Plenty of scientific researchers have studied psychopaths. But few have studied the victims of psychopaths, so there is little documentation of what we have all been through.
Perhaps that is beginning to change.
Lovefraud has been contacted by a researcher from Carleton University in Ottowa, Ontario, Canada. She is conducting a study entitled Victimization, coping, and social support of adult survivors of psychopaths. The graduate student is working under the supervision of Dr. Adelle Forth, who is a colleague of Dr. Robert Hare.
The purpose of the study is “to gain an understanding of the victimization experiences of adult (18+) survivors of psychopaths, in an attempt to raise awareness amongst the general public, and mental health and criminal justice professionals.”
Everyone at Lovefraud is invited to participate.
The researcher has developed a web-based survey. The survey has both self-report scales and open-ended questions. You will be asked to rate the presence or absence of psychopathic traits of the most recent psychopathic individual you have been involved with on one scale. Questions revolve around demographics, your relationship and experiences with the psychopath, including being deceived and its impact on your mental and physical health, your ways of coping, and your support networks. The survey does not ask for any information that might identify you.
Completing the survey will take approximately one hour, and Lovefraud strongly encourages you to participate. If you are concerned about your safety, please be sure to take appropriate precautions.
Here—finally—is a chance to develop information that may make a difference in how victims of psychopaths are viewed and treated. Let’s take advantage of the opportunity.
Data is being collected from now until Dec. 31, 2008. Be sure to add your voice.
I took the survey, and there were a lot of questions that I had to answer “don’t know” to about my sociopath because I honestly don’t know his full history. I mean, he was never sexually violent or intimidating with me, but that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t this way with someone else. I had to go on things that I knew about him, proof positive, such as the arrest that I did know about and an online fraud that he perpetrated once. It made me realize just how much I did not know about the man and probably never will know …
Well, I’m no longer addicted to the sociopath. Now just addicted to the internet. How do you fix that? Do you recommend no contact with the computer?
Pour water in there where the disc goes in that works every time
IndigoB, I think that’s a form of revenge. It would just instigate the computer even more. I’ll bet it would start smoking and manipulate me into getting a repair person over to fix it. I really think NC is the best.
Stargazer said: I’m curious how a giant snake got into your attic though. He was probably somebody’s pet and probably waiting for you to cuddle with him.
Stargazer, I see this snake has already played “the victim” to you and has you pitying him. I strongly susect this snake is a psychopath and would score high on the Hare checklist. This snake is a predator as he assessed my vulnerabilities then slithered his way into my life as soon as he spotted a weakness in my boundaries such as a hole in my foundation or a vent or a opening around a pipe.
This snakes is is very irresponsible, never notifying me of his comings and goings, partying at night with the rats, and shows a total lack of empathy over keeping me awake at night. He lives a parasitic lifestyle, not contributing a cent towards the house payment or utilites, completely mooching off me, feeling perfectly entitled to eat any food I have around the house and he doesn’t even bother to check if I mind. Not only that, he is sexually promiscous, sometimes forming mating balls where he and several of his male friends all wrap around the female snake prior to sex (the snake version of an orgy). Once he has sex with her, he ditches her and likely never sees her again, but instead hunts up another babe to get it on with. Never mind that he never even bothers to see his offspring.
I also hear he is quite cold blooded, so I think it would be fruitless for me to attempt to cuddle with him. Oh he might mimic affection by curling in my lap, but then he would show his true colors and bite me sooner or later. I feel he is probably very criminally versatile, seeing as how he broke into my home, steals, and I suspect he has poisoned some he has come in contact with when he loses his temper and strikes. I’m sure he plays the victims and implies someone stepped on him or something, but as for me, I am through believing the psychopath. I feel there is no hope for him to change his behavior as I feel it is mostly genetic. After all he is a descendant of that lying, deceiving SNAKE from the Garden of Eden, so what can you expect. I am going proactive this time and I plan to seek justice for his crime. Since it is his first offense (or at least the first one he has been caught at), I will not object to him receiving probation as long as a restraining order is issued against him and he abides by it.
And no I have not been drinking. 🙂 Jen2008
Jen
describ the slithering serpant as best you can from your eve (nieve) point of view ! If you tell me what state or where you live I can probably Identify it with out seeing it!
1. It’s in the atic= it is not venomis (harmfull to people)
2. it’s in the atic = it’s a climber= north american serpants that climb are in the rat snake family
3. snakes cannot hear
4.most snakes hunt at night
5. snakes are cold blooded= it’s warmer in your atic than outside!!!!!
6. rodents are also seeking warmth and snakes eat rodents= rodent extermination or control at no cost to you!!!!
7. snakes make no noise= stealth is there tactic
8. snakes don’t need light to see or hunt =smell+ taste the air!
9. EVERY light fixture! EVERY ceiling fan! EVERY Air vent! IS a doorway INTO JENS ROOM! :)~LOVE ya! jere
Does anyone remember reading the story about the young women who went on Spring vacation down in Mexico a few years back?
Well, she partied with all her friends for the week they were out of school …having a great ole time … remember those days?
They found a lost dog … a little white Chi-hua-hua.
She took the little dog every where she went that Spring break… All the kids she met, they all loved that little dog. The dog became their mascot … it went everywhere the kids went. When they went to eat, she made sure the little pup ate… everyone kissed the little dog … every time they saw it. They taught him tricks .. how to sit, come, stay … do flips .. the dog loved to please.
Every night when the young women and her friends went to their motel room, they argued who was going to cuddle with the puppy that night. He was in his glory … all the kids loved him and he loved all the kids. The puppy was so proud … the roomies gave him a nice pink bow … the puppy wore the bow proudly.
Spring break was over and they were driving back over the border to the states. The young woman hid the puppy in her baggy sweatshirt … even though the sun was shining brightly.
None of the guards gave the girls a second thought about them wearing short and T-shirts and here sat the young woman with a baggy sweatshirt. The girls just flirted with the border patrol … and they were passed through with flying colors.
The young woman brought her puppy into the country and walked it each and every day. Everyone in her apartment building loved the little puppy, and the puppy loved them.
Then months latter, the little puppy wasn’t feeling well. The young woman immediately rushed her little pal to the Vets.
The Vet was out when she arrived in the emergency room, so she had to leave the little puppy with the assistants and come back in a few hours after the Vet returned to his clinic.
Worried, the young woman leaned over and kissed her puppy, petted him and told him it would be OK that the Vet would cure him and she would be right by his side.
The assistants took the little dog in the back room to wait for the Vet to return.
The woman decided to run some errands and she’d be back in those few hours to be by her pal.
The young woman ran her errands and returned to the Vets clinic. The Vet came into the waiting room with a flustered look across his face. The young woman swallowed hard and said ‘What is it doctor, what’s wrong with my little puppy’?
The Vet didn’t know how to tell her except to just tell her like it was …
The young woman didn’t want to hear what the Vet was about to say … she sank slowly into her chair.
The Vet said, there is no way to say this than to just come out with it … so here it is… your puppy isn’t sick and it … isn’t a puppy.
The girl couldn’t believe her ears … what was the Vet trying to tell her?
Your new Chi-hua-hua isn’t a dog at all …. your puppy is a RAT.
Moral of the story, even RATS need love.
Peace … true story.
Henry: Thank you so much…I have decided that I am going to limit my interactions with those who aren’t supportive…I wish that there was an in-person LF group…
I am really thankful I found this site…
I was looking at one of Tood’s posts and thinking about something that I spoke about with my counselor, which also has to do with my friend’s attitude about “you should have seen it coming…I did”…I think we still live in a society that blames the victim. I almost said to my friend that if she was so upset about what happened then why doesn’t she give my ex-P a call? Is it because no one wants to confront the perpetrator? Can they not be held accountable? Is it just easier to blame the object of the abuse?
Just some thoughts…
maniatissa You are welcome – more thot’s on the :friends:….I have some friends (a few very good friends) that told me after the fact – when they first met MyX – they knew he wasn’t right for me – one said – he was just different – they were happy for me of course that I had finally met someone – and my son who lives close by was involved in my dramatic relationship. At one point my son confronted me – asking what is going on Dad you look like chit….and I would try too explain the anxiety and depression – my son offered to kick (his) ass – but then guess what? I would take him back and beg him too understand – my son was confused wit me!!! But now 8 months no contact – I am not the least bit curious (well maybe a little) about where he is or what is goin on. Knowing he has so many issue’s – it is best for me to avoid him. I no longer have the need to try to make him understand how I feel or how I felt. Cause any sign of compassion I gave him would be just the chance he needed to fuck with my mind again. It’s like the movie ALIEN the first one was enuff I dont need to watch the sequel – there is no way we will ever understand them, but understanding that they are really really really ….really fucked up alien’s – and there is is is is something wrong with them.. maniatissa – its gonna hurt for awhile but in time you will see just what I mean….thank your lucky starz he is gone…..
Wini–ROTFLMAO, GREAT analogy!!!!
Maniatissa, it is a shame that the “blame the victim” thing is a fact, but in many cases it is, and believe me, I have done in the past my own arrogant “blaming of the victim” too—I couldn’t see why a woman wold go back and back to a man who beat her, I WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING—(feeling of superiority here) but you know what, my SON was abusing me and guess what, I would go BACK AND BACK AND BACK. LOL Now I realize that abuse is abuse is abuse, and it doesn’t matter if it is physical, mental, verbal, or emotional, anyone who stands for ANY kind of abuse is being abused. None of us are any better or worse than the others in the abuse we allowed (though some abuse may injure more or less) but we are all human, and for one reason or another, we allowed the abuse to continue more than once. “Chit on me once, shame on you, Chit on me twice, SHAME ON ME.” Sometimes in our pain we even chit back at them—Henry microwaved his X’s phone! LOL and I have done things worse, just not as funny! LOL ROTFLMAO!!! (sorry Henry–welllll, not really sorry!) (head hanging in pseudo shame) LOL
I’ve had people tell me how “bad” I am because I won’t have any contact with my abusive mother, “She IS YOUR MOTHER AFTER ALL” Like that gives her some pass to abuse me, almost get me killed. Or “how could you give up on your P-son, HE IS YOUR SON AFTER ALL” Like that gives him a pass to try to kill me. They also devalue my pain, my emotions etc. and try to say “well, it really can’t be THAT bad” Or just a plain “get over it.”
That hurts of course, at least at first, but I have learned to VALIDATE MYSELF and it doesn’t matter what ANYONE else thinks—I KNOW. The validation I got here at LF when I was in such pain though, was so VALUABLE to me, until I could get the strength to validate myself. SUPPORT is wonderful when you are down and out. I’m so glad that LF is here for me and for everyone else too.
A real llife support group would be wonderful, why don’t you start one in your area? Put a small add in one of your local papers, or put up some posters and get a booth or two at a local eatery, or rent the back room of one, or get a church there to give you a place to meet. PUt your cell phone number on the poster, and see if you can get a group started. I think that we all should do that and spread the word. You can print off some of the LF articles and hand them out and discuss them with the people who show up.