Stories in the newspaper yesterday were disheartening. After reading them, I had to conclude that full-blown sexual predators are everywhere, and doing something about them will be difficult.
The first story I found was about Canadian Col. Russell Williams, an elite pilot who was commander of Canadian Forces Base Trenton, the largest air force base in the country. In 2005 he was photographed with Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip. On February 7, 2010, he was charged with murdering a young woman who had been missing for almost a week.
That’s not all. Williams, considered a “shining bright star” in the military, has been charged with the murder of two women, sexual assault of two other women, and 82 break-ins. What did he steal? Women’s panties. An Ottawa newspaper reported that police seized more than 500 pairs from his home.
The charges have shocked the Canadian military. Retired Major Greg McQuaid wrote reports that helped Williams get promoted. McQuaid’s observation, however, is telling:
“I remember he had a very focused stare or look, and I was just reminded of that when this happened and they showed the photos of him and I said, there’s that look. I remember that look. It was like he’s looking through you at the back of your head,” McQuaid said.
To read about this incredible story, click on these links:
Canada top commander charged with murder, assault, on Philly.com.
The secret life of Colonel Russell Williams, on Macleans.ca. This story discusses psychopaths at the end.
Another story in the Sunday paper was about another sexual predator in the Catholic Church—this one from Brazil. A Polish priest, Marcin Michael Strachanowski, is accused of sexually abusing a 16-year-old former altar boy, and then threatening to kill the youth if he spoke of it.
According to news reports:
Judge Alexandre Abrahao Dias said that investigators found “erotic material sent to the victim via Internet to seduce him” and that the priest also took other youths to the parish house, “which he converted into a kind of erotic dungeon where he submitted them, often with the use of handcuffs, to orgies.”
To read about this case, see:
Polish priest accused of running pedophile ”˜dungeon,’ in the Montreal Gazette.
Priest charge cites ”˜erotic dungeon,’ on Philly.com.
The Canadian colonel is being prosecuted. The priest has been arrested, and the diocese of Rio de Janeiro didn’t cover up the incident. It immediately suspended the priest and expressed regret over the alleged abuse.
These guys have been caught. Given the nature of their crimes, if proven guilty, they’ll probably go to prison for a long time.
Ten days ago, a sex offender in California, John Gardner III, was sentenced to life in prison for raping and murdering 17-year-old Chelsea King and 14-year-old Amber Dubois.
California lawmakers are now considering a bill, nicknamed Chelsea’s Law, that would mandate life sentences for some child molesters and lifetime parole for others. It’s a great idea—but it will cost a lot of money.
After the first 10 years, keeping the predators in jail would cost tens of millions of dollars, according to a California corrections department analysis. But the Legislative Analyst’s Office, which provides fiscal and policy analysis to the California Legislature, puts the cost much higher—at hundreds of millions of dollars.
Read the article here:
California bill aimed at molesters would cost millions, on Google.com.
Last week, Lovefraud reported that the Supreme Court upheld a law to keep sex offenders in jail after their sentences are served. People who commit crimes like these deserve to spend their lives in jail. But is our society willing to pay for it?
Libelle, ooops, that was Holunderblutensaftshorles! xo, Psyche
Dear Psyche, wow I am astonished (usually Switzerland gets mixed up with Swaziland or Sweden 😉 ). Are you in the US? You seem to have a very good command of languages, as you spelled the Holunderbluemesaftschorle correctly (a very difficult word even for me!) And that you know the difference between SpaetzlE and KnoepflI, and can translate them correctly: I bow my head!
My father wanted to warn us because we were HIS daughters, property! And he must have done horrible things with girls when he was young (his nickname known by ALL was “the Suitcase-man”, he left when things got difficult emotionally).
Lots of his remarks were cryptic at the time, but much later I found out the real meaning behind:
Variatio delectat (I like diversity, meaning sleeping around with lots of women)
You can’t eat always haute cuisine, sometimes you like a smelly cheesebread (referring to WOMEN, my mother being haute cuisine). The most disgusting one!!!
The hunter hunts not at home (never bring your mistress home with you, do not go for a mistress in the office)
Dirty laundry is washed at home only! (never tell). There are others which I do not remember now.
When a friend of his once asked my father why my sister and I had not yet been married, he replied: They are still looking for someone as perfect like ME! (I am not sure whether it was truely a joke!)
We were on our first ball with our parents (we were 17 and 16 years old then). It was organized by his student fraternity, and he was VERY anxious and constantly observing us secretly; and all his colleagues were laughing at him about the bad rememberances he must have NOW knowing ALL the things that might happen to young innocent girls. It was a running gag amongst them still years later!
I do NOT think that he had any remorse or was thinking anything about the consequences while doing his deeds. He is very much in the moment.
The same moment he can torture my mother psychically and ask the friend of my mother also present how to help my psychically devastated mother! (it happened last week, and it was pathetic!)
I just read your new entry: you spelled it correctly in your first entry 🙂 🙂
“Bluten” means “to bleed”, “blueten” and “blume” also mean “flowers”. BluEme is the phonetic prononciation of the dialect word Blume in Swebish. WOW!! And: Wonderful stuff to drink!
“sch” in German is pronounced in English “sh”
I only can hope my English is as good as your German 😉
I wish you all a very nice weekend!
Dear Psyche,
There are so many RED FLAGS, and I have simplified them down to a basic one, HONESTY! If a person is not honest then they are OUT of my life. That is the first thing I look for in a person. If they don’t qualify as honest, then nothing else matters.
You can make another list of different “kinds” of “honesty” but I think a person who is DIS-honest will also be selfish, unkind, greedy, tell lies, twist truth, put others at risk, etc. so any of these things will POINT TO DIS-honesty.
I used to make excuses for people’s dish-honesty, unkindness, give second (and 100th) chances when I caught them in a lie or being unkind, or even THEFTS, but NO MORE. I deserve to be treated honestly, just as I treat others honestly.
Doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes, but a mistake is adding 2+2 and getting 5, by accident, it is a DELIBERATE if I steal from you. I thought about it and Decided to DO A DIS-honest thing (steal) not the same thing as a “mistake.”
No one ever robs a bank by “mistake.” LOL It is a CHOICE! So if a person choses to be DIS-honest and lie to me, or steal from me, or hit me, or expect me to let them run “rough shod” over me, I can CHOOSE not to have that person in my life—and hey, I DON’T HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY!!! That’s the liberating thing for me. If I have a “problem” with someone it is NOT AUTOMATICALLY MY FAULT, it can very well be theirs. I no longer assume I am ALWAYS AT FAULT!
Oxy,
This was the discussion I was having with spathy this morning, how it was all about honesty. It’s not that he looked at porn (or many other lies), it was because he lied about it. Time after time. He tells me I’m unforgiving and I truely feel like that. You also talked about guilt and I have it big time.
The holiday weekend is especially hard. Daughter said she wouldn’t go to the cabin with dad, she would rather be with friends. Son always likes to do things as a family, but we are already torn apart. It’s especially making me feel like a heartless biotch.
Daughter does not want to do anything with dad. Talked yesterday about a farm set that we played with when she was little and could she have it for her kids. I said yes, if I could play with them. We had so much fun with that farm, the kids would make up stories and I loved their imaginations. Daughter said “But I won’t let dad near my kids” How the hell did it come to this.
I am going to help put the dock and boat lift in today and go home tomorrow, the guilt is such a heavy burden. Am I unforgiving? How heartless am I?
Daugher told dad about she might talk to him if he stopped lying to me about the porn. He told me to not bring the kids into it. With his constant denials and finding that crap in the house, I needed to ask the kids if they looked up any images. He was so convincing, I thought maybe one of my kids has an issue and I don’t know about it. Daughter said “I think dad did it”. I want her to be unbiased it’s possible that she secretly wants to have a healthy relationship with her dad.
Just don’t know what’s up these days. I internalize so much, feel that I’m a cruel biotch. Turning the kids against him, etc. Maybe I’m just feeling flipping sorry for myself. Again, I don’t know. The Memorial holiday could be bringing this on, it’s a time for families to be together.
Dear Hope4,
As long as you depend on HIM to tell you what and who you are, you will be trapped in the FOG (FEAR, OBLIGATION AND GUILT) It is ONLY when you STOP BELIEVING WHAT THE LIAR SAYS.
He has PROVEN HE IS A LIAR, so WHY are you still letting HIM TELL YOU WHAT A HEARTLESS UNFORGIVING BIATCH YOU ARE?
It may be time for “families to be together” but you don’t have a family with that porn watching LIAR that i s going to keep on tearing your daughter apart. I don’t blame her, I wouldn’t let him near my kids either—so why are YOU? You already said he makes your daughter feel uncomfortable the way he acts around her sexually—get real Hope—get to the attorney and get his arse out of the house.
Tell me what you hope to accomplish by staying there and listening to him? Tell YOURSELF what you hope to accomplish?
It ain’t gonna get no easier by putting it off, it is like child birth, the longr it goes on the worse the pain!
HopeforJoy, What you wrote and how confused he makes you afterwards is the reason we all remind folks NO CONTACT WITH THE LIKES OF THEM.
THEY ARE THE LIE, THEY ARE THE LIE, THEY ARE THE LIE.
DID I MENTION … THEY ARE THE LIE?
Peace to your heart and soul as you heal from that heel!
Give your thoughts, cares and concerns about your Ex up to God. Jesus will handle it from there.
Hugs.
hope4joy – it came to this because of what he is. it seems that you are internalizing this situaion as if it and he are normal. neither are.
this is such a big challenge for those of us who have been spathed. it takes a lot to come to terms with what we are REALLY dealing with; and in the meantime we keep trying to shove everything into the ‘normal relationship breakdown and breakup model’ we have in our heads.
hope4 – it isn’t normal. really. it’s not.
you need to find a way, an image, a phrase that you can use to remind yourself – moment by moment, about what you are REALLY dealing with, about the toxicity of this man – which will not change.
i admire you for the work you are doing to be ‘fair’ about him with your kids. it’s a good impulse. but in this case, what really IS fair? your kids need to be protected from him. you need to be protected from him. your daughter will never have a normal healthy relationship with him hope4 – HE is not capable of this.
if you really recognize what he is you will stop trying to talk to him like he is ordinary. discussing honesty with a spath – now THERE’S a serious miscalculation on your part. i can’t even imagine doing that; it would be an invitation for emotional abuse, minf**kery, gas lighting and sandbagging. i would not sooner do that than step into a pit of vipers. no wonder you feel so messed up – you are submitting yourself to constant re-victimization – that is a form of self abuse, in as much as you are not protecting yourself and are continuing to put yourself in harms way.
you know what – the person you are being heartless to is YOU. why are you putting yourself through such incredible pain? LOVE DOES NOT HURT LIKE THIS. I don’t care if the other person is ‘normal’or disordered; LOVE DOES NOT HURT LIKE THIS. Children do not want to protect their unborn children from their father’s WHERE THERE IS REAL LOVE. THIS is not love; this is dysfunction. please stop talking to him as if he is loving; he is not.
and YOU do not have to be in such pain. you can feel safe and sane and your kids’ could feel safe and protected. in just a few months your WHOLE lIFE could be changed for the better. you just have to keep walking toward what feels GOOD and DOES NOT HURT.
there is grief – yes. there is grief for what you thought was real, and for losing what you thought you would have. but this is separate from what is really happening with him. and you need to separate the two and not think that the love of family and husband are in anyway connected to what he brings to the table. YOU WILL NEVER GET WHAT YOU WANT WITH HIM. YOU DON’T HAVE IT NOW, SO HOW COULD IT MAGICALLY APPEAR?
separate the two and don’t confuse him with your vision of a good life. he didn’t deliver. he isn’t going to deliver. and you need to work out how you can keep remembering that every minute of every day, becuase – you and your kids deserve so much more, something real and true. you are worthy.
hope i haven’t rambled too much.
all best,
one step
Onestepper’s YOU deserve a standing ovation for that bit of advice, this is the smartest thing you have ever said…it and he/she was not normal and we beat ourselves up trying to deal with it he/she in a normal way..i feel so sorry for those who have children with these freaks of nature..
Wonderful post One-step! ((((Hugs))) You seem to do better, I am so glad! (I have also sore hands and hips, from moving boxes, and maybe they are the first signs of menopause 🙁 ? ; menopause can start with arthrosis-like symptoms that vanish after a year or so). Hopefully it’s the boxes!
One-step said: “and you need to work out how you can keep remembering that every minute of every day, becuase ”“ you and your kids deserve so much more, something real and true. you are worthy.”
Hope4: Is there an unbearable situation when you were specially devastated? Maybe it is of help to have that special situation clearly in mind, remembering it whenever you want to “give in” ? ((((Hugs))))
Great advice one and libelle~
That’s what I keep in mind….although there are years of examples….the one I draw on……is the vision of him feeding my kids pot leaf salads with ranch dressing for dinner.
This was the vision I had when oldest came to me and relayed this in confidence. (I wasn’t there)
I can’t tell you how PISSED I was…….it was after he had left and kids told me about the pot farm visit. They would come to me at random times…..and reveal more……
this was one of the last things revealed……
I don’t know why I chose this vision…….because there was SO MUCH wrong with all scenarios…..
But any time I questioned my choice of booting him…..I pictured kids around dinner table eating pot with ranch dressing.
NO PARENT in their right mind would do this to young teens….14 on down…..
It was as if he and his cronnies treated kids as their frat dogs……
Vision is disturbing to me…..
Anyways…..I agree…..pick ONE thing you just CAN”T forgive/explain/deny/look past- something concretely wrong……and take a snapshot in your mind of this……for a reminder!
We all have those memories…….
BTW……I am very concerned with your daughters responses about her kids not being around her father…e.tc…..
I am smelling some sort of sexual abuse….still.
Something about her fathers creeps her out…….