By Peggywhoever
All sociopaths wear a mask. The mask of kindness. The mask of generosity. The mask of romance. The mask of attraction. The mask of intimacy. The mask of seduction. And so on.
This is what reels us in. The pretense. The acting. The mask. The mask of perfection. And we, in our infinite loving goodness, reflect that mask back to them. The perfect mirrored reflection of beauty and adoration.
And then one day, that mask cracks. You remember the moment.. The moment when you look in their eyes and you KNOW the truth about them. The moment you recognize the pathological lies, the deception, the manipulation, the con. The game is up.
And from that moment on, your relationship with the sociopath is forever changed. This moment happened for me when”¦after middle of the night phone calls to his house and cell phone”¦I looked into his eyes and I KNEW. I knew he was having an affair, and that he was a liar. A year’s worth of investigation (yes, obsessing) has confirmed that nearly everything he told me was a lie.
From that point forward, the cruelty begins. Name-calling. Shouting. Out-of-control rage. Accusations of what you have”¦and have not done for them. Assaults on your character. Disparaging remarks. Outright slander. Saying horrible things about you to everyone who will listen. The smear campaign begins in full force.
Once the mask slips, you have a full view of who the sociopath actually is. Nothing is hidden from you anymore. They are the most hateful person you have ever encountered.
I equate the mask with a coin”¦beautiful, golden, intricately detailed and engraved on one side, and the cheapest, molten metal, with indistinguishable or hideous features on the other.
I thought my sociopath had a brain tumor. I couldn’t comprehend how someone who had seemingly been so kind, generous, and thoughtful”¦seemingly a “knight in shining armor”, turned into such a dark knight—instantaneously. Heartless. Cold. Unfeeling. Unsympathetic. Lying. Cheating. Berating. Chillingly frightening. Brrr.
After the mask cracks and you see their naked hatred, they become vengeful. It is as if they become your mortal enemy; even though you still love them and may try to salvage the relationship. And then they usually become cowardly. If you try to expose them, they will use every amount of charm and conning in their power to figuratively and verbally disarm you. (They are very good at this; they have a lifetime of practice).
They will attempt to dissemble your character piece-by-piece. They will not allow you to confront them with the truth; it is almost as if they become fearful of you and will try to retaliate against you with every piece of personal information they have garnered about you. Oh yes, and they will project upon you the very things that they are doing (and which you are innocent of). And they will tell unimaginable lies about you”¦that you are vile, manipulative, conning, vindictive, lying, and of course, crazy. Some of these whoppers are so monstrous that they can even ruin relationships you’ve had with family members and close friends. Everything is your fault, and they are the victim.
It is important to realize that just because you have seen their “true” self, they can still be extremely adept at keeping their mask intact for others. I have seen my sociopath go from screaming at me to laughing and smiling while speaking to someone on the phone”¦within 30 seconds. But you will most likely never see that initial charm again”¦unless there is something very specific they want from you.
And generally it is a very short time after you see their true self, no longer a reflection of beauty and adoration, that they will leave you. Or perhaps they already have their victim lined up. Because the sociopath cannot tolerate seeing their imperfections through your eyes. They will begin the romance phase, and once again have adoration from their next target. And the next. Then the one after that.
It is an awakening moment, when the mask slips. You are witnessing humanity at its very worst. (If they can be deemed “human—¦I prefer to think of them as aliens).
No matter how attractive you initially thought they were, a sociopath is actually very, very ugly…beneath the mask.
Shes in England
Thanks Elizabeth….spoke to my solicitor, the office was closing early not open now till the 30th when I will be applying for a injunction….I know what you mean, I have a splitting headache and feel sick although not eaten….Will look at the defence site but my sisiter in laws words are haunting me…we have had several estranged fathers in Britain kill themselves and the child to spite mother..one man survived jumping off a upper story floor with two kids in his arms, one died…to spite the wife…are men who do that sociopaths and if so what percentage go that far? Anyone know?
My mind keeps going back to the day he strangled me and smashed my head up and down…he was going to kill me then but fate had other ideas.
Dear Muldoon,
Elizabeth’s advice is very good. You have seen that he is DESTRUCTIVE and dangerous and you apparently cannot count on the cops to be reasonable. I am sure they thought they were being “helpful” to the baby.
GET SOMEWHERE SAFE as QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. This man could be worked up to kill you and or your children.
Don’t worry about your STUFF, take care of your LIVES.
And Elizabeth is also right about appearing CALM, if you are cryiing and “carrying on” people will tend to think YOU are the crazy one. I know it is hard when you are scared, but hold on, and KEEP IN TOUCH WITH US IF YOU CAN. LET US KNOW YOU ARE OKAY. I will pray for you my dear. (((((Hugs)))))
“Will look at the defense site but my sisiter in laws words are haunting me…”
I say this in love, although it sounds harsh:
Take active steps to protect yourself, then stop worrying. If you have to get a prescription for anti-depressants to turn off your anxiety, then go ahead.
If you worry, yet take no steps to protect yourself, then worry is the biggest threat to your safety. Seriously, you’ve got to knock off the worrying.
Minimize the actual physical risk to yourself and your children, then relax. Even if it takes prescription drugs to calm down, get calmed down. You cannot thrive in a hyper vigilant state.
Dear Muldoon,
KEEP THAT PICTURE IN YOUR MIND. Don’t let yourself be talked out of being AFRAID…keep your guard up. YES those people are psychopaths or psychotic (out of their heads) but either can be dangerous. Add in alochol or drugs and you have a toxic mixture.
Weve had the same thing here in the states.
Did you call the police about your car? Is there someon you can call to come get you and your children that can take you somewhere safe? Don’t wait because of the holidays, GET SAFE.
Also, take with you all your important papers, passports, birth certificates and that sort of thing when you leave. Take anything that can’t be replaced in the way of documents etc. and enough clothes to survive for a few days at least and all the money you have in cash in case you need it. Go to a hotel by taxi if you have to. Just get safe! ((((hugs)))) and God bless.
read all the answers. The thing that made me not give in today as I would normally was something oxdrover said yesterday to me, that being if your child had a venemous snake that she loved but you knew the snake was poisonous would you let your child keep it or would you break her heart and get rid…I was always torn with the guilt prior to reading that, reading it I realsied I was putting my daughter at danger by feeling guilty and seperating her from long term danger.
Know what the appearing calm too, he has done it in the past, hyped and wound me up and then appeared all calm and concerned infront of people….
I know I should run but have ran so many times…So in lieu of that I have secured the house to fort knox stakes, I will not be alone all xmas eve as its a family day…Christmas day i have my mother and father coming..My father incidentally thinks I should relent, give him good sex and it be ok….I kid you not!!
The last number on my cell and house phone is 999, all it takes is one press, in the meantime for the first time in our time as husband and wife I am prepared to defend myself to the hilt, whereas normally i go floppy and hope he will stop.
I should have the injunction in place by the 31st…he is not so stupid as to break it….he likes his freedom and would have no one to use in there. I will leaver here on boxing day for a refuge untill the 31st..
Neighbours alert and I have noticed the police are cruising up and down frequently, perhaps the inspector did not lie their handling of it as I made a complaint.
It is this site, reading what I have read and listening to good sound advice from you all that is to thank for the strength I have found to stand up and refuse yto give in.
Sorry i forgot to answer I am in Britain….we are only just getting to grips with domestic violence here.
Yes car reported…police said I cant prove and may be wrong..
Dear Muldoon,
I am SO GLAD that what I said to you has given you strength, that is what they try to take from us. They try to guilt us, get us to pity them, to be afraid of them, etc.
And when they think you are really going to break it off they UP THE ANTE and GET WORSE for a while.
The hyping you up and then appearing calm himself IS RIGHT OUT OF THE PSYCHOPATH’S PLAY BOOK. They ALL do that. DO NOT, REPEAT—DO NOT—FALL FOR THAT. YOU can do it.
Don’t respond to him and don’t provoke him no matter HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO. YOU must be in control of YOU as you cannot let him continue to control you. If YOU allow him to push your buttons, HE HAS WON. This is all about a contest of WILLS, his against yours and he knows all the buttons to push and the nasty things to do and say to “hook you” back in,so BE STRONG, YOU CAN BE, YOU ARE!!!!!
Hang on sweetie, and BE SAFE!!! WAtch out for your father, too. Your X may try to rope the old letch into helping him or spying for him. (((hugs)))))
PS Next time you look at him, look at his reptile eyes and remember, don’t let hi get close enough to bite!
Yes Oxdrover teh snake thing was the turning point…he is or was slowly poisoning the whole lot of us…I dont react as much now although now and again I tell him to f*ck off if he really pushes it..learnt a while ago nopt to fight back.Saying that if he does get hold of me I will fight for my life..Yeah the old man..my father has ofetn made things worse, he see’s a womans place is to put up with her lot no matter how bad that lot is.
I see him now as an over bearing tyrant who is only happy when he is being catered for and crept to.