanding this personality disorder thing. ONce I really got it, I was released.
While I don’t adhere to the “I AM A VICTIM” cry, I do know that I was in the midst of something over my head and bigger than me. And I did have my lessons to learn and my boundaries to strengthen. I did allow the Bad Man to treat me terribly. He always had an excuse for the inexcuseable.
It took a long time before I finally would no longer accept his excuses for his behavior or his blame shifting onto me.
Anyway, dear Blondie… keep going forward. The grass is greener on the other side of this painful disappointment.
Aloha
Ox Drover
Dear Blondie,
yes, I’ve felt that I would never be comfortable with anyone else (even if someone was interested in me romantically). But what I have learned is that i am no longer NEEDING ANYONE TO MAKE ME HAPPY, I am making my own happiness. I think my entire life I have depended on someone else’s ‘happiness’ to make me happy—pleasing them, even when they were unpleasable (the Ps) now i know that even if I could have made them “happy’—which you can never make a p happy–it wouldn’t have made me happy. I can now trust myself, depend on myself, and that makes me happy, as a ‘side effect” of being ME.
BTW, Aloha, glad to hear from you!
gillian
I took the survey and thought some of the questions were not worded very clearly. I can’t remember which ones now, and I’m feeling too tired and lazy to go back and peruse it. I do know I thought this several times, but just did my best to answer.
I also had the experience that overall I am doing so much better now. If I had taken this survey a year ago I would have maxed out on every psychological distress symptom. Now, not so much, although there are still moments….
James
Sounds like a good survey and will take it asap. If I have any feedback I will post it after the survey has been completed. 🙂
Indigoblue
I finaly figured out how to take it the survey ! yeah ! but I am a different person now ! thanks to all my Angels ! If the survey was take 6 months ago , those depression questions would have been relavent!