Stress is contagious

LOL Candy, I don’t have a cell phone. But if I did, I would probably want to get surgically release from it. ha ha ha ha How are you doing these days?

I have found that I am getting a lot of healing by identifying what I want and going after it, in spite of my fears. For instance, I started thinking about that guy from Chile that I spent a day with last summer. I wasn’t very keen on him back then. I didn’t think he was attractive enough or smart enough for me. But lately I started thinking about him again. I thought it would be so much fun to have him help me with my Spanish. I wanted him to help me with a project I’m doing – reading a Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel in Spanish. So I wrote to him and asked him. He is very excited about it (because he always liked me) and now so am I. I felt all this energy releasing in my body after we talked on the phone. I feel like I identified something I really wanted and then just took the risk. He even thanked me for having the courage to contact him after all this time.

I think it will be a huge release for me to finally talk to the neighbor boy one of these days. I just need to get it out there that I had feelings for him – no matter what his response. I think this will energize me beyond what I can imagine. I did this once with a guy that I secretly longed for for 4 years. Even though he didn’t feel the exact same way, just having the courage to tell him how I felt released me from a 4-year prison. I am working up the courage to talk to the neighbor. We haven’t spoken in almost a year. But when we saw each other this summer, he almost fell out of his chair with happiness to see me. I expected a phone call from him after that, but it never came. So I just ignored him. That’s all well and fine, but it doesn’t feel good to me. I have to do what will feel good, which is to knock on his door and talk to him. Soon.

Also, I realized since my massage load has really wound down lately, that I’m actually glad I don’t have any clients. I’m sick of doing massages. For once in my life I want to try doing something I would really ENJOY that’s not about the money. So with the extra free time I will do some volunteer work teaching English to refugees. I can’t wait to get started.

I’m really scared and nervous to be taking so much responsibility in my life. But it was really the missing piece that all the years of meditation and therapy couldn’t help with.