Sociopaths prime you to ignore reports of their bad behavior

The sociopath’s greatest skill is probably impression management. They are excellent at presenting themselves in a positive light — even when they have a long history of abusive relationships, exploitation, unstable finances and even criminal convictions. One of their tricks is priming you in advance to ignore reports of their bad behavior.

The most fundamental sociopathic strategy for preventing you from learning what they truly are — lying, cheating parasites — is to keep you away from anyone who knows their past.

This is one reason why sociopaths typically move around a lot — when they’ve caused too many problems in one town, they relocate to a new town where nobody knows them or what they’ve done. If you suggest visiting their hometown or family members, sociopaths will usually discourage it, saying the town is boring and their relatives are jerks.

But just in case you will have a chance to talk to people from the sociopaths’ past, they lay the groundwork to make sure you ignore reports of their bad behavior.

Trash-talking

When sociopaths have you on the hook, but not quite reeled in, they don’t want you to escape. If they learn that relatives who warned previous targets now know about you, they spring into action. 

How do sociopaths head off a bad report? They tell you that their sister or daughter or whomever may call and trash-talk them, because the traitors don’t want them to find happiness. Or the relatives hated them when they were young and are holding some kind of grudge — whatever.

The sociopaths will also disparage the family members and former friends, saying they’re losers and can’t be trusted. The objective is to make them — and their message — appear to be not credible.

Crazy exes

Here’s probably the most common play in the sociopath playbook — claiming that all the ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends are crazy, mentally disturbed and need to be on medication.  

Sociopaths may start saying this immediately — as soon as you ask about their previous relationships. This is a red flag for you, showing that sociopaths never accept any responsibility for the breakdown of relationships. But for the sociopaths, the objective is to make sure that, if you ever talk with an ex, you don’t believe the stories you hear.

 Admitting bad behavior

Sometimes sociopaths actually admit unsavory behavior from their past, but they typically embellish the admission with excuses.

For example, sociopaths may acknowledge that the divorce dragged on for four years, blaming it on the spouse who wanted all the money or didn’t want to share the kids. So yes, the separation was ugly, but it wasn’t the sociopaths’ fault.

Sociopaths may admit that they are broke. But again, it’s because all the money was spent taking care of the family or on some other noble cause. Or, some boss or customer didn’t pay them what they were owed.

They may admit to a poor credit history, but again, there’s an excuse. 

My ex-husband, for example, insisted that I had to sign the leasing agreement for his new car because he was an entrepreneur and entrepreneurs always have poor credit. Needless to say, I was stuck paying for the car.

Sociopaths may even admit that they have criminal records. But again, they were framed, or the cops were out to get them, or someone else committed the crime but they took the rap. 

Positive impression

When sociopaths admit their previous bad behavior, instead of running for the hills like you should, you may develop a positive impression of them. Here’s why: 

1. You may feel sorry for them and be determined to give them a second chance.
2. You may feel that by revealing their past they’re being honest with you and are therefore trustworthy.
3. You may feel that they’re taking responsibility for their actions and turning over a new leaf.

Then, when you find yourself betrayed, used or exploited by the sociopath, what happens to you?

Cognitive dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is typically defined as the mental discomfort caused by holding two or more conflicting beliefs, attitudes or values. The Lovefraud author Dr. Liane Leedom, however, defines the term more precisely. 

She says that cognitive dissonance occurs when you become invested in your initial positive impression of a person or idea and then, when information comes in indicating that your belief is wrong, you ignore the new information to hold on to your belief.

Here’s how cognitive dissonance in relation to a sociopath happens:

1. You form a positive belief about the sociopath. 
2. You experience or learn something that contradicts your initial positive belief. 
3. You can’t hold both your positive belief and the new negative information in your mind simultaneously. So you disregard the bad news, even if it’s true, to hold on to your belief.

Sociopaths set you up for cognitive dissonance right from the beginning. They encourage you to believe what they tell you and not whatever damaging information you later hear. 

Unfortunately, it often works. Many people keep believing the sociopath until they have been so damaged that they have no choice to accept that sociopath really is a lying, cheating parasite.

Your intuition

How do you overcome cognitive dissonance and see the truth of the sociopath’s behavior before you suffer too much damage? 

Here’s Lovefraud’s three-step plan for protecting yourself.

1. Know that sociopaths exist.
2. Learn the warning signs.
3. Listen to your intuition.

Your intuition is absolutely your best defense against sociopaths. Your gut will typically warn you when something is wrong about the person or the relationship. In fact, you probably already sensed this, which is why you asked questions about the sociopath’s past.

When your intuition tells you something is wrong, pay attention and take action. 

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