Today I’ve decided to tackle a different subject. Why? Because once again, just this week, I’ve been horrified by the sociopathic behaviour of a corporation towards one of my dearest friends. This friend of mine, I’ll call him Jack, is a hugely talented, dedicated professional who has worked all his life in the people industry. He is a Managing Director, and has the most incredible people-skills. Teams who work with him — even those who may have been somewhat disparate before his arrival — will galvanize together and with him to deliver outstanding results. He is, in my opinion, a superstar who genuinely cares for people and who gives his all to his employers. He’s always been that way. Oh — his input also ensures that his teams win countless national awards for their efforts.
Pretty good credentials eh, wouldn’t you think? Well, I would. And so would his team. And so does just about everybody who knows him – he has an incredible reputation, is well-liked, and fantastic at what he does, because he loves what he does. His most recent employer is a massive and well-respected organization who list among their values “honesty, integrity, courage and fairness”. Yes, they are big words. But those big words can be found in so many typically cheesy mission statements that are stuck up on so many walls of global businesses — and ignored. Jack and I are no strangers to corporate-speak. We’ve both played in the professional arena for most of our lives and have experienced many kinds of corporate animal along the way.
“But you know what, Mel?” he’d enthused at the beginning of last year “This is such a refreshing difference, because this company actually means what they say. They’re true to their values, and I’m really glad to be here!”
Pathalogical Lying
But”¦ and it’s a huge but”¦ his faith was mis-guided because, these values on which my dear friend and so many others had hung their hats, turned out to be nothing more than pathological lies.
“Oh, come along now Mel, isn’t that a bit harsh?” Yes, some people may well say that. And the thing is, it’s because so many people continue with that line whenever corporations behave badly towards their employees (and suppliers, and customers, and so many human beings who are touched by their actions) that they continue to get away with what I now term text-book corporate sociopathic behaviour.
“It’s a dog eat dog world out there!” “It’s not personal, it’s just business!” “Well, you’ve got to be tough to survive in this industry!” Those are typical examples of the excuses for poor behaviour that I hear time and time again during my professional career as a leadership and team development specialist. And it concerns me that it’s deemed “ok” to treat people in the business world in a completely different fashion from the “real” world. It’s “ok” to squeeze every last drop of loyalty from employees. It’s “ok” to promise great rewards, and then cull people at the whim of a new board executive who “didn’t like somebody’s face”
In business, human beings often become faceless numbers — and ambitious, hard-hitting leaders can get away with being ruthless manipulators. “The bottom line is king!” is a mantra that seems to excuse what I would deem inhuman behaviour towards the lifeblood of the organization – the human beings who make it happen. Figures, statistics and profit have taken over — yes, I realize, of course, that these elements are what make the wheels of industry turn. Don’t worry, I’m not turning in to some flakey hippy-type, burning josticks and spouting free-love and peace to all (well, not yet in any case!). I am a successful businesswoman myself. Of course I work to create money — that’s why I’m in business! But”¦ and here’s the important difference”¦ I know that my business depends on the people within it. My team. My clients. My suppliers. We have a simple mission statement “To create raving fans”. And that’s what we do. And in order to do that, we therefore have to be honest courageous, fair — and whatever other number of values Jack’s employers spouted as their guiding values. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
No Conscience
Jack’s employers, however, like so many other companies I have come across in my time, have proven themselves as little more than conmen who will manipulate the truth, believing themselves to be above the law, and turning on the very people who have upheld their banner for them — showing no remorse and no empathy. Hmmm”¦ does this ring any bells here?
Fine, some may suggest that I’m merely jumping on the sociopathic bandwagon to make a point. Others may say that I will spot psychopaths everywhere since I now know what to look out for. I say that my personal experience has now simply allowed me to pinpoint more clearly where those sociopathic tendencies are showing themselves within an organization. Whether it’s seeped in to the culture, whether it’s led and encouraged by the board, or whether it’s just the specific behaviour of an individual. How far it may have spread, and what steps can be taken to counter it. And, trust me – these behaviours can be so hard to spot, and can lull so many wide-eyed and loyal employees in to a false sense of security, that by the time they realise what’s happening it’s too late. Another all-too familiar story perhaps…?
Is it really right that people should come in to work and behave completely differently as human beings? There is an advert on British TV at the moment, asking why we behave aggressively when we’re driving cars, if we wouldn’t behave that way walking down a crowded street? It conveys its message in an amusing and clever way. And to me, it’s exactly the same thing in business. For many years (way before I knew anything about sociopathy!) I have been banging on about the dangers of what I call “corporate double-speak” — the business-babble language that seems to exist purely in the business world. Why say, for example, “we must secure more resources” when what they mean is “I could do with some more people—¦? In my mind, that kind of distancing terminology at the very least merely serve to depersonalize, and in the worst cases desensitizes to the point where we forget we are dealing with human beings. Real people who have real feelings and real lives! It’s clever and it’s subtle – but it’s brainwashing.
Control and Manipulation
Let me ask this in another way. How ‘just’ do you think it is that a company hires a highly respected and experienced people-manager on the promise of long employment and great rewards? That the same company encourages this manager to go out on a limb and “do things differently” in order to get the job done? And that at the flick of a switch, that same company then tells the manager (who has succeeded in achieving the impossible, through dedication, devotion, and putting years of valuable experience in to play) that they have decided on an organisational re-structure and that his role is no longer valid? Fair enough, you may say, business changes. Of course it does. I agree. But what I don’t agree with was the fact that this manager was then accompanied off the premises like a criminal, but wasn’t allowed to say anything to his team. In fact, he wasn’t given any further information — nor was he allowed to share his news or voice his fears to anyone else within the company. He was forbidden to answer calls and emails from his concerned staff. He was given no opportunity to ask for detailed explanations (“your case will be discussed at next week’s meeting — not before”). He was isolated in every sense of the word. Or, as another person put it, was treated to “Mushroom Management”… kept in the dark and fed on shit.
Now, I’d call that kind of behaviour abusive — wouldn’t you?
This treatment went on for over three weeks — can you imagine how his team must have been feeling, deserted by a boss they respect and admire? Are they really going to be willing or able to give their heart and soul again in the future — once bitten twice shy and all that. On top of that, does this kind of short-sighted decision-making really take in to account the long-term health of the company? Surely this is just another example of impulsive behaviour, and a failure to accept responsibility for such actions — you can bet your bottom dollar my friend will be paraded as the scapegoat, while ”˜those at the top’ continue to twist and turn their decisions, re-defining the goal-posts whenever boredom strikes again? Leaving the teams to wonder “what did I do wrong? Is it going to be me next” and forcing people to keep their heads down and walk gingerly over the scattered eggshells.
Does this sound familiar”¦?
At the end of the three weeks, by the way, this particular “values-driven” company went back on what they had promised in the first meeting, ultimately implying that my friend is a liar.
“There’s nothing we can do” said my friend’s solicitor “There were two of them in the meeting and one of you. It’s their word against yours.”
He is finally out of there, with a pretty measly pay-off, having been forced to sign a legal contract promising that he will never say anything derogatory about the company or about his treatment at their hands. His team, however, still have to wait another few days to be told the truth.
Corporate sociopathy to a tee, wouldn’t you agree? There are so many more examples, and I’m only just starting to get my teeth in to this massively unexplored area. So the business world had better watch out, because as you know, I’m not one to stay quiet.
Geez Lizzy, do you live in Pine Valley? Your neighborhood seems to be filled with drama. Maybe with a new job, it’s time for a move.
Best of luck with the new job.
Liz,
gotta agree with Oxy, with a twist.
I know an old lady who married a guy 20 years younger. She was very sweet to me and tried to bond. She would cry to me about her abusive mother when she was growing up. She would ask me what I thought of her younger husband, in a conspiratorial tone (knowing that my ex had poisoned me). It took 1 year for me to realize that even though the husband was a parasite, SHE WAS THE SPATH. She lives for drama and will play the victim to involve others into trying to save her. I realized it because when I met her grown kids, they were ALL MESSED UP.
On the chance that your neighbor is actually afraid, I would teach him about grey rock, in a round about way. Tell him that if he gives his partner NO DRAMA, and no money, there is a good chance the partner will fade away if he’s really a spath. If your neighbor is actually the real spath, then he’ll never be able to end the drama.
They could both be spaths, of different types.
It’s possible that he has you pegged for spath supply and he’s trying to reel you in. Take care of YOU first.
KATYDID: I normally download whole movies/tv shows and then watch them, so I don’t know a good place to find the streaming video, but here is the download link:
http://btjunkie.org/torrent/Enron-The-Smartest-Guys-in-the-Room-www-mvgroup-org/3323e7beed0ba9d5ec9f5d36fc36270f31b7cd19b6d1
OXY: Thanks for the info about Hens. I thought Hens was a woman because he talks about dating a guy, but now I understand. It’s interesting to learn that this sickness doesn’t care if one is straight or gay. That seems to illuminate the diversity of sexual orientation and psychopathy at the same time. So, in this group, from what I’m gathering, both BBE and Hens are men who have experienced the gay variety of a psychopath man.
I also thought One/Joy was a lesbian for the longest time because she talked about a woman conning her, and then I thought One/Joy might be a guy. That one took awhile for me to unravel. (all cleared up now One/Joy 😉 )
What a web these spaths weave!
Panther,
One Joy IS a lesbian. That’s how good spaths are. Her spath pretended to be a guy and STILL bonded with her!!
There was a young woman who came here a few months ago. Her story was so bizarre. She was straight. She fell in love with her lesbian teacher who was 20 years older. Her family finally had to rescue her from the spath teacher. Spaths can enthrall those who don’t know what they are dealing with. It doesn’t matter what sex or sexual orientation you are. They become whatever you need them to be: your mirror image, soul mate.
Thx Panther
I read a LOT more than most people but I am an auditory learner so I live for youtube!!
Panther there is a thread here on LF about “Psychopaths are neither straight nor gay,” they will SCREW ANYTHING….though they may have a preference for one sex or the other, many times they don’t care what or who they are having sex with….it isn’t about “sexual bonding” or “love” it is about CONTROL and immediate gratification of THEIR LUSTS…they don’t “bond” to oxytocin (the bonding hormone) like “normal” people do….they don’t have the receptors in their brains to process the “bond” produced by oxytocin.
There is an article here by Dr. Leedom about how research has shown that oxytocin is the hormone released by birthing and in mammals makes the mother “bond” to her offspring. Without that hormone, there is NO bonding. Without the receptors in the brain being present and active, even if the hormone is there, there still is no bonding.
Sex releases oxytocin, but the psychopath, having relatively fewer receptors doesn’t feel that “bond” produced by sexual intimacy….or birthing, or even touching which releases various amounts of the hormones. So there are come chemical and physical differences in the brains of people, and some of those differences produce the tendency for psychopathy.
I think that is one reason you see so many psychopaths that are “sexual addicts” and have sex with many different partners. I think in a way that they realize that WE get something out of sex that they don’t and they keep “Searching” for that “something” but never find it. I’ve never known many people high in P-traits that are not sexually deviant or have many partners.
Ha! Sky! That explains it then. I thought I was off my mark with that, but I actually thought she was a lesbian anyways, which didn’t completely click with the idea of her falling for a guy. Oh, well, you are sooo right. They become whatever we want them to be! Thus it is such a learning experience, though. My spath showed me all the things I was longing for that were unhealthy for me (and many of them healthy too, just not real coming from him). He forced me to take a good hard look at myself with regards to what I was looking for in a partner (male or female…so, yeah…I am bi…might as well just say it outright in here at this point). Thanks to him, I am no longer attracted to the same kind of people anymore. Traits that used to be “mysterious” or “romantic” to me now come off as “secretive” and “obsessive” and I have no desire for that crap. It made me realize that I was actually drawn to things that were going to get me into trouble eventually (and they did–repeatedly).
KayDid: I am a youtube fanatic too! Have you seen Double Rainbow? Oh, it’s a MUST see. Have you seen the Guiltiest Dog Ever? Or how about WTF Cat? 🙂 I love youtube too. There is a great video on there about a scientist who discovers he is a psychopath. Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnV4RnWcmWo
I find this fascinating….
Ox, that is interesting. What you said about mother’s bonding to their babies struck me because I think my ex’s mom TOTALLY lacked the ability to bond. She was one of those women….who had just something wrong with her. You could feel it. It was like she never REALLY knew you were there. She ADORED me so much and literally fawned over me like I was a damn KITTEN, but of course immediately accused me of killing her son by not giving in when he was FAKING a suicide. Also, her brother was a psychopath who committed suicide (I think the spaths in her family have BPD and are bipolar or smt like this too….they are friggen CRAZAY!). I am actually thinking she either carries the trait or was one herself. I KNOW my ex didn’t get this genetic nonsense from his father. His father was this poor nice guy stuck in a sinking boat in the middle of the ocean. The man carried this situation with honor and grace….but it was a tragic sight. He had a NUTS wife that gave birth to a psychotic son, and there he was trying to do the right thing all the time, always with his calm, serene nature, patient and kind, waiting for the social spazzes in his life to stop causing drama for a moment so he could clean up their messes.
You mentioned that they are searching for that something….yes! My ex would constantly say, “I you don’t know what I have given you. You don’t know how special sex really is. I am afraid you will never understand how sacred sex is, that it is meaningless to you and you could just do it with anyone. You will never understand how precious and intimate it really is. This is why I can never give you my full self and make you my wife. Because you will never understand how valuable this gift is that I give to you when we have sex.”
Can anyone say MIRRORING!?!?!?!
On another note, it’s super late in Germany. I have to sign off for the night.
Bis spaeter everyone! Guten nacht!
Ya’ll don’t worry cuz I’m not going to get involved in the situation across the street. I already have the N woman and her antics next door.
No my neighborhood is not Pine Valley and I don’t plan on moving. I have my dream place here. It’s the old New Orleans home that I’ve always wanted and I won’t find another place like it that I can afford with the best landlord in the city. NO ONE is going to drive me out of here. I will just have to learn to coexist with them all. Now that I will be working I will have much less availability to them. I have been WAY TOO accessible and now I can make myself busy. I am applying to school to finish my bachelor’s degree at my dream school, and once I get started I will be way too busy to deal with them-along with working out and hopefully joining a soccer league when I lose some more weight. I have already lost 20lbs so far.
On the comments about sexual orientation and the spath, I too am a lesbian and the spath that brought me here was a man. I was totally conned and at one point started to believe that I may be bisexual instead. Once I got over him and moved on I knew that is a crazy notion because I love the women and I will never have another man-ever. No matter how persuasive they are. I have guys around all the time checking me out when I’m outside and all I can think is MOVE ON FELLOWS cuz this chick isn’t interested.
Oxy, to answer your question, I start my new job on Monday-orientation. I am going in to HR tomorrow to do my new hire paper work and get my orientation info.
BTW, my cat Remy is afraid of the N woman next door. She brought me gatorade when I was sick the other day and she tried to touch him and he backed away from her and ran. She also won’t let her cat play with mine cuz she says that her cat doesn’t like other animals-it’s a perfect cat for her because SHE doesn’t like other humans either, strictly superficial.