By Ox Drover
When we were kids most of us have heard the story of the Emperor’s new clothes, in which a very narcissistic emperor who wanted the most beautiful and wonderful clothes in his kingdom. Here is just a little bit of a different version.
Once upon a time there was a very narcissistic emperor who was very dumpy, unattractive, and had a very large nose, but he thought that if he had the most beautiful clothes in the kingdom that he would be very attractive to the ladies of the court. Even though he was a married man, he loved to have the ladies of the court admire his new clothes and tell him how handsome he was.
One day a couple of psychopathic con men were in a tavern trying to figure out a way to con someone who would be vulnerable to their scam and had lots of money. They finally came to the conclusion they would try to con the emperor.
They went to the palace one day when cloth vendors were invited to show their wares. There were people with bolts of lovely velvet material with gold stitching who showed their wares to the king, who admired it very much. Other vendors had cloth woven of spun gold and silver threads.
When the con men, who had a background as street mimes, came up to the emperor, they pretended to hold bolts of cloth in their empty hands. They explained to the emperor and the courtiers that this was magical cloth that only the honest and pure of heart could see and that would be invisible to anyone whose heart was not pure.
Of course, no one actually saw this wonderful and imaginary “cloth,” but each person didn’t want to be perceived as dishonest or not pure of heart, so everyone in the room was afraid and felt that if they were honest and said they did not see the cloth, that they would be in trouble, so they lied and exclaimed, “Oh, how beautiful!!”
The emperor, of course, did not see this imaginary cloth either, but he did not want to be perceived as dishonest or not pure of heart in front of his subjects, so he accepted what the psychopaths said as truth. He also lied and exclaimed, “How beautiful!”
The emperor sent all the honest cloth merchants away, and as they left the palace they were shaking their heads at what just happened. They admitted to each other that the emperor had been conned by the psychopaths, but were also afraid to speak up since it would make it appear they were demonstrating jealousy of the con men for getting the contract to make the emperor’s new clothes.
The psychopathic con men then agreed with the emperor to make him a unique and beautiful outfit like no one had ever seen before.
The emperor decided to have a parade the day his new suit was finished. The people were told that the emperor would be modeling his wonderful new suit of clothes and the day of the parade the streets of the capital city were lined with the peasants.
As the emperor pranced down the street with his crown perched merrily on his head, his shoes on his feet and his body entirely naked, the people of the city gasped in horror at the naked monarch they saw with their eyes, but were afraid to let anyone know they could not see the emperor’s clothes.
From the back of the crowd a small boy poked his head through the legs of the people in front and laughed out loud, “The emperor is naked!” The courtiers gasped at such an affront to the king’s dignity.
Since no one would admit that they saw the emperor naked, and the small child would not quit shrieking, “The emperor is naked!” the captain of the guard arrested the child and his parents and threw them into a dungeon.
When the child and his parents were brought before the emperor who sat naked upon his throne, the parents vowed that they could see the emperor’s lovely clothing and they didn’t know what they could do with their crazy child who continued to claim the emperor was naked.
The emperor decided that the child should be confined in a mental hospital because he was obviously crazy.
As the weather changed in the fall, the emperor called for the psychopathic tailors to create an outfit that would keep him warmer for the winter. Unfortunately no one could find them, they simply seemed to have left town.
The end.
Rosa:
Whats great about you is I can hear you from over there! Sayin to me,” Tilly, tell her to go and sit on a carrot! then leave with your head held high” lol!
Tilly:
I’m still up, hope you don’t mind my input…..
Your upset because you made a decision you wouldn’t be in the ‘trap’ again…..
But….you are in a position of student to a ‘toxic’ personality…..she is in control…..
I would suggest you decide ‘what’ you want out of this class…and what you need…..and what you will realistically will gain in the end….
Then….realize by being passive aggressive will get you only nastiness back…..so don’t go there…..
Go kiss ass…..keep your friends close and your enemies closer…..it’s going to have to be a ‘game’ to get through it…..in the end you will feel accomplished and have learned how to deal with ‘toxic’ people you can’t control….but you can CONTROL YOU!!!
If you must take this class then…..
You need to take a deeeeeeeeeeppppp breath and ‘play the game’. Play to the personality. Compliment her art, her teaching style…..let her believe you are on HER side…..take her defensive stance from her…..CALL ON YOUR INNER SOCIOPATH GIRL!!!! If you must stay in this class….you must deal with this…..you get more bees with honey than viniger……
You will have to muster up the emotional energy to deal…..it’s going to be a long 3 months…..but take the challenge and take the lessons that come from it.
You can find peace……your just asking for the wrong kind……peace comes from within. You don’t have to ‘fight’, this will take your energy…..fighting is different than ‘playing the game’. Life just isn’t the fantasy that we wish it were, unfortunately……there are people out there placed in our lives to challenge us! SHE Is one of them…..grasp ‘why’ she is in your life……why now, why here?
We are hypersensative, your son is right……but life doesn’t always hand us peaches and cream…..we know this…..so go get em girl!
You can do it, your strong and determined!
Dear Tilly,
Being around someone like this that you despise the max, and then on top of everything, they are in control of your grade (or paycheck or whatever) IS THE PITS. An “Art” class is an expecially hard one too, because if you painted the ORIGINAL Mona Lisa she would have some critique of it!
Art is also very PERSONAL PREFERENCES TOO. I painted a 3-way portrait almost 30 years ago that I LOVE and only one out of 100 of my friends even like—I display it proudly in my living room because I LIKE IT.
I agree with ERIN, Tilly. The “-passive aggressive” approach is NOT going to work with this woman, it will get into a fist fight before long if you ask “innocent” questions that you know are NOT REALLY so innocent.
Just as she knows where your nerve are to step on them, you also know where her nerves are (asking about the other teacher was poking a stick at the P-teacher and you know it LOL) If you really wanted to have known you could have found out other ways than asking in class. She KNOWS I bet that her job is hanging by a thread and that the other teacher is preferred and if he could have been there she would have had no job—so you poked her in a sore spot.
This kind of ya-ya and back-at-ya verbal sparring match is not going to lead to a calm and peaceful glass, and will only keep her stirred up and you too.
I know you feel like you are under attack, but I am with your son, crawl linto the back of the room and keep a fake smile on your face and SHUT UP! when you are in class. AFter you are out of that woman’s hearing, SCREAM and SCREAM iif you must.\
I realize that SUBTLE (or NOTR SO subtle) nastiness that they can put out like a PERMAFROST IN THE AIR is irritating and demeaning, but we have to VISUALIZE THEM “NEAKID” (I don’t care how Henry wants to spell it LOL) and say to ourselves, “this woman is a snake in the grass, I just ahve to get thropugh these two courses and I CAN DO IT.”
I know it may be short term satisfaction to ask a question or say something you KNOW will set her off in a rage, but what are you gaining LONG TERM? Tilly, look at the BIG PICTURE not the petty satisfactions—RISE ABOVE HER, be the QUEEN, and quietly get the grades you need and the required courses. “Name” your art “Angels” but paint psychopaths, or whatever, this is JUST A CLASS—just a learning experience, andyou may be able to learn MORE THAN ART in this class—this is “Keeping mouth shut when you want to curse 101” GET AN A+ (((hugs)))) Love Oxy
A good analogy for the mortgage crises and how the economy fell to pieces because sociopathic businessmen fooled investors into thinking their policies were sound, even though most of the time, they didn’t understand then themselves. But they ACTED confident that they did, so, there went our money. The few people who suspected what was going on were ignored or discredited.
Tilly
Don’t feel I can offer much help with your situation as I always give these sort of people a wide berth and have previously left two jobs because I’ve come up against similar types (bullies). I suppose it just depends on your mental strength and being able to take what suits your personality from the suggestions above – hope you can stay focussed on your dreams – don’t let the b**** grind you down!
Good luck.
Dear Allure,
It is I think a good analagoy as you pointed out for LOTS OF THINGS, government for example! financial manipulation and scam artists of all kinds—-and the few people who do scream at the top of their lungs that “the emperor is naked” are pegged and labeled as idiots, malicious, stupid, trouble makers, etc. and everyone else, afraid to stand up says “Oh, Yes, how wonderful!”
There was a time when if you said the world was NOT FLAT you would have been put to death for your beliefs and speakingout—didn’t change the way the world WAS but sure shut up the people who spoke up.
Tilly,
Please go back to the post I wrote you earlier, and read it again.
If you can’t un-trigger yourself and make this about the work, and not the personal issues, you may want to put this off until you can. If you’re not finished healing from a traumatic relationship, you’re going to be reactive. And that reactivity can aggravate an already difficult situation.
In the meantime, you might consider making one more trip to the administrator and explain that you are really uncomfortable with this teacher, that you’ve already been singled out in the class for humiliation, and that you are making a formal request for alternative course work. It won’t get you anywhere, but it might put something on the record in case you ever decide to sue them.
One of the problems here is that you are already getting feedback from this teacher that indicates that she has opinions about your work and your subject matter. But it’s being presented in a public, rather than private way. I don’t know if this is her regular style of presenting feedback. But if it isn’t, I would let her know that you want her feedback, but in a less public way. Obviously you’re there to learn, not just get a degree. And part of establishing a “correct” teacher-student relationship is to focus on the learning process, not the personality issues.
Good luck with it.
Kathy
Thankyou Kathy,
You are right I’m a long way off being healed! And I would NEVER sue ANYONE after what i have been through in the courts..I would never CHARGE anyone with anything in regard to myself ( only if it helped my son). Because of the legal abuse i have suffered. I have NO TRUST in the lega system WHATSOEVER.
ANd I will NEVER go to the administrator unless i was leaving the uni. It would definitely, 100% certain backfire on me.
And I would NEVER go to her and tell her what I don’t like as she would do exactly that henceforth.
So on the one hand I am powerless.
But on the other hand I am an angry b##ch who has dealt with/dealing with psychopaths since the day I was born.
I will give it one more week and if i can’t be the insignificant nerd down the back i will change my degree. It will not be the one I want and i will have to move two hours drive from here and I will more than likely run into another P, but hey, I know the P is up to the devalue and discard phase on me, so what have i got to lose?
P.S.
Last night I dreamt that I was two people. One little skinny me hid in her pyjamas, narrowly missing death, while the other big fat ugly tough me got the CH#T beaten out of her (until I was dead), by THREE huge men ( 3 men = i.e.the p art teacher).
The little skinny me mearly died in the process and the shame i felt knowing they were torturing my mate the big tough me was horrific. I heard every blow.
Maybe I will paint that!