By Peggywhoever
All sociopaths wear a mask. The mask of kindness. The mask of generosity. The mask of romance. The mask of attraction. The mask of intimacy. The mask of seduction. And so on.
This is what reels us in. The pretense. The acting. The mask. The mask of perfection. And we, in our infinite loving goodness, reflect that mask back to them. The perfect mirrored reflection of beauty and adoration.
And then one day, that mask cracks. You remember the moment.. The moment when you look in their eyes and you KNOW the truth about them. The moment you recognize the pathological lies, the deception, the manipulation, the con. The game is up.
And from that moment on, your relationship with the sociopath is forever changed. This moment happened for me when”¦after middle of the night phone calls to his house and cell phone”¦I looked into his eyes and I KNEW. I knew he was having an affair, and that he was a liar. A year’s worth of investigation (yes, obsessing) has confirmed that nearly everything he told me was a lie.
From that point forward, the cruelty begins. Name-calling. Shouting. Out-of-control rage. Accusations of what you have”¦and have not done for them. Assaults on your character. Disparaging remarks. Outright slander. Saying horrible things about you to everyone who will listen. The smear campaign begins in full force.
Once the mask slips, you have a full view of who the sociopath actually is. Nothing is hidden from you anymore. They are the most hateful person you have ever encountered.
I equate the mask with a coin”¦beautiful, golden, intricately detailed and engraved on one side, and the cheapest, molten metal, with indistinguishable or hideous features on the other.
I thought my sociopath had a brain tumor. I couldn’t comprehend how someone who had seemingly been so kind, generous, and thoughtful”¦seemingly a “knight in shining armor”, turned into such a dark knight—instantaneously. Heartless. Cold. Unfeeling. Unsympathetic. Lying. Cheating. Berating. Chillingly frightening. Brrr.
After the mask cracks and you see their naked hatred, they become vengeful. It is as if they become your mortal enemy; even though you still love them and may try to salvage the relationship. And then they usually become cowardly. If you try to expose them, they will use every amount of charm and conning in their power to figuratively and verbally disarm you. (They are very good at this; they have a lifetime of practice).
They will attempt to dissemble your character piece-by-piece. They will not allow you to confront them with the truth; it is almost as if they become fearful of you and will try to retaliate against you with every piece of personal information they have garnered about you. Oh yes, and they will project upon you the very things that they are doing (and which you are innocent of). And they will tell unimaginable lies about you”¦that you are vile, manipulative, conning, vindictive, lying, and of course, crazy. Some of these whoppers are so monstrous that they can even ruin relationships you’ve had with family members and close friends. Everything is your fault, and they are the victim.
It is important to realize that just because you have seen their “true” self, they can still be extremely adept at keeping their mask intact for others. I have seen my sociopath go from screaming at me to laughing and smiling while speaking to someone on the phone”¦within 30 seconds. But you will most likely never see that initial charm again”¦unless there is something very specific they want from you.
And generally it is a very short time after you see their true self, no longer a reflection of beauty and adoration, that they will leave you. Or perhaps they already have their victim lined up. Because the sociopath cannot tolerate seeing their imperfections through your eyes. They will begin the romance phase, and once again have adoration from their next target. And the next. Then the one after that.
It is an awakening moment, when the mask slips. You are witnessing humanity at its very worst. (If they can be deemed “human—¦I prefer to think of them as aliens).
No matter how attractive you initially thought they were, a sociopath is actually very, very ugly…beneath the mask.
Dear meg,
I gave up trying to “expose” them even to my mother that they had totally hoodwinked and who was setting herself up for the “big con”—no one but the local sheriff believed me.
I finally “let go and let God” and they brought themselved down. Without me for an enemy to fight, they turned on each other.
Many times they may get away with it for a while, but many times too, they get themselves in too deep. Fighting them is many times like fighting a wolf bare handed, or a lion, they have “better equipment” to fight with than we do, because they think like predators and we don’t. Staying a step ahead of them is usually impossible.
No contact, and refusing to discuss them with others, except VERY close friends who KNOW what has gone on. If you discuss it with people who dont’ know it or believe it it only invalidates and hurts YOU.
Rising “above” them, not sinking to their level (and losing) is our best protection. It IS FRUSTRATING though, and sometimes I back slide and STILL want to “tell’em off” but I force myself to do what is right, no matter how badly I want to do what I know is “Wrong” (((hugs))))
Picture this:
we were:
a toy
a game
an object
they have:
no emotions
no feeling
no conscience
they are:
materialistic
fake
empty
we are:
loving
forgiving
real
It’s been a year since the mask slipped from my ex-S, and I still search for some glimmer of humanity within him, only to be disappointed time after time. Sometimes I find myself just sitting and staring in disbelief that the man I chose to marry is not human, at all. It scares me.
My son told me the other day that his dad was talking to his current victim, who now lives with him, and she asked him if he just made up what he just said, and he replied, “yeah, I kind of do that a lot”. She has no idea that every day is a lie, that every day she is being deceived by the master of manipulation. And it’s sad because I truly would like to reach out to her, to warn her, but I would sound like the crazy woman he’s told her I am. Most people don’t “get it” about sociopaths.
It’s like you feel stuck in a place you can’t get out of. You want to hold on to what you felt the world was, what you felt you had with the one person in the world you trusted and loved, but that’s gone forever.
He continues to attempt to control me, to undermine me, and with all my strength I have to not let him, to “let go and let God”. It takes all my strength some days. I want to go back to thinking the world is a kind place, but how is that possible if the one you were the closest to deceived you for years, then threw you away like garbage?
I am not a religous person, but I am spiritual. However, I now understand why some people turn to religion. I may do the same, as I need to try to understand why this has happened. I need some assurance from above that all is happening as it should, that things will be ok.
His current victim is knitting Christmas stockings for my children. How do I just go on as though life is ok? I lived with the devil for 13 years. I have no choice but to go on and be as happy as I can be. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. His death would have been much easier to handle.
yes their death would have been much easier to handle – but death is the only thing that will get them out of their misery, I have to remind myself he doen’t know he is miserable – maybe a booby trapped hand grenade in a pretty box this xmas? surprise~~~!!
why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why do we think about them so?? They don’t even deserve that – the fact that they can get into a relationship so quickly – tell’s us they are lieing – acting – pretending to be somebodys everything just to keep a roof over their head’s – why dont they get their own roof? Then they wouldnt have to answer to anybody – I take care of my self – I can’t fall in love with somebody one day and move in the next – they are all fake’s – we are real – we hurt – we laugh – we cry real tear’s – we are alive – they just exsist and survive – we are all free from them – free to live – free to just be – we should all rejoice in our freedom
Good Boy!
I may have limited time here again ! I have beeb reprmended by the suprem Mother of the site so if you care about my being here you might but in a word to let Her know! LOVE JJ
I tried to expose my husband to everyone but now everyone thinks I am crazy. They see such a nice, intelligent man. They don’t see the lies and deception. And someone told me once that if you did act crazy it is because someone made you. They said the same thing about my husband’s ex-girlfriend that she was crazy. When they were dating she had him locked up, she busted his lip, busted out his car windows, etc. But he was doing the same thing to her that he later did to me. How is that everyone is crazy but him? My husband is now cheating on his mistress. It is such a vicious cycle.
I just wish he would seriously move out of the country. He only gets our daughter once a week that he so desperately wanted when we were together. I hadn’t heard from him at all over Thanksgiving break but then he calls me on Sunday night and asks if I need some salt to melt the snow. That was so crazy. So he brought the salt over and then proceeded to put the salt down on the ground ( I didn’t ask him to) and then he asked how was my Thanksgiving and he left. I called my mom and just told her that he is so crazy. Our baby was sleep so there was no need for me to invite him in. He looked miserable and his eyes were red. Ahhh, poor thing…not.
Thanks OxD
I needed some reasurance that it was not just me!
I had text my PSYCO and told him again how low he was and how fake and self serving and how JESUS never had this plan for his life and how he would soon be seeing those bars again for neglecting responsibilities! 2 DUIs ! I thought about it for two days and I went back and deleted the message ! I dont know if that will acctually delet it but he had not responded so I think he has not seen it . Any ways my feelings now are to close and move on and try to let Karma and GOD deal with the edumacation of this person and leave well enough alone and I feeel that is the best policy if possible! LOVE JJ
“Why?”, henry, is the question indeed. He was “in love” with her before they even went out on a date – I saw the emails! She worked for him. I know they are fakes, but this gnawing feeling eats away at me… what if I am going about life the wrong way? Wouldn’t it be easier to just barrel through life doing what you want, feigning joy? They appear so happy to the outside world. What’s to say our way of having feelings and emotions and love and incredible sadness is the better way to be? I know it’s a silly question, but it still lingers in my mind all the time.
It’s crazy to think about him so much, but they get into your very being, into your mind and mess with it for so long, it’s hard to break free. My mind still does not want to believe what has happened. The idealization phase was so wonderful, seemingly. And the devaluation and discard so devastating.
You’re right, I should be rejoicing in my freedom, but maybe I didn’t want to be free from the childlike qualities of my ex-S, maybe I miss having someone around who feels they can do anything they want, whenever they want, without a care in the world. It’s why many of us were drawn to them in the first place. He’s the one with the amazing freedom. I’m the one with all the responsibilities.
I do like your xmas gift idea!
The LIE The LIE The LIE
They are not Happy!
They are not succesfull at anything!
They are as empty as the bank envalope on the curb! Discarded to lure the imagination of finding something FREE!
They are as Void of Joy as cannot even be imagined! Thye are as hopless as from east to west!
BUT I still LOVE him inspite of himself and I pray he will be healed just not by ME LOVE JJ