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How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists
Thanks for clarifying what you meant about filling in the blanks when your friends are cut off from their feelings. That makes total sense to me.
If you cannot have a plastic cage in your home, the best bet for a snake is a glass tank or a custom built wood enclosure. For a 4 foot snake, a 40-gallon tank (3 ft X 2 ft) would be perfect. You will need a screen top and a ceramic heat fixture. And you have to be okay with what these snakes eat – rats. But you never should feed them live. You can get them frozen thawed after being killed as humanely as possible. It’s the one downside to having snakes if you are an animal lover. Of course garter snakes (which are pretty adorable) eat earthworms. Circle of life. You can watch a movie with a snake chilling on you. But you cannot sleep with them. They are escape artists, so you have to supervise them at all times. You have to lock their cages well, or they will escape and disappear into “snake space”.
Servals are about the most adorable wildcat there is. There is a sanctuary here where I go visit them sometimes. Unfortunately, you can’t cuddle them. In Tampa, there is a wildcat sanctuary with cabins where you could spend the night. They used to let you pick the wildcat of your choice to sleep in the cabin with you. They had a serval you could sleep with. They don’t do that any more, probably for liability reasons. I so wish I could have done that.
One Joy,
I’m not sure that would be Narcissism. It sounds like empathy. But what do I know? Seriously. A friend pointed out that I’ve never had a “normal” relationship. It’s true.
I thought narcissism is when you try to “rescue” people and think you know what’s best for them, rather than when you try to understand what they are feeling. Feel free to explain the difference or sameness, because I have a lot to learn.
hi sky – well, thinking someone would think or feel the same as i do does sound narcissistic to me – because my experience is the point of reference. i suspect that narcissism (in the non disordered) and empathy are the two sides of the same coin). we can empathize with others’ feelings but if we project that they are the same as ours are we being narcissistic or are we being empathetic? narcissism in the non disordered can be the ego run amok, with ideas of ones own experience as the point of reference for projection. or perhaps projection of specific feelings onto another is naive empathy?
oh rats star- i want a free range snake. 🙁
just joking – i know about snake space. may *I* need a big aquarium with a ceramic heat element (hmm, maybe the snake would like the infrared sauna. that would be a fund outing together. 🙂 )
not sure how i would be about the rats. i have handled live rats. they are kinda creepy. i eat meat and i grew up on a farm so i know that ‘food’ has a face.
peace out all….late here. zzzzz
I just talked with my Chilean friend on the phone. Uh oh, I think I may be in trouble. 🙂 I spent a day with him this summer and I didn’t think he was a good match for me. But now I’m feeling more open in general and I like him because he is so different. We have plans on Wednesday to get together and go for a walk and a Spanish lesson. We spoke a little Spanish on the phone. I think he’ll be a good teacher for me. Meantime the physicist guy I dated briefly over the summer wants to do something with me this week. Funny how when it rains, it pours. I’m very very guarded with men right now. They all have to prove to me that they can be a good friend. I just don’t want to get hurt again. Protecting my heart is a big priority to me at this point. Sorry for changing the subject.
One/joy….
I crashed out early last night…so sorry.
You said…”I don’t BELIEVE that it will work again”.
KEY words….
One/joy…..If you are telling yourself this “story” (read Byron Katie)…you are creating your life to be just that!!!!!!
Byron Katie asks us…” Where would you be without the story you are telling yourself????”
One/joy….I could have allowed the “subconscious” thoughts in my head….which were…”I’m doomed…I’m ruined from childhood…My life is over” to stay in my head.
I worked REALLY hard to change those thoughts. It was NOT easy. I woke up every morning and said aloud….”I am going to be ok. Everything is going to work out. My life is going to be great. I’m going to get better. God would not allow my life to be anything but good.”
And, I am PROOF that it works. I changed my “thoughts”…my “attitude”…my “beliefs”.
When I first went into shock and found the x was lying and realized that my intuition was right….I went into the “beating myself up” mode…and I found this site.
Within 2 months….I was into my spirituality…working on ME.
Yes, I regressed and went back with him…and even then, I knew it wasn’t going to work. It didn’t last long. I was stronger by then and so I moved forward..again.
I continued my path of spirituality…didn’t allow myself to BELIEVE that I was defeated…didn’t turn back. I controlled my thoughts. I didn’t think that I was “broken”. I thought instead that I was on the road to be the best person I could be.
I realized that I could have FEAR or FAITH. If I woke up anxious…I asked myself what was I AFRAID of….and I conquered that FEAR by BELIEVING that I was going to be ok.
While in foreclosure…everyone was telling me to go look for a new place…a rental. I even did…but then I told myself…”If I do this, I am telling the universe that I don’t believe that the bank will recondsider and refinance my home.” So, I stopped.
My friends were getting nervous…telling me not to wait…to get out of my house.
I would NOT give up. Something in be believed a miracle could happen. It did. I am still shocked that I was able to keep my house. It wasn’t easy but I did it!!!!
Because I BELIEVED strongly that I could.
Its not so hard. Just say positive things and they will come to you! Call it “God” ….call it “Energy”….call it the “Secret”.
Whatever it is…its within YOU.
Even my health issues got better. I stopped telling myself that I’m getting old and my health is bad. And it WAS….I had issues. Miraculously, they are all gone.
I stopped telling myself I was fat. And since then, I have lost a lot of weight.
I don’t know how to explain this in words. But, it happenned.
I’m here. Healthy, in my home…and I truly believe that it was because I met a sociopath who brought me lower than I’ve ever been, forcing me to question life…and when I did, I learned that your THOUGHTS create your life.
Be careful what you tell yourself.
Years ago, a book, “Think and Grow Rich” was teaching what all of the new teachings are saying today.
When you get to a point in life that you feel defeated, its time to reconnect with your inner “God”.
Don’t give up. Your’e still breathing.
Hi 2be, thanks for coming back this morning. I understand the power of ‘i don’t believe’, and admitting that is my power right now.
My spirituality has been deeply injured; and I had a very devoted path for a very long time.
I don’t connect with byron katie, et al – my path has been different. I don’t know what it will be going forward, yet. Allowing myself to feel as mistrustful as i do, and recognizing how i really feel is my starting point. Learning to trust myself in the world, will take me into trusting my inner self.
xo one joy
2bhappy, I’m so relieved to hear the front leg has a cast, and that Darla can finally sleep without extra pain. That she slept so much shows she’s not in great pain anymore.
one/joy, the ‘narcisism’ you refer to is what I’d call ‘egocentrism’: projecting from your own reference and experience. I use ‘egoism’ when someone puts their needs first and above those of others (which is necessary to some extent). Negative egoism is when the needs that are put first or above those of others harm them. Narcism is where not just your needs (egoism) or your perception (egocentrism) are of main importance, but that a person regards their person and life as the center of the universe and without them the universe will cease to exist, moreover it involves thinking yourself perfect, more than anyone else.
Tobe,
I love what you have written, and I agree 100%. The mind is so incredibly powerful. The cellular release work is really just a form of verbal suggestion. The therapist goes through a list of all the deepest issues a person can have with him/herself and asks if the person is willing to give those things up, one at a time. One of the things that came up was all obstacles that blocked my spirituality. I let go of those in the session. I have not had much faith in any kind of higher power since I was very young. It’s the one thing that has slowed me down as an adult – the lack of trust in any higher power. But after the session, I found myself spontaneously praying and having a conversation with God like it was the most natural thing in the world. I was shocked. I consider myself a Buddhist, and have, quite frankly, not been able to integrate the concept of a higher power into a belief system that doesn’t see “God” as something outside of myself. But I’m finding that none of that matters. It’s all a matter of semantics.
I was really just humoring my therapist by doing the cellular release exercise. I answered the questions the way I thought they should be answered. I did not expect it to work, but I was open to the possibility. I was really amazed that it worked. I actually felt some of the fear I’ve had for years and years – that I have not been able to clear on my own – lift and just disappear. I would not have believed it if I hadn’t experienced it myself.
Like you say, tobe, the mind is very powerful. Just sitting here saying, “I’m going to give up this negative thought pattern” can make it so, just because you say so. If you believe it’s possible, that’s all that is required. I believe 100% that you can will yourself to heal.
Thanks for your inspiring post, tobe.