By Peggywhoever
All sociopaths wear a mask. The mask of kindness. The mask of generosity. The mask of romance. The mask of attraction. The mask of intimacy. The mask of seduction. And so on.
This is what reels us in. The pretense. The acting. The mask. The mask of perfection. And we, in our infinite loving goodness, reflect that mask back to them. The perfect mirrored reflection of beauty and adoration.
And then one day, that mask cracks. You remember the moment.. The moment when you look in their eyes and you KNOW the truth about them. The moment you recognize the pathological lies, the deception, the manipulation, the con. The game is up.
And from that moment on, your relationship with the sociopath is forever changed. This moment happened for me when”¦after middle of the night phone calls to his house and cell phone”¦I looked into his eyes and I KNEW. I knew he was having an affair, and that he was a liar. A year’s worth of investigation (yes, obsessing) has confirmed that nearly everything he told me was a lie.
From that point forward, the cruelty begins. Name-calling. Shouting. Out-of-control rage. Accusations of what you have”¦and have not done for them. Assaults on your character. Disparaging remarks. Outright slander. Saying horrible things about you to everyone who will listen. The smear campaign begins in full force.
Once the mask slips, you have a full view of who the sociopath actually is. Nothing is hidden from you anymore. They are the most hateful person you have ever encountered.
I equate the mask with a coin”¦beautiful, golden, intricately detailed and engraved on one side, and the cheapest, molten metal, with indistinguishable or hideous features on the other.
I thought my sociopath had a brain tumor. I couldn’t comprehend how someone who had seemingly been so kind, generous, and thoughtful”¦seemingly a “knight in shining armor”, turned into such a dark knight—instantaneously. Heartless. Cold. Unfeeling. Unsympathetic. Lying. Cheating. Berating. Chillingly frightening. Brrr.
After the mask cracks and you see their naked hatred, they become vengeful. It is as if they become your mortal enemy; even though you still love them and may try to salvage the relationship. And then they usually become cowardly. If you try to expose them, they will use every amount of charm and conning in their power to figuratively and verbally disarm you. (They are very good at this; they have a lifetime of practice).
They will attempt to dissemble your character piece-by-piece. They will not allow you to confront them with the truth; it is almost as if they become fearful of you and will try to retaliate against you with every piece of personal information they have garnered about you. Oh yes, and they will project upon you the very things that they are doing (and which you are innocent of). And they will tell unimaginable lies about you”¦that you are vile, manipulative, conning, vindictive, lying, and of course, crazy. Some of these whoppers are so monstrous that they can even ruin relationships you’ve had with family members and close friends. Everything is your fault, and they are the victim.
It is important to realize that just because you have seen their “true” self, they can still be extremely adept at keeping their mask intact for others. I have seen my sociopath go from screaming at me to laughing and smiling while speaking to someone on the phone”¦within 30 seconds. But you will most likely never see that initial charm again”¦unless there is something very specific they want from you.
And generally it is a very short time after you see their true self, no longer a reflection of beauty and adoration, that they will leave you. Or perhaps they already have their victim lined up. Because the sociopath cannot tolerate seeing their imperfections through your eyes. They will begin the romance phase, and once again have adoration from their next target. And the next. Then the one after that.
It is an awakening moment, when the mask slips. You are witnessing humanity at its very worst. (If they can be deemed “human—¦I prefer to think of them as aliens).
No matter how attractive you initially thought they were, a sociopath is actually very, very ugly…beneath the mask.
so, i’m taking a nap, and my doorbell rings.
i wasn’t expecting anyone, didn’t order anything to be delivered, didn’t know who it could be.
doorbell rings again. i gingerly look out my apt. window; don’t see anyone. then i hear someone say, ”hey, you! long time, no see.” and then i hear THE voice. “hey, girl, how you been! how’s your mom and sister…..” it was the demon. then i look out again, and i see the beast’s brother looking up at the window. but all my lights are off and my curtain is closed. i can see him but he can’t see me. i don’t look out again; i don’t want to lay eyes on the demon. at all. ever again. ever.
so i guess he figures if he brings his brother along, it’s okay to ring my bell? oh, HELL no.
my only emotional reaction as i listened to his phoney-ass conversation with that girl, and watched his brother waiting for him to finish as he stood in the rain was, “move on.”
i’m stunned that 1) he actually thinks that he has some right to ring my bell. 2) he thinks his brother provides some sort of ‘buffer zone’ and that makes it okay and 3) he thinks i might actually SPEAK to him!
what on earth could he possibly want from me after four months of NC?
what a jerk.
Molly: It just goes to prove … any time anyone doesn’t make sense, you are being screwed over. Everyone is an adult and knows how to have a direct conversation … it’s when they don’t want to make sense, your RED flags should automatically go up … something is wrong here.
Peace. I’m glad you got that BOINK on your head you needed to see the light … see truth… because the newest partner with them just hasn’t seen the selfish prick for what they really are… they are only seeing the mask that the person wants to show … yes, pray for her.
Selfish is as selfish does … and when it comes to greed and selfishness, it’s an empty pit … never, never, never to be filled… ever… until the twisted truth of this illogical thinking can be straightened out for them … but that takes patience, and patience is not what any of them have… that’s why they all need to be incarcerated. Kept in one place for years for therapist to break down their walls and work on their negative, twisted, selfish, greedy thinking.
Peace… you are one of the lucky ones … like the rest of us on this blog … we are all lucky that truth is setting us free.
Dear LIG,
I KNOW WHAT HE WANTS!!!! You are his PROPERTY, AND HE WANTS TO KNOW HE CAN PICK YOU UP OFF THE FLOOR ANYTIME HE WANTS, and then throw you back on the floor when he is playing with something else. (notice I did not say Some ONE ELSE, because she wouldn’t be a person either, just a THING like you are, just a piece of property.
Yea and they think we are IDIOTS cause we fall for their crap, but when we SEE THE LIGHT, they can’t believe we do, so they just keep coming back, NO SHAME AT ALL.
Oxy & Lostingrief: All our EXs that we blog about should be lined up … for that big smack on their butts … before they head to prison cells.
Actually, I think the courts should order that one smack for all these folks just to be publicly humiliated before they get locked away for a few years. They’r so smug … they’ll probably brag that the smack they got didn’t hurt … not having a clue, it was the public humiliation we wanted to take effect stupids.
Peace … and NO CONTACT Lost … NO CONTACT so he can’t spin your head and make you spit pea soup like that little girl in the exorsist.
Hey, maybe that movie was about some poor girl that got involved with a big ego boyfriend … look at the mess she was, depressed, lying in bed, couldn’t get out of her own way … and we all thought it was about the devil … the other devil! Not the devils we’re blogging about. Anyway, so depressed, couldn’t go to school, couldn’t eat, couldn’t talk right … had her head spinning all over the place because of the likes of them … that a priest had to come in and talk sense to her … get her thinking back on track.
Hey, it’s a snowy rainy day here … so my imagination is getting carried away on this blog.
LOL.
PeggyW,
There’s no doubt that sociopaths hate being recognized for what they are. You don’t even have to say it out loud, they’ll see the recognition in your eyes. They are that talented.
Of course they’ll maintain the fiction with others and may even try to paint you as the troubled one to others, as you said. I remember at one of my father’s hospitals there was a sociopath that was allowed full freedom of the grounds. He had killed a girlfriend and her mother. My mother always said he looked like such a sweet guy it was hard to believe he had done it. After the crime I’m sure it took him only a half hour (well maybe a half day) to get back to his happy go lucky self.
To everyone else, hello, I haven’t posted for a month or so. I wanted to let you all know that I have a post on ‘personal experience with sociopaths’ websites. http://pathwhisperer.wordpress.com/2008/11/30/the-engine-driving-increased-public-awareness-of-sociopathy-personal-experience/ Among others I listed Lovefraud Blog. If anyone knows other ‘personal experience’ websites please feel free to add them. Thanks.
LOL. he still thinks i’m his property after all this time?
wow, he is delusional.
well, it got me thinking about him … for about half an hour.
i’m already so over it.
TOWANDA!!!!!
You make me smile all the time Lostingrief. You go girl!
Peace. Hey, keep kicking him to the curb in your mind … any time you go out to get your mail … look at the curb in front of you … imagine him 5 inches tall sitting and crying below the curb, can’t get anyone to pick him up over the curb (LOL).
All in God’s time frame … Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels.
Peace.
Peggy,
You have ripped off the MASK.
I know you will never be deceived again by a man like this OR one like any of the BAD ONES we have described here.
Thanks for sharing this clear view of what is behind the mask and thanks for all the great articles you have sent me. I put them in a book today which is something I have been meaning to do for a long time. I dub you “LoveFraud Librarian.”
From your friend, Aloha.
:o)
Oxy D, you are the best! Turn this crap into fertalizer. That is what we all try to do and teach and support each other here, As Ronald Reagan used to say , there is a pony in there somewhere. Does not mean that we cannont see manure for what it is. I love you oxy. “We make the path by walking” Peace
so i am going to get a vpo (victims protection order) have never had to do this before – he is a physco – I know it will piss him off – but I just can’t sit back and watch him continue to use me – he left here almost 9 months ago and I found out last week he is carrying me on his insurance and collecting every time I fill a perscription and HIS insurance is saying I have medicare B? I never have filed for medicare or disability – what is he up too? Well my insurance company contacted me and said something fraudulant was going on and someone was pretending to be me – so put your crash helmets on LF friends its going to be a bumpy ride…..