Here at Lovefraud, we’ve heard thousands of horror stories of marriages to sociopaths. Thinking about these unfortunate involvements, it seems to me that there are three types of romantic relationships with sociopaths. I call them the Marriage Masks, and they are:
1. Calculated exploitation
The sociopath targets an individual for the explicit purpose of exploiting him or her, using the unsuspecting partner for money, sex, a place to live or something else that the sociopath wants.
My ex-husband, James Montgomery, targeted me because I had what he wanted: money, good credit, my own home and business connections in the city where he decided he was going to make a fortune. He sweet talked me, married me and drained me, and then he moved on without a thought.
2. Passing entertainment
The sociopath finds the partner to be a suitable involvement for the present—until the sociopath gets bored, antsy, or some other individual catches his or her eye. At this point, the partner is discarded.
Mary Jo Buttafuoco described her husband, Joey Buttafuoco, in her book, Getting It Through My Thick Skull. To me, it seems that Joey Buttafuoco was one of those sociopaths who was simply looking for a good time, for entertainment. He worked and she was a stay-at-home mom, so he wasn’t using her financially. But eventually he had an affair with a teenager, then visits to hookers, then a new wife. Changing women was like changing the scenery.
3. Image creation
In order to secure a coveted place in society, the sociopath may seem devoted to his or her spouse or family in public, but life at home, behind closed doors, is another matter entirely.
Here’s an example that was recently in the news. Stephen Green, founder of a fundamentalist organization in the United Kingdom called Christian Voice, preaches against homosexuality, abortion, Islam and Jerry Springer. “The enemies of God are having their say,” proclaims the organization’s website. “It’s time to hear the Christian Voice!”
Green portrays himself as the guardian of morality in the U.K. However, Caroline Green, his former wife, paints a totally different picture—domestic violence:
He told me he’d make a piece of wood into a sort of witch’s broom and hit me with it, which he did,’ she recalls, her voice tentative and quiet. ”˜He hit me until I bled. I was terrified. I can still remember the pain.
Stephen listed my misdemeanours: I was disrespectful and disobedient; I wasn’t loving or submissive enough and I was undermining him. He also said I wasn’t giving him his conjugal rights.
Here’s the whole revolting story in the Daily Mail:
Missing: Ability to love
These categories are not hard and fast, and some sociopathic relationships and marriages may show signs of two or all three types. But however the disfunction manifests, the root problem is that sociopaths are not capable of feeling real love.
They are, however, capable of acting like they feel love—at least in the beginning of a relationship. I call it the luring stage—the period of time when sociopaths do everything you’d ever dream that smitten partners would do. They call, they want to be with you, they give gifts, they make you feel cherished. They do this until they hook you.
Then, sociopathic behavior starts to reflect the real agenda—calculated exploitation, passing entertainment or image creation. The change may be subtle or sudden. The relationship may gradually devolve, it may swing back and forth between normal and unconscionable, or it may suddenly evaporate.
But at some point, the Marriage Mask slips, and we come face to face with the truth: We are being used.
lesson learned
DW
As a general rule, i before e. I”ve always spelled it weiner, however, if you’re talking about “weiners” such as in dicks or hot dogs, apparently it’s “wiener”.
So your spelling of it is actually grammatically correct lol!
I had two wieners two years ago, but had to give one up to a shelter because the place we were moving to did not allow pets, except for companion pets, which is what my first wiener is. I had to choose and it was SO hard, but wiener one was not healthy and paralyzed when we moved, while wiener two was healthy and would get a good home as the shelter he was going to was specifically for wieners. SO CUTE TOO!
THey have a website and you should check it out, Hens, although I suspect it will just increase your longing for the wiener. It’s called Oregon Dachshund Rescue and it is run by a WONDERFUL woman who was very kind to us and understanding of our situation. She has more wieners than she can handle and has in the last year, as a result of the economy and those of us like me, who have to move and can’t take their wieners with them. I cried for two weeks when we had to give up our wiener. If you can afford it, they need a consistent amount of donations as the gal that runs it, tirelessly gives of her resources and time to these wonderful creatures and finds suitable homes for them.
The wiener we had to give up, got a great home. She said we took such great care of him and he was a happy wiener, despite my opposing arguments in that he could be a little shit at times lol! He was the FUNNIEST wiener ever! Use to constantly sleep on his back, his “junk” hanging out for the world to see. He wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box, but he was SO funny!
LL
hens
LL I think there is a Nation Wide Dachshund rescue service. I love all dog’s, I love critter’s period. But my wiener’s are my children, I know I sound foolish, but I am the alpha wiener around here. I have three, Harley is a red, Crickit is black and tan ( and beautiful ) Posey is Crickit’s daughter and she came out what they call a chocolate. Crickit has had two litter’s, most of them were breech and died. I had them all fixed, because I dont no nuthin bout birthin babies Miss Scarlet…..!!!
lesson learned
DW,
Not foolish AT ALL. IN our house, our wiener is known as “the bitch”.
Seriously. He has this……..”way” about him. Puppy dog eyes, just this……….dunno, bitch look about him….
So the “kids” (older) will come to me on occasion and say “Oh WOW, mom, you have to come and see this”….whenever I hear that, I KNOW it’s the wiener being……..well a bitch. And sure enough he is. Digging himself into a warm laundry basket, or laying on top of one. Under a blankie with his butt hanging out, spread eagled out on a random lap he can have at the moment………..snuggled under blankies to lick feet till he goes to sleep. Yea, he’s a bitch alright.
If I could have TEN of them I would. Foolish? Well, I guess I’m as foolish as you then. 🙂
You should check out the Oregon dachsy site, DW. Sooooo many cute wieners up for adoption!
LL
lesson learned
Oh and DW?
I have a black and tan mini. His name is Hercules.
And he’s the biggest loveable beautiful bitch ever!
LL
Hopeforjoy
Dances with Weiners/Hens/Henry,
Gotta love your wry sense of humor. You always put a smile on my face. There is something about those quiet types, they can have a heck of a wit! (You seem like the quiet, contemplative, sensitive type of guy. I hope I’m not assuming too much!)
I think we could all feel more comfortable in our skin, then we don’t have as big an opening for anymore disordered people to weezle their way in.
hens
Howdy Hopeforjoy – You assumptions are right on…good to see ya…`!
ElizabethBennett
Ya’ll I really wish that the spaths would stop winning and I would stop losing. I’m just worn out from fighting with them and I am in the biggest fight of my life with them now and I JUST DON’T HAVE THE ENERGY!!!
Eva
Yes, Dances seems sensitive. But he likes Wierners sausages, too…
Ox Drover
Dear Nolarn,
They always kick you when you are down. That the S-pathy way!
ElizabethBennett
Oxy-they are messing with my career though, and my livelihood and my ability to support myself. The rumors that the cath lab spath princesses have come up with this time could cause me to lose my nursing license, my job and also have me arrested and thrown in jail. I am guilty until proven innocent and it’s all hearsay. There is no way to prove that I am NOT guilty!!!!!! I am a victim workplace bullying and I have no recourse!