By Ox Drover
When we were kids most of us have heard the story of the Emperor’s new clothes, in which a very narcissistic emperor who wanted the most beautiful and wonderful clothes in his kingdom. Here is just a little bit of a different version.
Once upon a time there was a very narcissistic emperor who was very dumpy, unattractive, and had a very large nose, but he thought that if he had the most beautiful clothes in the kingdom that he would be very attractive to the ladies of the court. Even though he was a married man, he loved to have the ladies of the court admire his new clothes and tell him how handsome he was.
One day a couple of psychopathic con men were in a tavern trying to figure out a way to con someone who would be vulnerable to their scam and had lots of money. They finally came to the conclusion they would try to con the emperor.
They went to the palace one day when cloth vendors were invited to show their wares. There were people with bolts of lovely velvet material with gold stitching who showed their wares to the king, who admired it very much. Other vendors had cloth woven of spun gold and silver threads.
When the con men, who had a background as street mimes, came up to the emperor, they pretended to hold bolts of cloth in their empty hands. They explained to the emperor and the courtiers that this was magical cloth that only the honest and pure of heart could see and that would be invisible to anyone whose heart was not pure.
Of course, no one actually saw this wonderful and imaginary “cloth,” but each person didn’t want to be perceived as dishonest or not pure of heart, so everyone in the room was afraid and felt that if they were honest and said they did not see the cloth, that they would be in trouble, so they lied and exclaimed, “Oh, how beautiful!!”
The emperor, of course, did not see this imaginary cloth either, but he did not want to be perceived as dishonest or not pure of heart in front of his subjects, so he accepted what the psychopaths said as truth. He also lied and exclaimed, “How beautiful!”
The emperor sent all the honest cloth merchants away, and as they left the palace they were shaking their heads at what just happened. They admitted to each other that the emperor had been conned by the psychopaths, but were also afraid to speak up since it would make it appear they were demonstrating jealousy of the con men for getting the contract to make the emperor’s new clothes.
The psychopathic con men then agreed with the emperor to make him a unique and beautiful outfit like no one had ever seen before.
The emperor decided to have a parade the day his new suit was finished. The people were told that the emperor would be modeling his wonderful new suit of clothes and the day of the parade the streets of the capital city were lined with the peasants.
As the emperor pranced down the street with his crown perched merrily on his head, his shoes on his feet and his body entirely naked, the people of the city gasped in horror at the naked monarch they saw with their eyes, but were afraid to let anyone know they could not see the emperor’s clothes.
From the back of the crowd a small boy poked his head through the legs of the people in front and laughed out loud, “The emperor is naked!” The courtiers gasped at such an affront to the king’s dignity.
Since no one would admit that they saw the emperor naked, and the small child would not quit shrieking, “The emperor is naked!” the captain of the guard arrested the child and his parents and threw them into a dungeon.
When the child and his parents were brought before the emperor who sat naked upon his throne, the parents vowed that they could see the emperor’s lovely clothing and they didn’t know what they could do with their crazy child who continued to claim the emperor was naked.
The emperor decided that the child should be confined in a mental hospital because he was obviously crazy.
As the weather changed in the fall, the emperor called for the psychopathic tailors to create an outfit that would keep him warmer for the winter. Unfortunately no one could find them, they simply seemed to have left town.
The end.
Dear Britney, Shabby and others,
One of things that helped me was to actually go through the whole potential “reunion” again…IN MY HEAD…to literally imagine I called and was weak and giving into my lonliness and imagining us meeting or him coming over… I then separated fantasy from reality in my mind…
Fantasy being…. we make up, we work it out, he changes and stops sleeping around and making bad choices and stops asking for loans or just for sex and stops playing games and makes a future a good life with me….
Reality being… he is showing up in hopes to fulfill HIS NEEDS… He will return only to turn around and be the same person he has always been. Selfish, immature, greedy. He is unable to truly love me or have a normal healthy relationship. He will continue to bring chaos into his life which will ultimately cross over into my life. He will never be balanced and relaxed and “even-keeled”… He will always go through bouts of boredom that to him the answer is to seek multiple partners or jobs or verbal abuse…Reality being IS HE REALY WHAT IM MISSING AND WHAT I WANT??? IS HE THE GUY OF MY REAL DREAMS? OR AM I JUST SO DOWN AND OUT AND FEELING LONELY THAT HE JUST SEEMS LIKE A GOOD ANSWER AND A SOMETHING TO FOCUS ON, BECAUSE THE MINUTE HE WALKED OUT MY DOOR I WOULD BE WORSE OFF TRIPLE FOLD – AS I WOULD FEEL USED AND ABUSED ALL OVER AGAIN – BECAUSE THATS WHAT HIS CHOICES AND ACTIONS ARE AS HE IS WIRED WITH THE INABILITY TO BE A REAL FRIEND AND CAREGIVER TO ANYONE – EVEN HIMSELF.
So, what helped me was to go beyond the moment, the desire, the struggle and put myself in the aftermath as well as GET MYSELF TO THE PLACE OF UNDERSTANDING THAT ALL I WOULD BE DOING WAS SELLING MYSELF SHORT TO SOME MESSED UP GUY – WHO KNOWS IM VULNERABLE AND WEAK — AND MAYBE HE COULD EVEN GET A LOAN OUT OF IT WHLE HE WAS “VISITING”… BECAUSE THEY ARE NEVER THINKING OF YOU OR LIKE YOU — IN TERMS OF “WHATS IT ALL ABOUT”…”THEY ARE JUST THINKING OF THEMSELVES AND WHATS IN IT FOR THEM…
TAKE BACK YOUR STRENGTH. STRENGTHEN YOUR MIND. CHANGE YOUR OWN THOUGHTS. DO MENTAL EXERCISES EACH MORNING BEFORE GETTING OUT OF BED… HE IS THIS…HE IS THAT… HE CHOOSES A LIFE OF RUNNING, CHEATING, DRIFTING, STEALING… HE IS NOT WHAT I WANT..ADMIT TO YOURSELF BEING YOUR TRUTHES…SUCH AS IM A LITTLE EMBARASSED IM STUCK HERE, BUT IM GETTING OUT AND OVER IT EACH DAY…ITS OKAY TO FEEL THE WAY I DO/DID…I FELL IN LOVE OR I LET SO MANY THINGS SLIDE THAT I SHOULDNT HAVE…BUT I HAVE A CHOICE NOW AND I CHOOSE TO PROTECT MYSELF, BY SELF-RESPECT, SELF-TRUST AND SELF-LOVE. AND I AM GOING TO BE OKAY WITH JUST BEING WITH MYSELF FOR NOW. DOING THINGS FOR MYSELF, MY HOME, MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS….DOING THINGS I LIKE TO DO OR NEED TO DO…THIS TIME ITS GOING TO BE ALL ABOUT ME – I DO NOT NEED TO HEAR HIS VOICE OR SEE HIM OR TELL HIM ANYTHING – I JUST NEED TO LET GO OF THE BAD MAN – AND EXPERIENCE MY LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN – A NEW AND INDEPENDENT WAY – AND A WAY THAT I AM ACTUALLY LOVING AND RECEIVING LOVE FROM THOSE IN MY LIFE..INSTEAD OF FIXING OR TAKING CARE OF OR HELPING SELFISH/BAD SOULS…. NEED TO BEGIN THE PROCESS BY TAKING BACK CONTROL OF YOUR MIND AND REALITY!!!!!
sry for the caps…once i hit Caps Lock… I dont take the time to go back and lower case! Lol
And btw, I am still practicing mental strength to this day, when my mind wonders or lonliness strikes.. I revisit fantasy vs reality and I choose to live my life in the real world each time.. not with him in an chaotic crazymaking fantasy life…
learnthe lesson, your post brought me to tears…the tears of truth. I’m going to print your post so i can see it frequently. i need to help myself right now and focus on the future. I’m in love with a fantasy. So I’m down this weekend, it’s 300 times better than the life that I felt so trapped in with him.
I’m grateful I have something to do at around 5pm, I have not been able to get in touch with the few people I would like to, so I can just hang with me…and if I need to, I’ll read your post again. Thanks.Bless you.
Dear Britney,
You are going to be okay AND YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT! So you are recognizing you are down this weekend — do you know how many wont take the time to recognize whats going on with themselves this weekend — and they will make choices based on fear or lonliness or rejection– BUT YOU HAVENT AND ARENT GOING TO!
When you are just hanging with you – do something youve never done before — or do something you really need to do and have been putting off — I shared when I first began this journey I COULD NOT GET OUT OF BED… I literally pulled a drawer from my dresser and began organizing the clothes in it…eventually I sat up and moved on to my closet…etc. then I listened to fun music…shades went up one day and I havent looked back ( Ive had setbacks…but I just keep getting to know myself) and give myself all the time and attention I was giving to the BAD MAN. It absoultely works…will work!!! It aint easy… there are sometimes tears in a bubble bath or pulling over when i hear a song — but I let it out – and then say exactly what you said Britney — I would be so much worse off and feeling so trapped if I were with him…
This is a path, a new path, you create for yourself. You will have setbacks but thats what LF is for and getting to know yourself and your triggers and strengths. Turn off your answering machine until after 8/5…so you can avoid his pathetic messages. YOU DONT NEED TO HEAR HIS PITY STORY OR CHAOTIC LIFE ANYMORE~ do you have caller id? just return calls to the people YOU KNOW…say your machine is on the brink.. or whatever to those who inquire.
He doesnt deserve your goodness and understanding anymore. His actions show that! Thank your lucky stars your not the one with all the kids that he is running away from responsiblity and child support people… and the new one in his life or future new ones will be the unlucky ones.
If you continue on this path of healing and letting go – you actually may be the only lucky one in this chaotic mess. you need to get to the place that you dont care where he is living or running or going – as long as its away from you. Because he is not the guy for you. Just a part of your past. A VERY BAD PART OF YOUR PAST. You are stronger than you realize — look inside and tell yourself you deserve better – and you are better already!!!!! KEEP POSTING ALONG YOUR JOURNEY – we all need somebody to talk to along the way!!! Too hard to do this alone!! Take care!
Dear Brit,
I am so sorry that you are going through this tough time, but it IS AN ADDICTION—and I suggest that you treat it like one to cocoaine or something else, because the brain chemical reactions are very similar to a drug/alcohol addiction, you are in the craving stages for a “hit”—if and when you got the “hit” it would throw you right back into the pits and it would not be “good” but before you even c ompletely got out of the pits again, you would start to crave another “hit.”
In addition to all of this, I think you are DEPRESSED as well the non interest in projects or doing anything else. I STRONGLY recommend you get an appointment with a psychiatrist (not just your family doc) and be assessed for the need for some antidepressant medications. In addition, to medical help, I also strongly suggest you get some therapy.
Sweetie, if you had a badly broken leg you wouldn’t try to set it yourself and trying to “fix” a MAJOR DEPRESSION without medication and without help is very difficult and leads to a slower resolution if there is a resolution, so honey, get some help ASAP. LF is a help, but sometimes though it is very good, it is like looking up the directions on line for setting your broken leg—you just need more support than we can give you here alone. (((((hugs))))) I will be praying for you my dear as well.
LTL: Thank you, I needed that, and thank you for taking the time to write it, you have always been very giving and supportive and I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know!
Oxy Drover – Your article makes me think of the times I have had dreams where I was naked in public. Has anyone ever had those ‘oops I am nekkid’ dreams? Yes my X held out invisible hopes and dreams for me as well. I think it has something to do with vulnerability….Learn I loved your advise to Brit. I dont fantasize about a reuinion with the X anymore…Too much pain to even consider it. Brit you will be ok, gonna take some time tho. When we are involved intimatly with a physcopath part of the recovery is taking the lid off our whole life and sorting out our past. When we kind of educate ourselves about ALL the pods in our past we wake up to a new reality..better or worse the truth will set you free.
Dear Henry,
No, I don’t think I’ve ever been “neakid” (notice: you “spelled it wrong” LOL) in a dream, but I’ve done many other “embarassing” things I would never do in public even if I would do them in private! LOL
I saw your “PODS” and I think that is a really good “name” for these creeps, and I bett’ya I can tell you what it stands for! ha ha
I just noticed the new LOVE FRAUD FEATURE—-on the right, the “report abusive comment” option to click on and I think it is WONDERFUL!!!!! That is a GREAT positive change that has come out of the recent chaos, and allows folks to instantly report any signs of abuse to the management without having to know where Donna’s e mail is, or if they are hesitant to just look for it or to e mail her directly.
I want everyone here to know though, that DONNA IS AVAILABLE and though my interactions with her have mostly been by e mail, I have never sent an e mail that she did not PROMPTLY return AT LEAST BY THE NEXT MORNING (she does have to sleep as well as work!)
I think this is absolute PROOF that even a BAD THING caused by apparent Ps looking for LULZ can turn into a POSITIVE thing for all of us and a learning experience. I have seen this kind of clickable link on other blogs and actually didn’t even think about suggesting that one be put here, but whoever thought of it KUDOs to you!
I also think that this is proof that no matter WHERE you are, the Ps will infiltrate that space in one way or another, in a big way or a small way, but they ALWAYS CAUSE CHAOS and if we are not HONEST AND PURE OF HEART with ourselves and those around us, we will not succeed in stoping the chaos.
We need to be like the little boy and to TELL THE TRUTH even if it is UNPOPULAR and even if everyone in the entire world is saying the opposite. Like henry said “the truth will set you free” and here is the REST of that post, from an old blog, “BUT FIRST IT WILL PISS YOU OFF.”
If the emperor/king had been honest he woujld never have walked naked down the street, and if the people had been honest, it would have stopped there, but the whole thing is that DISHONESTY and PRETENDING that “everything is as it should be” when it IS NOT RIGHT, is what allows the Ps to do their damage and then fade away to move on to more victims.
I think if ANY ONE person had spoken up when the Ps were ‘displaying their invisible cloth” that the entire kingdom would have been better off. It took an honest child (who I am sure was rewarded with a good sound butt smacking when he got home) to tell the truth. Because HE BELIEVED HIS OWN EYES and was HONEST.
We need to BELIEVE ourselves and our own gut instincts—-AND I AM SO GLAD THAT SO MANY OF THE POSTERS HERE DID “SEE” THE TRUTH ABOUT THIS IMPOSTER-BLOGGER. I still say A+ for VISUAL ACCUITY for this group! What we did or did not DO may have been off base, but our VISION was CLEAR and we did LISTEN TO OURSELVES, and that I think is the take home lesson for this week!
Re: “report abusive comment”,
:I think Kathy thought of it, but whoever did…..THANKYOU and
TOWANDA!! ITS GENIUS!!! And what a fantastic thing to come out of that experience..I just love it when that happens! GO LOVEFRAUD!!! xoxxo
Thank Donna for making the change. This will hopefully help us nip these things in the bud.
How do you avoid a toxic situation on LF…talk it through with honesty and openness…low and behold at the same time you find a way to weed out and ward off potentially toxic individuals who stalk the site!!! BRAVO LF!!! WELL DONE!!!